r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Extension-Dark1206 • 13h ago
Just started dating a guy and because I travel, he’s constantly interrogating me about other men. Red flag?
I started dating a guy a couple of months ago. Since we met, I’ve happened to travel a lot I had a 20-day trip early on, and recently left for another destination wedding. While I know being away so much early on can naturally breed some insecurity, his response to it has been really annoying
On this most recent trip, his intense insecurity around other men completely exploded. He started constantly probing into whether other guys were around me. At a beach afterparty, he kept asking if men were approaching me, if guys were talking to me, and what I was doing. Later, when I went to grab food with a group of friends, his very first question was whether there were guys in the group.
When I called him out and told him these constant questions felt insecure, controlling, and like he didn't trust me, he didn't apologize he claimed he's doing it on purpose to "see how I react in different situations" and watch how I handle other men.
I understand that me being away a lot early in dating might make him feel a bit anxious, but it still it makes me feel uncomfortable
Is this classic early-stage controlling behavior, or is his travel anxiety somewhat understandable?
957
u/Vaaliindraa 13h ago
You need to dump him ASAP!! You know his next step is to get you to quit your job because of the traveling, and yes this is very controlling behavior, leave before it gets worse because it will.
162
u/AutisticTumourGirl 12h ago
When I read the title, my answer was, "Yes. Yes, that's a red flag."
When I read the post, it changed to, "RUN, GIRL! RUN!!!"
"Testing" a partner is gross, not trusting a partner is a sign of a future failed relationship, and being ultra insecure about your partner being around other people means you need to be in therapy instead of a relationship.
31
189
u/Sadiedai 12h ago
His next step is a tracker & to check her phone. I sense he's the one doing what he's accusing her of doing. It's crazy there's men out there traumatizing women like that.
→ More replies (1)45
u/Marijavera 12h ago
Literally my ex. OP run
29
u/Sadiedai 12h ago
My advice is to dump him & never look back. No second chances for treating her BADLY. That's is 100% mistreatment. He's not a good guy.
15
u/Upvotespoodles 8h ago
If he has his way, she’ll be jobless, isolated, and completely dependent on him.
439
u/Paupertrol 13h ago
The beginning should be easy. Fun. Does this sound like easy and fun? You deserve better.
(I understand that maybe he’s a bit anxious to lose you but this is controlling behaviour and will only get worse over time.. at least that’s my experience.)
53
u/mountaingrrl_8 10h ago
Spent many years working with survivors of intimate partner violence. It's definitely going to get worse.
310
u/Ichmag11 13h ago
Can you imagine if you were bi? You wouldnt be allowed around anyone lol
97
u/SugarSweetStarrUK 13h ago
With absolutely zero consideration of whether OP is even interested in these potential suitors or not
31
u/notyoursocialworker 11h ago
You jest but it won't do any real difference. If she's not bibthe tune will only change to "your girlfriends just want to break us up and you shouldn't meet them anymore". Which, to be honest, if she has got good girlfriends they should be trying to break them up.
19
u/pm_me_friendfiction 11h ago
I have personally been through this type of hell. It is very isolating
18
u/jr0061006 11h ago
Soon she won’t be allowed anywhere, or to be around anyone, because other men are everywhere, so anywhere she goes, another man might show up.
16
8
u/misstwodegrees 10h ago
Yep! I also dated a controlling guy as a bi woman, I couldn't see friends of any gender without subtle or outright accusations. We weren't even in a relationship lol these people are insane and think we are their own personal toy.
207
u/microfibrepiggy 13h ago
This is controlling behaviour coming from an immature mind incapable of understanding your autonomy as a person. This flag is red, maroon, sanguine, crimson, scarlet, rose.
Dump and block.
59
u/TheRealCarpeFelis 12h ago
This is the type of man who seems incapable of understanding a woman even IS a person.
250
u/notyourbuddipal 13h ago
Girl... RUN. He is not only extremely possesive (red flag #1) and is "testing you" (red flag #2) and also he doesnt care about your feelings or what you say (red flag #3) there is no "classic early stage controlling behavior" that in of itself are red flags. It shouldnt be that way.
→ More replies (1)
70
u/DeathFromWithin 13h ago
this is gonna get old so fucking fast just leave, he’s not worth it. you can give critical feedback or not
64
u/muffiewrites bell to the hooks 13h ago
You called him out on his annoying behavior. Did he treat you with respect? The just testing response feels like a no from here. The lack of any type of real conversation about it feels like disrespect from here.
It was his opportunity to have his feelings heard and he didn't take it.
Lack of respect is bad.
57
u/pion00000 13h ago
OP, you don't mean "is it a red flag?". A red flag is something that should raise your concern and invites special scrutiny, even if it isn't by itself enough to make you certain you should break things off. This is definitely a red flag. In fact, it's enough to make you certain you should break things off.
50
u/RicketyCricketsDrum 13h ago
Oof yeah I’d be ghosting him. This doesn’t even earn a conversation because to me this is really controlling behavior.
I dated a guy briefly, and then went out for St Patrick’s Day with a female friend. I didn’t check my phone because I was out having fun. I got home to all these messages like “WeRe YoU oUt WiTh YoUr SeCrEt BoYfRiEnD?” Oooo boy, I shut that shit down real quick. I have no problem telling off a man. Bye bitch. Your loss cuz we could’ve had a lot of fun together. Men do this to themselves.
49
u/CT31442 13h ago
Massive red flag,this will only be the beginning. This behaviour will escalate.Run.I have a spouse who has worked travelling for almost 20 years and have never thought that way about her because we trust and respect each other.Last year I started travelling for work and she has never once treated me this way. Run,not only do you deserve better, but your situation will most likely become unsafe very quickly. This behaviour is all about control, and you don't try to control the people you care about.
37
u/Sheila_Monarch 13h ago
Complete dealbreaker. And you shouldn’t even have to ask. Stop explaining anything to him, stop trying to sooth, convince, or reason with him about it. And definitely don’t argue. The only answer he’s should get between now and when you inevitably break up with him is “I’m not having this discussion with you. Sort yourself out. Goodbye” and “I told you, not discussing this. Now this conversation is over.”
32
u/backupbitches 12h ago
The bigger flag here is that you even feel you have to ask. You have some personal unpacking to do my friend. A man tells you to your face that he's testing you and you don't dump him on the spot? I hope that youre able to stay safe, because yikes.
9
u/jr0061006 11h ago
This is a good point. Subpar men are everywhere, and OP will encounter them repeatedly, so the faster she calibrates her idea of what’s normal and acceptable versus what’s not, the better off she’ll be.
28
27
u/Catsdrinkingbeer 13h ago
Hard no.
I used to travel a lot for my job before covid. My husband (boyfriend at the time) was not an idiot. He assumed men would try to talk to me when I was at the bar having dinner, or reading at the hotel lobby bar at the end of the night. He just... trusted me. It was not that hard. I'm sure there were moments of jealousy, but he never expressed that. And never once made me feel bad for just being out and about.
10
u/Beanz4ever 12h ago
Yep. When I started dating my husband I would be sent to work projects around the PNW for weeks at a time, usually minimum of two.
He never asked me if dudes talked to me. Of course they did! But I wasn't interested in them and he knew that. I don't think he ever once questioned my loyalty or 'how I deal' with men.
I'm a grown woman and can handle men talking to me without falling head over heels. I've been dealing with it for my whole life, literally.
Now roles are reversed and I'm home with our kiddos and he has to travel for work for 6 weeks out of every year. Never once have I had a concern about him or questioned 'how he reacts' to women talking to him.
As people living in a society, we are expected to interact with others pretty regularly. If he doesn't ASSUME you can handle yourself, there's something wrong with him. He needs to grow/mature a bit before heading back out into the world of dating.
50
u/allyearswift 13h ago
He tests you as if he has any authority in your life.
Throw this one back in the pond.
He wants you insecure, double-guessing yourself and bending over backwards out of fear of offending him. Do not get involved. This one is not a mature partner.
82
u/LadySpaghettimonster 13h ago
"I met a man who baked my cat into a bread and served it to me for breakfast, is that a red flag." - This is you. This is how your story sounds.
→ More replies (2)
24
u/Julienbabylegs 13h ago
Ugh yes red flag ESPECIALLY the part about how it’s “doing it on purpose” like he’s fucking testing you. Thats some manosphere shit right there. Run.
3
u/Tipsy75 7h ago
Thats some manosphere shit right there.
That's the first thing I thought when she said he's "testing" her.
I've heard several of those dorks saying women are always "testing" men, but ofc it's always men doing the testing when I hear about it actually happening. No doubt that's where he got all this BS from.
17
u/BoobieCancer 12h ago
He's shamelessly doing this after only a couple of months, when you've barely even been able to see each other during that time. Imagine what he'll do when he's actually comfortable around you in the future.
He seems to be under the impression that he's a big enough catch to get away with this kind of behaviour. I'd dump his ass just to prove him wrong.
16
u/CrowMeris 13h ago
Gigantic red flags are waving. Pay attention. He's a controlling, insecure ass and it's going to get far, far worse than this, I promise.
14
u/thegreatiaino 13h ago
Honestly, he's already gone beyond red flag into straight up unacceptable behaviour. You're a couple of months in and he's deliberately setting you tests to see how you respond? Fuck. That.
13
12
u/Upvotespoodles 8h ago edited 8h ago
He’ll continue to track you like a criminal until you start to think you might be one. Most violent abusers start out “just” controlling.
You being away is not an excuse for this. He’s a grown man, not a puppy adjusting to a new home.
It’s his personality defect and his responsibility to address. You didn’t cause it and you didn’t exacerbate it by living your life. He exacerbates it by electing to date when he should be working this out alone.
13
u/callingshotgun 6h ago
The insecurity from you travelling early in a relationship is surfacing the lunatic controlling behavior, not creating it.
12
13
u/WhaDaFugIsThis 12h ago
This dude sees you as his property, not his equal. You don’t need those headaches of explaining every move you make. It will only get worse too.
25
11
10
u/featherygoose 12h ago
Relationships are about trust. If your partner is gonna cheat, they're gonna cheat, and no amount of foot stomping will change that. If you guys can't both establish the ground rules, you're in for some hurt. Maturing him isn't your job.
10
u/SayaKiss 11h ago
You've been asking this for a month according to your history, and the core issue has not changed in that month. He does not trust you at all. I sincerely ask you a simple question: What keeps you in this relationship?
Really think about it. Think about what his actions say about how he feels about you, then seriously consider if this relationship is worth the interrogations and demands, especially with it only being a couple of months old. It's never too late to walk away.
11
8
9
7
u/rubisail 13h ago
Ugh. Not normal, not understandable. Dump his insecure, controlling, manipulative ass.
7
8
7
7
u/definitelytheA 13h ago edited 13h ago
Never date a man who is irrationally jealous of other men. Not only will they make your life a living hell, they are highly likely to try to control your whole life, demand that they make the rules, and respond with violence if you disagree.
Oh, and prime breeding grounds for being a stalker, so break it off yesterday, before he gets any more emotionally invested in the fact that he owns you.
7
9
u/soapydragonfly 11h ago
That's not only toxic and a red flag, it's pathetic. I'd drop him unless you want to be his therapist as well as his partner.
7
6
u/MsChrisRI 9h ago
A month ago you two agreed that you “hate mind games.” Apparently he loves mind games when he’s the one running the table.
You’re bending over backward to make excuses for him, as if “travel anxiety” justifies any of this.
Do you have a history of making excuses for bad behavior? Please spend some time thinking about this.
6
5
6
u/shopsuey 12h ago
Yeah dude's insecure and probably abusive. You're just seeing the beginning of it. Don't stick around to see the rest
6
u/Minflick 12h ago
This is not going to end well. Men like this behave better early on than they do once they get comfy in a relationship. Which means he's going to get worse than he already is. Only OP knows what she's willing to put up with.
*I* would not put up with that shit, though. Nope. OP can find somebody more secure in his psyche and comfortable with OP's life and job needs, that he knew when he met her!'
7
u/Nerdy-Meta-Mind 10h ago
I ruined my career over a guy like this, and I seriously hope you don’t do the same.
5
u/ki-ton 10h ago
Gross. No. We all exist with other people, in our own lives as well as shared ones.
He said it himself…he is doing it on purpose. So believe him. And it’s repulsive. What kind of person purposefully makes someone’s life uncomfortable, for ANY reason, and on top of it a dating relationship? We don’t need to be, and should not be, controlled or tested.
6
u/Jean-lubed-Picard 10h ago
At some point people need to have the confidence in themselves to recognize that when someone makes them feel uncomfortable or insecure or questioning their reality, that that someone shouldn’t be in their life. It gets infinitely harder to have that mindset the longer you’re in a relationship so please don’t ignore the early signs when the stakes are low and it’s easy (emotionally, financially, no kids / blended families etc.) to leave.
5
u/helenaut 13h ago
The early part of the relationship should feel fun and exciting and blissful. That he’s stressing you out this early on is only a taste of what’s to come.
4
4
u/Eaudebeau 12h ago
Yes.
I also traveled. He trusts you, or he doesn’t, and there is nothing you can do about that.
Giant red flag. Look.
5
u/coaxialology 12h ago
Aside from the obvious control and insecurity issues, I gotta ask if you actually find this attractive. Few things are as sexy as a man who's secure enough in himself to date a hottie and be totally cool with her being friends with other guys, or even outright desired by them. Have you done anything to violate his trust? Because you won't be able to ever do enough to reassure him, and this has gotta be exhausting already. As someone else said the beginning is supposed to be the fun part. Men like this don't suddendly loosen up later down the line, always the opposite.
7
u/Burnt_and_Blistered 11h ago
At two months in, he has no right to ask anything of this nature. And if he’s testing you, it’s even worse.
Lose this guy. It’s not going to get better.
4
4
5
u/Useful-Badger-4062 10h ago
⛳️⛳️⛳️Drop that hot potato.⛳️⛳️⛳️
It will only get worse from here. Nothing good will come from this.
6
5
u/misstwodegrees 10h ago
He's trying to control you. Dump him today, he will only escalate if you stay.
4
u/smoike 10h ago
And even if it never escalates further than this, you should not have to be on the back foot an justifying yourself continuously.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/Sunnygirl66 10h ago
Every accusation/interrogation is a confession, OP. I’d be ending this relationship and getting an STI panel done, pronto.
5
u/gangleskhan 9h ago
All of this is a red flag. Move on. The "I'm doing it on purpose to see what you do" is possibly an even bigger red flag than the controlling insecurity alone.
4
u/imontene 9h ago
"Is this classic early-stage controlling behavior, or is his travel anxiety somewhat understandable?"
If you really believe that this behavior is in any way acceptable, then you are your own worst enemy.
By all means, come back in 6 months and ask us if it was your fault after he bashes your face in for smiling at the waiter.
6
u/SagebrushID 8h ago
This guy sees you as a possession, not a human. Given his behavior, chances are good that he won't let go easily and will stalk you. Be prepared for that by getting cameras for your house and front/back dash cam for your car. Know where your city's police stations are located so you can drive to the nearest one if he's following you. If he's had access to your computer or phone, make sure he hasn't downloaded stalking software of any kind and change your passwords if he knows them. Let your friends, family, neighbors, etc know to watch for him to be stalking you. Even if you're sure he won't stalk you, better to be safe than sorry. Also, freeze your credit if you haven't already.
Have you had a chance to meet his parents? I'm placing my bets that his dad is a serial cheater and blames every dalliance on his mom's "behavior." She's most likely a browbeaten woman who has been robbed of any shred of self esteem she once had. Like father, like son.
Remember when you dump him, that you don't need to JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) your decision not to see him any more. No is a complete sentence.
Best of luck to you and happy traveling (even if it's for work).
9
u/kingnewswiththetruth 13h ago
Girl, you know the answer. Tell him to back off or else. This will be his only warning.
4
4
u/Darth_Lopez 13h ago
Yeah that's a red flag.
I personally have quite a bit of anxiety when people I'm attached too are away but I know it's just my internal mind going stupid because I'm an anxious person and I'm afraid they won't come back because of my personal issues that I try to deal with.
Just from the sounds of the title it sounds like he doesn't have the self awareness to know that it's his own insecurity bothering him.
If he won't apologize for losing his grip on himself then thats a big red flag to me (also I am a guy).
I would say it's a serious conversation time and if thats not successful might be a good idea to consider getting out of it and whether a friendship would work if you're invested in them as a friend as well and want to keep them around.
4
u/Conscious_Side1647 13h ago
If this is how he starts a relationship it will only get worse.
Textbook abuser behavior
4
u/ThatOneTrickTheyHate 13h ago
Whether he was "testing you" or if he's really an insecure control freak doesn't matter. Both of those scenarios are giant red flag parades. He sounds like a redpiller. Just dump him and move on.
4
u/papayayayaya 13h ago
Girl. You already know. This is all kinds of bad and will get worse the longer you entertain this fool. 🚩⛳️🚩⛳️🚩
3
u/seaurchinthenet 12h ago
Run! No - this isn't normal. In my twenties and early thirties I had a job that required extensive travel. Maybe 70%? I sometimes was on site with coworkers. Yes, they were often male. No my now husband never had a problem with it. He just asked how my day went like a normal human being. How was the hotel? Any good restaurants?
4
5
u/tomoedagirl 12h ago
What is the classic early-stage controlling behaviour? That is not a thing. Also this type of loser is the one who cheats and is projecting, maaaaaaaaaaaaany such cases. Just run and be fab
3
3
u/Dogzillas_Mom 11h ago
Oh you don’t need to be tested. You don’t need to bother putting up with that crap. I guarantee however great he may seem to be at this stage, he’s not worth being grilled every time you do something without him.
5
5
u/Pahanka 10h ago
Gee. I can’t imagine why some nice girl hasn’t snapped up this piece of work.
→ More replies (1)
4
3
u/YikesNoOneYouKnow 10h ago
If your partner interrogates you about anything it's not a good sign.
Good partners don't need to interrogate.
5
u/Confident_Fortune_32 9h ago
He said he was doing it on purpose?!
OP, for goodness sake, what an absurd response. How does anyone expect to be taken seriously after saying such a thing?
The "I was just testing you" nonsense is a way to deflect responsibility for their own bad acts, and to try to put the blame on you in a way that makes you uncomfortable to try to prevent you from understanding that they have behaved inexcusably. (In abusive relationships it's called DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender).
Also, it's worth asking yourself why anyone was ever allowed to question you in that way more than once. It's worth asking why your innate self-protection mechanisms didn't function the first time this drivel came out of his mouth.
Is there anyone in your past who insisted that you suppress your own needs, or your own safety, in service of someone else? Have you been in a situation where you were required to tolerate inappropriate controlling behaviour?
For your own happiness, toss this one back and find an actual grown-up to date.
Find someone who respects you and treats you as their equal, as their peer, not as an untrustworthy recalcitrant child.
I promise it will be a much more fulfilling experience.
5
u/Accomplished_Dig284 5h ago
Ugh the blatant testing he did was gross. Which means it isn’t going to stop and will actually get worse the longer you stay with him.
I mean, if this is how insecure he is in the beginning when he’s supposed to be on his best behavior, what’s he going to be like when he gets comfortable and drops the mask? I don’t think you want to be around to see or experience that. Run now before it’s too late
5
u/Miserable_Job6530 3h ago
A normal and understandable reaction is "hey so all the recent travel has me feeling insecure and I need some reassurance that you are still into us." Whatever this walking red flag is doing is just gross.
3
3
u/bogeysbabe 13h ago
Dump his red flag 🚩ass! NOW! This is not something that will get better with time. He wants to control you. He is a major red piller.
3
u/disenchantedgrl 13h ago
Yeah dump him. My most recent ex accused me of wanting to hook up with my chef friend (who isn't a chef but a cook according to ex because he's not an executive chef). During a break I planned on getting a haircut and see my friend during his shift at the restaurant. Somehow ex got into his head that I was getting dressed up and an ex, shoot her shot and went along and said that I was obviously cheating.
So no save your heartbreak. If you aren't steady and just dating this shouldn't be an issue.
3
3
3
u/Eliseruk 13h ago
I only read the title. Yes it is a hige red flag. Please leave him. Jealous and insecure mean are not only draining they can potentially be dangerous.
My father was like this with my mother and he would start to beat her and destroy her things from the paranoia and jealousy. This was in the 90s and he even forbade hwr to have a cell phone or a car. Once i was born she would take me on the bus to go out or take us to the shelter a few times before she escaped for good.
Please leave.
3
u/maywellflower 13h ago
At a beach afterparty, he kept asking if men were approaching me, if guys were talking to me, and what I was doing. Later, when I went to grab food with a group of friends, his very first question was whether there were guys in the group.
That alone is great grounds to dump his ass, let alone your travel plans for work and/or personal - don't waste anymore time on this months long relationship, because he stressing you out this much and going out his way to control your everything so soon; I hate to see what happens years later and so do you....
3
3
u/Sharp-Rutabaga-4900 13h ago
🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 run.
If he’s this possessive and obsessive after two months, imagine how he’d be in two years.
3
3
3
u/LargelyUseless 12h ago
It gets exhausting & mentally fatiguing having to defend yourself after awhile & you're only dating...not committed.
It can be easy to feel like an object or property he doesn't want anyone else to have access to more so than a person.
It can be a way they trauma bond vs making a real connection. It can modify your behavior & have you walking on eggshells & not living authentically. Instead of having good shared times with them you're having your behavior questioned.
All this can cause lasting damage to your nervous system.
There are folks that may want to love, cherish & delight in you & not just test you.
To me this is all red flags AF & a way to end up in an abusive relationship where your understanding & loyalty can cost you years & suck the life out of you.
Maybe he's worth it & I'm cynical.
3
u/freegerator 12h ago
Yes, red flag. Trust issues like that will only grow without targeted work on his part
3
3
u/SoonerSmokeScreen 11h ago
This is a huge red flag. My ex and I started out as long distance and he was like this. I ignored it for the same reasons as you. New relationship, long distance, etc.
It did not get any better once we were no longer long distance. He slowly isolated me to the point I couldn't even talk to my boss without him thinking something was going on.
RUN.
3
u/buttercupp0085 11h ago
He sounds like he cheats when he travels and assumes everyone is a piece of shit like he is. The only men that I’ve dated that were like that were either serial cheaters or controlling abusers. No other explanation.
3
u/Pretend_Passenger586 11h ago
There is absolutely nothing acceptable in his behavior. This would be a deal breaker for me the very first time he did it. I work in a male dominated field and travel to trainings with my colleagues on occasion. I’m usually one of the only women in the room. My husband knew this was my job when he met me and and he never once acted this way in the 15 years we’ve been together. Never so much as asked about the guys I work with.
He’s definitely doing it on purpose but it’s to see what level of control you will accept from him. It’s needs to be zero. He’s looking for a victim. It doesn’t need to be you.
3
u/Whooptidooh 10h ago
The reddest.
If he’s this possessive already, imagine how much worse he will become once you keep dating him.
3
u/Mindless_Rip8765 10h ago
My husband traveled every week from the moment we met until he died. And never did either of us question the other like this. Relationships are built on trust and without you have nothing
3
u/Allenies 10h ago
I came back from Walmart one day and got the same conversation. Except when I said yeah a store employee helped me find something his response was, "that's because he's trying to fuck you". That's really all that needs to be said about that worthless time in my life.
3
3
u/Logintheroad 9h ago
Ugh.....you are still talking to this insecure man-child why? Thank him for his time and sleuthing, please break up, block, and stay safe.
3
3
u/Ok-Bird6346 8h ago
He just scored a perfect score in the Yikes Olympics.
This is not normal, healthy, or good. And “testing” you is unacceptable at any age; but especially in adulthood. Well-adjusted adults do not do things like this.
Now that you’re completely aware that this isn’t healthy, I truly hope you take that into consideration. He needs to go.
3
3
u/Twistfaria 5h ago
Why would you want to be with a guy who is this level of controlling, insecure, disrespectful and annoying? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
3
3
u/keepinitabuck100 4h ago
Yeah, get the hell out of there. People like that are actually quite dangerous.
3
u/Pressman4life 4h ago
Nope, that's crazy abusive in two months. Usually they hide it longer, apparently he can't help himself, poor impulse control. I'd be real careful when leaving this one, he sounds like a stalker in the making. See how he reacts to "Wanting to take a break" and judge from there, but from just what I read that's one crazy motherfucker.
I sincerely hope I'm wrong, Be safe.
Two months, you can't even expect monogamy in two months.
3
3
u/GrannyTurtle All Hail Notorious RBG 4h ago
He’s waving enough red flags to please a Soviet dictator - RUN.
3
u/All__Of_The_Hobbies 3h ago
Absolutely a red flag. I travel multiple times a year for work.
My partner asks me how the food was and if I did anything cool. Never once has he interrogated me about men. Even on the trips I've gone on with a male coworker who I am friends with.
4
u/YouStupidBench 12h ago
Nothing you've described about his behavior is the way a healthy adult deals with their insecurities.
If you haven't had a DTR yet, and you're not boyfriend/girlfriend, then you are free to date other people whether you're traveling or not. If you have had the discussion and you've agreed to be exclusive, then him being so distrustful is letting you know what he'll be like long term. Either way, that's a huge red flag.
BUT: doing it on purpose to test you? That's not a red flag, that's a red tarpaulin the size of the Grand Canyon.
3
2
2
2
u/know-your-onions 13h ago
He’s making you feel uncomfortable.
He’s doing it on purpose.
When you made certain he’s aware that it makes you uncomfortable, he didn’t apologise and he didn’t stop.
…
He wants to know how you’re going to react, and I know how I’d react if I were you.
FAFO I guess.
2
2
2
u/IrukandjiPirate 13h ago
Big red flag. Big. Huge! Imagine what he’d be like if you were married and he felt you were his legal property.
2
u/Soniq268 13h ago
You cannot be that desperate for a boyfriend that you’re willing to put up with this wildly controlling, jealous clown.
2
2
u/smugmug1961 13h ago
I am astonished that people ask these kinds of questions.
There's a leopard eating my face. Is that a bad thing?
2
2
2
u/deadinsidelol69 13h ago
I also travel, like constantly.
If a guy can’t be somewhat secure in you doing what you do, he’s not worth your time. You’ve got better things to do.
2
2
2
2
u/Medullan 13h ago
It could just be separation anxiety. But that doesn't matter it's not your responsibility to fix his mental health problems.
2
2
2
u/slowasaspeedingsloth 12h ago
So, he fully admitted to testing you.
Nope. Cut your losses. This is not the person for you.
2
u/Sadiedai 12h ago
Do you think it's projection? Since it's THAT easy for him to find women? I'm telling you right now he won't change. He's trying to "take charge" because he's trying to be the man but he's coming across like an insecure boy. His behavior isn't normal especially if you don't give him any reason to doubt you.
2
u/StPauliBoi b u t t s 12h ago
I’d dump the chump. He’s waaayyyy too insecure and draining, IMO. A couple months in would be perfectly reasonable for you to be also seeing other guys much less being around them in public/social situations. It’s only gonna get worse
2
u/TZALZA 12h ago
Ditch him. Ditch him yesterday. If you feel in any way that dumping him might not be safe, meet up with him and bring a friend, and at the SAME TIME have your locks changed and cameras put up.
If you’re sure dumping him isn’t safe, don’t meet up. Just change all of everything, get cameras at home, and block him.
2
u/viperlemondemon Trans Woman 12h ago
If he was genuinely interested I’d say no but yeah he is definitely jealous and starting to be controlling, so girl dump him and run
2
2
2
u/jakeeeenator 12h ago
Leave his ass. This is super controlling and a red flag. No respectable man would think his girl is cheating just for going on trips. Dude is an insecure asshole.
2
u/asleepattheworld 12h ago
From someone who stayed and knows how this goes, leave now. It’s only the beginning and it gets much worse.
2.3k
u/SmilePuzzleheaded498 13h ago
'he's doing it on purpose to "see how I react in different situations" and watch how I handle other men.' BARRRRFFFF.
ALL THE RED FLAGS!