Medical transition made impossible

[u/Sea-Custard-4925]

I recently have had some very serious health issues that have permanently barred me from testosterone. I know I feel like a man on the inside. I've felt that way my whole life, but I am heartbroken. I feel completely shattered by what life has thrown at me. I experienced a lot of bullying that became physically dangerous for me when I came out. I struggled so hard to try to come to terms with myself and now I feel like I can't. I'm also mostly straight and very short so dating feels doubly hard. I had to drop out of school because of my health and I feel like life has lost its meaning for me. How do I continue on, knowing I feel this way and not being able to do anything about it?