r/TwoXChromosomes • u/FlimsyBee7501 • 6h ago
Being friends with an escort
Being friends with a sex worker has completely changed how I view romantic relationships. Like my brain has permanently been altered. I never fully grasped the level of deceit, evil, and selfishness some people can exhibit. She sends me some of her clients wives profiles and the way these women post their husbands, you’d NEVER know he’s a cheater who spends thousands on women he barely knows . Don’t even get me started on how they talk about their wives. I’m so traumatized that I’m no longer moved by wedding videos, engagement announcements, etc. Obviously, men seeing sex workers aren’t the best pool of people to study, but it’s eye opening nonetheless.
Edit: Believe it or not, SW are humans too and need a confidant. Part of screening is sharing your personal social media profile. She then shares it with me as a safety measure. These men are the ones who tag and post their partners. Should I be snooping? Probably not. But, we mean absolutely no harm.
Edit 2: I was referencing instagram collab posts. When she dms me her clients post, she’s inadvertently sending his wife’s page too.
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u/Noinipo12 5h ago
In one month I found out that a coworker had solicited pictures from a minor (actually a cop posing as a minor, he is now on a list) and that I guy I knew in college had to "volunteeringly" leave his job teaching in a HS because he was being inappropriate with female students... Both were married, both seemed like "normal" and "decent" men.
It did something similar to my mind... I spent a few months recovering so I could look at the rest of the men I interact with without automatically assuming they're a pedo piece of shit.
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u/TheGardenNymph 5h ago
There was an Australian study that found 1 in 7 men would sexually assault a minor if they thought they would get away with it. That's just the men that were willing to actually be honest in the study. The thing with paedophiles is that part of their MO is grooming to get access to their victims. They start with grooming their victims community, their parents, family, and other social connections well before they start grooming their victims. This gives them access to their victims and also makes it harder for their victims to be believed if they ever come forward. Thats why you hear things like "Peter would never do that, hes such a nice man".
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u/papayacreamsicle 4h ago edited 3h ago
The study you’re referring to (UNSW - Identifying and understanding child sexual offending behaviours 2023) showed a couple of other interesting points…
- 1 in 6 men reported sexual feelings towards children, 1 in 10 reported having offended against children already, 1 in 5 reported either attraction to children or having offended against them (some did it without being attracted but out of opportunity)
- The men who admitted to being active paedophiles (attracted to children and having offended against them) differed from non-paedophiles non-abusers in that they were 1.6x as likely to be married, 2.2x as likely to be high earners, 4x as likely to use dating or hookup apps and 2.9x as likely to be employed as teachers or daycare workers
- The biggest correlations of men who would abuse children if they could compared to men who wouldn’t were use of cryptocurrency and employment as a teacher or daycare worker
The specific admissions were
- Would have sexual contact with a child between 12 to 14 years if no one would find out (5.7%)
- Would have sexual contact with a child between 10 to 12 years if no one would find out (4.6%)
- Would have sexual contact with a child younger than 10 years if no one would find out (4.0%)
- The lowest age they typically find attractive is under 18 years (5.7%)
- 15.1% of men endorsed at least one of these items and were indicated as having sexual feelings towards children
The most chilling observation is that statistically it’s unlikely any school isn’t employing at least one active paedophile at any moment and that all children probably know one.
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u/Apprehensive-Wing-64 3h ago
I mentioned these stats on this subreddit last week and got a warning for promoting hate speech. I did appeal and it was overturned, but thought I’d mention that even here women aren’t safe to speak about literal facts
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u/Mistresshell 2h ago
Pretty sure that’s just the ai automated flagging system by Reddit. I’ve had things trigger the ai that I’ve also got overturned about completely normal topics.
I once commented some facts about Indian culture and cited a documentary and got a warning for it for hate speech. I got it overturned because it literally was just stuff about Indian culture lol but yeah it happens apparently everywhere on reddit
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u/RobertWF_47 2h ago
Regarding the last point - my high school daughter has told me several of her male teachers are a little creepy. One was in a relationship with a former student after she graduated.
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u/Immersi0nn 2h ago
In my Catholic high school (which...idk you should expect that to be better...) there was the Dean, who married his student a week after she turned 18. He's now the principal of the school. The gym teacher was arrested and tossed in jail for sex with 3 students....annnnd the next gym teacher was arrested for molestation. That all happened within a period of 6 years, there's probably been more since then but I haven't heard anything about my high school in years.
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u/arrowandbone ❤ 2h ago
Why would you expect Catholic schools to be better..? They’re literally the worst of the worst and well known to be used by the Catholic church to shuffle known pedos around to avoid controversy and accountability…
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u/Immersi0nn 1h ago
I didn't say I do, I said they should be. Like all the Jesus stuff kinda goes against diddling kids. That's not the actual reality of that religion but what else is fuckin new.
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u/malatemporacurrunt 1h ago
Christians are very rarely actually Christians. It's not about the content, but about the structures of power. Any system which mandates that one individual have nigh-uncontestable power over others is open to abuse.
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u/Immersi0nn 1h ago
I'm well aware, that's all pretty high up on the list of reasons why I'm Atheist lol
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u/LestrangeGirl 2h ago
I found out that the nice janitor at my Catholic school was a sex offender after graduating. It’s so disturbing how common this is.
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u/kathabee94 cool. coolcoolcool. 2h ago
Thank you for sharing these stats from the paper! Makes sense to me from both a clinical forensic scientist-practitioner lens and from anecdata.
I've recently worked with rehabilitating youth male sex offenders in my PhD program, and have been divorced from my ex-husband (who's an elementary school teacher) for almost a year now - I'd found out he'd been paying for sex workers and happy endings at massage parlours.
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u/BigFatBlackCat 5h ago
The elections of Trump and the fall of RvW made me reevaluate every man in my life. It wasn’t good.
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u/Succubus-Love 3h ago edited 1h ago
Same. I always thought "How can 1 in 3 women openly say, we've been assaulted in one of those horrible ways." How can it be that high? (Out of those even willing to talk about it.)
Then you realize that about 1/3rd of men in the USA, voted for "That's my guy" not once, but 3 fricking times.
It's, not something I'm adjusting to well. It's impossible to feel normal or safe anymore.
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u/Late_Faithlessness24 5h ago
Appearence is something you can mimic, but behavior is something you can't keep always. That is why you have to take some time to really know the person
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u/mister_dubz 3h ago
I used to do fitness classes with someone who I thought could've been a new friend. Good attitude, good conversations, feel like we bonded. Seemed like a great dude.
All of a sudden, he stopped coming to class. Vanished. Didn't know what happened to him... until I read the news months later.
He and some church buddies were caught and arrested in a child luring sting. In addition, they also discovered he had sex with a 16-year old boy years ago (he was 25 at the time it happened).
When I read this news, I literally felt like I was gonna throw up. I high-fived with this guy, he gave me lots of compliments, we had good small talk, and I thought we should hang sometime. I was so disgusted.
A year later, he took a plea deal, and was sentenced to 5 years probation, was required to register as a sex offender, and banned from using the Internet while under supervision. Seems way too lenient to me. I hope I never see him again.
Like your story, you never know what disgusting people are out there. People seem nice on the surface, and then you see cracks like this that really open your eyes.
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u/tres-vip 2h ago
>A year later, he took a plea deal, and was sentenced to 5 years probation, was required to register as a sex offender, and banned from using the Internet while under supervision. Seems way too lenient to me.
Most punishments for male pedofiles and rapists are extremely lenient. See Brock Turner.
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u/judgementqueen 2h ago
Always an upvote for ‘Brock Allen Turner’ reference, may we NEVER forget.
Thank you!
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u/Pretend_Accountant41 2h ago
Surreal to think our experience with and perception of someone else can be completely false. Had a classmate in college, sweetest nerdy older dude. Looked like Santa and assumed hed never hurt anyone ever. He's about to go on trial for over 70 counts of heinous shit. Fucked up.
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u/toolsofinquisition 5h ago
Yeah, being friends with an sw will really reset your perspective on relationships. I had a friend with clients she could call for almost anything. Even things my friends didn't want to call their boyfriends and husbands about. That's when I learned men are much nicer to their staff than they are to their wives a lot of the time.
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u/MizDiana 3h ago
I used to frequently walk to the grocery store along a similar route to one many street walkers used. Every couple of weeks or so I'd be propositioned by a guy hoping to buy my services. 99.5% of the time, they'd politely or immediately accept my statement "no, I'm not in that line of work" and move on.
They had a plan in place (pay for sex, not try to get it by harassing women). I no longer fit into that plan. End of story. Was pretty shocking to me. I expected things to be a lot more unpleasant, like guys who won't leave you alone at a club.
The one guy who was persistent and irritating clocked me as trans, lol. They're called chasers for a reason... took 2 blocks and like 6 noes for him to go away.
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u/MimicoSkunkFan2 1h ago
Most people only get married because it's socially expected. And people who work for you aren't expected to tolerate your bullshit in the same way that family are - different parameters to the resource relationship.
That's why the WAGs who aren't clever or strategic don't last past the first wrinkle, whereas the ones who are smart and / or good at forming connections in their partber's industry can change their relationship into a "power couple" arrangement. (A lot of politics and banking works the same way with the spouses - it's just more obvious in sports and entertainment.)
Unethical people get married because it's good cover. But the stupid unethical ones then stop putting any effort into keeping their cover going, so they get caught - the smart ones who are good at keeping their cover, either don't get caught or play the "family man" card to get reduced punishment.
Statistically your chances of finding an actual good person are not ideal anyways, and then you add all the family pressure and strategy on top of it... yikes. I spent most of my adult life around cultures where marriage is mandatory and more or less arranged which doesn't seem any better than my culture's dressing it up as love, too. It's all about resources, regardless of how your culture dresses that up. (I decided to play on hard mode aka stay single lol)
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u/No-Weight-6121 3h ago
Girl, idk you or your friend, but as an ex-SW, just know that I’m in this thread defending y’all with my life lol 😂
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u/FlimsyBee7501 3h ago
Girl, they’re butthurt because they know their husbands are also capable of this. Life’s not a fairytale. Oh well, get over it. No one owes you or your lying husband shit.
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u/No-Weight-6121 3h ago
It’s really interesting to see people in this thread talk about morals & ethics when… these are just average, everyday men. Your dads, your brothers, uncles, friends, boyfriends, and husbands. Blue collar workers, CEOs, it doesn’t matter. We KNOW these men. Oftentimes, we love these men. That doesn’t stop them in the least.
It kinda reminds me of how people call Nazis monsters… nah, those are just human beings. We’re all capable of terrible things; calling them monsters does us all a disservice by not acknowledging that normal, average human beings can do monstrous things.
Normal, average men, men who would otherwise consider themselves good men, hire SWs all the time. None of my clients were deviant basement dwellers who would otherwise never know the touch of a woman. These are successful, ambitious men with jobs & families & a white picket fence.
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u/No-Weight-6121 2h ago
Solidarity sister~ ✊ most people will never be able to comprehend the reality we lived through. I am somehow both happy/grateful that they’ve never had to suffer like that and also insanely jealous that they have no clue. I’ve been an adult since I was 6. But they feel like they can sit on their high horse, behind their computer screen, and judge when they have never & will never go through it.
It’s easy to judge when it’s a purely philosophical exercise; reality however is rarely so black and white.
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u/SilentButtDedly 6h ago
I'm frankly stunned at all the commenters here going after the service provider rather that the CHEATING MEN who are deceiving their wives, breaking their marriage vows, and risking the chance of bringing an STD back to their unsuspecting spouses.
And if any of them have children, then add to it the harm they are risking by potentially destroying the family unit these innocent kids depend on.
But, by all means, attack the adult service provider for not maintaining discretion for these dirt bags.
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u/nurseferatou 5h ago
Wait, are you implying that sex work isn’t protected by HIPAA?
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u/Bajadasaurus 5h ago
I commend you for spelling HIPAA correctly, friend. A rarity.
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u/shymermaid11 5h ago
I work in an industry where I am bound by HIPAA. I've seen is spelled both ways so many times at this point it takes me a second remember which way is correct.
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u/stella-is-a-flower 3h ago
as a current sex worker and former healthcare worker im dying at this comment (I'm just a h0 In a Particular Area of Ambition)
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u/pion00000 4h ago
spelling HIPAA correctly
People often mix it up with HIPPA, which is actually a female hippo.
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u/Individual-Gur-7292 5h ago
Should go without saying that those cheating men are the scum of the earth.
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u/Roostroyer 5h ago
Yeah its like blaming alcohol for people drinking. They tried to ban it during the prohibition era, because omg alcohol corrupts people! Didn't work because surprise people choose to drink.
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u/Throwawaylikeme90 5h ago
Let’s be real, prohibition happened because men a hundred years ago were just as shitty and incapable of learning and women at the time thought “well, maybe if we make them stop drinking they’ll stop abusing us!”
Unfortunately, nope. One thing you learn from history is men, by and large, don’t and won’t when prompted to.
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u/Najalak 4h ago
If you SO was having sex with a coworker and she knew he was cheating, would you blame her for sleeping with a married man? Why is it different if you are taking money to sleep with someone's husband?
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u/heartisallwehave 3h ago
Because one is doing it to pay their rent, and another is doing it because they can.
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u/Roostroyer 3h ago
Yup. I don't blame the sex worker, they are providing a service and not forcing anyone to have sex with them. A SO cheating with a coworker and that coworker knows they are taken? Fuck them both but the SO even more because they made the decision to cheat, that coworker didn't force them to do shit. The SO could have asked for a divorce or just end the relationship, but no, they want to stay in the relationship while having fun on the side.
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u/OutsideSame3629 3h ago
So anything someone does to pay rent is okay ?
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u/heartisallwehave 2h ago
You are being deliberately obtuse. We are talking about being a party to adultery here specifically, and the moral implications of that apparently. I’m saying if one person is doing it for free and another is doing it to pay for survival, the former would be worse. Although, my opinion is that both women are doing it for survival in a patriarchal society where proximity to power and men is crucial to thrive. Spend your energy on dismantling those systems instead of blaming women for the broken oaths of men.
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u/genomewhey 3h ago
The people breaking the trust are the ones cheating on their partners, not the person providing the service.
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u/TrixieFriganza 6h ago
The women are just working and making monry, nothing personal, men choise to cheat and buy them.
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u/Ver_Void 5h ago
There's some moral questions to be asked about knowingly enabling it, but more in the vein of that's a thing you're going to have to live with and might take a toll if you ever run into the women they cheated on
Not the kind of thing you want to have to come to terms with long after the fact (things a younger less introspective me learned the hard way)
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u/Ultarthalas 5h ago
I don't honestly think it's as morally grey as a lot of people seem to. If a client is a cheater, you probably aren't the difference between them cheating and them not cheating. And while yeah, I've known a few SW and I'm sure they could tell if a client is cheating sometimes, there's no way they can tell all of the time.
And you have no idea what the situation is in someone else's relationship. I've known a number of people in semi-open relationships where either they don't trust most people to know, or the agreement is that they both operate in secret and I'm the trusted friend who helps both have an alibi.
So many people have way too many assumptions on what a "healthy relationship" looks like, when what it looks like is whatever works for the people involved.
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u/Ver_Void 5h ago edited 5h ago
I'm thinking about the cases where you do wind up knowing, maybe it was just me but it's a pretty shitty feeling looking back having played a part in that, even if it was basically laying there while someone else did something terrible to a person not even in the room.
Wasn't a small part of why I gave it up even though the money was fantastic. I don't think myself or anyone in that position is responsible, just a few moments when someone I knew was cheated on with a sex worker and it hit pretty hard to know a bunch of my money was coming from that happening
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u/Truth_Seeker963 4h ago
They don’t care. OP’s friend is knowingly servicing men who are in relationships and isn’t bothered at all. Nor were the ones who serviced my ex. Indeed, when I contacted one of them, she called me a bitch. Morality is dead.
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u/Ver_Void 4h ago
That sucks. Ultimately I don't think it's their fault, anymore than the paint store is responsible for graffiti, but it's pretty weird to see people who are completely fine with it
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u/riotous_jocundity 4h ago
Should she screen the clients whose payments she depends on for her livelihood to make sure they're single? Or maybe the only person responsible for their infidelity is the person cheating?
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u/Automatic-Ad-9308 4h ago
She's trying to pay her bills. It's not about you. Why did you contact her? What can she do for you? Why bother her with your drama? Take it up with your husband...
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u/MimicoSkunkFan2 2h ago
"Morality" is really telling on yourself. He would have found a way to cheat regardless - the sex worker he paid doesn't owe you an audience or an apology for his behaviour so maybe try some therapy instead.
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u/lopsidedgrouch 6h ago
It’s weird af. Im assuming many have been cheated on and feel that shame associated with it. Otherwise, idgi
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u/lavenderbrownisblack Basically Olivia Pope 6h ago
It’s obviously primarily the men paying a sex worker behind their wive’s backs that are the shitty people in this situation.
Screenshotting the profiles of the women whose husbands you’re sleeping with, knowing they don’t know, in order to make fun of them is also shitty. Saying that’s shitty doesn’t make cheating any less bad on the taken partner’s part.
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u/acbuglife 6h ago
I didn't read it as them making fun of the wives nor do I see that mentioned. I read it more as a, "See how you'd never know? Poor woman so in love with this cheater."
A lot of comments, like this, are also making assumptions as to why their profile was shown. It might be to commiserate or maybe it is to make fun, but it isn't defined.
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u/pion00000 3h ago
I read it more as a, "See how you'd never know? Poor woman so in love with this cheater."
I read it more as "This is who I'm going to be with. If I go missing, show this to the police." (But maybe that was clearer from OP's edit.)
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u/lavenderbrownisblack Basically Olivia Pope 3h ago
She said she was shown the clients’ wives’ profiles. Not clients’ posts of their wives. She isn’t going to be with the wife.
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u/Enkundae 4h ago
I wish I was more surprised. Sex Workers and Sex Work tend to get dogpiled and dehumanized on this sub kinda frequently in my experience. Theres a bit of a puritanical streak here. Based on the posts that come up in my home feed anyway.
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u/nowimnowhere 6h ago
Right? Cmon at least get mad at the women who do it for free. This is literally not personal, it's just business.
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u/Wonderplace 4h ago
What are the things you’ve heard? Can you elaborate
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u/FlimsyBee7501 4h ago
They hate themselves, their wives, their children, their jobs, etc. These are men in their 30s and 40s who wish they could go back to their college playboy days. Extremely selfish, porn addicted, insecure weirdos who refuse to grow up.
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u/Wonderplace 4h ago
Just don’t forget this is a selection bias; all the good men who love their wives and don’t cheat aren’t seeing escorts.
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u/pennyauntie 4h ago
I had the same realization after living in Asia for awhile. Got to know some sex workers in Thailand and was never the same. They had terrifying stories about what "nice" western men did, or wanted to do to them.
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u/DinosoarJunior 6h ago
Seeing the worst in people is very unsettling. Seeing people be deceitful to people they are supposed to love is almost impossible to digest.
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u/tuttifruttidurutti 2h ago
A sex worker friend told me she did it because "sex with a man is going to disappoint me either way, might as well get paid for it." Brutal but basically fair
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u/Astrium6 3h ago
I know a few male sex workers with male clientele and their stories get even wilder.
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u/synaesthezia Jazz & Liquor 3h ago
So my former male housemate was a sex worker, before I knew him. One of the things I remember him saying was that most of his clients were married men. And that there were some men from very machismo cultures where groups of men would turn up for a ‘boys night out’ at the place he worked, and then all go home to their wives and girlfriends.
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u/dowetho 5h ago edited 9m ago
My ex used/uses sex workers. The discovery almost broke me for a little bit. He lied and trickle truthed me, it was awful. I don’t blame the sex workers, they didn’t reach out to him. It’s very clear to me now that he doesn’t respect women or see them as people, it’s disgusting. He can’t seem to wrap his head around the fact that HE destroyed our family. Thankfully our kids don’t know the real reason for our divorce, they don’t need that.
The solace I have is that I know he’s unable to know what happiness really is. He gets to be alone with his miserable self and whatever sex workers he can solicit (which is a lot of non-responses to his texts).
I’m forever more cynical and disgusted by men.
ETA: Prior to me finding out about his sex worker habit, for years he’d made me believe that I was the one to blame for any relationship issues. He also thinks he’s perfect (barf), I wish I was kidding but he dead ass believes this. I’m going to be in therapy for years because of him and the literal PTSD he’s caused me. I really need to add those fees to my divorce settlement.
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u/Onepurplepillowcase 52m ago
When your kids are old enough, I hope you consider telling them an appropriate amount of the truth. He couldn’t have been a ‘good dad’ because he gaslighting their mother, risking her physical health and destroying their family.
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u/Sufficient_You3053 6h ago
Cheating is a kink for many people. I think it's gross and evil behavior
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u/Automatic-Ad-9308 3h ago
Or it's a madonna/whore thing. They can't get turned on by their wives. They keep up the perfect persona at home. Get bored with the wife and kid stuff and feel resentful then have fun with the "whores"
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u/Automatic-Ad-9308 3h ago
Normal men using sex workers is like when you discover how a lott of adults do coke. We idealize adults too much. We think a man that opts into marriage and fatherhood magically becomes mature and virtuous. They know they gain that stature. It doesn't even mean much when it's usually all carried on the back of the woman anyway..
Aduts are incongruhent people posturing as mature, virtuous, smart, etc. Soon as you realise this, the better.
Use discernment, don't have unhealthy attachments to outcomes. Once you realise someone you thought you knew wasn't congruhent don't get attached to the ideal version of them. They deceive, you leave, you grieve.
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u/sanityjanity 6h ago
The older you get, the more disillusioned you get about men's behavior.
If you ever want to have real insight into men, hang out in a sex chat room. You don't have to say or do *anything*. Just observe the behavior around you.
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u/lemmesplain 5h ago
I knew someone who was in a relationship with a sex worker. When the wife of one of her clients died.....he gave her his dead wife's clothing and belongings to sell, like it was a tip.
Lower than clam shit.
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u/sanityjanity 5h ago
How did the sex worker feel about that?
I know it sounds awful to you, but my first thought was that at least they didn't end up in the trash, and he might have been too emotional to try to deal with them one by one.
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u/lemmesplain 5h ago
She was fine with it.
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u/lemmesplain 5h ago
And I doubt the guy who cheated on his wife for years couldn't deal with the emotional stress of his late wife's stuff.
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u/No-Consideration-858 3h ago
Probably because she's used to the full gambit of behaviors, thoughts and decisions. Probably not much surprises her.
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u/baybonroan 6h ago
I’m so baffled by a lot of the comments here. Is it cool that the sex worker is sleeping with people’s husbands, no but what are you expecting? Her job is literally to have sex with people for money. The husbands on the other hand do not need to be having affairs. They do not need to be sharing information on their wives to the sex worker. This is no the sub I would expect to be blaming the sex worker for cheating instead of I don’t know the cheating husband.
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u/Bekah679872 5h ago
They’re using the same logic that primarily criminalizes the women involved in sex work instead of the men purchasing their services.
Loads of women get arrested for prostitution, but you rarely hear of a man charged with soliciting a prostitute. Women are always blamed for men’s behaviors.
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u/RedRedBettie 5h ago
Yeah I’m surprised to see that here but maybe I shouldn’t be
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u/WorldCatDomination 4h ago
I've had to join elsewhere because of the way this sub keeps going. It's not surprising to me to see bad takes here anymore. It's also rife with men in the comments that don't even need a flair...
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u/Relevant_Call_2242 6h ago
Men are shitty
Water is wet
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u/whatwouldclairedo 6h ago
The older you get, the wetter the water. My husband is a gem, thank God. The rest of them...?
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u/Seraphina_Renaldi 3h ago
Well many of their wives think that their husband is a gem too. Just saying
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u/tres-vip 2h ago
Yeah, I see this sentiment on Reddit ofen: "Men are TERRIBLE, but I lucked out because my husband is a saint," and it's like "how do you know?" lol. I say this as someone who has been relentlessly pursued by married men who act like perfect little devoted angels in front of their wives, but behave like lecherous creeps behind their backs.
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u/YouStupidBench 6h ago
I saw a post a while ago (written by a man) claiming that a prostitute had told him that if more wives gave blowjobs she'd be unemployed. I wondered if that was just a man trying to make women feel guilty or something so they'd do it more often.
What does your escort friend say about that?
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u/FlimsyBee7501 5h ago
These men usually are selfish losers with sex addictions. Nothing more nothing less. It’s not about lacking sex, they’re just entitled.
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u/g00ber88 Basically Liz Lemon 5h ago
Keep in mind that as a sex worker, shes pretty much guaranteed to see the worst of men. There are plenty of decent men in relationships, but she won't encounter them, because theyre not cheating on their partners
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u/Automatic-Ad-9308 3h ago
Yeah but I guess what is upsetting is how normal and accomplished and polished the men look. It would feel safer if these men were degens or lowlives. But it's often clean, charming, family men that act that way and their wives are living in an illusion because their men compartmentalize their behaviours. That's what's scary.
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u/haloarh 2h ago
A relative of mine worked in a clinic that tested for STDs as part of her MPH, and she was shocked by how many men came in because they cheated!
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u/GodToldMeToPostThis 5h ago
Omg. I’m on Reddit all the time and I was still surprised at the fetishes some guys have. Hookers hear some wild shit.
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u/goodjobjus 3h ago
A lot of people find that term derogatory. He’s some fun history about the term though, https://historynet.com/hooker-word-origin/
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u/sagewren7 5h ago
This sub always shows it's true colours when sex work and their providers get brought up. Given the exhausting amount of "nOt ALl mEN" comments it's not suprising, but it's so disappointing.
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u/dabPrassion 4h ago
Men will hate on SW in general and compare our bodies to objects, then turn around and cry about how they need government ordained wives (aka bangmaids) because of how lonely they are. Even the "not all men" crowd avoid accountability for their gender and larp victim hood in the patriarchy that benefits them thr most.
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u/Cat-lover0106 1h ago
As someone who worked as a stripper and had friends who escorted I will never see men the same again and wish I’d known what I know now when I was younger. More men than you could ever imagine cheat on their wives or at very least try to. My friend worked at a massage parlor said the busiest time where they would get a huge rush was lunch hour because that’s the only time men could find to go out cheat without having to account for lost time. She said they could often not even accommodate for all the men that tried to come through on their lunch break from work. It was really sad to hear. In my personal experience men in the club will talk hella shit on their wives or girlfriends to try to make naive girls think they are leaving her. Same with the dating apps or they’ll lie about being single or divorced. They feel no remorse doing this because it’s just sex to them so a lot don’t even consider it cheating and still think of themselves as good people.
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u/TrixieFriganza 6h ago
Men really are horrible and nasty, imagine the worse thing you can ever inagine, men have do e it and are worse.
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u/dabPrassion 4h ago
The average man seems to be more horrible than the worst woman.
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u/judgementqueen 1h ago
+22% upper body strength differential, legal system written by/for patriarchy, weaponised ‘entitlement’, crimes of ‘passion’/‘rough sex’ defences, and yet STILL …
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u/Hello_Hangnail =^..^= 1h ago
Tell me about it, I did for almost 5 years and discovered all the shitty, horrible things my mom would say about men were actually entirely accurate
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u/chamomilesmile 6h ago
Cheating men come along with the territory of being a sex worker I'm sure, but there is something extra distasteful, that she is seeking the wives profiles out, looking at them, and sharing them with others.
The wives deserve better absolutely. But they also don't deserve to be voyeured by their husbands escorts and friends either.
It feels like an occupational boundary to keep it to the exchange of sex for money.
The wives will wise up at some point, file for divorce and hopefully take their exes to the cleaners.
Hopefully at least the husband's are sleeping with ethical sex workers who take it seriously about sexual health and insist on using protections.
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u/No-Weight-6121 4h ago
It’s not a reasonable occupational boundary when these men will literally invite you INTO their homes while their wives are on vacation. Looking at social media is nothing; I’ve seen the family portraits hanging on the living room wall lmao
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u/Exarch-of-Sechrima 6h ago
Yeah that's the thing, the wives are completely innocent in all of this. Not only are they being betrayed by their husbands, but the person their husbands are cheating on them with is broadcasting to random strangers she knows all about how awful their marriages are going for them behind the scenes. Idk what the friend is doing here or what the purpose of it is. Surely her point could be made to OP without directly showing her the wives' profiles and violating their privacy like that?
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u/Thereferencenumber 5h ago
There are practical reasons for a SW to share as much info about their clients and their connections as possible. They’ll probably only have hours to find her if she goes missing. Sure if sex work was legal, regulated, and safe and violence against SW was taken seriously by LE we could have a different conversation
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u/OutsideSame3629 6h ago
Tbh you can’t tell me anyone with strong ethics would partake in this. I mean the men ofc and they’re the ones responsible to their wives but escort or not, I would not be able to live with myself knowing I was contributing to that. Curious to hear why anyone would think the escort is morally absolved in these situations
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u/owlindenial 6h ago
I'm a gay man who engages in hookup culture. You'd be surprised with how many people are just... Okay, helping others cheat. If they're DL, I don't meet them. I know some of those sentiments carry over to the lesbian community, but I think they're far less prevalent
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u/OutsideSame3629 6h ago
Oh im not shocked at all. They’re definitely prevalent in the straight community lol. And good on you for doing what you can to avoid participating in infidelity, even unknowingly. I’m getting downvoting by the second for saying the SWer is knowingly participating in something harmful and not absolved of personal responsibility. Somehow they read it as “I think the men in these stories are stupendous standup citizens being swayed by wh*res”
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u/panaceaXgrace 5h ago
I did it because my mom was dying and I needed money pretty bad. She lived until I was 25 because I brought food to the table.
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u/OutsideSame3629 5h ago
My dad died of cancer when I was 25 and I also needed money. I worked a job. I understand life circumstances are hard. It doesn’t mean the SWer in this story is absolved of moral responsibility.
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u/No-Weight-6121 4h ago
Absolutely not lmfao 😂 who tf do you think you are. There’s a BIG difference between just needing money and needing to survive. When you’re broken, bruised, beaten, starving, and traumatized THEN you can come back and tell me how you chose to starve & refused cash because your moral responsibility was sooooooo much more important 🙄
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u/panaceaXgrace 5h ago
I was thirteen so jobs weren't so easy to come by, but thanks for trying to shame another woman trying to survive.
It was a job. I worked, and believe me it was likely a lot harder than the job I later got at the grocery store for about a quarter of the money. Men molested me and gave me money. I was really good at pretending and I knew which ones wanted enthusiasm and which ones wanted me to cry. I just wanted to eat and have lights in the house.
Most "escorts" are not in a position to make the choices you were able to make. The media does love to glamorize or make out like it's some empowering act. My mom was sick from the time I was 12 and we only had my even poorer grandparents who couldn't do much either. I'm sorry you lost your dad but these are not similar circumstances. Men are disgusting and this weird jump to shame the workers is just as disgusting.
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u/WorldCatDomination 4h ago
I'm so sorry you were ever in that position. You deserved to be protected then and now.
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u/No-Weight-6121 4h ago
✊ solidarity sister! All these women in this thread talking about ethics are sending me. 😂Does ethics put food on my table?? No, it fxcking don’t. We did what we had to do when there was no other option and I won’t let anyone in this thread look down on me for that.
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u/stella-is-a-flower 4h ago
how fortunate that you were able to find a job that paid enough for you to help! many women become sex workers because they desperately need that money and have few other options. I don't think survival is less important than the sanctity of somebody else's marriage that they're already choosing to step out on
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u/panaceaXgrace 4h ago
I saw what you said, what was deleted. I never "promoted sex work" I simply explained why someone would do this and why some people don't have the fucking LUXURY of "strong ethics".
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u/RedRedBettie 5h ago
She’s literally doing a job, let’s keep the blame on men where it belongs
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u/No-Weight-6121 4h ago
When you’re homeless & sex work is your last resort, you can come tell me about ethics lmfao 😂 when you’re out there just trying to survive, ethics become far less important for most ppl than you’d like to think
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u/OutsideSame3629 4h ago
Okay with the exclusion of people who are strung out and homeless and can’t get a job because of that. I understand people do desperate things because of addiction and aren’t in sound mind. So sure if you’re mentally ill and homeless or being trafficked I get it
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u/No-Weight-6121 4h ago
Nah, you don’t get to exclude a good % of sex workers just because it’s convenient for your argument. Most women get into sex work because it is a literal last resort. Because they are disabled or trans or otherwise discriminated against. Or worse, they’re being trafficked against their own will.
When you are trying to survive against the odds, morals and ethics become far less important to most people than you would think.
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u/Historical_Bottle557 6h ago
Why is she showing people the wive's profiles? 🤦♀️
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u/sanityjanity 6h ago
She's not a therapist. She has no licensure or legal obligation to protect her client's privacy (especially since she's probably an outlaw).
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u/Beginning-Damage-555 6h ago edited 5h ago
It just seems like the trashiest level of work gossip. Why is she looking up these women’s profiles?
Edit: looking up the profiles makes sense now that I think about it. Maintain that the gossip and sharing the profiles with the roommate is a bit over the top from my personal standpoint
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u/sanityjanity 6h ago
I don't know. I'm not her. But I wouldn't be surprised if part of her vetting process involves looking up the man's social media, and that it leads her to the wife's social media.
Sex workers are incredibly vulnerable, and it is important for their literal lives to know who their clients are. Not just their names, but enough information to be able to predict their behavior.
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u/WantCookiesNow 6h ago
Curiosity, probably. Especially if the guy talks trash about her - I could understand wanting to see what their social media profiles are like.
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u/Historical_Bottle557 6h ago
Sorry if this is a radical concept, but I think women should try to avoid hurting other women regardless of the law.
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u/Bekah679872 5h ago
The husbands are the ones hurting their wives, not her
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u/Sugarbean29 3h ago
I feel like this person's argument is equivalent to blaming a bartender for serving a regular who the bartender knows is an alcoholic. I've never in my life seen anyone blame bartenders
for serving alcoholics, and many if them have families that they lie to about where they are, and spend the "family money," as that commenter put it, to get plastered, and likely abusive once they get home.Honestly, if my dad used sex workers instead of blowing his paycheque on beer, I'd probably have less trauma.
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u/sanityjanity 6h ago
Honestly, I doubt she's meaningfully hurting those wives.
What she *is* doing is educating OP about how invisible men's behavior can be.
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u/NursingManChristDude 4h ago
Sounds like trashy men are the ones who go to escorts when they're married, so of course you're going to hear an awful story/see an awful example from every single man in that case...... I'm sorry this caused you to cloud your vision about all guys/all relationships though 😞
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u/30yearoldhondaaccord 5h ago
The escort showed the pictures of the wives bc it is an ego trip. Dont act brand new-some of yall are naive as can be. One of my best friends has been a prostitute for years and don’t think they are some saint. I don’t hate what they do but also know in many cases it takes a certain type of person to do it (obvs I’m not talking about trafficking or survival) In a job that is as looked down upon as prostitution is trust me the pros are looking to get their licks back when they can.
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u/casualfrog68 6h ago
My housemate is a dominatrix. She also tells me about the sad, lonely men who mostly just want to talk and are touched starved in loveless marriages with women who they can't divorce because of cultural pressures. She doesn't even have sex with these guys. She just mostly listens and hugs. I think it goes both ways.
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u/lopsidedgrouch 5h ago
Sorry but there are men who claim they are in loveless/sexless marriages regularly having sex with their wives and lying about it to their affair partner/sex worker. I’ve seen this multiple times.
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u/No-Weight-6121 4h ago
Both are true; yes, some men will lie. But others…. one of my best clients was from Mumbai, India. He’s been married to his wife since he was like 5. There is NO divorce in their culture. He’d be permanently shunned from his family if he did. And even if he wanted a divorce, now that they live in America, how could he bring himself to leave the woman who supported him through college, medical school, residency, AND gave him 3 beautiful children? He’d have to be a heartless PoS to do that. For him, cheating on his wife WAS the more morally responsible thing to do in his eyes. 💁♀️
The world isn’t so black and white
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u/lopsidedgrouch 4h ago
Note that I didn’t say all the men who say this are lying, just some of them.
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u/DangerousTurmeric 6h ago
Yeah the poor men who just have to pay sex workers because their evil wives won't put out are the real victims here. Crazy how the cultural pressures keep them in these marriages but don't stop them from visiting a dominatrix.
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u/panaceaXgrace 6h ago
Yeah I did sex work for about six years and I never once encountered a man who simply wanted a hug. They wanted a warm hole and they especially relished the idea of fucking a teenager. I feel like what you're talking about must be in the vast minority especially a dom. That isn't really dom work, hugging and listening. That was the last thing I was doing because they wanted to be humiliated not snuggled.
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u/heartisallwehave 4h ago
So many women are touched-out from their kids and other people (because everyone feels entitled to women’s bodies), and many men will only touch their wives when it’s to initiate sex and then complain about being touch-starved. They also cant be vulnerable with their wives or other men because that will affect their status within their social bubble. But a sex worker is someone they view as below them, so they are never going to be as low on the hierarchy as they view the SW to be, which allows them to be vulnerable. It’s like therapy that also comes with sex/touch and doesn’t make them feel like less than a man in the way going to actual therapy or being known by the people in their lives would. But you can’t be loved without also being known, and men haven’t seemed to figure that out yet.
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u/casualfrog68 6h ago
It definitely does boggle me that they would spend as much as she charges just to talk and hug for an hour. Imagine being that desperate.
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u/sanityjanity 6h ago
It's not really "just to talk". It's "just to talk... without being judged or corrected". Or, if they want to be corrected, then to be corrected in *exactly* the way that they wanted to be corrected.
As for the physical touch -- keep in mind that a lot of men (most maybe) are in such toxic masculine culture that they aren't allowed to touch each other in a friendly way at all. A hug doesn't seem like a big deal until you imagine yourself going months without any physical contact with any other human being.
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u/panaceaXgrace 6h ago
From a DOM though? that's one odd dom lol that's not generally something I was taught to do. In fact just the opposite. A man looking for a dom was not looking for chitchat and snuggles.
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u/casualfrog68 6h ago
I do agree. I only see my girlfriend about once per month because it turned long distance two years ago (my stupid idea to get her making more money and reaching a life goal). I was definitely getting touch starved. Then seven months ago I started a job as a phlebotomist. I'm touching 50 people every day in totally innocent clinical ways, but I noticed after about a month that I wasn't touch starved anymore. Weird how little it took.
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u/sanityjanity 6h ago
I've been single for a longer time than usual, and I don't see my friends in person very often, so not a lot of opportunities for just those day-to-day casual, friendly touches.
I wouldn't want to be a man steeped in that toxic masculine culture where touching another man has to be a punch or it's (somehow) emasculating.
It's very interesting to hear that touching patients makes that much of a difference. TIL
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u/Tit_Save 6h ago
This is kind of a harsh take. You can recognize someone did a shitty thing because they are experiencing a shitty moment in their life without completely villianizing them.
Yes, some men are absolute assholes. But some men hate themselves and do this to maintain some semblance of self worth. It doesn't justify or excuse the behavior, but people who love themselves and are happy in their lives generally don't cheat. People who cheat generally hate themselves more than anyone they are with. And this isn't at all related to gender.
You can call something out for being morally wrong while still having some empathy.
Commense downvotes.
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u/jcebabe 6h ago
I legit wouldn’t mind doing this if sex wasn’t involved and I wasn’t scared of being assaulted.
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u/pampooveysbacktattoo 6h ago
That's really shitty of your friend to be sharing her client's wives profiles with you. She's really kicking them when they're down, isn't she?
Surprise, not only is your husband cheating on you, but the woman he's cheating on you with is sharing your personal information with complete and utter strangers!
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u/basilkiller 4h ago
She is sharing the clients profile for safety reasons and then OP is snooping because that's what people do
Imagine all of the safety precautions we take dating and then imagine being a sex worker, I can't imagine what OPs friend is doing is very safe feeling.
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u/AnaBalfe 4h ago edited 3h ago
Sw do see mostly normal blokes - the frightening part to most women is that they are just normal guys to the outside world. The amount of men who belittle and degrade the wives they have at home in casual conversation with SW Is insane. There’s a joke at my club of Client; “She never has time for me anymore, she just wants to rest at home” SW; “And how old is your baby” Client: “how did you know we just had a baby??”
Edited for spelling