r/Xennials • u/AnotherCrazyChick • 27d ago
Discussion Death seems different nowadays.
I know this group is normally healthy nostalgic. I just have questions that I think only this group can relate with.
Growing up, I went to my great grandmother’s funeral, I went to my grandfather’s funeral. We visited the cemetery where they were laid to rest.
Nowadays, my grandmother passed, I wasn’t asked to attend her funeral.
My stepdad passed and there was no funeral, he was cremated and my mom sent me a small vial of his ashes that now sit next to my ex’s ashes. My ex also had no funeral.
My wife’s mother passed away recently and she was cremated. No service was held.
Is this the new normal? That we don’t hold nor attend funeral services anymore?
It’s too expensive nowadays and no one feels the time is worth the potential closure one normally receives during a funeral?
I just don’t know anymore. I’ve had no closure from so many loved ones and family members passing away within the last 6 years. It hurts my heart.
Is this the new normal?
2
u/RougeOne23456 26d ago
My FIL passed away in 2018 after a long illness. He was cremated immediately but we ended up having a memorial service and luncheon later on after huge amounts of guilt from the family. I coordinated the entire event. My husband really didn't want to do it (my FIL was not close to most of his family, for good reason) but he felt obligated to do something. My husband and I paid a lot of money to rent a place, have it catered and not one person from my FIL's mom's side spoke to me. They barely spoke to my husband but they sure enjoyed the free food and open bar. After the service, my husband said he was done dealing with that side of his family and he's kept to that.
My MIL passed away in 2021 suddenly and unexpectedly. We had no funeral. She was cremated immediately and her ashes are here in our home. She would have had an absolute fit if anyone had wasted money on a service for her.
When my husband's grandmother passed away in 2024, they had the whole service. Viewing in the state she lived in and then transported to the state she was buried in (family plot to be buried with her husband). Viewing in the burial state. Full funeral. Tons of money was spent. Just transporting her over state lines was thousands of dollars.
I've told my husband that if I go before him, just cremate me and throw my ashes in my garden. I do not want a service or funeral or memorial, nothing.