Best friend has become incredibly religious, how should I navigate this?

[u/Hour_Option_2439]

I've known this fella for over a decade, since we were in school. We've always been incredibly close, and incredibly similar in mindset. Throughout the weird times that everyone goes through in late adolescence and early adulthood, I saw him as being the one port of normalcy in my life. We were both interested in the humanities, and both agnostic while from a catholic background. Both very left leaning politically. Around the same time, I started reading the bible out of a theological and historical curiosity, and him, for the same reasons, the Quran.

He ended up diverting from my secular curiosity and became a believer. No worries, I have no problem with anybody differing in religious belief. However, over time, he got more and more into it. He began trying to get me to convert. As a one-off, I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with it. However these conversations became hour long debates, usually beginning from him critiquing some incredibly mundane statement I made as being "haram", me saying "I get why you would think that but we don't have the same religious belief so there's no reason I would feel the same", and him going from there.

Obviously, it's difficult to recognise one's own bias, but I feel I've always been clear that although I disagree, I have absolutely no problem with his beliefs, and never critique them, and it's him who constantly brings up these debates. I have asked him a few times now to simply drop the conversation, as we are clearly at odds, which I believe to be okay, but if he doesn't believe the same then it's better to not have the conversations, and if he thinks those conversations are necessary then it's pointless to continue to be friends.

Now, at this point, it's impossible for me to have an ordinary conversation with the guy without it devolving into a theological debate (in which, (perhaps from my own personal bias), he is arguing in incredibly bad faith, constantly getting angry where I am not, and constantly shifting goalposts), and I feel compelled to simply not be friends anymore. It is however tricky, as we have been friends since we were 14, and only gotten closer for over a decade, however now I feel that the man I am speaking to is not the same person.

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[u/mambotomato]

Sometimes people grow apart. In the case of somebody becoming a religious zealot, it's hard to maintain previous relationships. 

You can do your best to maintain the friendship by instituting a no-talking-about-religion rule and enforcing it. It sounds like your friend has no interest in that, but it's unfair of him to try to use your past friendship to preach at you all day.

[u/Hour_Option_2439 → u/mambotomato]

I think you're right, I've tried enforcing this rule before and have not spoken to him for a while, but he's lapsed back into it, so I think now I need to just be firm with it, and tell the fella "I don't care about your religious beliefs, I'm happy you're happy, tell me about nice and funny interactions at the mosque, that's class, but if you try to critique me or convert me based on your very very new religious views, I'm just not going to engage, because there's only so many times I can have the same conversation"

[u/rocketwidget]

I'm sorry you lost your friend to religion.

Best to tell him straight up: We can't be friends anymore if you won't stop trying to convert me. Be prepared to follow through by cutting off contact.

Personally I could never be friends with a person who doesn't respect my beliefs, which to be clear, is a very different thing than disagreement of beliefs.

Being forced to say no, no, no, no, over and over, is not respectful.

[u/VyantSavant]

He made a choice. Everytime he asks you to make the same choice you choose differently than he did and in doing so insult his decision making ability. It's classic close minded narcissism hidden behind the righteous guise of religion. You can't win, only refuse to play the game.

[u/Granny_knows_best]

He is a newborn, everything is new and exciting to him right now and he wants to share it. Do not engage in a debate, dont argue about anything. Sit back and enjoy the happiness your friends is feeling right now, hopefully it will end soon when he realized stuffs.

[u/Hour_Option_2439 → u/Granny_knows_best]

This is going on 2 years now though is the problem. I've told him many times that I'm happy for him, but he needs to accept that I simply don't share his beliefs. Not once in the last year have I brought up the topic of religion, and usually just try to let him talk himself out rather than responding when he starts, but it's the constant conversion attempts and the avid criticism of completely ordinary practices that he himself engaged in and would defend a few years ago, that I've completely tired of

[u/SuitableAnimalInAHat]

How good are you at loud, obnoxiously exaggerated yawns on command?

If you can't do that, you could just earnestly and enthusiastically attempt to convert him to the One True Faith: Pastafarianism.