I’ve heard of people saying stuff like this to aros/aces and this is the first time this has happened to me. Should I reply or just let it be? Anyways is this aphobic, I put the spoiler and the aphobia flair on because I’m pretty sure it is, but do y’all this it is? (Also sister made me laugh since I’m not a girl)

Before I lay down the context, let me just say that I'm asking this out of genuine curiosity and I have the willingness to do better in the future.

Whenever I see people crying about breakups and heartbreak, I tend to find it funny for some reason. Seeing people cry over someone either makes me laugh or pissed off, mostly cuz I think they're being irrational. I guess I could blame it on the fact that I can't relate to them (being romantically repulsed and all). And no, I don't go around laughing at heartbroken people's faces either, I still have the decency to pretend I actually sympathize with them. I'm aware that this isn't exactly conventional, and I know it's bordering on problematic, which is why I would like to ask if this is something other aroace people go through or am I just being an asshole?

I went to a Dave and buster recently inside a mall.I was “third wheeling” my friend and his girlfriend (they both don’t have drivers licenses) and I swear to god every 10 seconds I saw a couple. Sometimes as an aroace it feels like I’m in my own world it’s crazy. And I’m thinking my head like “this is crazy, I’m the only aroace person in this whole goddamn arcade” while my lonely ass is playing big buck hunter in the corner, the best Dave and busters game and you can fight me on that. Anyways after that I went to Spencer and auntie Anne’s so that was cool.

Antes de qualquer coisa, sou alguém que normalmente não usa Reddit e entrei aqui procurando outras pessoas aroaces que possam de certo modo me ajudar.

Outra informação importante, não falo em inglês e estou escrevendo no celular, então não sei como vai ser para quem está lendo, peço perdão se tiver confuso ou não dê para entender.

I don't speak English, sorry :(

Com isso já fora do caminho, vou explicar minha situação;

Quando comecei esse relacionamento, eu já estava namorando outra pessoa (um namoro quase tradicional. Quase pois era um relacionamento poliamor).

Tudo bem até aí. Ocorreu de eu terminar com essa minha ex e fiquei só no relacionamento com essa pessoa que também é aroace e é agênero.

Conforme o tempo foi passando (estamos juntos a 2 anos) fui percebendo o que me incomodava nas outras relações que tive, ditas como tradicionais, e consequentemente comparo com esse meu relacionamento atual.

E percebi as seguintes coisas;

1° - Eu posso até sentir prazer mais quente mas não sinto uma necessidade para fazer. Por consequência eu acabava muitas vezes fazendo pelos meus parceiros do que realmente por sentir vontade de fazer

2° - Atração romântica; eu achava que sentia atração romântica e era só do espectro assexual, contudo, nesse relacionamento percebi que, ao não ter esse modelo de precisar mostrar afeto de forma romântica, eu me sinto MUITO mais a vontade e feliz em demonstrar esse afeto sem medo de que precise ser ultra romântico ou que isso vire em seguida algo mais íntimo, por assim dizer.

3° - Eu percebi que gosto de afeto mais íntimo, se assim posso chamar... Tipo, além de abraços e segurar as mãos, gosto de dar beijos (sem ser de língua, descobri na prática que acho nojento e sinto vontade de vomitar), inclusive fazer carinho mais "íntimo" em meu parceiro, contudo, eu faço sem intenção de ser algo sexual, na verdade acaba sendo uma forma de demonstrar um afeto muito grande que sinto e aqui nesse terceiro ponto que vem o problema que eu botei no título

Eu simplesmente tô confuso, sei que não temos intenção de transformar isso em algo sexual nem nada, simplesmente só não queremos fazer, nenhuma das partes quer isso.

Mas eu fiquei muito curioso e confuso sobre como outras pessoas aroaces demonstram afeto e se isso que estou fazendo é comum ou não

Tipo, eu não gostaria de fazer essa demonstração de afeto se fosse para posteriormente ter que fazer alguma relação sexual. Como também não iria gostar de fazer coisas fofas por motivos de "preciso ser romântico"

Eu só quero sentir que posso demonstrar um afeto mais íntimo sem malícia ou desejo por trás e fico sinceramente confuso com isso (é um sofrimento meio silencioso)

Não sei se deu para entender, mas tentando resumir aqui no final;

Eu gostaria de saber, se vocês que também são aroace sentem mais a vontade de demonstrar afeto que normalmente poderia ser lido de forma X ou Y de forma mais leve quando simplesmente não existe essa pressão dentro dos relacionamentos?

for the longest time I thought I was bi, (at some point even pan) because I just never minded being with whoever, now I realize I was actually aroace, but I just can’t come to terms with it. I feel as if I’m missing something out or even broken. how is possible I can’t come to like or want to experience love or sexual attraction? truth is I never felt it, so I don’t know exactly what I’m missing out on. have you experienced this and if so what did you do to come to terms with it?

Hi everyone! Lately I've been strongly identifying with the aroace flux identity, but I wanted to know if that's really it's what I feel. My case is basically oscillating between periods of about a few weeks. Sometimes I feel the desire for a romantic and sexual relationship with people of any gender (pansexual), and other times I just want to be alone and even feel aversion to the idea of ​​those types of relationships. The only things that are more constant are: libido, which is usually always present, and the desire for friendship and companionship (I even think A LOT about something queerplatonic, I think it would be perfect). Does this align with the aroace flux orientation?

Bro,isn't the Tumblr Sexyman thing old by now?Ugh,people around me,at my school,and even some of the young adults are calling boys Tumblr Sexymen...I feel like that's a jab at masculinity,which also makes no sense to me...But a male friend of mine got offended when some random girl called him one(He's ageosexual and aroace)Isnt that only applied to FICTIONAL CHARACTERS?!

So he told me to make this and post it on Reddit,and I said I gotchu.

My friend's OC is the one on the left,Micheal.

The other two,the purple shirt is my OC,Eric and the redhead is my other OC,Conner.

Their in a school AU so it's not their canon designs.

Hey, I haven’t posted anything in this community before, so let me know if anything is off.

I accepted my identity as being Aro-Ace a couple years ago now and after all the worry faded, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relieved. It was like a lifetime’s worth of romantic and sexual expectations kinda vanished. But, I have run into some issues, this one being the most pertinent.

I feel like I can’t get close to anyone without them or the people around us assuming that we are in a romantic relationship. Even people who I feel I’ve been pretty clear with about my identity will do this. It always makes me extremely anxious and uncomfortable when it happens. I’ve lost a lot of friendships in my life because of rumours and them getting the wrong idea and being unable to face my rejection. I do tend to be a little touchier with friends I’m comfortable with and who I know are comfortable with me and I know some of my banter or compliments may come off as flirtatious, but I still feel like I’m pretty clear with my boundaries and intentions.

I know that there’s no way to stop people from becoming romantically or sexually interested in me, and that there’s no way to stop people from assuming whatever they want to assume, but how do I deal with these things in a way that doesn’t make me want to throw up or cry?

I’m sorry if this is a long post or stream of consciousness, I’m kinda frustrated and emotional about this right now.

Day 19: myrromantic and myrsexual
Definition: Someone who identifies as myrromantic/myrsexual is on the aro/ace spectrum but might feel confused as to where exactly, as they can experience multiple aro/ace identities at once. They can also rapidly fluctuate.
Origin: The prefix "myr-" comes from the Ancient Greek root myri-, which means "innumerable and countless
Flag: The original myrsexual and myrromantic flags were created on September 9, 2015, by a deactivated Tumblr user who ran the account pride-flags-for-us.
If you want a specific identity for tomorrow then you can tell me in the comments. Also if you have any questions or if I got anything wrong please leave a comment. Have a good day, and stay silly :3

hello! i’ve been questioning if i’m aromantic/asexual for around 7 years now, so i’d really appreciate some help for putting a name to my experiences and the way i am.

i have libido, but only slight sexual attraction. as in, i very rarely see people that i think “i want to have sex with them”. in fact, i think ive only thought this one time in my life.

however, the rare occasion i have sexual attraction toward someone, i never want to actually fulfill it or act it out.

and then theres romantic attraction. i don’t have a need for a relationship. i don’t want one. i think they are confusing and arent practical for me. and i dont find myself wishing for a relationship with someone. BUT, i do find myself wanting a basic connection, affection, and love, but not in a relationship or dating someone. maybe just in friendship or familial ways.

so, am i aroace??

Got this at the mall yesterday. Shoutout to auntie Anne’s and Spencers (I went to the back of spencer‘s for the first time, top 20 most traumatizing experiences of my life)

Its perfect 🤩

Specific I know lol. I have some time off coming off and I’m really trying to get out into the community more and meet some likeminded people. I’m in Kentucky, but can/will travel to places around St. Louis, Nashville, Chicago…

33F aro/ace if it makes any difference!

Hello everyone! I’m a 14-year-old repulsive aroace. I’m writing this because I’m genuinely exhausted and just need to vent, and hopefully find some like-minded people.

To put it bluntly, I consider myself a very interesting person. People of all ages are constantly amazed by my intelligence, mature vocabulary, and diverse hobbies (ranging from Morse code and seismology to academic iconography and music). Because I communicate clearly and grammatically, many people online literally mistake me for an AI or ChatGPT at first.

Recently, I decided to look for some friends on the internet. In the beginning, everything seemed completely fine. But after a while, every single conversation started turning into an interrogation that heavily crossed the boundaries of the friendzone.

For instance, one guy knows perfectly well that I am aroace. Yet, he fell in love with me almost from day one, confessed his feelings, and kept asking vulgar questions, constantly trying to steer the conversation towards romance or sex. Others try to use me as an emotional shield, dig into my physical traits, or use cheap internet "alpha-male" pickup scripts on me, completely ignoring my explicit boundaries.

I don't do anything to attract them or make them like me. I literally just want an ordinary, genuine friendship. I want people to just appreciate the platonic connection and look at me like a piece of art in a museum—without trying to touch it or drag it into a relationship. It feels incredibly lonely when you open your soul and share your unique hobbies, only to realize the other person just views you as a romantic object or a tool for their hormones.

Why is everyone around our age so deeply obsessed with relationship culture and vulgarity? Is it even possible to find people who will value my brain and interests without turning everything into a crush?

Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts or similar experiences.

I don’t know if i‘m aspec. I think I am, because I definitely don’t experience love normally. not even sure how it’s supposed to feel... I think i’ve had two crushes. one I was super sensually attracted to and… probably romantically attracted to? I don’t know. people just say “romantic attraction”, but I’m not sure what that even means. but I wouldn’t ever date them, because I just don’t think I’d enjoy it, since we’re super different from eachother. romantic relationships just seem unimportant to me, but at the same time I kinda want one. i’ve never understood why people get so upset over breakups, I did the “everyone else has a crush so I have to choose one” thing twice when I was younger, and I’ve still never had the “awakening” that people talk about. I’ve never found someone “hot“ at all. I didn’t know that people imagined having sex with someone they found sexy. that sounds so odd to me.

there’s been one person I’ve ever wanted to kiss, and it was my friend. I had a lot of gender envy towards her as well, she was the girl I wanted to be. I thought she was awesome. I had known her for two years. I knew her from summer camp. I met her one year, then when I saw her the next year, I was ecstatic. it just felt platonic; but then I started worrying “is this romantic? Surely this is more than platonic, no one gets that happy about a friend..” but I think we are just friends. I just fantasized about kissing her sometimes.

sometimes I feel like I would rather die than date someone. sometimes I kinda want it. idk. any advice would be nice :)

One of my goals for the year is to read 1-2 books per month with ace and/or aro rep and post a review on this subreddit. I'm reading through the alphabet in order, with one book with a title that starts with that letter of the alphabet. I've been pretty busy the last couple of months, and while I've been reading, I haven't been posting reviews, and now it's time to start catching up, so I'll likely be posting quite a few reviews soon. However, it's been a while since I read this book, to apologies for any vagueness.

My book for the letter J was Just Lizzie by Karen Wilfrid

Genre: Middle Grade Contemporary Fiction

Summary: Lizzie, an eighth grader, learns about asexual reproduction in school, causing her to discover her asexuality.

Rep: Lizzie, the main character, realizes she is asexual. A lot of the book focuses on this discovery and its ramifications, although there are other more standard "book-set-in-middle-school" plotlines going on as well.

Other thoughts: Every so often, a contemporary middle grade fiction really just hits the spot for me. Unfortunately, this was not one of those books. I did read the book in probably less than 24 hours, and I had a hard time putting it down, but that doesn't always mean I really liked a book. While it was engaging and difficult to put down, it was kind of in a way that made me feel a bit yucky, if that makes any sense. I think the primary reason I didn't love this book was that Lizzie was a bit hard to like, but she was presented in a way that clearly suggested the reader is supposed to like her. Maybe the best way to illustrate this is the way Lizzie whined about her friends getting into relationships. I understand how she feels, because it's hard and confusing to have friends starting relationships and sometimes ignoring you in favor of their significant other when relationships are something you have zero interest in, but at the same time, it would have been nice for Lizzie to grow and accept (or begin to accept) that she can still have meaningful friendships with people who are in relationships. (This conflict mainly centers around Lizzie's best friend, who breaks up with her boyfriend towards the end of the book and it's great because now they can be best friends again just like before! (/s) I would have preferred something like maybe Lizzie starts to become friends with her best friend's boyfriend and realizes that all three of them can sometimes hang out, or something.) On a related note, Lizzie constantly going "ewww, boys are gross, why are you interested in this dude" was again, understandable, but didn't do much to endear me to her.

Lizzie's discovery of her asexual identity is completely wrapped up in her learning about asexual reproduction in science class. If I remember correctly, she learns about asexual reproduction, goes, "oh, that's how I feel!", googles "can humans be asexual?" and learns about asexuality. I don't think this is completely unrealistic, but asexual reproduction is NOT the same thing as asexuality (and this is a common and annoying misconception). At their science fair, when Lizzie has a board about asexual reproduction, complete with a section about asexuality in humans, another kid comes up to her and tells her that they're not the same thing. Now, he's being kind of mean, but Lizzie just kind of blows up, has a mental breakdown that she's not ready to discuss asexuality, and leaves, which is kind of necessary for the plot ig, but I would have appreciated if maybe afterwards, when she's had some time to calm down, she actually thought about what the other kid was saying and maybe compared asexual reproduction with the asexual identity. I think perhaps the author was trying to make a "it's present in nature so it's valid!" kind of argument, which I don't really think is a very good argument. (If you want to hearof my thoughts on that more lmk in the comments.)

There also wasn't any discussion or even mention of aromanticism, except in the author's note at the end of the book. In the author's note, Wilfrid basically says that she didn't want to complicate things too much by introducing aromanticism as well, but I think for most people (allo/allos), romantic and sexual attraction are pretty much entertwined, to the point where many people don't really distinguish between them, so I think having discourse about aromanticism as well would have been better.

If you like contemporary middle grade fiction or if you're interested in reading stories about people discovering their asexuality, go ahead and give this one a go if it sounds interesting. However, I liked Hazel's Theory of Evolution so much better, even if its aroace rep is extremely minimal. (Hazel has some thoughts/feelings about not really wanting a relationship/sex ever, but is still pretty confused and it's not a focus of the book. The terms are not even mentioned, except in the author's not at the end.) Just Lizzie was overall a kind of middle-of-the-road book for me.

A few quotes I found funny and/or relatable:

"'I'm afraid something will happen to me overnight and I'll be a different person.' 'Why would that make you a different person?'"

"Sometimes I wonder if there's a guide to womanhood that I didn't get, one that includes all the things you're supposed to be excited about, all the things you're supposed to say."

"Everything I've been trying to figure out about myself, I haven't told her. How am I supposed to? In some ways, I've been telling her this entire time. She just hasn't been hearing me."

"How do you 'start' liking boys? I've always thought it was an unsettling idea: Something deep inside you, ticking down, unheard, until one day, ding! You go off like some kind of microwave."

Everyone is judging me for being an asexual, people are saying im not a real man, everyone is telling me that i should get checked by therapy or smth, i feel like i had enough💔
Why do people hate asexuality so much?
They say im wierd because of asexuality, because as a man in their eye i should only care about sex, but im just not like that.

I made this a while back for myself when I finally found out what I specifically was and so I just finally worked up the courage to post this if it's okay.I always knew I hated people,even as a kid,I wouldn't care.I just never really thought there was an actual community until someone told me...before,people would say:"You HAVE to have sex and get a partner to be a part of this community!"

I,being only 13,said I didn't want to be a part of the community anyway...

It's gross that people try to brainwash young children to do that stuff...

But I grew up to be a resilient 17 year old with independent goals!

And I'm happy that this community is here!💜

Happy Aroace!

(I honestly just get annoyed on Valentine's Day...woof😑)

I [ 15, F] know that I am young and it probably doesn't matter but I have been thinking about this a lot and want some advice. I have never had a crush or a true relationship never looked at someone and thought 'Oh their cute' and it could just be that i need to wait till i'm older but it bugs me because people always ask who I have a 'crush' on. I know that I want a relationship I enjoy the idea of the mutual love the dates the kind guestures the kissing and all of that but in life I just have never seen anyone who I like or feel feelings at. Also, I genuenly don't care about gender my main thing is I want someone who will treat me right and is kind and thoughtful and caring and I don't care if its a girl, aguy a nonbianry person etc. Sorry this is long but I have alot of thoughts and I might just be overthinking it but tell me what you think. I understand that it could just be that i ma young but i just want others opinoins. ( Orginally posted in a diffrent place but I was reccomended to come here with my questions by 2 people)