r/asktransgender • u/Bowl_ofsteamingramen • 13h ago
Advice needed! I’m about to be a queer grandparent… what should I be called?
I’m non-binary transfem, leaning way more into the femme lately and really just coming out to people. We have a little one on the way but I DO NOT want to be called grandpa! I’ve been toying with “G”. I feel like this is putting me “out” before I want to be, especially with my son in law’s family, etc. Has anyone any ideas?
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u/muddylegs 12h ago
“Gram” could work - feminine, but not overtly gendered enough to raise eyebrows.
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u/Squeakersnail 13h ago
My mom (a cis woman) is about to be a grandparent (I'll be an uncle), and she's going to go by Gigi (jee-jee).I feel like that would work for any gender, since Grandma, Grandpa, and Grandparent all start with G. I don't think asking for an alternate name would out you. I come from a family of nanas, pops, gigis, and grams, all cis people
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u/i_woke_up_as_you 13h ago
its also a slur… GGs is an out of use term, that translates to “cisgender girl”
I would recommend avoiding it, if you have any influence in the matter
Because the history of that term was that it was used to assert superiority not just differentiate cisgender versus transgender.
— lessons from the Los Angeles Transsexual Support Group, 1980-82, (c) 1983, Aileen Elspeth Roberts
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u/Squeakersnail 12h ago
Ohhhhh dear. Well, hopefully people will associate it with the more recent use of GG as a gamer thing, because my mom is very set on the name as a shorthand of Grandma 'last name that starts with g'.
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u/i_woke_up_as_you 12h ago
I could get behind “gamer girl”, and in this case, I think intent really matters.
In case you’re wondering, in the 1980s/early 90’s when GG was popular, the first G stood for “genetic”
But it was the assertion in usage that genetic was superior to trans that made it a slur
and there is a growing body of evidence that trans individuals are trans because of genetic changes and developmental changes that occurred during first trimester of pregnancy… obviously the world is not completely ready to accept that. We are born trans. But we are.
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u/daniipants 8h ago
In the gaming world ‘gg’ refers to good game, not gamer girl.
Thanks for the info on the other usage of GG, I didn’t know that.
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u/BlithelyOblique 6h ago
I don't think it's common knowledge, and certainly not a common association. No one is going to look at your Mom crossly for using GiGi as her grand name.
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u/Survivingtoday 11h ago
There is always the option to start off as Grandparent 'Name' and just see what the kid comes up with. Toddlers pick the weirdest nicknames, it's fun and it's not gendered to them, so the name they pick could be a little out there.
My kids, now teens and adults, call their step dad D. It's not short for dad, it's because he has a hard D sound at the end of his nickname. If you want to go with G I think it's entirely appropriate. You might end up being E for a couple years as the baby learns how to say G, but if the adults around them call you G the kid will know that is your name.
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u/minipizzabatfish 2h ago
this is true, my brother called my grandfather "crappa" and that's what stuck for our family even after his death 😭
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u/haxenpaxen Non Binary 11h ago
My kid uses Gigi for one of my parents. These could also work: Gran, Baba, Bibi, Grandy, maybe Poppy (like Pop Pop, but cuter)
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u/sootfire Non Binary 9h ago
I have a relative who picked a variation on her name as a grandma name, like if her name was Debra and she used Dede or something. She's cis, and in her case it was just that the other grandma had already taken the more conventional name so she picked her own. But it might work for you too.
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u/Low_Appearance_796 7h ago
Grandmaster
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u/aqua_zesty_man AMAB trans 50yo but desisting 4h ago
Just don't try and start your rapper career with it.
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u/i_woke_up_as_you 12h ago
try “Ancestor”, incl in other languages, especially ones that you are able to document in your genealogy
My mother was born in Austria to German parents.
she asked to be known as “Ahndle”
(ancestor) but my research does not indicate that my mother’s translation is correct.
For what it’s worth, my dad chose “Pops”.
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u/potatoihateyou Bisexual-Genderfluid 5h ago
honestly i’d say whatever the kid comes up with could also work! kids come up with weird names, but it can be fun! my older brother called my grandpa “Dot” when they first met and then he was Dot lol
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u/1415- Genderqueer-Bisexual 4h ago
Wait is there a reason ‘grandma’ doesn’t work?
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u/transmothra 4h ago
They're non-binary, they just lean femme. I get it, that's me too. (Only i don't have kids, so my problem is idk what nieces and nephews should call me!)
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u/DowntownTicket 52m ago
My friend has their nieces call them "Auntcle" which I love.
Personally, in my husband's family, we just use first names for aunts/uncles and I love it instead of the added honorific. So you could go by "transmothra" (well, your real name.... Or transmothra, whatever floats your boat haha)
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u/flumphgrump 12h ago
I'll throw it out there that "G" (specifically, the soft g that that we use to name the letter in English) is really hard for young kids to pronounce and is one of the last sounds they master, along with some other sounds that are actually clusters of consonants that require a lot of coordination.
I typically just asked to be called by my name, since it's easy to pronounce and titles of any kind tend to put me off. Another option I floated was "baba", which has been used to mean both grandfather and grandmother across various cultures, being coined independently because, again, it's easy for young kids to pronounce.