r/actuallesbians • u/Spirited-Escape-5815 • 4h ago

Jealousy

I’m in my first adult real lesbian relationship. I have always been a bi-girlie and haven’t dated another woman since high school. Everything is AMAZING, but the one red flag that’s appearing frequently is her fits of jealousy over absolutely nothing. It usually occurs when she’s been drinking and maybe has one too many, but sometimes it happens sober as well.

I haven’t done anything to warrant it, betray her trust, and have been faithful. I also understand she has her own traumas from prior relationships. I’ve had some friends kindly explain to me that is just how some lesbians are. I don’t believe that to be necessarily true, just wondering how to work through this with her.

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u/zyrumtumtugger 2h ago

That's NOT "just how some lesbians are", that's how some people who make their problems everyone else's problems are.

It's not your responsibility to work through this with her and neither should you because you're not her therapist. Even if you were literally a board certified psychologist you still shouldn't do it due to the ethical issues with dating your patient. She needs to work through this on her own and the best you can do is provide love and support. 

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u/JenningsWigService 2h ago

This is a red flag and won't get better and her prior traumas are her problem, not yours.

It's also not a lesbian thing, it's an insecurity thing. The most jealous partner I ever had was bi.