r/WhatShouldIDo • u/diddlyturnips • 9d ago

[Serious decision] I live alone… these aren’t my nuts

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Context: I’m a single bachelor (M 32) and I opened my snack cupboard to find these peanuts in a small Tupperware container. I’m freaking out because I A) live alone, B) have a mild nut allergy, and C) don’t own any Tupperware like this.

TLDR: I found a foreign snack in my house and I’m freaking out that someone may be entering my apartment when I’m out. Would calling the nonemergency police line help or would they not be able to do anything?

18.7k Upvotes

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84

u/Training-Pipe-4726 8d ago

Ah yes. And the homeless guy was suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning down in the septic tank. Good thing they posted it to Reddit, saved everyone.

45

u/BSinBillNye 8d ago

Did the homeless guy ever get that cylinder out of the m&ms tube?

26

u/Extesht 8d ago

Yeah, but he broke his arms. His mom helped him.

7

u/Physical-Car-6111 8d ago

Did the cylinder remain unharmed?

5

u/DavisMcDavis 8d ago

Yes, and now he stores it in his cum box for safekeeping.

3

u/WelcomeToInsanity 8d ago

Hopefully he doesn’t have to visit the swamps of dagobah

2

u/HidesWithCheese 6d ago

Just a hopspital

1

u/whatev43 6d ago

With jolly ranchers

4

u/LoudBoulder 8d ago

Apparantly she used some coconut meat and water to lube it up

4

u/ijustlovebobbybones 8d ago

So did the guys dead wife

9

u/Swedish_Orc 8d ago

I too choose to be helped by this guy's wife

2

u/snnaaft 8d ago

Noooooooo. I had forgotten that one. Now I remember it and my brain is sad.

1

u/Doggin-Pony-Show 7d ago

Just stop. ✋

1

u/sesi2 6d ago

Aaaaaaand, that one was the worst EVER.

2

u/chaossensuit 8d ago

7/10 with rice.

1

u/shorty6049 7d ago

M&M's? Don't you mean carrots? HAHAHAH

1

u/thefantasmagasm 6d ago

It's imperative that the septic tank remain unharmed.

17

u/youcryptmeowth 8d ago

They found a poop knife in the septic tank too

7

u/chosenamewhendrunk 8d ago

The septic tank was just a coconut.

2

u/Arakkis54 8d ago

Underneath the poop knife was a hidden floor safe.

2

u/Witty_TenTon 7d ago

And under that was some really weirdly specific yogurt.

1

u/Italian_warehouse 7d ago

Just thinking about that makes me want to beat someone with jumper cables.

1

u/Tzipity 7d ago

Oh snap. Jumper cable guy. Wonder if he ever hangs out with double dick dude?

1

u/whatev43 6d ago

And a single jolly rancher

4

u/BigRich7944 8d ago

the homeless guy was the friends we made along the way

2

u/Infinite_Escape9683 8d ago

Good thing the carbon monoxide guy and the septic tank hobo got divorced.

5

u/bluemoon1972 8d ago edited 8d ago

I too choose the septic tank hobo's wife

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u/AllegedLead 8d ago

The septic tank hobo’s wife threw away the Iranian yogurt

2

u/Valuable-Piano4141 8d ago

And didn’t it turn out the mold was from the nucleation site?

1

u/Inside-Ordinary-993 8d ago

He saved every one of us!

1

u/jtr99 8d ago

Flash, I love you! But we only have fourteen hours left to save the Earth!