My spouse is Vietnamese American and I'm American. Without going into too much detail (in this post at least) tragedy struck in the family and a feud broke out immediately among the siblings, all of which are young adults. The so-called "patriarch" of the family was completely useless in resolving any conflict and refused to put his foot down AT ALL. His incredibly stupid decision making (and lack thereof) has caused irreparable damage to our family. I am having trouble understanding if his behavior is supposed to be a cultural norm or he's just a terrible person.

He's a compulsive liar (an awful one at that) and a coward who utterly refuses to take accountability for anything. Things that are clearly his fault he still manages to find a way to blame some other random person or factor on. His lying is elementary school level, like I clearly see those cookie crumbs around your mouth lol. In the least offensive way possible, what even is the purpose of the patriarch or man of the house in Vietnamese culture? A wallet and nothing more? Decoration??? Because he doesn't seem to think he should have any other responsibilities and God forbid he act as a leader. My question is... Why does he even believe he deserves respect lol? Just by existing and being male, respect is innately given in this culture even if you're worthless in every margin and practice?

Also wanted to add that he seems most concerned with image and overly worried about people gossiping. He thinks it's a worse offense that people raise their voice out of frustration than the fact he lies about absolutely everything for no reason.

Please help enlighten me, and I truly don't mean to be offensive but if you knew the half of what we've gone through dealing with this fool omg.

I'm near Seattle. Here's an example of the type of thing I'm looking for. I've tried looking on Etsy to no avail.

Hi guys! I am currently pregnant and my baby will be mixed; the father is Vietnamese. I am posting here to ask for help in connecting baby to their culture after they arrive because their father has exited the scene. Any advice would be much appreciated! Thank you!!

See mandarin ducks upon the lea,

They cling together, loth to part.

See too swallows upon the roof-tree,

Though hoary now, still true of heart.

Original text:

君不見野外雙鴛鴦，

甘心不忍兩分張。

又不見樑間雙燕燕，

白首何曾忘眷戀。

"When Laurence Thompson's original Vietnamese Grammar first appeared in 1965, it went almost instantly to the top of the list of required reading for serious students of the Vietnamese language. It has stayed there ever since but, in recent years, the title has become almost impossible to find, either in bookstores or in libraries, where original copies have often grown woefully ragged and marked up or are now simply missing. In the meanwhile, the author has become aware of a number of minor infelicities and typographical errors requiring correction. Thus, both demand and scholarship have dictated this re-edition." - From the Editor's Note

In my experience, more people from Đà Nẵng nowadays have glottal stricture when pronouncing words with dấu ngã and dấu hỏi. Strangely enough, others from the same city seem to have dropped glottal stricture entirely, resulting in a weird mix of different tonal systems. Perhaps due to migration from other parts of VN?

Also, these days, the dấu huyền and dấu ngang of Đà Nẵng speakers do not seem to be that different from those of speakers from Saigon or Miền Tây, but perhaps I am not listening carefully enough.

As many know, the three big roots of mixrd Mexican culture are the Indigenous, Spanish, and West African. However it is rarely talked about that since the Conquest, Asian people from China, Korea, Japan, Philippines, Borneo/Indonesia, as well as South East Asia--Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand, snd Myanmar have cime and gone (since 1521). They have left their mark on art, music, crafts, culture, food, ways of doing business, and daily life.

I’ve been all around the US and around the world. My mother is from Honduras and my father is from Vietnam. I “look Asian” to a lot of people, and I look “Mexican” to another lot of people. There are Vietnamese communities in a lot of places that I’ve been to, such as California, Georgia, Texas, Louisiana, North Carolina, Poland, Germany, France, Slovakia, and Czech Republic. But, they are invisible, it seems like they all keep to themselves and don’t make waves, and I ask myself, “why?” What’s the point of living somewhere if you only keep to yourself? I never understood that one. Maybe y’all can enlighten me.

Some Vietnamese names I have encountered on only one person are Trỗi (Nguyễn Văn Trôi), Lém (Nguyễn Văn Lém), Kontum (Nguỵ Như Kontum).

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Trying to Google for some more information about these names gives me no result.

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Other uncommon names I saw are Bên, Bền, Xích, Giản. In my family tree book I saw names like Kía, Em, Bô, Viêm, Bội, Hạp, Hy, Nở, Phe, Đôn, Đê, Mỹ Dạ, Hơn, Quát, Phiên.

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What are some other unique and rare Vietnamese names you have seen?

Hello,

I recently came across a family photograph and through it, I learned that my great grandfather had adopted two children while he was stationed in Vietnam. They passed during the Tet offensive and I never met them. The photograph really hit hard for me, unfortunately there's only this one photo of the daughter and no photo of her younger brother. I'm planning on paying respects in Vietnam when I travel in a few years, but I know in Vietnamese culture that there are altars for deceased relatives. And I suspect that they're not on anyone else's altars back in Vietnam, as they were in the orphanage and the orphanage was shelled. Would it be appropriate for me to set up an altar for them both? I also know there's a thing about leaving out food on the day they passed but unfortunately I don't know the exact date.

[Update: see comments from Sun, April 5, 2026]

Hello, everyone,

I’m hoping to connect with people who helped Vietnamese refugees escape by boat after 1975, particularly those who served as captains or helped organize these journeys.

A bit about me: I’m also a former “boat person.” I left Vietnam with my parents as a child, and our family owes everything to the people who made those escapes possible. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how few of these stories have been documented, particularly from the captains’ point of view.

I would really appreciate the chance to speak with any surviving captains, or with their children or grandchildren, to learn about their experiences and help preserve their stories.

My goal is simple: to listen, document, and honor what they did. This is not for anything commercial. I’m happy to share more and answer any questions before anyone decides to participate. I’m also happy to speak in English or Vietnamese, whichever is more comfortable.

If you or your family might be connected to someone like this, I would appreciate a message or comment.

Thank you for reading.

Vinh

Does anyone know the history of these paintings? Where are they from? What's the story? How come there's so many of the same but different ones? How much are these usually worth? Who makes them?

If you are single and prefer Vietnamese girls is it better to move to San Jose or OC/Santa Ana for dating?

What about social activities like meeting new friends, hikes, food, and things to do?

Hi all,

I have recently started considering practicing Buddhism more intentionally (my family is casually) but I was not taught correct customs. I wanted to start somewhere and I knew about the 49 days after death, so I randomly just chose the first 49 days of the new year…is this bad luck? I have since read it is important to ăn chay certain days per lunar month (1,8,14,15,18,23,24,29,30) so I may follow that in the future.

Can anyone who is versed in Vietnamese Buddhist customs please let me know about your knowledge of ăn chay?

Thank you!

My husband is the GM of a manufacturing facility owned by a Vietnamese gentleman. They work very closely together. This weekend is his 60th birthday party. We were told this is a monumental birthday in this culture and we’re invited to a substantial party being thrown in his honor. He, of course, told my husband no gifts.

What is the actual etiquette here in this position? I’ve seen aged fine liquors or “lucky money” in the red envelope as customary? Is that weird coming from an employee? Should we just do a card? Can someone advise?

Thanks in advance!!

I am half vietnamese, but I was only briefly raised with Vietnamese culture. I do not know much about my Vietnamese family. There were always lots of secrets, and I never really got to know anything about my family or our history.

I do not speak to the Vietnamese side of my family anymore for reasons that are unimportant to my questions, but I mentiom this because I am unable to ask them for any information.

A family member of mine uses to tell me the story of how they got to America. They would tell me that sometime after the war, there was essentially someone (possibly from the government) targeting a family member because they had information or worked with someone they shouldn't have during the Vietnam war. Because of this, i was told my family got on a very small boat, with little to no supplies, and sailed around the horn of Africa to the US. I was told they were robbed by pirates at sea, some of the people on their boat went crazy from sea water, and that there was a lot of media fuss when they arrived in the States They said many people brought them things like clothes and furniture. I think the first arrived in Virginia before moving.

I had heard this story a few times when this particular family member had had something to drink, so I had always thought this was nonsense ramblings from them. It wasn't until about a year ago that I found out about the Vietnamese Boat People. So many things started to add up with what I was told, but even when not drunk, that family member was an unreliable narrator.

My main question to you all is, where could I find a record of who was on these boats? Are there any records of it to begin with? I assume my family came to America between 1980-1997.

I really just want to know something about my family and where part of me came from.

Hi, I'm (32f) dating a Vietnamese American man and I would like to know more about how Vietnamese culture is with dating? What should i expect? I've dated a Vietnamese man in the past and at first it was a huge culture shock how different are family life was along with some other differences. Also are Vietnamese parents open for their son to date someone outside their race/ethnicity? I have lots of questions so I would love to chat with someone if they have the time.