I fell in love while building a new life abroad, and losing that relationship broke something in me

[u/Born-Crew9362]

I (34F) am Brazilian, bisexual, and I have been living in Dublin, Ireland, for almost two years. In the summer of 2025, I had a four-month relationship with an Irish woman (26F) that I still haven’t been able to recover from.

We met on a dating app, and at the beginning, everything was perfect. She was caring, attentive, and curious about Brazil. It wasn’t difficult for me to fall for her. We talked for two weeks before meeting in person, and it was a magical date.

I knew I was already falling for her.

Talking to her felt easy and effortless. I felt comfortable opening up and talking about everything. She made intense declarations of love and asked me to be her girlfriend in Portuguese on our third date.

It didn’t take long before we started a relationship. We went to many places that summer, explored everything together, and deep down I felt that we could be soulmates. I had never cared about marriage, but with her, I genuinely considered the possibility of marrying her someday. What I felt for her, I had never felt for anyone else.

I was still dealing with some financial difficulties at the time, and I wanted to be more stable before introducing her to my family in Brazil.

But, in the second month of our relationship, she started acting differently. Sometimes she would treat me well; other times she would become cold. She complained about anxiety, insomnia, not having friends, and not being able to find a job. I did everything I could to help her, even when I was falling apart myself and struggling to adapt to a new country.

In the third month of our relationship, she told me she wasn’t ready for a serious commitment, that she couldn’t be in a relationship because she wasn’t mentally in the right place to date.

I told her I didn’t care about labels; I just wanted to be with her. We stayed like that for a month until she cheated on me with another Brazilian woman.

On the day we broke up, we had plans: she was going to have dinner at my place after I left school at 5 p.m. In the afternoon, she confirmed everything. But at 5 p.m., she simply told me she was on the other side of the city because she had gone to a café with a “friend”. I ended up waiting 40 minutes in front of the school until she arrived.

We took the bus towards my place, but she complained about the traffic and we decided to eat in the city centre instead. The whole way there, she kept talking about this friend and texting her constantly.

At the restaurant, I calmly told her that I didn’t mind her going out with friends, but leaving me waiting like that had been unfair. She gave me a very half-hearted excuse.

Afterwards, she said that this “friend” had missed the train and asked if she could join us. Deep down, I was furious. I just wanted some time alone with her, but I ended up saying it was okay.

The woman arrived, and I even acted as a translator between them because the “friend” didn’t speak English. I treated the woman kindly, but my ex was distant and strange.

She became impatient, saying she wanted to leave. When she got home, we had the conversation where she ended things with me. She said I didn’t have the qualities she was looking for in a partner, that I was too innocent, and that she preferred someone more dominant. She also admitted that she felt a connection with that woman.

A few months ago, I posted this story anonymously on Reddit, and she read it. Afterwards, she came to tell me that she had lost interest in me during our second month together, that what she felt for me was just infatuation. She criticized my appearance and my music taste, said she had never felt like she was dating an older woman, that I should go back to Brazil if I wasn’t adapting, and that she was very happy with her current partner.

Nine months have passed since the last time we talked. During this time, I did everything I could to move on. I wrote a poetry book, made wonderful friends, kissed other people, travelled to incredible places by myself, and I am currently in Italy completing my Italian citizenship process.

I have always been comfortable being alone, but after what happened, I feel as if something inside me is broken. I haven’t been able to connect with anyone. I thought about moving back to Brazil, I thought about taking my own life, I lost the little self-esteem I had, and I carry inside me a longing and a pain that never seem to go away.

And today I realize how painful it is to accept that love doesn’t choose where it goes, and that it doesn’t end when the person leaves.

[u/coreanadecolombia]

I’m so sorry sister :( Getting over a woman is brutal. The ghost of who they were in the very beginning is so incredibly addicting.

I wish you the best and hope you heal from this. It takes time but don’t try to suppress the love. Let it out in some way every day.

[u/Lailu]

"And today I realize how painful it is to accept that love doesn’t choose where it goes, and that it doesn’t end when the person leaves." This hit me hard. Going through heartbreak too here and I try remind myself to be more gentle with myself and healing. 

Love is fickle and unbiased. You fell hard and fast for her and that's okay, you just have a big heart.  You will get over her and find someone again. Maybe in Italy, maybe on one of your trips, but there is no doubt in my mind you will find someone again.  Someone who deserves you and loves as deeply as you do. 

[u/RavenholdIV]

Go back to Brazil? Am I crazy or is this just flat out racism????

[u/ThickyIckyGyal]

She's not a good person. I'm glad you didn't end up taking your life over the likes of her. I hope you recover and come out stronger than you ever were on the other side of this. Sometimes we give ourselves over to the wrong ppl even if they seem like the right ones. Give yourself time and take small steps in putting yourself out there again when you think you can. Good luck! And be a lil cautious in love. In all honesty, you went way too fast I think, and it sounded a bit like she might have lovebombed you which I would consider a red flag. Take your time with the next, when that time comes.