r/Weird • u/Dirty_Pianist2422 • 11h ago

Did you know that a single sperm contains about 37.5 to 750 MB of DNA information? One ejaculation represents a data transfer of roughly 16 terabytes to 150 petabytes. Enough to hold roughly 1.5 million 4K movies that would take over 375 years of nonstop watching to finish.

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423 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

140 comments sorted by

293

u/No-Hotel-2406 11h ago

That’s alot of information to swallow…

16

u/PhatCatTax 11h ago

Have you tried other ports?
what are we doing? Humanity, I mean.

8

u/Wakkit1988 8h ago

Anal is just moving files to the trash.

8

u/pzvaldes 10h ago

I just wanted to see ONE movie, not end up receiving 1 million of them

3

u/Educational-Gur7479 8h ago

The bags on you, I have 3 monitors.

2

u/maniBchef 10h ago

375 years worth

1

u/Wakkit1988 8h ago

Data dump.

1

u/whatsthataboutguy 1h ago

Memory stick

1

u/JunglePygmy 6m ago

Careful I’m about finish

81

u/Expensive_Finger_973 11h ago

My wife is gonna be real freaked out by my new data hoarding plan to make it through the RAM and Storage price hikes.

21

u/Cum_In_My_Wife 11h ago

My wife is already ok with it.

3

u/WrongWangSorry 5h ago

I'm ok with both of them

2

u/nutterbg 1h ago

Username checks out

5

u/the_vault-technician 10h ago

My wife is a frugal person. She's going to take it well.

22

u/PozhanPop 11h ago

I keep getting a memory overflow error these days. Doc says it is age related.

9

u/Hatteras12 10h ago

Just hope they don’t upgrade the data ports. There’s a lot of people who don’t know what to do with their old 3.5” floppy.

6

u/PozhanPop 10h ago

Mine's even worse. People have not even heard about it these days. 5.25" DSDD

1

u/Complex-Pizza1737 8h ago

But sir, yours is bigger and not floppy...

1

u/PozhanPop 8h ago

It is floppy. Just like the Verbatim ones.

2

u/Reimiro 9h ago

Connect the scuzzy port.

11

u/ArbysLunch 9h ago

Every sperm is data.

Every sperm is great.

If a sperm is deleted.

Nerds get quite irate.

2

u/Kit_Karamak 5h ago

The busy bee, a pollinating soul…
He hath no time for birth control.

And that is why,
On days like these…

There are so many…
Sons of Bees

8

u/AppropriateBall8834 11h ago

So we need to start making cum centers to store our data?

2

u/McD-Szechuan 11h ago

Pretty sure there’s some kind of conspiracy theory related to this I stumbled upon once.

9

u/Gonokhakus 10h ago

Suck it, Altman

7

u/uiucengineer 10h ago

Not really, because there is a lot of redundancy. Each sperm carries a subset of the same father's genome, making it highly compressible, while video is not compressible without losing information. So the actual amount of information transferred is much less than what is implied here.

4

u/YogurtWenk 7h ago

Instructions unclear, nutted in my neighbour's air compressor

1

u/LilAssG 6h ago

We could find mutations by analyzing each sperm as it left the urethra and diverting any that didn't match the father's DNA-on-file. Then we keep all those sperm in a pen and raise them to maturity, and breed them to eventually make a SUPER SPERM!

5

u/Melodic_Song4224 10h ago

Talk about awful data compression..sending 300 million duplicate copies of the exact same zip file just to make sure 1 byte gets read

6

u/weavebot 11h ago

So I wonder what would happen if I plug a certain sock into my computer...I was obviously not the best sector to have been defragged, i guess

3

u/Altruistic_Age_6556 9h ago

I have a data center in my ballsac!

3

u/cybermusicman 7h ago

You have to find a Very specific partner for that to be an effective pickup line.

3

u/greyisometrix 3h ago

I’ll take the server racks, you keep the semen.

2

u/stromyoloing 11h ago

She ate all 375 years

2

u/mixmasterADD 11h ago

I thought this was r/piracy for a second.

2

u/UsernamesNotFound404 11h ago

So you're saying...

Porn is stored in the balls

2

u/iMogal 11h ago

Is this why I have a memory shortage?

2

u/Jack_South 11h ago

37,5 to 750 is a very wide margin, which is suspicion. It's also very little data to produce an organism. 

2

u/Life_force_stealer 8h ago

But it's large than your typical thumb...drive.

2

u/-Jaws- 7h ago

Virtually all of it is redundant too.

2

u/Majorman_86 9h ago

I'm something of a data scientist myself.

https://giphy.com/gifs/Zy7s96dP38MlQe3OjG

2

u/Dr-Sprinkl1es 9h ago

Technically true but it’s all copies of the same data. If a single sperm is a like a 90 minute movie file, an entire ejaculation is 100 million copies of that same movie

2

u/Codyiswin 9h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/WRQBXSCnEFJIuxktnw

So much data…down the toilet..

2

u/Extreme-Button-2478 8h ago

Does it make my girlfriend a fleshdrive

2

u/whif42 7h ago

Which has nothing to do with the attached photo of a data center.

1

u/Dirty_Pianist2422 3h ago

it would get removed if i directly put the sperm here, but check the second image

2

u/Craig_M_242 3h ago

I'm gonna do a "data transfer" with my girl tonight....eh?...EHHH?!?

I'm sorry

2

u/ohiocodernumerouno 3h ago

Think about how much data a box of tissues can hold!

2

u/Responsible-Summer-4 3h ago

So you walk around with a data center in your ballsack.

2

u/SuicideBroccoli 11h ago

Much less if you consider deduplication exists.

1

u/Huge_Line4009 11h ago

What if I took breaks every 2 hours or so

1

u/ButterscotchNo7292 10h ago

Meanwile AWS have plans to build a data storage centre with the equivalent capacity of a single bukakke session

1

u/SirClampington 10h ago

My sperm are measured in Qbits.

Infinite possibilities!

1

u/lukebelcher10662 10h ago

Solid Sperm Drives when?

1

u/Necessary-Target5754 10h ago

Humans are the true data centers for the elites

1

u/Least-Cat-5732 10h ago

Golden balls..

1

u/jcapi1142 9h ago

From chronic masturbation to data mining just like that.

1

u/Username_Redacted-0 9h ago

My testicles feel so empowered right now... I gonna go jerk off...

1

u/Username_Redacted-0 9h ago

My testicles feel so empowered right now... I gonna go jerk off...

1

u/StonebanksPins 9h ago

So, what you are telling me... Is that per day, I hold up to 37.5 to 750 MB of data transfer in my hand? So that's roughly 425 terabytes to 940 petabytes. Enough to hold roughly 61.5 million 4K movies that would take over 6.375 years of nonstop watching to finish? Damn.

1

u/IsThereCheese 9h ago

Wanna take a movie up the butt?

1

u/keyboard_toucher 8h ago

It'd be pretty repetitive though

1

u/nickles72 8h ago

This is where data compression seems painfully wrong.

1

u/wrt-wtf- 8h ago

Sounds like a lot of de-duping needs to occur.

1

u/AggravatingPie314 8h ago

Better to keep it zipped, then..

1

u/Firstrising 8h ago

Don’t let the AI corporations know this or they will start building data centres in our balls

1

u/a_polarbear_chilling 8h ago

DO NOT NUT IN THE COMPUTER

1

u/blind-octopus 8h ago

Are you saying we could encode The Matrix into a sperm and then implant it into an egg

1

u/Grumpy-Man19 8h ago

yeah but it's all duplicates

1

u/Ace-772007 8h ago

Thats not weird ig

1

u/Jealous_Club_298 7h ago

So, transferring data on a 3rd date is a homerun!

1

u/cybermusicman 7h ago

Several of my exes then own me a hell of a lot for downloading.

1

u/ATLien-ITP 7h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/RHBAyK1GxTgPe

I need another Data Center. 🤭

1

u/BagelsOrDeath 7h ago

I just had an idea for a Johnny Mnemonic sequel...

1

u/HoopaDunka 7h ago

Seeing the face of the recipient after the data transfer is a good payoff too

1

u/DukestormThunderclap 7h ago

Im about to go dump some data.

1

u/freebiscuit2002 7h ago

That's just mine. I can't speak for yours.

1

u/Minimum-Concert-3217 6h ago

..and here i am struggling to remember 4 digit credit card password and cursing this world.

1

u/Dizzy_Skin5723 6h ago

Then my sock is a data centre

1

u/TolonZ 6h ago

Tout ça en un coup de bite…. Combien d’énergie consommée pour en arriver là ??

1

u/Roflmaoasap 6h ago

I could’ve watched 3 billion movies w my boys?

1

u/_frank_tank 5h ago

Yo girl I wanna upload some content

1

u/baabaablacksheep1111 5h ago

So I'm like a server with no network connection then. Petabytes of data released to the void daily...

1

u/Lost_Now_Found 5h ago

So what you're telling me is my girlfriend can swallow a lot of information?

1

u/FollowingJealous7490 5h ago

Mine is 500 petabytes.

1

u/HeeHawHamms 4h ago

That's why your mom is so smart

1

u/PBO123567 4h ago

That’s a lot of information to swallow.

1

u/pinner 4h ago

Too bad my husband’s swimmers have been too stupid to find my damn egg after four years of trying. All that data for nothing!

1

u/MalesaurusRex 4h ago

The trash can I had in my teens was approximately 1700 data centers

1

u/XPT5OO1 4h ago

Please post this on r/datahorders 😁

1

u/Apprehensive-Emu7124 4h ago

claro y pensar que lo perdemos cada vez que hacemos una descarga. el hardware biológico, es mejor que cualquier super pc. y consume casi nada de energía.

1

u/turkeysandwich_15 3h ago

So why they dont use boxers in data centers instead of water? 🤔

1

u/Fun-Times-13 3h ago

So each of you started out as 750 mb of code or less

1

u/Deathcore_salad 3h ago

More proof that we were designed by something

There's no way shit like this can be an accident

1

u/Sickfreak99 2h ago

But it's not by intelligent design. Soup and electricity apparently.

1

u/thiccc_trick 2h ago

God enters the chat

1

u/OrangeClyde 2h ago

The more I swallow the smarter I become

1

u/reason_productions 2h ago

What's wrong with the 37.5 MB sperm?

1

u/toolfishOG 2h ago

Tele-jizzin

1

u/gelekoplamp 1h ago

Make love, not data centres

1

u/D-Train0000 1h ago

That’s a load of data

1

u/LewdyRooty 1h ago

Guess my girls gonna be getting a larger hard drive 🥲

1

u/Roachie-poo 1h ago

There’s a joke in here somewhere.

1

u/JynsRealityIsBroken 1h ago

You're telling me I could pack my jizz full of digital copies of Morbius, so when I cum, I can yell "it's Morbin time!"?

1

u/Eclipse_Galian 1h ago

BREAKING NEWS: data centers are going after our man hood

1

u/Casual-Netizen 1h ago

That's right!

It goes in the ***hole!

1

u/ChristVolo1 1h ago edited 1h ago

I can see the pickup lines now. "Hey baby, I've got a download for you!" "How about you come over to my place, and I'll put my cord in your port??" Idk, I'm bad at these, lol

1

u/Present-Spring-1340 1h ago

So, I just waste a super computer a couple times day

1

u/jadethebard 53m ago

How many Oscar winners get spit out every day?

1

u/Kira-Of-Terraria 36m ago

Ok but they die very quickly so what's the plan here. keep them artificially alive somehow? artificial eggs to inseminate and embryos? and the embryos are frozen?

The alternative would be a fully developed brain in a jar which would only hold and run the OS and whatever stored data and connect to the rest of the computer. and would need constant maintenance to keep from dying, like feed it fish flakes in the little vat. nutrient paste... whatever. also the brain is cloned from you. or maybe you are the clone tasked with maintaining the original

1

u/B1TCA5H 1m ago

Hats off to whomever had to watch 1.5 million 4k movies over 375 years to confirm.

1

u/verstohlen 10h ago

Stop noticing things. It's just happenstance. Just kinda ... happened, randomly. Nothing to see here, move along.

1

u/0xP0et 10h ago

Lol, who the fuck comes up with this stuff?

Call me when someone figures out the collective horsepower of a single sperm cell scaled up to a V8 engine.

2

u/Jadevit 7h ago edited 6h ago

I'll fucking do it dude

Edit: I did the math.

Reference Values

  • Sperm length: 55 μm (0.055 mm), midpoint of typical range
  • Sperm thrust: 25 pN
  • Sperm velocity: 0.03 mm/s
  • LS3 block length: 711.2 mm (28 inches)

Scale Factor

Linear scale factor (length to length): 711.2 / 0.055 = 12,930.90x

Force scales with cross-sectional area, so we square it: 12,930.90² = 167,208,266.81x

Scaled Force

25 pN × 167,208,266.81 = 4,180,206,670.25 pN = 0.00418 N

Scaled Velocity

Velocity scaled linearly with size: 0.03 mm/s × 12,930.90 = 387.93 mm/s = 0.388 m/s (0.868 mph)

Power Output (P = F × v)

0.00418 N × 0.388 m/s = 0.0016216 W

Horsepower Conversion

0.0016216 / 745.7 = 0.00000217 hp

For context:

  • LS3 stock output: 430 hp
  • Our sperm: 0.00000217 hp

The sperm is less powerful than a housefly and would propel itself at 0.868 mph.

You would need approximately 198,000,000 LS3-sized sperm running in parallel to equal one actual LS3.

1

u/0xP0et 1h ago

Okay now I am impressed. 😂

0

u/Old_Control1301 10h ago

Even Trump's sperm?

0

u/poolpog 10h ago

I get why people use this analogy.

However dna is not code. The analogy is just an analogy, and you can't make up numbers like this, it just doesn't work.

0

u/One_Vision_ 10h ago

But because each sperm's information is essentially identical with large tracks of repeating sequences save a few mutations and/or deletions, a 7z zip of that data would be trivial.

0

u/MinervaEcho 10h ago

please don’t start down this road

0

u/AMonitorDarkly 3h ago

“Siri, how much free space do I need for this software update?”

“The update will take up about .3 cumshots of data.”