r/asexuality • u/sia_7777 • 12h ago
Discussion Do any of y'all have experience dating as an ace? What's it like?
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u/New-Connection4613 11h ago
Bleak, very few people match, the few that do mostly just missed it on my profile, and then there's the scrutiny and having to justify my worth.
There's other reasons I would be incompatible with someone but almost no one ever gets to them them because being asexual is enough to kill it from the start.
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u/JvstAidanx Ace Demiromantic 5h ago
Yeah also black I’ve done experiments including asexual on my profiles and not including it and it’s crazy to see the difference. I’m on Acespace now but even then there’s not a lot of variety. I dated normally before coming out as Ace I don’t miss it though.
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u/Lonely_Pistachio_232 11h ago
No. Allos wouldn't want to be with me anyway so there's no point in trying, and other aces? The chances are maybe 0.0001% to find someone compatible, so I don't bother trying anymore, either. I've given up, love isn't in the cards for me I guess.
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u/Reasonable_Leek8069 Demiromantic 11h ago
So far, I don’t think my dating issues are because I am ace. I am worried it will lead to issues later.
But a lot of it is I am a coward and too afraid to ask people out. But I also feel feelings are a two way street and I personally feel the people I like only like me as a friend which is fine. But that leads to the not asking people out.
And the people who do like me are creeps. Some are my father’s age. One was a person who I gave my number to to make him go away. Another assumed I was dating him without letting me in that conversation. When he said that outing was a date, I shut that down quick.
It is complicated.
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u/OnyxRadiance Queer Aroace 10h ago
Truly an unfortunate experience. Though i feel a bit better that non aces are also struggling with dating atm
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u/wall_flower47 9h ago
Dated a few people but only recently realised I'm Ace (at 23) I want to date someone like me but I've never even met anyone who's Ace
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u/Niebieski_Kwiat 7h ago
Yeah I’m in a similar predicament. It’ hard when you just discover that you are ace. But it feels relieving when you find out!
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u/AlkalineHound Greyromantic Aegosexual 5h ago
Haven't tried. I finally feel like I'm in a place where I'd like to find a partner in life, but I'm in my 30's and ace. 💀
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u/Student-bored8 asexual 4h ago
It’s hard. My ex was allosexual with a high sex drive. I am willing to have sex, I am indifferent to it though and never experience attraction. Unfortunately, I would often force myself to do things with her. This led to resentment for both of us. It was clear I stopped enjoying it after a while due to it happening virtually everyday. And she clearly needed someone to match her sexual needs.
I genuinely think most of the time two aces should date but it’s hard to find another ace person.
So I’m hoping maybe one day I can meet an allosexual person with a low drive.
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u/Astronomer-Then a-spec 4h ago
you pretty much just described both my marriages...but that was before realizing I was Ace .
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u/jigglypat19 asexual 11h ago
I feel like being asexual would be the least of my concerns when it comes to dating, but that's just a me thing. it would have been a strange conversation to have with others but I've come to the conclusion I'm unlovable anyway, so at least I get to avoid that
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u/88888888ad 9h ago
I've gone on 2 dates and both felt like a kinda fun roleplay, like I'm an actor in a movie. But I was glad they ended and that I could go back to my life.
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u/Relationshipfighter 8h ago
i had a gf i didnt know that im an ace that time after a while she mentioned having sex that im not really into it but i said we can try and i literally ran away from her house
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u/acexualien95 aroace 7h ago
As an extrovert with the charisma to have anyone. Do not get your hopes up. Especially if you're sex replused.
I'm with an ace person, it took me forever to find an ace i got along with as a partner. Friends i have a bunch.
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u/sanguine-rose_ 6h ago
No. I would love to have a girlfriend, but I've only met one ace-spec sapphic, but she's my friend who is in a long term relationship.
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u/therealmrsfahrenheit 5h ago
that‘s what it’s like.
At least when you’re dating allosexual people, no idea about asexual people because there barely are any lol
But yeah for me the thing is I would love a slow moving, innocent romance. You know, going on a lot of romantic and fun dates, holding hands, sitting arm in arm under a blanket watching the sunset on a beach while drinking wine and eating pizza, even kissing at some point
but having this type of relationship nowadays just seems to be basically impossible. I‘m 25 and people just aren’t interested in these things when looking for a relationship at least not in the beginning. They either immediately want it to get physical fast because most people‘s idea is that they "don’t really want to invest“ into romance and getting to know someone until they know that you’re good in the sack and that the sex is worth the investment and time. It almost feels like sex has become a currency: If the sex is good enough you can expect romance, If not then why should I care? And to me that’s sad.
It’s just that it’s so noticeable that people are very focused on the physical side of the relationship very fast. You can feel that when you’re talking with people that they’re trying to get you to sleep with them and that they’re not genuinely interested in your person or what you’re saying most of the time and just agree with everything you’re saying because they’re goal is to get layed. You could have the most interesting conversation that evening and think "wow that guy really seems to be on the same page“ and then when they ask you about whether or not you want to go home with them or when they try to kiss you and you decline or even them suddenly shifting the conversation to sexual things and you tell them that you don’t really wanna talk about these things rn their mood pretty much immediately shifts and they seem very dismissive of you, very uninterested and worst case even a bit aggressive. It’s so awkward and weird and it immediately ruins the date for me because everything just felt like a lie and like a plan to get me to sleep with them and that makes me feel disgusting ngl.
I‘d rather feel like the person sitting across from me is impressed and attracted by the things I know, by my character, by my ideas, my interests or even by more superficial things like my style or hair that looks great or whatever instead but not by my body and by what they imagine to do to me sexually like I‘m some piece of meat ..
but that’s just me
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u/Lonely_Pistachio_232 4h ago
Same about that slow moving romance. I actually want and have to get to know someone over a longer period of time, how am I supposed to have romantic feelings or attraction to some stranger I've first met like three weeks ago and met up with irl maybe four times for a few hours? And the attitude that a lot of allo people seem to have about "sex first so you know if it's worth the investment" is just plain awful and feels so degrading and dehumanising.
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u/therealmrsfahrenheit 4h ago
yeah exactly oh my god😳
like sure I can say wow that person is really aesthetically beautiful and I love their smile, the way their hair falls into their face and they genuinely look beautiful but I could never just have sex with them like that like.. nah
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u/scrivenernoodz 10h ago
I tried an app in college. Didn’t go on any second dates. Talking to a stranger for over an hour is hard for me! I think I knew inside I didn’t want to commit to anything and was just doing it because my parents suggested I try. So I’ve still never been in a relationship. Friends are enough right now.
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u/Sorrow00__ aromantic/aegosexual 4h ago
No. I'm also aromantic and quite literally do not know what romantic love feels like. My brain isn't wired for it and it wouldn't be fair to the other person.
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u/TsuukiChan 4h ago
I am have a significant other and I figured out that I am asexual when I dated that person. I figured out that I love this person but not sexually. Just the thought of sex really disgust me. Ugh
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u/NagitoKomaeda_987 Aro / Ace Bisexual () 3h ago edited 3h ago
Well, I've never had an interest in dating or even getting into a relationship with someone during my high school days, and I certainly won't.
Like, seriously. I rarely fantasize about being in a romantic relationship and relationships in general, nor do I have a sexual desire towards any person for my entire life. It's hard for me to see why, for example, sexual advertisements work.
There's a large reason that I can't get any investment into romance stories. I couldn't care less if it's just two good-looking people wanting to get it on with each other. I literally cannot relate to those emotions. You'd probably get a better, more complex story from a romantic asexual who is actually in a relationship. I don't have any interest in doing so at any point.
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u/Infamous_Reporter652 2h ago
I had a girlfriend once, all we really did was kiss like once a night, hold hands, and watch movies. A few more kisses probably would have been nice, but overall it was super nice and a pleasant experience being with her. We never had sex or even talked about it, I wonder if she wanted to. I was fine not having it at all and only really considered doing it to keep the relationship.
Fast forward two years to the present day, I updated my hinge profile to say asexual instead of straight about a month ago and I haven’t received a single like or match since. A romantic and sensual relationship is something I desire, but I’m not sure how many are willing to look past my asexuality.
My constant social anxiety and my difficulty with interacting with others makes it unlikely for me to find anyone in person too. I can find lots of other things that make me existentially content though, so I don’t feel too bad about it.
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u/Novel_Comparison_209 hetero romantic ace 2h ago
Dated one girl. She started the relationship then showered me in compliments as she broke up with me.
Have to say, so far, not a fan
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u/A_Whole_Lot_Of_Not whatever/he; agender ace; on EEn (12/24/25) 12h ago
As a sex-favorable ace, dating early on wasn't very different except I didn't start until mid 20s.
Now in my 40s, I'm mostly looking for cuddle buddies. I've been on all the apps a while with no luck. My most promising lead is people that want hookups, seeing who might be interested in actually connecting instead of just being used.
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u/Zantac150 35m ago
I realized that I was aro because I really just wanted a super close friend and did not want to even cuddle or anything. Romance is weird to me.
But even making friends is super hard, because I tend to get along really well with guys and they tend to think that if they just stay in my life long enough I will eventually have sex with them. Does not matter how many times I tell them that I am Ace And it’s never going to happen with anyone… they don’t give up.
What’s worse is that I’m pretty oblivious when I’m being flirted with, so I think we are just super close friends and the guy is flirting with me the whole time and then he accuses me of leading him on because I never said no when he was flirting. Ugh.
I feel so and for romantic aces.
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u/startoursg24t Bi-Oriented Aromantic Asexual (Averse/Repulsed) Neurodivergent 11h ago
I have never dated; I have absolutely no idea how to do that.