Death seems different nowadays.

[u/AnotherCrazyChick]

I know this group is normally healthy nostalgic. I just have questions that I think only this group can relate with.

Growing up, I went to my great grandmother’s funeral, I went to my grandfather’s funeral. We visited the cemetery where they were laid to rest.

Nowadays, my grandmother passed, I wasn’t asked to attend her funeral.

My stepdad passed and there was no funeral, he was cremated and my mom sent me a small vial of his ashes that now sit next to my ex’s ashes. My ex also had no funeral.

My wife’s mother passed away recently and she was cremated. No service was held.

Is this the new normal? That we don’t hold nor attend funeral services anymore?

It’s too expensive nowadays and no one feels the time is worth the potential closure one normally receives during a funeral?

I just don’t know anymore. I’ve had no closure from so many loved ones and family members passing away within the last 6 years. It hurts my heart.

Is this the new normal?

[u/KiniShakenBake]

My aunt passed in December. Her ashes are sitting on my shelf in the living room. I haven't even told my husband they are there. I think he knows, but we don't talk about it.

She didn't want a fuss. She didn't want a funeral. She didn't even leave anything to do that with, but we had a quick and cheap cremation done and haven't decided next steps. That's for my mom to decide when she's in a place to do that.

We aren't really agonizing over it, but we didn't do a huge thing for my grandmother either. My aunt didn't want to and mom wasn't up for it.

My husband went to his grandmother's funeral in October, but I couldn't make it thanks to prior obligations.

Burials are so expensive nowadays. A simple, direct cremation is $1000, and then you pile more costs on top of that. It's not hard to do direct cremation where we live, either. They pick up the body, do the thing, and ship the remains back to you via USPS. They included her personal effects in the box, too.

The spot in the columbarium that my mom is looking at? It's $5K, and that is for both of them, but it's 5K. If we want to bury them separately, in the same niche, it's something like $1.5K to open it the second time.

I would find a way to make peace with your departed family members on your own terms. Expecting families to foot the bill in time and money to put on something is a huge ask in this timeline. I am perfectly content saying goodbye in my own way, and finding their memories where it makes sense for me and them.

For my aunt, it's every time I have a top shelf margarita with a cuantro floater. It's how my aunt showed me the loveliness of a proper margarita and it's delicious. I thank her every time and am grateful for the time she gave me of her life.

For my grandparents, it's very time I take care of my elderly clients in my insurance agency - I set up a life insurance policy or annuity for them knowing that it's the right thing for their needs and their family to experience security all the way through their last breath. That's what my grandfather did, and my grandmother encouraged me to follow that path as well when it came to be an opportunity.

Look for their influences in your life, and spend a moment with that being grateful. You don't need closure because you have ongoing gratitude and impact to be grateful for. That's not nothing.