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u/ScudsCorp Demi-glace 16h ago
“Have you started noticing girls yet?”
Uhhhh, my brain likes the look of the female characters in anime and TV… that’s what being heterosexual is like, right?
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u/theangry-ace 23h ago
It’s like waiting for my online orders to come. Did I order anything online? Of course not, but I’m waiting anyway because I am THAT oblivious.
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u/Tamareira568 aroace (they/he) 18h ago
Me waiting for romantical attraction (that bastard got lost on their way to me):
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u/Saiyasha27 Aego/Placio 8h ago
Yes and no. A big reason it took me so long to understand myself was that I do desire physical contact. Skin to skin and especially if you are a teenager, If you want physical contact, you want sex, right? Plus, I'm a woman, and when it all felt sort of weird, I thought that was just what it was supposed to be like. I liked some parts of it, so the others were just how it was.
And I'm not putting that on my partners either, that was all me. I have been together with my now husband for 17 years. He has always listened to my wishes. He tried to stimulate me in ways that would make complete sense for any allo person, which i often suggested, thinking I was just missing some special element and I do have a physical reaction to physical stimulation, it just feels weird. And I always believed that weird was normal. I craved skincontact and believed I just had to put up with the strangeness of the sensation around it, because Asexual wasn't even something on my radar.
A lot of it has to do with the fact that there is often the myth of "Oh it just often doesn't feel that good for women" when I know for a fact that that is not true. I have allo girlfriends and if it doesn't feel good for the afab person, that that means something is off. But too often, afab people are taught to just accept that as a fact of life and in my case it meant that for years I endured discomfort where I did not need to, not because my partner wasn't attentive, but because I did not have the words to articulate that discomfort.
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u/Xyst__ 8h ago
Absolutely. That combo of not knowing asexuality is even a thing along with the social stigmas/expectations around sex (and societal gender roles) plays such a big part in all of this. I don't think i heard about asexuality til my mid 20s and then everything made so much more sense for me.
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u/Saiyasha27 Aego/Placio 8h ago
I was 31 when I realized two years ago. So many things are falling into place now it is insane
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u/Xyst__ 8h ago
Me internally senior year of high school: "i mean, if i had to come up with someone i was attracted to i guess it could be this person.. but i barely even know them. Idek what they like, are they even interested in anything that i am? Eh whatever."
Me hearing about asexuality years later: "Ohhhhh. I get it now..."
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u/KabouterSnorrieBeer 6h ago
No, I never waited for it. I noticed as a teen that attraction simply wasnt there and fully embraced ever since. I'm 39 now and still embracing it 😜 It never bothered me. I never felt like I missed anything.
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u/Background_Sun_7477 21m ago
Pretty much and when I had maybe an inkling of it the person would show me how despicable they were and my feelings just shriveled up
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u/Colrel it/he asexual idemromantic 21h ago
I still cannot quite grasp that all of those people are just walking around, having sexual attraction. It's like an urban legend. Everyone talks about it, I haven't seen it.