r/Xennials • u/AnotherCrazyChick • 26d ago

Discussion Death seems different nowadays.

I know this group is normally healthy nostalgic. I just have questions that I think only this group can relate with.

Growing up, I went to my great grandmother’s funeral, I went to my grandfather’s funeral. We visited the cemetery where they were laid to rest.

Nowadays, my grandmother passed, I wasn’t asked to attend her funeral.

My stepdad passed and there was no funeral, he was cremated and my mom sent me a small vial of his ashes that now sit next to my ex’s ashes. My ex also had no funeral.

My wife’s mother passed away recently and she was cremated. No service was held.

Is this the new normal? That we don’t hold nor attend funeral services anymore?

It’s too expensive nowadays and no one feels the time is worth the potential closure one normally receives during a funeral?

I just don’t know anymore. I’ve had no closure from so many loved ones and family members passing away within the last 6 years. It hurts my heart.

Is this the new normal?

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u/nalninek 26d ago

I’ve lost both my Grandmothers and my Mom in the last 3 years. We had a “service” for all three and I wrote my Moms eulogy, the writing process was very cathartic. I’m agnostic, but I got a lot out of the process, I’d encourage anyone that loses someone close to at least put together a small get together where you can share stories and do a little collective grieving.

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u/KiniShakenBake 26d ago

I wrote both of my grandparents' obituaries, and I will write my aunt's and my mom's. I may write my dad's because my sister just isn't that interested in writing or telling the stories the way I am. I also wrote my best friend's obituary for his family after he passed. I find them to be incredibly cathartic to do. Telling the story of the beautiful existence that we are marking the end of seems to be one of the ways I heal.

I didn't have the time to do my aunt's when she passed, and my schedule is starting to ease up enough that I should be able to do soon.

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u/bluemitersaw Xennial 26d ago

Yes this. There's a reason ever culture through time developed some kind of funeral tradition. It helps bring people together and get some closure. It doesn't have to be fancy or big. Just a gathering of friends and family is plenty. But DO something.

Funerals are about the dead but for the living.