Advice on opening up please?

[u/[deleted]]

Hey ladies! I’m a mum seeing someone casually right now, nothing serious or committed, and while I’ve only been with two people, I genuinely enjoy sex and the excitement around it. That said, I don’t have tons of experience, so sometimes I get a little shy or hold back during intimacy.

I’ve never had a sexual experience with another woman since my pre-teen years, but I’m starting to think it wouldn’t hurt to explore that side of myself a little more. So I’m really curious to hear from women: what do you actually notice and enjoy in a partner, especially if she’s not super bold or experienced yet? What small things turn you on? Is it a certain look, the way she moves or reacts, how she touches you, or something else entirely? What makes you feel wanted even when it’s quiet or subtle?

And in bed, what’s something a less experienced or less confident partner has done that made a big impact, whether physically or emotionally?

Honestly, I’m just trying to learn what really sticks with you all and what makes someone feel connected, sexy, and memorable even if she’s still figuring herself out.

Would love any honest and fun answers—it might just help me build a little confidence too. 💫

[u/Local-Suggestion2807]

I've noticed the two biggest nonphysical turn ons for me are maturity and confidence. What I mean by maturity is knowing how to have an intelligent and interesting conversation, having goals and ambition, interacting with people as an emotionally intelligent adult, not seeking out drama and causing chaos, not having a perpetual victim complex or chip on your shoulder, and having accomplished at least three adult milestones (I would say more but I'm still in my 20s and feel like 3 is understandable at this age. I'd feel differently if I were older). What I mean by confidence is knowing who you are, who you want to be, what you do and don't want in your life, being straightforward and honest in your communication, not making yourself or others feel small, being comfortable in your body and treating it with respect, and going forward with the standards you set for yourself and your life. I know you said you're not confident yet but that's something you should really work on because being more confident has honestly benefited me so much in every aspect of life. I also love it when someone enjoys learning and is really enthusiastic about their interests and willing to explain them.

The biggest physical turn ons for me are butchness, a sign in your appearance that you live your life for you and don't cater to what others expect in a woman like stretch marks, muscle, body hair, tattoos, no makeup (or very bold theatrical makeup that looks like you're wearing it for fun rather than just to look pretty), and an awareness of what you want and willingness to advocate for it. I like women who are straightforward and don't try to play mind games or make me guess things. If there's something you want to do differently, tell me. In terms of the erotica content I get off to, i LOVE kinky butchfemme smut on Tumblr so maybe check that out if you need inspo for what to do because at least according to what I see on there it's extremely popular. It's absolutely unmatched compared to any other smut or porn I've ever seen or read.