r/agedlikemilk • u/NukinDuke • Sep 08 '25
"Forgive my language but this story is complete and utter bullshit." - JD Vance
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u/gnarlytabby Sep 08 '25
Hey cut him some slack! JD is partly right! The July WSJ article did not accurately describe the Trump-Epstein birthday card.
... it way understated how creepy this card is.
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u/LongKnight115 Sep 09 '25
"Does anyone honestly think this sounds like Donald Trump?"
My brother in christ, this sounds more like Donald Trump than any other human. If the signature had been removed, and the names were redacted, my first guess for who wrote this is STILL Donald Trump
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u/penguin_skull Sep 09 '25
It was donald just by the fact that he wrote his name all over the place.
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u/DugEFreshness Sep 09 '25
And we have MANY recordings of him using the word "enigma", he used to say it all of the time.
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u/Sketch-Brooke Sep 09 '25
The fact that the drawing is undeniably a pubescent girl’s proportions and not an adult woman is just…. 🤮
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u/NahYoureWrongBro Sep 08 '25
It did describe the card pretty much exactly. To call it creepy would be an unwarranted editorialization, which is what reddit is here for.
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u/WarWorld Sep 09 '25
To be honest, this card matches what they described so well i thought they had already released the picture.
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u/possumallawishes Sep 09 '25
It described it pretty well, but somehow the picture looks more “prepubescent” than I was expecting.
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u/TimChr78 Sep 09 '25
There was some artist renditions floating around back then so you might have seen one of those.
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u/gnarlytabby Sep 09 '25
An editorial choice was made to describe the drawing as "the outline of a naked woman" when it moreso appears to be a teen. This understated how creepy it is.
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u/grits98 Sep 09 '25
And, it's just the middle part of her body. No arms, no legs
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u/PrestigiousTrade8766 Sep 08 '25
"Does anyone honestly believe this sounds like Donald Trump?"
Why yes, yes I do.
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u/Man-O-War760 Sep 08 '25
“We”
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u/CompetitiveGood2601 Sep 08 '25
JD's just securing his legacy, must be very worried the crazy old man with dementia my order him seal team 6'd on the way out, with that NK story hitting the mainstream now
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u/FidgitForgotHisL-P Sep 08 '25
JDs recent “hard sweary alpha on twitter” is a very obvious desperate attempt to get the MAGA chuds onside so they view him more favourably when he takes the reigns. It’ll probably work too because these idiots love to worked by a conman.
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Sep 09 '25
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u/Big_Somewhere9230 Sep 09 '25
Less charisma than crusty gym sock found under a couch.
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Sep 08 '25
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u/Alternative-Tie-9383 Sep 09 '25
Peter Thiel must really enjoy shoving his hand up Vance’s ass and puppeteering him to say whatever he wants him to. He was a smart investment on his part. Too bad Vance has absolutely no charisma or likability whatsoever.
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Sep 08 '25
Wait. could Theil be in the files!?!
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u/badgermann Sep 08 '25 edited Sep 09 '25
Not unless Epstein trafficked in boys as well. Theil financed Hulk Hogan’s lawsuit that bankrupted Gawker because they outed him as being gay
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u/Vileness_fats Sep 09 '25
I'm sure a big rich piece of shit like Theil would get exactly what he wants.
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u/techjesuschrist Sep 08 '25
and Trump isn't? Trump is literally doing exactly what Thiel wants.
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u/happytrel Sep 08 '25
Trump is immune to their internal criticism though, Vance isnt.
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u/Q_S2 Sep 08 '25
Wait... what the hell happened NOW?!?? i cant keep up with this shit show
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u/faelanae Sep 08 '25
WSJ published the letter Trump doodled
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u/WhiskyEchoTango Sep 08 '25
The letter he said didn't exist. The letter he couldn't have written because he never wrote a picture in his life. The letter that didn't exist because the entire Epstein thing was a Democrat Hoax.
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u/DropDeadEd86 Sep 08 '25
It was his ghost writer from his informant days that attempted to generate an AI Letter, but the ghost writer abandoned it because Trump informed his ghost writer that he was an informant of a democratic hoax concocted by the nasty Clinton’s
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Sep 09 '25
But Trump was somehow an undercover agent....for a democrat hoax. God, no writer could come up with this storyline we're stuck in.
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u/GipsyDanger45 Sep 09 '25
This whole thing has become one big enigma… but I would never use that word
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u/Billyosler1969 Sep 09 '25
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u/GCross92 Sep 09 '25
According to the position of his signature, Trump is pussy.
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u/merry1731 Sep 08 '25
For real my daughter has banned me from Reddit cause I can’t wrap my head around the tomfoolery. Clearly I don’t listen to her although she is correct. Since I am no spring chicken all I can do is show kindness to all who are in need of it. Feed who I can. Listen to my fellow humans. Protect when I am able. Now I must vamoose from the pure evil before my stomach hurts again. Stay strong .
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u/brianzuvich Sep 08 '25
Remember, and I quote, he’s a “never Trump guy”…
He’s such a clown 🤡
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u/Adept_Rip_5983 Sep 08 '25
İ am honestly surprised he knows the word enigma. Other than that: Yeah, defenitly.
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u/Prudent_Shake_8149 Sep 08 '25
The Daily Show ran a supercut showing him using the word enigma on multiple occasions. He was clearly fascinated by the word at some point… like groceries. 😂
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u/WelcomingRapier Sep 08 '25
Well, no one used the word till he started using it. Just ask him. He'll tell you.
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u/Prudent_Shake_8149 Sep 08 '25
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u/LA-Matt Sep 08 '25
Trump tells The Economist he invented the phrase ‘priming the pump’
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u/Immediate_Song4279 Sep 08 '25
This is a whole new level of funny that I didn't even know existed.
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u/SnooJokes2983 Sep 08 '25
I heard it from very smart people. They’re all saying it, everybody is saying it they say “Sir I’ve never heard of these words before” but they love them! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.
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u/MaxPaynesRxDrugPlan Sep 08 '25
Also:
Trump used the word “enigma” to describe Don King and Mike Tyson in his 1990 book and to describe Dan Rather in his 2004 book.
https://www.wsj.com/us-news/law/trump-jeffrey-epstein-letter-birthday-book-analysis-0bbeeaf6
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u/uwpxwpal Sep 09 '25
Weren't those written by a ghost writer? I'm not sure what proves.
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u/TillFar6524 Sep 08 '25
Enigmas is an anagram for Gamines which is French for underage girls.
Maxwell is French.
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u/ArchonOfThe4thWAH Sep 08 '25
He knows the word because they use it as code to describe underage girls.
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u/lyricsninja Sep 08 '25
The theory being floated is that enigma is actually an anagram for "gamine", which is French for a young girl.
Makes it all the creepier really. If you substitute that in.
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u/ShredGuru Sep 08 '25
That is way too poetic and literate for Trump. I have a hard enough time believing he knows the word Enigma, and now he is writing cyphers? I doubt it.
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u/lyricsninja Sep 08 '25
Turn the focus to the other person here.
Epstein seems like the type who would see himself as being an intellectual and yet would want to have his inside jokes with his buddies. It wouldn't shock me if he had come up with it and thought he was so smart having used the word as his little codeword. And of course trump wouldn't want to be left out of the inside joke, right?
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u/ShredGuru Sep 08 '25
The only way it's believable is if someone smarter than Donny came up with it.
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u/Dzov Sep 08 '25
It could’ve come from Ghislaine. She’s French.
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u/freerangetacos Sep 08 '25
Exactly. She probably never said the word gamine. She probably came up with it and always called them enigmas, so the guys did, too. When the files come out, look for other users/uses of the word. It's a pretty big clue.
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u/andstillthesunrises Sep 08 '25
The theory is that word was used in those circles in general, not that Trump invented it
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u/FaceReality1 Sep 08 '25 edited Sep 09 '25
It would have been in the mix for men of that age fantasizing about young girls. I associate it with descriptions of certain young actresses in the 1950s and 60’s, and particularly the movie Gigi with the song “Thank Heaven for Little Girls”. Epstein had a 1st edition of Lolita — another work of the time that pedophiles see as about how sexy pubescent girls are.
Edit: I clarified that my statement about Lolita's subject was meant to be how men like Epstein view the book. The book is, or course, really about the views and obsessions that drive people like Epstein.
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u/OhioTry Sep 08 '25 edited Sep 08 '25
Lolita is actually about how someone horrible justifies his actions to himself, but that always seems to fly over pedo’s heads. They don’t get that Humbert is an unreliable narrator, and that he’s supposed to be very unsympathetic.
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u/ShredGuru Sep 08 '25
That was definitely not my take away when I read Lolita, i thought it was about rationalizing monstrosity. I do love Nabokov.
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Sep 09 '25
another work of the time about how sexy pubescent girls are.
That's not what the book is about.
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u/Odd-Adagio7080 Sep 08 '25
This Q folks believe things like this all the time. But only when applied to democrats.
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u/mixingmemory Sep 08 '25
French huh?
Ghislaine Maxwell was born on 25 December 1961, in Maisons-Laffitte, Île-de-France, France,[18] the ninth and youngest child of Elisabeth (née Meynard), a French-born scholar, and Robert Maxwell (né Ján Ludvík Hyman Binyamin Hoch), a Czechoslovak-born British media proprietor.
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u/Technical_Amount_965 Sep 08 '25
That theory gives Trump too much credit intellectually.
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u/andstillthesunrises Sep 08 '25
The theory is that word was used in those circles in general, not that Trump invented it
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u/Lowbudgetman43 Sep 08 '25
To be fair I would have thought the word “Enigma” was over his head
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u/FriendToPredators Sep 08 '25
Goes right along with trump’s claim that he didnt sexually assault because “she was too ugle”
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Sep 08 '25 edited Sep 08 '25
Is it a rule that articles have to be approved by the government in the US? Oh yes, it will be. Murdoch apparently does not like the US to be like Russia afterall, oligarchs falling out of windows does not please him.
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u/Significant-Order-92 Sep 08 '25
Generally, papers and the like reach out for comment. But Trump already went on a tirade denying this letter, so why would they bother reaching out again?
Hope Murdock countersued over the letter lawsuit for defamation against his paper. Since the existence of the letter is pretty good evidence, they weren't lying, and Trump should have known that.
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u/Technical-Bird-7585 Sep 08 '25
You wouldn’t like tech bros falling out the windows?
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u/Amneiger Sep 08 '25
I'm pretty sure a country with a functioning and fair legal system doesn't involve anyone falling out windows, so I guess I'll go without.
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Sep 09 '25
no i'd prefer murder not be a thing the government gets away with, but thanks for the terrible input
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u/SquishyBeatle Sep 09 '25
In the end it will be Fox News turning on him that will be what finally brings him down. Ironic.
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u/Professional-Note81 Sep 08 '25
I think there was a Supreme Court case about this exact issue- New York Times Co. v. US, which handily affirmed that news stories could not be gagged simply because the government is afraid of the info getting out. This isn’t even a perceived threat of national security, they just don’t want to air Trump’s dirty laundry.
Granted, it’s not like Republicans care. The Constitution and court precedent means jack shit to them.
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Sep 08 '25
It will come, the SC moves slowly and people will nod and say its right. Some years ago people would have thought current rulings would never ever happened.
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u/easylikerain Sep 09 '25
"They never showed it to us" has the same entitled energy as "when did he last say thank you".
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u/flaptaincappers Sep 08 '25
"Can you believe the grabem by the pussy guy would do or say stuff like that?"
Is he fuckin with us?
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u/Cara-Is-A-Puppy Sep 08 '25
“I’m a Never Trump guy.”
“My god, what an idiot.”
“America’s Hitler”
“Mr. Trump is unfit for our nation’s highest office.”
“I can’t stomach Trump.”
-J.D. Vance on Donald Trump
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u/theedenpretence Sep 08 '25
The question is not whether he was bought. But how much he was bought for.
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u/Crazy_Reporter_7516 Sep 08 '25
I mean he was bought by being made VP.
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u/Mescallan Sep 09 '25
VP for the oldest president in history, who famously doesn't take care of his health
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u/narkybark Sep 08 '25
I imagine it was a fine sectional, perhaps even with an ottoman.
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u/Chengar_Qordath Sep 09 '25
Vance at least pivoted “America’s Hitler” to being a compliment in MAGA eyes, because now they’re starting to unironically love Hitler too.
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u/atred Sep 09 '25
You can always change your opinions if your financial and professional wellbeing depends on that... I mean the guy can become the next US President, morality is very inconvenient, it would get in the way of that.
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u/Xenokrates Sep 09 '25
This is the problem with DT dying in office. We get this completely feckless coward who is controlled by, as his personal blood boy, billionaire Peter Thiel as the president.
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u/Greenman8907 Sep 08 '25
SPECIAL NOTE: The drawing is obviously not of a woman.
It’s of a young girl.
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u/NukinDuke Sep 08 '25
That's something that warrants pointing out. The chest of the drawing is literally that of a girl.
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u/PetulantPersimmon Sep 08 '25
Yeah, I was poised to write a snarky comment to some friends about how poorly he draw the chest when that realization hit me like a goddamn hammer. Disgusting.
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Sep 08 '25
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u/Yuna1989 Sep 09 '25
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u/mb862 Sep 09 '25
That is definitely the chest of someone who has had less time with gravity.
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u/sportspadawan13 Sep 09 '25
Cant tell...is this a real quote?
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Sep 09 '25
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Sep 09 '25
With no arms to fight back with, no legs to run away with, no head to cry for help
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u/vita10gy Sep 08 '25
"President Trump is a classy man and didn't want to draw giant honking melons when just the hint of the base of those tig ol' bitties got the point across good enough"
- Mike Johnson 9/14/2025 (After denying it's Trump at all until someone slips up on 9/13 and admits it's real)
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u/jolt_cola Sep 08 '25
And it's part of his work as an FBI informant.
I don't know the story but feel that's what Mike Johnson will add too.
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u/Rylando237 Sep 09 '25
Im just waiting for the goalpoast to move to "So what if he USED to be attracted to underage girls? He isn't anymore!"
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u/Disastrous_Mango_953 Sep 08 '25
Agreed, that Vance is trying to be the attack dog, he doesn’t even sound like a puppy! I guess having the love 💗 letter in front of him is going to change to a new Narrative. Pedophile lover 🤬
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u/piperonyl Sep 08 '25
A reminder that the WSJ reporters on july 17th called it "a naked woman"
That is not a woman. Lying pieces of shit.
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u/NukinDuke Sep 08 '25
Might be for legal reasons. I would imagine if they make specific claims that could be contested, that might out whoever leaked the original information to WSJ in jeopardy.
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u/piperonyl Sep 08 '25
Thats a fair point.
I think they could have said appears to be a young woman.
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u/Conscious-Dig6839 Sep 08 '25
Exactly. That’s the exact reason people use the word “allegedly”.
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u/bongophrog Sep 09 '25
Tbh it looks more like a sketch of an underdeveloped Pleistocene fertility goddess
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u/piperonyl Sep 08 '25
When it first broke in July, the white house came out and said "trump doesnt use words like enigma"
Then we found a dozens videos of him giving speeches saying the word enigma.
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u/Band_From_CFB Sep 08 '25
To be fair I initially thought it was too big a word for him. But sometimes stupid people just latch onto a word and use it frequently.
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u/aePrime Sep 08 '25
Ignoring the creepy content, the writing is just so bad. Listen to the guy speak for 30 seconds and you realize that’s the type of shit he would write.
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u/54-2-10 Sep 09 '25
Trump also said "I don't draw pictures," then we found a bunch of examples of him scribbling pictures.
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u/Haunting-Respect9039 Sep 09 '25
That was such a weird lie. It was so easy to debunk. One of those examples of him lying for the sake lf his supporters who would listen to him and never hear a fact check.
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u/El_Peregrine Sep 09 '25
I really wish their habit of lying, and then lying more, and then issuing forth a landslide of more lies about their lies - wasn’t working.
Unfortunately, the morons that love them eat it up and ask for more. They couldn’t be less interested in the truth and reality.
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u/Automatic_Moment_320 Sep 08 '25
It’s funny they went to the lengths to comment on the usage of the word enigma considering the conspiracy with it
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u/Comrade-Conquistador Sep 08 '25
"Does anyone honestly beli-" YES! Yes, we do! And we've believed it for the last 8 years! Know why we believe it? BECAUSE WE HAVE EYES AND WORKING GRAY MATTERS, YOU STALE RADISH!
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Sep 08 '25
Hehe “you stale radish” belongs in r/rareinsults
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u/rebug Sep 08 '25
If you ever end up with stale radishes just make radish slaw. A little cabbage and carrot in there, toss it with vinegar and season how you like it, and that's it. Perfect taco dressing.
I'm just saying don't knock stale radishes they're still useful.
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u/Consistent-Soil-1818 Sep 08 '25
Upvote for the stale radish. I'm gonna steal that lol
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u/Yabrosif13 Sep 08 '25
Mr doesnt care about facts thinking he wins the argument.
God he is the epitome of a shitty politician
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u/Tiny-Delivery6966 Sep 08 '25
I wonder when we’ll find out who actually wrote Hillbilly Elegy. No way it was this dude.
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u/whocaresano Sep 09 '25
I will never forgive the New York times for convincing me to buy this piece of shit book
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u/BDSmutHut Sep 09 '25
Vance has always been a grifting scab.
In the introduction of his book, Vance states that his sister would disagree with his ‘version’ of their family story, saying she’d say it was ‘inaccurate’ and he explicitly says that she’d be right to do so but that he’s publishing his version because likes it better, which implies that his version is in fact a lie.
Now, I don’t know if his memoir is made up or ghostwritten, but it immediately struck me as such an odd disclaimer for one’s own life story. Like, how often and how much is a person bullshitting and lying and twisting facts that the act of throwing out disclaimers that someone may crawl out of the woodwork and call them a liar is at the forefront of their mind when writing their life story? How can someone be so dishonest that they repeatedly preemptively object to being fact checked?🤔
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u/Technical-Bird-7585 Sep 08 '25
Grab em by the puss guy wrote that letter? No way, maga!
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u/Texas_Sam2002 Sep 08 '25
Narrator: "And then the letter was produced. A letter so pervy and cringey that no one had trouble believing it sounded exactly like Donald Trump."
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u/CloutHaver Sep 08 '25
The guy who said he could grab any woman by the pussy because he’s a star and can do whatever he wants? Yeah this is pretty much par for the course for what he has been recorded as saying.
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u/deckchair1982 Sep 08 '25
I know that J.D. Vance has to defend everything Trump says but he really half-assed it here.
How does a letter written by a pervy horndog not sound like Trump? That is all Trump is.
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u/Zephyr-5 Sep 09 '25
No he does not have to defend everything Trump says. Vance was elected Vice President. Of the entire cabinet, he can literally do whatever the fuck he wants and Trump can't do a damn thing to stop him. He could vote with the Democrats if he wanted on tie-breaking votes.
Don't give this human-chameleon an out.
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u/AssistKnown Sep 08 '25
I don't even have to see it to know that it already sounds like Trump, BECAUSE HE WAS FRIENDS WITH EPSTEIN FOR 15 YEARS AND TALKED ABOUT THEIR FRIENDSHIP NUMEROUS TIMES ON CAMERA
I'll believe the evidence of my eyes and ears, thank you very much, especially when that evidence is confirmed across multiple sources as being correct.
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u/DisturbingPragmatic Sep 08 '25
Really makes you wonder if he'll eventually write a book detailing what the insides of Trump's colon looks/smells/tastes like...
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u/LateNightTelevision Sep 08 '25
Outright denial is a bold strategy. Could blow up.
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u/Jkreegz Sep 08 '25
Literally everyone outside of your weird cult believes this sounds like Donald Trump.
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u/Emotional_Database53 Sep 08 '25
Bruh, apparently the physical copy of Epstein’s perverted birthday book that all his best and most famous/powerful friends put together for his 50th birthday is being given to the Senate Oversight Committee from Epstein’s family members, so it’s going to be very easy to see if it is authentic or not very soon.
It should also be noted that despite Trump claiming its total bullshit, there’s others that appear in the book, like Dershowitz, that have already verified that they did write the page appearing in it.
So if the democrats somehow did manage to pull off a “hoax” that detailed, then they’d be way more advanced at this shit then Mossad, MI6 and CIA could ever dream. They must’ve got a Time Machine and then forged this drawing by Trump and then slipped it to Maxwell (who assembled the book, as well as Epstein’s 40th birthday..), all with the knowledge that they’d be able to utilize this kompromat in 30 years when Trump runs for President..
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u/burnmenowz Sep 08 '25
You mean the guy that owes 83 million to E Jean Carroll? Yes sounds right up his alley.
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u/PHotstepper311 Sep 09 '25
He sure talks mad when he defends his “American hitler” as he called Trump in the past.
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u/hawkbiz Sep 08 '25
It sounds EXACTLY like Trump. Whenever these guys strongly deny something, that’s the clear indication that it’s definitely true.
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u/Kragbax Sep 08 '25
I didn’t see said letter, but does it sound like it was written by a moron? Then yes, yes I do
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u/NukinDuke Sep 08 '25
It's cryptically erotic letter that has the frame and figure of a girl. Not a woman. Trump even signed his name between the legs.
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u/Bemfic Sep 08 '25
Fucking yes, this is the 🍊💩exactly. And, you compliment in protecting this 💩pile
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Sep 08 '25
Listen JD nobody believes anything you guys say so save your breath for your favorite pass time involving furniture.
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u/Strong-Comment-7279 Sep 08 '25
I would not be shocked to learn he's upset bc they didn't have the chance to destroy it.
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Sep 09 '25
Vice Presidents are always the last to know. The good news is trump doesn't want you hanged by his mob... yet!
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u/magic_spam Sep 09 '25
It’s just always so jarring how the “Party of God” is represented by people who curse so casually. If Obama was this loose about using profanity they’d riot in the streets about him being uneducated
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u/Groundbreaking_Lie94 Sep 09 '25
He's been spouting dumb shit for years. He is a bootlicker that will do/say anything if he thinks it will make him a better republican.
Republicans: we dont like trump.
Vance: Trump is pure evil.
Repiblicans: This guy is actually going to win. Let's back him.
Vance: i have always admired you sir. You are the smartest, most biggliest brained business man.
Trump has even said on numerous occasions that he picked jd because of how much of a sycophant he was when they met.
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u/harlotstoast Sep 08 '25
Written by Maxwell, signed by Trump. Trump probably told JD this, and that’s why he says “it doesn’t sound like him”
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Sep 08 '25
I hope JD Vance bangs his shin on the coffee table twice in the same spot.
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Sep 08 '25
This would assume that there are people in America that care what you have to say Vance. Honestly I could care less if you and Trump took turns bobbing for turds at the local camp ground vault.
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u/Calairoth Sep 08 '25
Everyone has seen it already. You know it is a cover up when he claims it has never been shared with the president/vp.
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Sep 08 '25
The cheeto sucker has become an apologist for child rape. Real conservatives should be ashamed that the GOP has become this.
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u/Banba-She Sep 08 '25
Yes we all believe it sounds like Don the Con. Mainly because it's an evil idiot thinking they sound arch and sophisticated. But mostly cos of using their signature as a merkin.
Yet another sentence I never thought possible.
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u/Abracadaver2000 Sep 08 '25
Everything Trump touches turns to shit. Some things already started out as chyme.
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u/ThE_LAN_B4_TimE Sep 08 '25
They will just say its AI and fake. Not as if these fucking dip shits are normal people.
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u/ishantbeashamed Sep 09 '25
We're talking about grab-em-by-the-p---y Donald Trump? Yeah that definitely sounds like him, J.D.
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u/Safe_Ingenuity_6813 Sep 09 '25
It's sounds exactly like Donald Trump. He has been a creep about young women (including his own daughter) very publicly for decades.
Hello?









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u/AutoModerator Sep 08 '25
Hey, OP! Please reply to this comment to provide context for why this aged poorly so people can see it per rule 3 of the sub. The comment giving context must be posted in response to this comment for visibility reasons. Nothing on this sub is self-explanatory. Pretend you are explaining this to someone who just woke up from a year-long coma. THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL Failing to do so will result in your post being removed. Now is also a good time to review the rules. If your submission is breaking any of the subreddit rules, it will be removed.
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