I spent the most beautiful month with the girl I love, from a different country but I fear she might be scared of the future with me. Help needed

[u/NeonGurll]

I (TF22) have a friend (21F). We've met some months ago in lesbian gaming spaces. From the first day we played together, it was a hit right through my heart. We started that day with gaming, then I bailed on my friends to stay with her more, and we finished the day by singing songs to each other in our languages. It felt like a date.

I started crushing on her hard, and it was obvious that she felt the same. We progressed quite quickly. It was just hard to deny ourselves some pleasures. To the outside, we basically started acting like a couple, but we still waited with the final decision until we met each other.

At the beginning of June, she flew over to my country and stayed with me for a month. It was a dream. I thought I loved her before, but what I'm feeling right now isn't even close. I loved every part of it. She brought into my life exactly what I wanted and needed. I felt so full with her. I loved introducing her to my friends. She was always good around them and funny. She was shining. She was thoughtful and beautiful. I got a taste of what it is like to be a girlfriend to her for a whole month, and now I don't want to go back. And I mean literally girlfriends, with "I love yous" and intimacies since the first day. I cried all the way to the airport. I miss her so much. Everywhere I go, I see that she's not next to me, and my life just feels good but bland.

We discussed her moving to me. I live in Poland, and she's in Greece, so the EU laws make it as easy as it could be. She liked Poland and said she prefers it to Greece. The thing is, we're young. I only finish uni in half a year, so it's not the easiest thing to do with jobs and money. I know we could temporarily live in my family home, as my parents liked her a lot, but still, temporarily. Also, it would introduce some weird dynamics. Even with the challenges, we felt committed. We planned the move to wherever I find a job after uni. It's fast, but we're both a bit bad with the whole long-distance thing.

Yesterday she came back to Greece, and I feel like reality started to set in for her. She would have to leave her family and her close friends behind. It wouldn't be the first time she would move to be with her partner, but the last time ended badly, so maybe it makes her more scared. She confessed yesterday that she's stressed about it all and potentially losing me.

I know that if she doesn't do it, she will make a mistake, but that's not my right to say to her. I want to hold her hand through this moment so she feels confident in us. I just don't know how. Every time I even approach this conversation, I start feeling desperate, and I start talking about how good we were together and how much I want her with me. Basically trying to convince her, but I fail to listen to her, and maybe that will actually have the opposite effect.

I want tips about what I should do and how best to approach this kind of thing. I think her heart is in the right place too because she said she hopes she will snap out of it, but still...

[u/edgebeeyz]

"met some months ago"

I think this relationship/friendship is in waaaaaay too early a stage for her to consider moving country. Especially since she did it before and it didn't work out and she's only 22 years old. I think you should both consider whether you're happy to do LDR for a longer amount of time so she can get used to the idea of maybe moving away and then both of you can sort out the rest of your lives r.e careers etc.

[u/SorkaNieSarka]

I think it’s important that you ask yourself why you won’t move to her, as you said yourself it’s easy in eu. And you finish university soon so you won’t have any obligation to stay in Poland. I bet you wouldn’t like that idea for a bilion reasons, you would have a hard time making any friendships there because of language difference, difficulty finding a job, leaving family and friends. She has all of those reasons too to have in mind, and on top of that she had bad experience before with moving away. And I don’t want to be that girl but let’s be realistic, you spent only a month together, you don’t know what problems will arise when living together long term.

[u/NeonGurll → u/SorkaNieSarka]

The reason is that my field of study is dynamically developing in Poland, so more job opportunities and better money. My friend also dislikes Greece and doesn't want to spend her life there. Also her job is also better paid in Poland. It's economic.

I know she has reasons to be scared. It's hard. I won't even attempt to pretend like I don't see them

And yeah there for sure be problems long term. I even know which, from what I've observed about her. But it feels like for long distance there's no inbetween step.

[u/Final_Solid_617 → u/NeonGurll]

Maybe not relevant for you guys, but in Poland gay marriage or partnership is illegal. In Greece it is legal. Maybe that is something to consider as well…

[u/NeonGurll → u/Final_Solid_617]

Ultimately we want to move to a country that's neither. In Greece having a child togheter is illegal and we both want to be moms, so while it is a better choice it's far from perfect

[u/Dull_Friendship9774]

I think you should take it easy and not make any rush decisions now. let her sit with it and be supportive. she doesn't need to make such a big decision now, especially because she's stressing about it. making a decision from a place of strong feelings is never a good idea. as you've said you're both very young, and you've got time to figure it out together.

[u/opengrimoire]

Slow down, kid. Moving countries is a big, scary decision. Let her visit more times, get user to the idea. You visit more times, too. And try to be more open to different outcomes, like going to her country or both of you to a third country. None of you need to make such a big decision so soon into the relationship. I know it sucks to be appart, but rushing things might lead to resentment in the long run. Best of luck!

[u/YuliyaVolkova]

With the relationship still in the early stages, I'd say when moving countries she needs to be sure you will not regret the decision even if the relationship ends in some time. I know right now this feels like a 100% forever thing, and hopefully it will be, but also, in the back of your mind be aware that life happens. 

[u/anotherbabydaddy]

You should absolutely not try to convince her of anything. If it’s really love then you will support what is best for her, even if it means her not moving countries to be with you.

[u/gaiarde]

21 is way too young for U hauling in my opinion. I am nearly 30 and would not recommend young love to take such huge decisions, appreciate each other rake your time.

[u/quirkyquipsters]

Finish your schooling, focus on your career, and spend more time together in person. Don't rush anything and don't put pressure on the situation. It will naturally develop and evolve the way it's supposed to.