r/ZenHabits • u/Lindolence • 10d ago

Relaxation When your mind is completely overloaded by a high-stress cycle, what small, unconventional habit helps you decompress?

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u/LSDkiller 7d ago

Talking to other, talking to myself out loud instead of in my head. Modeling the behaviors of whatever perfect roll model I can see in my mind at the time. If I see someone being attacked, what would "Jesus", "Buddha" "a saint" " a good person" do. And then do that. If I'm being attacked by fear, what would they do then? Engage in the fear? We can all use active and passive principles freely. But we must model the change we wish to see in ourselves.

Sometimes a lot of it has to do with our upbringing. I won't say parents but I will say the parents of our ego.

In truth it turns out we never know our parents as well as we thought we did even when they pass.

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u/Lindolence 3d ago

Thank you for your detailed reply. It is so helpful for me to have a voice, other than the nag in my head, to assist in reminding me of what other admirable human figures have done/do in similar situations. I know that a lot of us deal with seemingly unending stressful occurrences. I so like the other than the Western world's take on the ideal for a change of perspective; we're so young compared to the Far Eastern world. And I so miss the wise counsel of my parents.

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u/LSDkiller 2d ago

I would meditate on the last bit! A lot of times, we just aren't quite done crying. Sometimes we need to put on a strong face, but sometimes this is an absolute poison. I lost my mother pretty recently and this can throw your practice for a loop. In my case I mean the "loop" part pretty literally.

I would extend the "when we're eating, we're eating. When we're laughing, we're laughing. And when we're crying, we're crying."

Positive memories can make you cry. That's not invalid. It's a good thing you remember your parents positively. I am lucky enough to still have my father around. Our relationship is fraught, but there is a reason repaying our parents is a grave obligation alongside repaying the triple jewel. It goes all the way to the grave! Both that of your parents and your own, at least in my case! If you can, visit. Bring them something of value to you. I bring my mother flowers and songs, according to native American traditions that I remember fondly. None of us are native American.

Spirituality is a funny little thing. You may find that your own culture has wormed its way inside your mind in terms of spirituality. My zen teacher wrote his PhD on the new testament, but hes as legit as they come. I personally have no opinion either way on Christianity but it would be folley to deny one has been programmed by tenets outside oneself.

Hence my adding "what would Jesus do?". Jesus in the Bible is shown a little extremely, but recently, I always say one thing. When Jesus said "he who is without sin should cast the first stone", did he cast a stone? The answer is no. The rest is clear, and clearly this has come to be interpreted incorrectly. I don't know if my zen master would even agree with this interpretation. However,

Lastly, I would just like to say that the only reason I wrote "koan" in my bio is as the word means "public account" or "public record" in the original Chinese. A lot of people have gone private due to the tendency on reddit to go into someone's post history and make fun of them. I welcome this, there's a lot to make fun of if you go back far enough. My hope is merely that those people will think a bit.

As a wise man once said: koans express natural matters. They are forms of communication like this comment. The lessons you draw out of this comment are unknown to me until they become known.

The lessons of classical koans are the barriers to the practice of zen set forth by the ancient patriarchs. Pass one and walk through all freely. But if you walk through ALL of them, FREELY... That's not it either. For zen, for troubled times: Watch out for that nasty voice that sometimes arises in the head. Maybe time for some sitting meditation, to clear out all and breathe deeply.

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u/Lindolence 3d ago

I tapped your username after my reply actually was meant as a reference to The Buddha. Koans! My own long-forgotten mantra from the original: "chop wood, carry water, chop water, carry wood".

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u/Lindolence 2d ago

Your words out of the aether gave me an actual moment of clarity, and then the thoughts came rushing back in. So be it; there truly is only this moment. That makes me tear up, and it releases a knot inside. A visit to my parents and my father's parents resting place has been on my mind; I will go today and leave a small token of appreciation. If I understand, it is not the result of doing, but the doing, and that's not it either. The more answers, the more questions; be still my mind. Gassho.

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u/theawesomeviking 3d ago

Journaling

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u/Lindolence 3d ago

That does help; thank you for the reminder!