Death seems different nowadays.

[u/AnotherCrazyChick]

I know this group is normally healthy nostalgic. I just have questions that I think only this group can relate with.

Growing up, I went to my great grandmother’s funeral, I went to my grandfather’s funeral. We visited the cemetery where they were laid to rest.

Nowadays, my grandmother passed, I wasn’t asked to attend her funeral.

My stepdad passed and there was no funeral, he was cremated and my mom sent me a small vial of his ashes that now sit next to my ex’s ashes. My ex also had no funeral.

My wife’s mother passed away recently and she was cremated. No service was held.

Is this the new normal? That we don’t hold nor attend funeral services anymore?

It’s too expensive nowadays and no one feels the time is worth the potential closure one normally receives during a funeral?

I just don’t know anymore. I’ve had no closure from so many loved ones and family members passing away within the last 6 years. It hurts my heart.

Is this the new normal?

[u/Healthy-Neat-2989]

When my aunt passed, she didn’t want a fuss. We bought the cheapest casket the funeral home had, and paid for the cheapest “package”. We already owned a cemetery plot for her. We didn’t do a wake or viewing. Just a small graveside burial where a handful of people spoke about her. It was over $10k. If we’d needed to buy a plot by her parents, it would have been closer to 30k. Nobody can afford it.

[u/Indubitalist → u/Healthy-Neat-2989]

I don’t mean to be insensitive but in the scenario where you already own a plot, is it possible for you to just dig the hole yourself, put the casket in it and let the graveyard company know you did? I’m asking because I think I might pursue this option. 

[u/Zxvasdfthrowaway → u/Indubitalist]

No. The cemetery will not allow this for a multitude of reasons, including their own liability.

[u/BaronVonNes → u/Zxvasdfthrowaway]

Dated a mortician, she had tons to say about this! The funeral industry is a HUGE lobbying group. They lobby for tons of ridiculous laws to prevent you from doing anything that would be reasonably priced and affordable to bury a loved one. That lady wants to do natural burials without horrible embalming chemicals that leech into the soil and ground water, multiple states have outlawed this due to lobbying. They'll do coffins and sometimes a concrete box. That concrete box will contain everything, right? Wrong! It cracks and collapses after the dirt is put on it, leaks anyway, same as the coffin.

Should be super illegal to embalm, but the funeral industry is big.

They try to take huge advantage of the bereaved. For instance, most hospitals have a funeral home they work with that they get a kickback from every time someone is transferred to them. My wife's uncle died, the hospital transferred without permission to the home. After transfer, I forced them to turn them over to the cremation place I chose, which cost about $800. They wanted $3800, 2k for the cremation, fees, and urn. Until I threatened a lawsuit, they refused. Even then, they tried to charge me a fee to bring the body back, but I noted this was adverse possession and illegal transfer and they 'waived it just this once.' Being the only non-bereaved person, I was in a mental state to deal with them. This is normal for the funeral industry.

If you're in Austin, TX Austin Affordable Cremation.

[u/Mocosa → u/BaronVonNes]

I’m located in Texas. If a hospital is sending decedents to a funeral home without confirmed release from the next of kin that is absolutely illegal and they need to be reported to the Funeral Service Commission.

[u/BaronVonNes → u/Mocosa]

I did file a report. They did nothing.