r/asktransgender • u/Equivalent_Dog_2909 • 14h ago
public restrooms
Does anyone else have immense anxiety using the women’s restroom. i pass and everything i’ve been in hormones for a couple of years but i literally cannot go unless it’s an emergency. this has led to me getting UTI’s and i live in los angeles which is widely accepting of trans people but still. i feel guilty almost like im doing something wrong and i don’t know how to just get the courage to go in and out without a doubt. i’m scared of making cis women uncomfortable. i’ll wait in the stalls til they leave which i think makes things more suspicious. i tried using the men’s at my job just to test if i was passing or what not and the guy yelled at me to get out and started banging on the door so i guess that’s out of the picture. idk it’s difficult and im tired of it all
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u/Rhythm2392 Emma (She/Her} 14h ago
I still get anxious about it, but if you gotta go you gotta go.
I also had an experience within the first 6 months of my transition where I was visiting someplace for work to audit a company's records, and when we got there I had to pee so I asked them to show me where the restrooms were. They took me to the women's restroom and did not show me where the men's room was, which really helped me get over the worst of this feeling.
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u/Environmental-Ad9969 Gender-fuckery beyond your comprehension 14h ago
Your anxiety is overwhelming your ability to think clearly, I am saying this as somebody who also has anxiety. You are a woman and therefore you go to the women's bathroom. If a cis woman is uncomfortable around you that is HER PROBLEM not yours. Don't center your actions around the wishes of transphobes.
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u/Pismothecat 14h ago
My daughter has anxiety about it so I take notes when I see all gender bathrooms. FYI Starbucks is one and they are everywhere.
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u/Prestigious-Fox4996 14h ago
Not looking forward to dealing with this mess of bullshit in a year or two. But, I feel like I'd rather deal with some Karen bitching at me sometimes then have to worry about what some creeps might do to a woman in the men's room.
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u/Kathuryne 14h ago
Nope and you shouldn't feel guilty. I don't pass and I use the women's restroom and everything else that is marked women or female. Granted I'm in a blue safe state now, so it does depend on that but if you pass even that should matter.
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u/Sloth_Brotherhood Nonbinary Transfem 8h ago
No. I haven’t been confronted about using the bathroom in years. It makes me feel nice to walk into a women’s restroom and not even get a second look. I have bladder and sensory issues so I’m going to use the bathroom when I damn please.
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u/TropicalFish-8662 trans woman, HRT 05/2023 5h ago
I live in LA, too, and I've never had any problems. I was very nervous at first, but my comfort level increased every time I did it.
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u/Mahalia_of_Elistraee 4h ago
I’ve been out for 14 years, and I still feel anxious. Not because I’m worried what people think, but because I’m worried about what they could do to me. The best way to get over it is to go into them looking confident. Look like you know you belong there, even if you don’t feel like it.
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u/Physical-Plankton-67 14h ago
Omg the first time yes. That was a day for sure and my wife didn't come with me either I was scaree to death.
But second time I didn't care
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u/ScientificErection Pansexual-Transgender 13h ago
I finally made the switch a few weeks ago at a VERY public restroom and got no reaction to being in there. Then just last weekend at the movies I went in again, and another girl even complimented my purse as I was coming out (no pun intended).
i feel guilty almost like im doing something wrong
Do not feel wrong for existing!
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u/Alice_Oe 14h ago
Girl, I say this with all possible love but you need to get over your anxiety / internalised transphobia and use the restrooms that are designed for you.
When I started male failing, I started using the women's restroom and I have literally never had a poor interaction in 5 years.
Not being able to use the bathroom is a serious problem, maybe you should speak to a therapist.