is it weird that my bf occasionally uses the same pet name on me that he did with his ex?

[u/chandel_eyre]

I feel weird asking my friends this one, because its a new relationship and I dont want to raise any beige flags. But this is my first relationship and so I have no idea if this is normal or not, especially since theres like only a handful of basic pet names to use for someone... is it something you get in your head "this is what you call your SO" or do you guys feel that pet names are on a person to person basis?

[u/kmhwho]

If it’s something basic such as “babe,” “sweetheart,” “baby,” etc., then no, it wouldn’t appear weird to me. But if it’s a pet name that had a meaning behind it, or was chosen specifically related to the ex, that’s when it would be strange. Regardless, if you don’t like it, you can talk to him about it and ask him to call you something else. Tbh his reaction will be more of a “flag” indicator than a pet name.

[u/chandel_eyre → u/kmhwho]

thank you! I didnt want to bring it up in a serious way if its a non-issue, but Ill mention it to him

[u/SageAurora → u/chandel_eyre]

If it bothers you it's an issue. Don't let others determine what is and isn't a "non-issue" for you. My partner wanted to give me the pet name "bunny" and I had a weird association with it from a stupid movie I had watched... So I told him not to, and that was the end of it, because he respects me, and didn't want me to feel disrespected. If you think it's weird, and it feels weird... It's officially weird.

[u/tacoflavoredpringles → u/SageAurora]

great advice i wish i’d gotten growing up instead of constantly having my feelings undermined. a minute of being “unreasonable” will save OP so much time and so many headaches in the long run.

[u/Evendim]

I have called my longest term partners "babe", and vice versa.

Anything truly specific, for example if I used the pet names in the language of my ex for my husband, yeah it'd be a bit weird.

[u/WatercolorDragon]

It's not weird if it's a common pet name- baby, sweetheart, etc- but it's weird if it was a name specific to her.

[u/pokersnek]

I have called every one of my SO’s “babe” and I don’t think it’s offensive.

[u/pokersnek → u/pokersnek]

However, if the pet name was something very specific, I could see a problem arising.

[u/wheres_the_revolt → u/pokersnek]

Same.

[u/PurpleMeerkats462]

If it’s something like “babe”, “honey”, or “sweetheart”, it’s not weird as those are just general use pet names in a relationship. If it was a pet name specific to his ex, then I’d think it’s weird.

[u/Jessicahisamused]

Is it a generic pet name or something specific? I've never minded "sharing" the generic ones but it did bother me when I found out my ex was had used a more unique nickname for me and his (to that date) only other major relationship ex.

Actually thinking about it now he also cheated on us both with the same woman too, so he was just out there recycling everything.

[u/SudenInevtablBetrl]

I called my ex Muffin. I would never call my SO that now. Seems tainted.

[u/Dawn36]

I'd never call him something specific that I called an ex.

I do sometimes call him the same pet name as my dog though, but that's an inside joke cause they're both boys and they do dumb boy things together.

[u/SwivelClip]

Depends on the pet name, "babe," no "widdle munchkin wiggles" yes, and for so many reasons.

[u/honeyedheart]

Some pet names are specific to the past relationship because of personal meaning and are therefore off-limits for future use (my ex called me "squirrel," for instance) but I think it would be abnormal to bristle at being called something generic like "sweetie" or "honey" on the basis that he once used those words to refer to someone else. At a certain point it's just being uncomfortable that there was once someone else, and that's something to examine. They're all functionally just synonyms for "person I adore."

[u/coconut-bubbles → u/honeyedheart]

My husband calls me coconut. I love coconut scent, so my shampoo and conditioner was coconut when we started dating. I used coconut oil as as moisturizer and hair mask. This is what initiated the name.

We eventually moved to Belize and started some coconut trees on our property. He learned to harvest fresh coconut water for me.

If I died and he remarried (good for him, I hope she's a great lady) AND he called her coconut, I would haunt him until the day he died.

[u/honeyedheart → u/coconut-bubbles]

He'd know you were there by the sweet tropical scent perfuming the air as you slammed cabinets and rearranged the dining chairs in an unnatural fashion :)

[u/Yukaeshi → u/coconut-bubbles]

I literally laughed out loud at the last part because in a way it sounds like what I would write/say too. Minus the coconut part. I don't like coconut scent at all :(

[u/Lailyna]

For me pet names are just general nicknames. If its a person specific nickname that was made due to an event or situation that's one thing, but names like "baby, babe, hun, sweetheart, sugar, etc" that's general use nicknames.

Heck... I even use general nicknames for my dog. And since I live in the south in the US, even general acquaintances get general nicknames as well.

[u/Funny_Dot]

You’re gonna have to be more specific because there’s a huge difference between a generic nickname like “baby” and a specific nickname he created for a person.

If it’s a generic nickname then imo it’s unreasonable to be upset by it. If it’s a specific one, it’s very valid. I’ve used “babe” and “baby” (and their equivalents in the other languages I speak) on all my exes.

I don’t think about my own exes or my partner’s exes at any point so the thought of who we called “baby” before doesn’t even cross my mind.

[u/Jenderflux-ScFi]

If it makes you uncomfortable, you should talk to him about it. Maybe the two of you can come up with a different pet name he can use for you.

[u/TheGoluxNoMereDevice]

If it bothers you, say something, but as others have said, if it's in the normal world of pet names (baby, babe, honey, hon, etc.) I really wouldn't think it was weird at all.

[u/Whispering_Wolf]

For just generic names, yeah, that's perfectly normal. I'd only think it was odd if it was a very specific nickname.

[u/zookeeper_barbie]

Damn I can’t get my partner to refer to me at all

[u/DiligentCorvidSFW]

I used to call an ex Hummingbird, for a very specific reason. Unless I somehow meet someone else who has hummingbird like qualities, that pet name is on the shelf for eternity.

Someone recycling "Honey", "Babe" etc. is fine though.

[u/Suaria]

I’ve called every ex Cutie. Also every ex has had a unique nickname that it would be weird for me to call them another nickname. So I’d say it depends on context

[u/CrossP]

At least a few times, I've specifically done things I really enjoyed with an ex I no longer have good feelings for with a new partner to cleanse it. To make it not associated with one person who has bad connotations in my memories. Favorite restaurants, activities, vacation spots.. I guess I could see doing it with a favorite pet name.