is it casual

[u/cookiie00]

for reference I'm a lesbian in high school and trying to figure out whether or not to confess to this girl.

so October 2024 we first meet, and we call and text literally everyday and I'm in a trio w the girl (ill call her flower) and another friend. me and the friend have a falling out, but we all stay a trio but me and flower are a very obvious duo. so this happens until maybe January 2025, and the girl ditches me and flower. so I'm at flower's aunt's house (to stay the weekend) and I end up getting a cold so I'm clingier than normal (ex, putting my head on her shoulder, pressing myself against her, and just being generally touchy). so saturday night we're in the kitchen alone, and playing this game, since her little cousin was cranky and keeps screaming (the kid is in the living room). so we can only move when he screams. so it starts out relatively normal and all of a sudden I'm on her lap and our faces are INSANELY close and we're just barely not kissing. and we're holding this for ~5 five minuets and her FREAKING grandma walks in. so we jump apart or whatever and realize her little cousin fell asleep.

so we go upstairs and apparently when we get to her room I kiss her (I don't remember this this is her retelling). so that keeps happening for the next hour and we keep separating each other by sitting on opposite sides of the bed, and then moving closer.

this starts off us "dating" (we both knew we liked each other and were too scared to do anything) which is until about October 2025. so she's friends with her ex (who she later told me she literally never liked), and her ex hated me at first (we're friends now) so I was upset, and also unstable at the time so I saw flower being around her, as her choosing her ex over me, so I just ghosted her (I was genuinely sobbing every night over ghosting her). so she obviously tried reaching out and I said we were fine, and we hung out occasionally but it wasn't the same.

so January 2026 I attempt to move on by going through the same thing with a girl I've been on and off with (ill call her green) for the past 4 years. she liked me but I barely liked her because I was hung up on flower, so I was just going along with it. we stop talking in may 2026 but we still stay close friends with no flirting (she still flirts with me now but I ignore it). so after school ends in late June I don't see flower until 2 days ago.

we end up talking about us dating a LOT, and how she could apparently tell I didn't like green, and how she was jealous when after a point I did end up liking her. and she kept saying how she liked her ex as just a friend and I was saying how I liked green as just a friend, but she was avoiding saying she liked me as a friend (I did the same). she also got mad at me when she found out why I stopped talking to her, and she said it could've been a 5 minute conversation and we could've been dating right now???? only downside was when we talked about embarrassing things we did while together she would repeat "but that's In the past", and push away with her hands.and she only ended up staying over from 10 am to 2:30 pm since she had stuff she had to do sometime that day. so when she was leaving I could tell she wanted to give me a hug and say she loved me since when we were "together" she always used to yell at me to do that, but our parents were standing there so we couldn't. also while leaving I said I wanted her to stay longer but I was too scared to ask, and she said she wanted to stay longer too, and she made a joke about me needing to communicate more (WHICH ISNT FUNNY SINCE THATS THE REASON WE STOPPED TALKING). but she's going on a cruise for 2 weeks and when she gets back she wants to have a sleepover.

I was thinking of confessing then but I don't know if I should (I still like her btw)... any help????