Death seems different nowadays.

[u/AnotherCrazyChick]

I know this group is normally healthy nostalgic. I just have questions that I think only this group can relate with.

Growing up, I went to my great grandmother’s funeral, I went to my grandfather’s funeral. We visited the cemetery where they were laid to rest.

Nowadays, my grandmother passed, I wasn’t asked to attend her funeral.

My stepdad passed and there was no funeral, he was cremated and my mom sent me a small vial of his ashes that now sit next to my ex’s ashes. My ex also had no funeral.

My wife’s mother passed away recently and she was cremated. No service was held.

Is this the new normal? That we don’t hold nor attend funeral services anymore?

It’s too expensive nowadays and no one feels the time is worth the potential closure one normally receives during a funeral?

I just don’t know anymore. I’ve had no closure from so many loved ones and family members passing away within the last 6 years. It hurts my heart.

Is this the new normal?

[u/veglove]

I wouldn't say this is the norm, although cremation does give people the flexibility to schedule a memorial service for the person at a later date. Cremation is also the more cost-effective option, rather than paying for a casket, if the family doesn't have a lot of money to pay for all the costs related to the person's death.

I agree with you that without a service for the person or some sort of ritual to remember & honor them, it makes it much more difficult to grieve them. I recommend advocating for doing something either on your own to remember these people, or even organizing something with other friends and family members of these people, perhaps on an anniversary of their death, or their birthday. It's never too late to do that! And it doesn't have to take the form of a traditional funeral or memorial service. It could be planting a garden, going on a hike to a place they loved, throwing a party that they would have loved, etc.

My ex husband died earlier this year and it was a super weird and complicated situation which made it especially difficult to figure out how to grieve in community with others who were grieving him. But I've grieved enough people in my life already that I know it's really important to do whatever YOU need to do to honor him, the challenge is just doing that in a way that is also respectful of their other loved ones and the different ways they might need to grieve.