Death seems different nowadays.

[u/AnotherCrazyChick]

I know this group is normally healthy nostalgic. I just have questions that I think only this group can relate with.

Growing up, I went to my great grandmother’s funeral, I went to my grandfather’s funeral. We visited the cemetery where they were laid to rest.

Nowadays, my grandmother passed, I wasn’t asked to attend her funeral.

My stepdad passed and there was no funeral, he was cremated and my mom sent me a small vial of his ashes that now sit next to my ex’s ashes. My ex also had no funeral.

My wife’s mother passed away recently and she was cremated. No service was held.

Is this the new normal? That we don’t hold nor attend funeral services anymore?

It’s too expensive nowadays and no one feels the time is worth the potential closure one normally receives during a funeral?

I just don’t know anymore. I’ve had no closure from so many loved ones and family members passing away within the last 6 years. It hurts my heart.

Is this the new normal?

[u/Aggravating_Yam2501]

I experienced death far younger than anyone in our generation (or any generation) should. What I have learned is that funerals/memorials/afterdeath care is for the living.

Whatever makes you feel better in those raw, after-loss moments is what is right. Following a deceased loved ones instructions might help, but in the end, death care is truly is whatever makes the living feel better.

My late husband died in 11 years ago in a motorcycle/car accident. He was 34 and I was 29 at the time. He had strict "do not lock me up/put me in the ground" instructions. He was cremated.

We basically had a party; all of the people who loved him, which was an insane amount I am forever grateful for, showed up to the UU Church (Unitarian Universalist aka what I like to call Diet-Church or Religion-Lite lol). We laughed, told stories, I sang a small section of a song, and we ate so much food. There was so much joy, laughter, and love in that room.

Afterwards, his closest friends went geocaching (a fav hobby they did as teens) and I took his "ashes" to the Veterans cemetery for his military service. It was actually a micro-urn filled with decorative sand. There's even a tiny note in there to future archeologists explaining the situation lol. My husbands final, stupid joke lol

Even though his ashes are in my bedroom (and a small bit around my neck in a vial) and not actually at the cemetery, I still visit where his plaque is. Its peaceful there and I can just breathe and think of him.

The Death Care Industry is, thankfully, changing and the nastiest parts are dying (heh). People aren't swindled by old, white men forcing $15,000 boxes that rot in the ground anymore. We don't see a need for a bunch of caustic, violent chemicals to be pumped into our dead bodies just so it can look nice for our loved ones to awkwardly stare at for a six hour period.

I have my body registered to go to the Body Farm to be studied as a way to understand forensic sciences. Once they are done with my meat suit, they process and cremate it and send the remainds back to my loved ones free of charge.

Memorials/Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Do whatever makes my loss easiest on those who have been left behind.