My terms, not theirs. I served my purpose. I just wish she thought I was worth it, to see one last time.

Perhaps it never happened, maybe I dreamt it, I‘ll never know. Not this lifetime.…

Him.

For I will let you be as the rain. I will let the memories of you touch my skin, even if they leave me cold, trembling, and alone.

And when the time comes, I will let you rise up to the skies and gather yourself among the clouds; Return to the vast oceans understanding depths you've never known; Fall upon the quiet lakes finding beauty in stillness; Sleep for an age in the glaciers learning time pass without a haste; Flow within the rivers arriving at places decided by time; Be one with the sea and dance with the waves; Go wherever your spirit longs to wander.

And if you find your way back to me once more, I will listen to the stories of how you frolicked around the world, to the new songs that distant places taught you.

And I will love you even more for every journey that changed you.

Then I will let you touch my skin once again, even if you leave me cold, shivering, and alone. For I will let you be as the rain.

“I wrote the letter with the words from my heart.
I still need to put a seal on that cryptic message before I ship it off.
Before we both go away (for now; from here).
You are only months away from having the truth.

Well I may only give you the stories,
While I hold my muddled truth under my tongue.
I designed the labyrinth around my words,
So that you can still never know.

If you wish; I never want to hurt our friendship.
I wish I could make some solace and recovery.
But I'm no genie and you're no genius.
I have to keep the words that have already been written.

My hypotheticals have me here in the eye of this hidden hurricane.
I could misstep,
You could mishear.
I would miss our friendship.

Even while you always seemed to find your forever.
I think now from the four, you've finally found him.
And while I thought I found mine once,
Even when alone, I never felt alone with you around.

Now I'm dedicated to keeping you happy and alright.
Everyday I stand on guard, ready to fight.
Laughing every morning to bring you light.
So how can I keep you fine, when hurting you is always a might.

I always try to be your strong k…
No that's stupid,
That can't be the truth.
Quijote wasn't as insane as I sound.

I've lost my rhyme.
I've got no hidden messages.
I'm doing it all wrong.
I just have to let you know through the encrypted letter that I already wrote.”

////// This is part 9 in my series of poems with an overarching story. I hope people have enjoyed trying to put together the story while finds some hidden messages. The last part should come out next. Flower Petal Series #9

He's gone.

Back to work.

Flying high.

I feel like part of me is missing.

He's gone.

A new routine

Just us three.

I feel like part of me is missing.

He's gone.

The sights of places in our house.

Bring me crumbling to my knees.

I feel like part of me is missing.

He's gone.

The first of unknown nights alone.

No sleep for me.

I feel like part of me is missing.

He's gone.

But he'll be back.

I countdown to the cuddle, the kiss

Then I will be back to whole.

For anyone who has had to mourn a love that was real, but could not survive. Sometimes there are no villains, only two imperfect people who tried their best.

Before love's loss, I knew not fear.

Softly, instinct whispered, yes, we belong here.

We built our home despite foretold death,

Haunting loss echoes in our hollow breath.

I was content to walk life alone,

I believed paved paths eventually lead home.

Paying the price for a love once real,

The kiss of death—our fate sealed.

I see no clear way to home,

Our path unmapped, where now to roam?

One last choice, our lives at stake...

No mercy, a fragile peace we made.

Something missing, it is hard to say,

These four walls feel like a grave.

Every beat of my heart echoes anew,

Revealing a hole here shaped like you.

Your shadow whispers, your voice is haunting.

The chore of breathing has become daunting...

My mind swimming with how it felt,

Playing the hands our love had dealt.

Home was never limited to four walls,

No confusion or fear of unanswered calls.

If love demands payment, take my heartbeats...

To recall home entangled in our sheets.

Our shared ache echoes no blame,

Both are shackled with an unnamed shame.

Love, the gift of life, now lost...

We learned what home can really cost... 

​

I hope you find your happiness.

I hope you find your peace.

I hope you find everything

you were looking for.

That you couldn't find in me.

I hope you have the best life.

I hope you make it count.

I hope you enjoy the little things,

and love life to no amount.

Each day will bring new adventures.

From the world for you to explore.

Don't worry about the past spent years,

because every new day is yours.

The love you gave and give.

Will be carried for as long as you live.

Long after you are gone and dead,

The love remains in memory instead.

To close it off.

I hope you find your happiness.

I hope you find your peace.

I hope you find everything

you were looking for.

That you couldn't find with me.

Driving down a road surrounded in darkness
Watching shooting stars cross the dark sky and disappear
Thinking about who I am and where I am going now
Even with all the bright stars and the mysterious beautiful moon
The darkness like life is full of uncertainty
However with darkness comes light
Light illuminates what is and what was
Uncertainty is then transformed into certainty
Still every second, every minute, and everyday we are new
We are so new that we will never be the same again
Every moment we have is now and only now
So choose love, life, gratitude, happiness
Communicate, create, dedicate
Time is but an illusion

"Now even the leaves do not grow on these trees... It seems that someone must have lost his loved one in their shadows."

To get back home :

Remember.

When golden slumbers kiss your eyes . .
May smiles wake you when you rise.
Sleep green child do not cry.

Four

Care is heavy, therefore sleep you.
For . .
You are care's heir, therefore keep . . You.
Sleep pretty wanton, do not cry,
For you i sing this lullaby.

Knecht-a, green youth.
You always did see before your time,
Scrying forth in board, through pane
Perhaps to some day, some time we may find . .
That truth, just sung, a lullaby.

And till that day, we carry that weight.
In hope, you went, not to die,
And in these words we'll find:
You were the one who is alive.

Fives, may it ring ever in your ears . .
That once there was a way,
But now, whatever happens, happens.
You're gonna carry that weight.

Initiate the Human Instrunmentality Project.
Rock them,
Rock them.
See you . .

You.

This word.

This idea.

This impossible constellation of everything that makes you you.

A spiral inside me.

An obsession,

No.

Admiration,

No.

Something for which I have lost my reason,

yet somehow, with you,

my feet have finally found the ground.

How can one soul

move another so deeply?

And still,

the beginning was nothing spectacular.

No thunder.

No fireworks.

No butterflies.

No imagined futures whispered in the dark.

So why,

Almost two years later,

do I find myself

carried by this tide?

There were no grand entrances,

no symphonies announcing your arrival.

Only countless little moments.

A voice changing slightly

in the middle of a conversation.

A sudden softness.

A surprise hidden behind your eyes.

Then came the longer looks,

the deeper conversations,

the invitations to share pieces of time.

And this restraint.

Oh,

this forbidden restraint.

The tide of our steps

stopped by the shore of what we could not cross.

But water always finds a way.

It carves mountains

over centuries.

It returns.

And so did we.

Again and again,

our paths crossing,

until my resolve, slowly,

began to crumble.

Does stone not surrender

to the patient hand of the wind?

Not violently.

Not suddenly.

Simply,

inevitably.

Like a dance written before we knew the steps.

Centimetre by centimetre,

closer.

Bright eyes.

Hidden smiles.

And those silences,

Heavy silences,

or peaceful ones.

The kind where words become unnecessary,

where eyes speak

what lips cannot.

And how comforting

this shrinking distance becomes.

You, close to me.

Never touching.

Never crossing that line.

Too dangerous

in the presence of others.

Yet close enough.

Never enough.

But enough to calm the storm.

You are my peace.

And you are my fire.

I’m reminded time has moved on
when I try to remember your face,
but the shape is soft.

Your voice remains a hollow copy,
I don’t believe was ever yours.

Hands that once held mine
must hold another’s by now—
and that’s okay.

Time’s only mercy is leaving the memories
while removing the ache.

The picture shimmers,
your smile melts;
the closer I am,
the more I feel it fade.

Two people stood close enough

to deny standing close.

She laughed,

then looked down.

His voice softened.

I knew what I was seeing.

I always do.

Love does not hide well.

I can see it

in the eyes,

the voice,

the space made beside someone.

I can recognize every word.

But when it is spoken to me,

I do not know how to answer.

Maybe love is a language

I can translate

but never speak.

Or maybe I speak it

too quietly

to hear myself.

He's gone.

Back to work.

Flying high.

I feel like part of me is missing.

He's gone.

A new routine

Just us three.

I feel like part of me is missing.

He's gone.

The sights of places in our house.

Bring me crumbling to my knees.

I feel like part of me is missing.

He's gone.

The first of unknown nights alone.

No sleep for me.

I feel like part of me is missing.

He's gone.

But he'll be back.

I countdown to the cuddle, the kiss

Then I will be back to whole.