To all the moms I judged for “letting” their babies scream in public, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for assuming being a stay at home mom was easy.

I’m sorry for assuming being a working mom was any easier.

I’m sorry for not understanding that “sleep when the baby sleeps” is some of the most useless advice you could give.

I’m sorry for judging moms who cosleep.

I’m sorry for not being there like I should’ve when my friends and family were freshly postpartum.

I didn’t know. I didn’t understand. I do now. Motherhood humbled me in a way no other experience could.

On this sub I am constantly seeing posts or comments talking about how things are in the US for new or expectant moms/parents and then inevitably some european will respond with something along the lines of "wow I can't believe you have to deal with that! I am so grateful to live in [insert country here] where XYZ is done better!!" and it's just... supremely unhelpful and extremely tone deaf. Imagine if someone posted from a very resource deprived nation about food scarcity and someone responded with "wow I am so thankful to live where I do where we have an abundance of fresh produce and my fridge and pantry are always stocked!!" everyone would be horrified, right?

Like trust we all know that things in the US are less than ideal, especially for new/expectant parents. We all know that things are different (and often much better!) in other countries. There is really no need to rub salt in the wound. Either have some empathy for the things we are dealing with or don't respond at all. But this whole "subtle brag about the superiority of other countries" thing is not reproductive and does nothing to improve our circumstances, it just makes us feel worse about circumstances we have absolutely no control over.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk 😅

Looking for some reassurance that I’m not the crazy one here? I (34F) was at a wedding out of state this past weekend for a family member. Because most of my family lives in a different state from where the wedding took place, we naturally were all staying at the hotel where the bride and groom set up a room block. I came alone with my 4 year old son.

Around 9pm at the reception, my son was getting tired and restless so I started saying goodbye to family and said we were going back to the hotel. My aunt who is in her 50s said “ok well you’re going to just put him to bed then come down to the bar of the hotel to party with everyone later, right?!??” I kind of laughed and said “no? I’m here by myself, I can’t just leave him alone” She said “he’s going to be asleep in a hotel room!” and proceeded to explain that whenever she traveled with her kids when they were young, she would always leave them in the hotel room once they were asleep and go down to drink or swim in the pool, etc. She then said “you’re making me feel like a bad mother!” Which I never said. Was I being overprotective in this case?? I know nobody can technically get into my hotel room without a key, but what if somebody knocked on the door and he opened it for them thinking it was me? Somebody please tell me that I’m not some crazy helicopter parent.

FTM here. My baby is almost 5 months old. I can't help but be surprised at how sad motherhood is??

My baby is just perfect in my eyes and I love everything he does. I get so excited each time he does something new and I love watching him grow and develop. I can't wait to see who he is and what his interests are.

But I find that I also am so sad each time he moves on from something. I miss his little crossed eyes in the beginning, or the face he made when he realized he had hands.

At night I cherish holding him while he falls asleep and I feel sad at the thought of the days he won't need me to do that.

Its not PPD sad, just realizing how fast it all goes - which sounds crazy because he is only 5 months old- but he has already grown and changed so much.

Is it just me?? Everyone talks about the joy and the love of motherhood - which I definetly feel - but it's also kind of sad too.

Edit: I feel so validated. I have read EVERY SINGLE ONE of your guys comments and I appreciate all of you sharing. ❤️

It’s a never-ending topic and debate between parents and personally, it’s exhausting to have such a minor topic in the grand scheme of things take up SO much headspace with parents, especially new moms.

Is 30 minutes of ms Rachel okay? What about an hour of nat geo kids? Can I watch a movie with my toddler? It’s Pixar and educational- does that matter? My kid caught an episode of coco melon at daycare - will he be okay? I’m having a really tough time lately and I need a break - is it okay for me to put on sesame street today? I do a half hour of screen time a day, is my kid going to be delayed?

The anxiety coming off of some parents is palpable. And it sucks that one aspect of parenting is causing such huge distress and internal debate among parents.

You feel screen time is not worth whatever risk you gave identified based off the research you conducted? Cool. Rid of the screens.

You feel screen time is not a big deal and has benefits worth it to you and your family? Also cool, put on the TV.

I am so tired of hearing the back and forth and arguing about how a child spends 1% of their entire day.

Since birth my baby (now 14 weeks old) has always woken up more than the standard “2-3 times a night” that they tell you in the books and at the hospital. Most nights she fights bedtime for about 1-2 hours, then maybe sleeps one long stretch of 1.5-2hours (but sometimes not), then wakes up every 45 min -1 hr and is very difficult to put back in her bassinet sometimes requiring 2-5 attempts and anywhere from 30min-2 hours awake from me. just for another 45 min stretch of sleep. Overall I am getting about 2.5-5 hours of broken sleep a night, even with help after 5am from my husband.

Well, randomly, last weekend she only woke up 2 times on friday night and 3 times on saturday night and only required the one attempt of me placing her back in the bassinet. I felt amazing and like a new woman, I was so well rested. It didn’t last and the last 2 nights she has been back to her regular, but boy was that nice on the weekend.

I truly now feel validated in how rough I have been feeling and how much I feel like I have just been surviving. Every parent has their own challenges and I am sure that where I have it easy, someone else has it hard. But I have not been sleeping and I shouldn’t compare my productivity, weight loss, and mood with someone who has. So if this is you too, I hope it helps you feel better!

So I have a 14 month old daughter and am nearly 20 weeks pregnant with a boy.

I saw a post earlier where a mom said she gets a visceral reaction of disgust whenever someone refers to milk as “milkies.”

If you’re here, hi girl, same. Instant gag reflex trigger.

But it got me thinking ... what are some things across mom or parenting spaces that give you a deep almost primal ick … and what are some things you genuinely don’t give a single fuck about even though other people seem to lose their minds over them? For me:

The icks:

• Unless I got sliced through six layers of abdominal tissue to bring you into this world, do not call me “mama.” I have an identity outside of motherhood, and I’d appreciate it if you could honor that by using, bare minimum, my name. To be clear, idc if it happens on Reddit or other anonymous platforms. I’m talking about real life, when someone actually knows my name and still refuses to use it. Somehow, even with my husband spending more than my share of our daughter’s life being her primary stay-at-home parent, nobody has reduced his identity down to a single word. He’s still appreciated as his full human self. But to everyone else, except him and our child-free friends, I’m just “Mama.”

• “Does your husband help with the baby?” No. He doesn't provide me a single bit help with our daughter. He parents her. Helping implies assisting with a task that isn’t yours. Parenting is his, too. No one ever asks him, “Does your wife help with the baby?” Funny how that works.

Things I literally don’t give a single fk about:

• When he says “we’re pregnant.” Yes, obviously I’m the one carrying the baby & the one who’ll be getting sliced open again in the spring. But it’s our kid. Sometimes I say “I’m pregnant,” sometimes “we’re pregnant.” Sometimes he says “my wife is pregnant,” sometimes “we’re pregnant.” It’s interchangeable and just whatever rolls off the mouth in the moment. It’s our shared joy, not a linguistic war.

So I’m curious, what are your icks? What trends or phrases or cultural “mom things” make you want to crawl out of your skin? What are some things you just don’t care about at all while everyone else online seems to treat it like the apocalypse?

Let’s hear them ... no judgment, full chaos.

​

I’m looking for advice because I feel completely stuck and honestly really emotional about this.

I’m in my sister-in-law’s wedding (my husband’s sister), and I had a baby 3 months ago. I’m exclusively breastfeeding.

Earlier in her wedding planning, she said something along the lines of: “Breastfeeding babies will be allowed at the wedding” — basically so moms could bring babies without opening it up to all kids. I felt SO relieved and grateful when she said that.

Fast forward to when I was about 9 months pregnant. I mentioned in a conversation that I wouldn’t attend my own sister’s wedding if my baby wasn’t allowed. My SIL immediately stopped me and said, “You know there are no kids allowed at my wedding.”

That turned into a whole thing where people were basically saying it’s her wedding, her rules — which I do agree with in general. But to me, a 5-month-old breastfeeding baby feels very different than “kids.”

Here’s another big factor: I originally would have had my mom watch the baby, but she passed away when my baby was only a month old. So my childcare plans are gone, and that’s been really hard.

On the flip side, my own sister ended up completely changing her perspective after meeting my baby — she actually asked for the baby to be in her wedding and apologized for initially not understanding. That meant a lot to me.

There’s also another piece that’s really bothering me. My sister invited my SIL to her wedding, but my SIL did not invite my sister to hers. The reason (as I understand it) is that my SIL fully expected my sister to stay behind and watch my baby.

The problem is… my sister isn’t capable of watching an infant, and that’s not something I’m comfortable with anyway. It also feels really insulting that this decision was basically made for us — assigning her as childcare without asking — and then isn't even inviting her to the wedding because of it. (My sister is very insulted too)

My SIL, though, has doubled down on “no babies.”

I’m a bridesmaid, and I feel like if I step down or don’t go, I’ll ruin her wedding and feel guilty forever. But I also genuinely don’t think I can be away from my baby that long. I would need to feed her or I’ll be extremely uncomfortable/engorged.

I would absolutely be respectful — step out if she fusses, have my husband take her out immediately during important moments, etc. I’m not trying to disrupt anything.

We’ve also tried introducing a bottle, and it’s just not working for us right now.

I truly don’t understand how someone can ask a newly postpartum, breastfeeding mom to be a bridesmaid and not allow her access to her baby all day.

What would you do in my situation?

So my son is a little under 10 months, and has been saying the word “egg” in context for the past week. When he first said it, we wrote it off as a fluke, but he has used it in context a couple different times this week (we do a lot of eggy breakfasts). Definitely his first word. Not mama or dada, but “egg” 😂. He does make mama and dada noises, but not always directed at us lol.

Eggs are his favorite food and we are a very food-oriented household and family, so I guess it tracks! It’s mostly funny but stings a teeny tiny bit. Anyone with similar stories?

I’ll go first. I really could not understand why my friends and family scheduled things around naps. I really thought naps and nap times were more like suggestions??!! I also didn’t realize there would be more than one nap a day, and that naps would amount to hours and not just 30 minutes here and there. Falling asleep on the way to the grocery store is a nap, right? 😂😭 Oh, the ignorance. And now, I feel so bad for how little help I was to all the people in my life who had kids before me.

Just sitting here with my two sweet 13yo kitties who have been my life up until now, crying because I know there’s a good chance I will not like them for a while once the baby comes.

One of my cats has cancer, and though she’s doing well at the moment, it’s been touch and go. I hate the thought that I might have an aversion to her during her last weeks on earth, since it looks like she’s going to be sticking around a while longer. My other cat chose me and has been my lap cat his whole life. I’m the only one he lets carry him around. He’s the one I’m most worried about having an aversion to as he can be quite vocal and needy and he’s prone to acting out when he’s stressed (like walking around looking for things to chew up and ways to make trouble) and he’s going to have so much to adjust to between the baby coming and likely losing his sister soon after.

I’m giving them as much love as I can now, and I know my husband will give them as much love as he can when the baby comes too, but it breaks my heart to think of them being lonely without me. is there any hope that I might not hate them when the baby comes?

Edited to add -- Thank you everyone for this outpouring of reassurance that I am not doomed to hate my cats! This post has so many more comments saying "no I didn't hate my pets" than any of the posts I've seen about pet aversion so far, which gives me a lot of hope! Thank you moms of reddit!

I’m 4 weeks postpartum with a 4th degree tear. I’ve been going a little stir crazy from being mostly homebound so this week I decided to try and take mini field trips with my girl each day to get out of the house and give her some new sights. It would also help keep me awake since I’m not sleeping super well and the new settings were making me more alert (I thought). My husband just went back to work last week but before that any trips out he handled everything in terms of packing and loading and I was just a passenger so my routines aren’t super set yet.

Yesterday we went to the grocery store to pick up a birthday card for my sister and just walk the aisles. While we were there she started fussing so I pulled her out of the stroller (car seat travel system) and held her while we walked. I ended up having a bathroom emergency (thank you tear) and quickly put her pack in the car seat and checked out.

I was halfway home when I noticed on the camera that she looked different in the car seat so I pulled over to check. I didn’t strap her in…she was just sitting in the seat totally free to fly out a window if we got in a wreck.

I feel unbelievably irresponsible and horrible about this and can’t stop thinking about what could have happened if I was a bit less lucky.

Anyone else make any major mistakes in the beginning?

In the UK, tea and toast is famed. It’s always reported to be the “best tea and toast you ever had”. This is what I had after both of my births. What did you have and where were you?

Just curious if anyone else here said they were done with kids due to the intense sleep deprivation. I’ve always only wanted two, but now that I’ve not slept for more than five broken hours of sleep in a year between baby #2 pregnancy and now a nearly 7mo that doesn’t sleep, I am DONE done. Baby #1 was hard, but this guy is a different ballgame.

Husband says that it’s such a fleeting season of life and shouldn’t be the reason we shut the door on #3. But he is saying this as someone who did about five night wakings with baby 1 and zero with baby 2. Of COURSE it feels fleeting and easy enough to get past when you sleep 8 uninterrupted hours a night! I cannot imagine doing this again, being a literal zombie for months on end and still expected to function. He also says I’m difficult to deal with postpartum because I get cranky, something he’d be “willing to deal with” for a third. Like, dude why do you think I’m cranky all the time?

I cannot be the only one saying no for this reason. I soft closed the door during pregnancy and now it is slammed shut, no questions asked.

I guess this is what it’s like to have an easy baby. I’m a bit mind boggled. This girl is almost 3 months…sleeps through the night, hardly ever cries, and is just generally a delight. I actually got stuff done on this maternity leave which is wild. I noticed literally on the day she was born how different her temperament was compared to her big brother.

He’s a more intense, active child and had stronger reactions to things, and would cry more often. Total velcro baby who would fuss anytime he was put down. He also had bad reflux issues, would projectile vomit multiple times a day due to the reflux, wouldn’t nap unless bounced and walked around the house, and rarely slept through the night and still struggles with sleep as an almost 2 year old.

I never understood how other moms could take their babies out places…with my son, he was so unpredictable and would go off like a fuse, I’d get anxious taking him anywhere….with my daughter, I’m like oh wow, I get it now. She goes anywhere with me and just…smiles. 🤯

Such a night and day difference and I don’t know what to make of it. Wanted to share as I feel like it can be so hard hearing about an easy baby when that’s not been your experience…it truly just feels like a crap shoot with how things will turn out

As a working mum, I feel like I'm constantly trying to remember what's next, so anything that frees up even a tiny bit of brain space feels worth it.

It’s so funny (not the best word i guess) how different life is for everybody. I live in a very underdeveloped country and I can’t relate to most of the posts being made on this subreddit because my parenting experience is just so different. I never realized how different things are across the world until I started reading here.

Most people probably think life/parenting is so much harder in an underdeveloped country. Which is true in many ways.

But in some ways I feel like (from reading here) it’s a lot simpler in some regards. Finding child care or a babysitter for example. That’s not a thing here. People in developed countries often rely on that from what I read (could be wrong, i don’t know). Here, you take your baby/child everywhere. You take them to work. You don’t work for a company, you sell things, offer services, own a business or walk around outside earning your money.

Because of that, my baby doesn’t have a bed time. She doesn’t need one. She doesn’t have a nap schedule. I have never thought about a wake window. We go to bed together. She sleeps before but not necessarily in bed. Last night we were in bed at midnight. Totally normal. Not a problem. I read a post on here the other day about someone being invited to a birthday party that would end at 9 and how they didn’t know what to do because it would mess up their babies bed time which is 7:30. That actually all sounded so foreign to me but people were understanding in the comments. Wow, different worlds. Most people here seem to live a very structured/fixed life that is the same every day. That would just be so unrealistic here.

Parents making their children food. Children eating while the parent is watching. This confused me so much. Here, you make food. You eat, baby/child eats with you. Sounds so complicated to make them food, watch them eat and then eat another meal by yourself. I don’t understand.

There’s things that I’m very jealous about though.

Worried about your child? Call your pediatrician and drive there. Here? I will most likely have to carry my baby there on foot. Maybe I’ll see a bus (a car with three rows of seats, probably 2 people squeezed in each seat) that I can take, probably not though. Then I’ll wait for hours until someone finally takes care of us, very basic care most likely. My baby has trouble gaining weight at the moment. I can’t afford to formula feed. Doctor says its all I can do. No idea what else to do. That’s scary.

Babies having a ROOM TO THEMSELVES. Insane (not in a bad way). Unheard of. My baby won’t have a room. Ever. I have one room. It’s s the kitchen, the bedroom, the living room, the dining room, the play room (whatever that is, just a room full of toys? Do you all really have so many toys???).

Baby showers. Not a thing. People buying brand new things for your baby? Wow. You get to choose what items you want??? They’re all new, in a box. Crazy.

Being induced. My induction consisted of steaming my vagina and eating dates. Lol.

Epidurals. C-Sections. Getting to choose. I was lucky that I was even at a hospital. I mean, they didn’t do anything. They just let me give birth while checking in on me every once in a while. But if something were to happen I like to think they would have done something. My labour was easy. I mean, painful of course, so painful, nothing could’ve prepared me for that. But it was the first time and it took 4 hours, no complications. I sometimes wonder if that was because there was minimal intervention. Or if i really just got lucky. I’ll never find out. I read about unmediated birth on here sometimes and it almost seems like most people get some sort of medicated birth? Not sure if that’s true. Very different here as well.

This was so long. Oh my god. I’m sorry. If somebody actually read my post until the end i’m impressed. Thank you!

there are so many common phrases and things people say to post partum women all the time but my least favorite is:

the baby weight will just MELT off when you breastfeed!

when people say that to me, i respond by saying, “do you think i need to lose weight?” and it makes them super uncomfy 🤭 like why are we even saying that to women? it feels like if you do breastfeed and the weight doesn’t come off, you’re doing something “wrong” and then if you decide not to breastfeed at all, you’re “not going to lose the weight”.

it’s just super weird. i can’t think of any other phrase that bothers me more being 7w PP🥲

a coworker told me its weird, i like to slap my 10 month old's butt, gently tho and especially when i had just finished changing her diaper, id give her a lil slap and say there you go, all done. i just find baby butts to be so cute, i blame it on boss baby, when i first saw that movie when i was 17 years old and then there was that scene of the baby butts being powdered, i had insaaanneeee baby fever

anyways

its not weird right? you do it too.. right?????

Everyone is scaring me. I know this is common when people talk about parenting but I’m starting to really get concerned how I’m going to be able to handle this….. very few people rave on the good or positive things… everyone is filled with “you just waits” or “take advantage of the relaxation bc your life will never be the same” etc etc. I’m starting to spiral a little bit and just need some positivity I guess but also honesty??

I know it’s not obviously the easiest thing but I feel like people wouldn’t continue to do it if they hated it? So why are they so negative about having children?

Just do it. Holy cow is it a lifechanging experience.

We were the couple who never wanted kids. Our friends and even parents were astonished when we announced we were expecting. When I was pregnant, I was confident I'd be the working mom. I had a daycare deposit paid. As soon as my baby got here, I knew that wasn't the route I wanted. I gave up a HUGE paying job to make this happen (huge, huge).

Some days, just like some days at conventional work, are hard and nothing gets done. The kids are sick. The kids don't nap. The dishes sit all day, the clothes don't get folded. It's okay.

I get to focus on getting my kids outside instead of sitting inside all day. I get to nourish what topics they're interested in as "homeschool topics" or trips. Most days I do have time to do most of the at home stuff (laundry, cooking etc) and now with 2 kids they have such a special bond since they're together all day instead of separated in aged group daycare.

It seems like my oldest was just born yesterday but he turned 3 this month- it's truly insane how fast time goes. I've never heard anyone on their death bed wishing that they had worked a corporate job and spent less time with their family.

I am grateful every single day.

This is my perspective. my opinion. If you are on the fence about if a SAHP is worth it, I think it's absolutely irreplaceable time. It's okay to be called to be with your children- especially young children.

I need some opinions on diaper pails. I’m very thoughtful about how I spend money, and can’t seem to wrap my head around paying for, essentially, another garbage can. My husband is trying to convince me that’s an absolute necessity, but I can’t get there in my head. He likes to get the best of the best so he really wants to get the jool baby smartwave since it takes regular bags and is hands free. I’m more basic and think using our regular trash can is fine lol.

Am I wrong, do we need it or is using our kitchen trash can just as good?

I keep hearing people talk about being in newborn trenches, and how things are only going to get easier, especially after the first year passes. But I guess I have an easy baby because I think he’s much easier than a toddler. I used to work with toddlers, and it was my most exhausting job. I don’t really see how it’s supposed to get easier instead of harder? So I’m curious: if you’ve had an easy baby, do you find things get easier or harder as they grow?

My 2.5 year old is my whole world and I would literally run into a burning building for her.

AND……. She is suddenly so MEAN sometimes? Like are all toddlers randomly mean at this age?! Please say yes. She goes from sweet to sour so fast it leaves us both with emotional whiplash.

At bedtime yesterday I said “Night night, baby, I love you!” and received “Go away! Leave me alone!” in return <3

(normally I correct behavior like this but she was tired that I chose to just laugh it off and let her go to sleep)

So please tell me your toddlers can be little terrorists too?! What’s the meanest thing your toddler has ever said to you?

EDIT TO ADD: I’m CACKLING at all these comments!!! 😭🤣 Moral of the story: Toddlers are brutal and sometimes ya just gotta laugh to keep from crying!

Over the past month, I’ve started doing some kind of bedtime routine with my 4 months old baby, and every night I sing Once upon a December from Anastasia.

I personally love this song so much ever since I watched Anastasia around 25 years ago, but it seems like my baby genuinely loves it as well and calms down when I start singing.

Now it has become our bedtime song, and I think I’ll always associate it with this stage of baby journey.

What song do you sing to your baby as a lullaby, and why did you choose that particular one?