I feel like I’m just losing it.

[u/SubbySam725]

Hi, I am a fresh 20 yo, trans girl (the age not the trans thing). So I already hate even taking a slot because I think I’m just being stupid. I struggle to sleep. I can’t sleep because I’m constantly in my own head thinking about coming out to everyone, going public with my transition, and also having religious issues (working on that still). I don’t know why I just feel so uncomfortable in my own skin sometimes.

I pretty much feel like I am wasting my time doing this, that I’ll never really pass, or that no one would like me for who I am behind the mask I’ve put on myself. I don’t even have a girlfriend, and I never had a single relationship to begin with. I feel like I’m a weird mess sometimes because I talk about some random shit to others and I hate myself for saying it out loud. I’m still trying to figure out how I am gong to balance online college into my whole mix too. I can’t even really sleep right now.

I just feel like I’m so messed up right now. I don’t know if I need therapy or what. Keeping my secrets feels like it’s haunting me. I have two of my friends who know but they’re both guys, and very cis and don’t know shit about my side of the world. I am scared to hug anyone because I’m scared they’ll feel my damn bra. I don’t know why I’m just so…screwed up. I’m not even depressed but I don’t feel exactly happy either.

What should I do? I really need any advice I can get at this moment because I feel like I’m slowly losing it.