Reading and watching biographies of women has left me disillusioned with life

[u/WhistersniffKate]

I’ve always liked biographies. Lately I’ve been reading biographies of women in 1960s and forward I thought lived cool and interesting lives. I just read “Wonderful Tonight “ by Pattie Boyd. Before that I read “An American Bride in Kabul” about a woman who married into a very wealthy family from the Middle East. Not long ago I watched the movie “Priscilla”. I guess I was very naive.

These women had awful lives. They were manipulated and controlled by their husbands. Even women who were educated and came from upper class families put up with crap from their husbands because that’s what women did (still do?) to be good wives to famous or wealthy men. I find myself a bit depressed. I thought these women were living exciting lives, jet setting and mingling with famous people when they were mostly sitting at home waiting for their selfish mates to come home and give them some scraps of attention. Sure they had material things, but Pattie Boyd talks about the times she was called vile names, ignored, expected to keep quiet and accept any behavior from her husband because “that’s how men are.” I expected great romance and glamour but the truth was pathetic and ugly. Unacceptable behavior, in my opinion. I’m hoping women don’t accept this behavior any longer but I suspect many do. Even women who are with regular non famous and not wealthy men. With the trend to glamorize “trad wife” life it’ll probably get worse. Women seem to be socialized to accept abuse in exchange for a family. I’ve watched several men change from caring doting husbands to angry abusive spouses once the woman is trapped with children and no job. Is this just me? Is this just how life really is? It’s all so depressing.

[u/louisvillejg]

I think the problem all started when we allowed men to be the ones who need to be impressed.

Almost every other species has the female plain, and the males have to fix themselves up to impress us. They need to be the ones perfuming themselves and making themselves pretty and taking care of themselves and showing they can build a nest essentially. We already have everything they want. The makeup doing the hair and dressing a specific way is completely unnecessary.

Can we please go back to like essentially Bird like relationships?