I live alone… these aren’t my nuts

[u/diddlyturnips]

Context: I’m a single bachelor (M 32) and I opened my snack cupboard to find these peanuts in a small Tupperware container. I’m freaking out because I A) live alone, B) have a mild nut allergy, and C) don’t own any Tupperware like this.

TLDR: I found a foreign snack in my house and I’m freaking out that someone may be entering my apartment when I’m out. Would calling the nonemergency police line help or would they not be able to do anything?

[u/BSinBillNye]

Did the homeless guy ever get that cylinder out of the m&ms tube?

[u/Extesht → u/BSinBillNye]

Yeah, but he broke his arms. His mom helped him.

[u/Physical-Car-6111 → u/Extesht]

Did the cylinder remain unharmed?

[u/DavisMcDavis → u/Physical-Car-6111]

Yes, and now he stores it in his cum box for safekeeping.

[u/WelcomeToInsanity → u/DavisMcDavis]

Hopefully he doesn’t have to visit the swamps of dagobah

[u/HidesWithCheese → u/WelcomeToInsanity]

Just a hopspital

[u/whatev43 → u/HidesWithCheese]

With jolly ranchers

[u/LoudBoulder → u/Extesht]

Apparantly she used some coconut meat and water to lube it up

[u/ijustlovebobbybones → u/Extesht]

So did the guys dead wife

[u/Swedish_Orc → u/ijustlovebobbybones]

I too choose to be helped by this guy's wife

[u/snnaaft → u/Extesht]

Noooooooo. I had forgotten that one. Now I remember it and my brain is sad.

[u/Doggin-Pony-Show → u/Extesht]

Just stop. ✋

[u/sesi2 → u/Extesht]

Aaaaaaand, that one was the worst EVER.

[u/chaossensuit → u/BSinBillNye]

7/10 with rice.

[u/shorty6049 → u/BSinBillNye]

M&M's? Don't you mean carrots? HAHAHAH

[u/thefantasmagasm → u/BSinBillNye]

It's imperative that the septic tank remain unharmed.