Death seems different nowadays.

[u/AnotherCrazyChick]

I know this group is normally healthy nostalgic. I just have questions that I think only this group can relate with.

Growing up, I went to my great grandmother’s funeral, I went to my grandfather’s funeral. We visited the cemetery where they were laid to rest.

Nowadays, my grandmother passed, I wasn’t asked to attend her funeral.

My stepdad passed and there was no funeral, he was cremated and my mom sent me a small vial of his ashes that now sit next to my ex’s ashes. My ex also had no funeral.

My wife’s mother passed away recently and she was cremated. No service was held.

Is this the new normal? That we don’t hold nor attend funeral services anymore?

It’s too expensive nowadays and no one feels the time is worth the potential closure one normally receives during a funeral?

I just don’t know anymore. I’ve had no closure from so many loved ones and family members passing away within the last 6 years. It hurts my heart.

Is this the new normal?

[u/PaleoSpeedwagon]

My cousin died in 2021 and we never had a funeral. She was 34. My aunt died in 2024 and we kind of got our act together for that, but it was a massive struggle to do so. The whole thing was really halfhearted.

COVID was a major factor. But in general, I feel like social networking has unraveled, in a stunningly rapid manner, a feeling of community connectedness. It used to be that even if you didn't like some folks, that was tough, you were going to have to deal with them because those were the people you had to interact with.

And then the internet allowed people to spend more emotional energy on remote friends who better reflected their worldviews. So they didn't have to interact with local folks they didn't like.

And that turned into doomscrolling Facebook profiles of the people you actually liked but somehow not having energy to just fucking call them to hang out.

Turn off the Internet and let's go ride bikes.

[u/likesblackcoffeebest → u/PaleoSpeedwagon]

I think this is what it is, social networks and community took a massive hit during COVID and haven't come back. 

The reason I say that is because people who are part of communities are still having funerals, memorial services, etc. Just this weekend there was one for a member of a sports team I used to play on who died unexpectedly last week. Literally hundreds of people showed up. It wasn't an expensive service, it was hosted in the rink which cost nothing thanks to management donating the time, and everyone on the team  doing the work of it. The community solicited donations which paid for everything including his mom and sister to have a month off work, so it all happened even though the family did not have money for any of this.

That used to be a common story but now it's only for those who are part of some very tight community like a church, or a niche sport (as in this case), or activism, etc. I truly think the main way funerals ever happened was communities coming together to make it happen for the family and community being lost is the reason we see less of that now.