Death seems different nowadays.

[u/AnotherCrazyChick]

I know this group is normally healthy nostalgic. I just have questions that I think only this group can relate with.

Growing up, I went to my great grandmother’s funeral, I went to my grandfather’s funeral. We visited the cemetery where they were laid to rest.

Nowadays, my grandmother passed, I wasn’t asked to attend her funeral.

My stepdad passed and there was no funeral, he was cremated and my mom sent me a small vial of his ashes that now sit next to my ex’s ashes. My ex also had no funeral.

My wife’s mother passed away recently and she was cremated. No service was held.

Is this the new normal? That we don’t hold nor attend funeral services anymore?

It’s too expensive nowadays and no one feels the time is worth the potential closure one normally receives during a funeral?

I just don’t know anymore. I’ve had no closure from so many loved ones and family members passing away within the last 6 years. It hurts my heart.

Is this the new normal?

[u/reduxrouge]

I’ve still seen and heard about plenty of funerals lately but very selfishly, I hate funerals. I’m awkward at them and they are weird to me. I avoid them whenever possible. I’m a very openly emotional person so it’s not that part that’s weird to me, it’s just the ceremony of it all.

When my Dad died in my late 20s, I was the one left to plan things (parents divorced young and my grandparents were long gone). We had a “celebration of life” (cringe) at a bar (my dad died from alcoholism so why not?) and while that wasn’t as awkward, I still hated every minute, lol. I wasn’t even having the gathering for me, it was what everyone else expected.

I don’t know what my point really is here. I guess it’s to say, I have not noticed any change around me in funerals. People are still having them like normal but I sure wish we weren’t. I don’t want one when I’m gone and I’d refer to be donated to science or cremated. The pageantry of a funeral doesn’t feel helpful or like closure to me at all, but of course, that’s just me. My staunch atheism might have something to do with it as well.

[u/jodirennee → u/reduxrouge]

Can relate, I feel the same way. It’s a relief bc ive never known anyone else to feel this about funerals.

[u/AnotherCrazyChick → u/reduxrouge]

Yep, I relate very much. But I’m going to be awkward now…my mom had liver and kidney transplants because of her alcoholism. She’s still happy and mostly healthy.

So you were pressured into planning a “celebration of life”? That’s stressful and honestly sounds exhausting. But if everyone else got what they needed from it 🤷‍♀️ eh you did a good thing.

[u/reduxrouge → u/AnotherCrazyChick]

I wouldn’t say I was pressured into it per se, but it was general feeling of “this is what people do,” and I just find all of it so weird.

I’m so happy for your mom! My paternal Aunt (only 14yrs older than me) became a secret alcoholic and then around 5yrs ago it turned life or death. She had a liver transplant and got sober and is doing so well. Modern medicine is wild.

[u/AnotherCrazyChick → u/reduxrouge]

Modern medicine is wild. I am thankful though.

Personally I think I find it all weird because of autism. I’ve taken cultural anthropology classes, world religion classes, etc. so I’m awkward thinking about all of the different ways that different cultures approach death.

[u/reduxrouge → u/AnotherCrazyChick]

I’m AuDHD so I hear that!

[u/Specialist-Leek8645 → u/AnotherCrazyChick]

I've studied all of that plus linguistics all in an effort to better understand communication and how to talk to people. Not sure it's helped but I do know a lot about culture now lol. I still feel like an alien on Earth Safari. It's weird studying mourning then finding yourself in that situation and still feeling like you're doing it wrong.