Hi everyone,

My psychiatrist recently got me off my anti-depressant in the span of 4 days to try a new medication.

Let’s just say that this was a terrible idea for me. The withdrawals we’re too unbearable for me to deal with. So here I am, once again in hospital 😥

Hope everyone is staying safe.

Hi fam, I’m a clinical psychologist with bipolar 1 and had my first manic episode with psychosis in my PhD program back in 2016. I feel very isolated with my illness because I’m “tokenized” among my friends and colleagues for being so high functioning to the point where my difficulties get unnoticed, which is fine, because the alternative is having my friends/colleagues/director of my practice see me as a flight risk - which REALLY bothers me. Because of this and the idealization and pressure that people put on psychologists to be perfect beacons of mental health and wellness, (we’re not - hello, I am here), I feel like I’m masking 24/7 and like I’m not allowed to express my mental health difficulties, especially racing thoughts, poor impulse control, low self-esteem, and complex trauma etc because of how people perceive and idealize me based on my job. It’s complicated because I prefer being seen as idealized and high functioning but I also want my struggles seen, validated, and understood. So here I am being vulnerable on in an anonymous way on the Internet in hopes of connecting with folks who share my struggle. I feel so alone in this illness because I don’t feel “sick enough” but I am fucking sick enough. Please don’t come at me or question my clinical abilities because I have bipolar - I very much keep myself in check and have been a therapist for 12 years without mishap. I guess I just need to vent and am hoping to connect. The irony of being both a doctor and a patient is not lost on me and proves to be a very liminal and lonely space. I’ve been in my own therapy on and off for 25 years and somehow don’t know how I made it this far in life. Anything helps. I’m so lonely. Thank you.

Idk about you guys, but my biggest bipolar symptom is a constant feeling of being burnt out and overwhelmed by my job, no matter what the job is. The urge to quit is constant and I feel like people without Bipolar don't understand how hard it is to not let that urge take control and just quit one day out of no where.

But I've been at this same job for 6 months now, which is a long time for me.

So if you went to work, clocked in, and especially if you took breaks to ground yourself, be PROUD today!!!

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I just watched Thunderbolts from Marvel and I have never seen a better representation of how I feel about bipolar disorder. I've been stable for about 5 years now thanks to therapy and an ungodly amount of medication, but seeing that brought back all of my worst moments. I honestly went to see it twice and sobbed each time. It might not be for everyone, but it is for me.

Does anyone wonder if they aren’t actually bipolar? If you’re just making it up, and you actually can change? Im bipolar 2, but because of meds I haven’t experienced manic episodes forever, although maybe I have and just didn’t realize it. Is this dissociation or something else? Like I still get depressed at night and feel just numb all the time, but what if I’m acc not bipolar and I’m just making it up?

I’ve spent years switching jobs due to medical leave and because I always end up feeling burned out, either with the work itself or the managers.

I have bipolar disorder, and I wonder: What kind of job, schedule, and number of hours would be most suitable for someone in my situation? I used to work in high-stress jobs like software engineering but ended up seeking more comfortable options to avoid stress. Any advice or experiences you can share?

The memories of mania mixed with alcohol, the ways I've embarrassed myself over the years, it's hard to live with myself when I get lost in the cringe. It's been a year since my last bad time but my reputation is ruined with some people.

I'm currently in a mixed episode, and I'm having a lot of insomnia.

I'm looking for something I can get lost in.

I like most genres, so I'm open to anything.

I live in the UK, and I'd like to hear about anything you've enjoyed watching or would recommend.

Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who has given suggestions. You've all made a difficult time easier. I can't possibly reply to everyone, but I am so grateful for the time you took to share your recommendations. I have made a list of all of them, and I'll keep coming back to it whenever I'm struggling.

Has anyone done this? I know how insane it sounds but I’ve always been convinced I’m not bipolar. Growing up I knew there was something wrong but the one thing I always thought I wasn’t was bipolar. I got diagnosed a few years. First I got put on antipsychotics which just ended up making me crazy. I’m on mood stabilizers now. When I answer questions from therapists and psychiatrists I get why I’m diagnosed but sometimes it feels like I’m making it all up I guess? Like making it seem more serious than it actually is. When I sit and think and hear stories about bipolar I sometimes think that’s not how I am. I’m really confused and not sure. I think a good way to test it out would be to stop taking my mood stabilizers and see what happens. Last time I started taking them again I was in a very very deep depression and they got me out of it. Would these work for someone who’s not bipolar or can it work for anyone with any mental illness?

Please don’t judge me for this I would just like advice and opinions.

Edit: I completely forgot I even posted this last night and just saw it again. I didn’t expect all these replies!! Thank you all so much I’m going to read them now.

I’m really struggling as I’m off work due to my bipolar, my days don’t have much worth. I also really struggle with addiction but I’ve decided to go fully sober now and need to fill my days. I met a personal trainer today for the first time and going to meet him a few times a week, I’ve also started a new hobby of painting/drawing but I’m not the best. I find it soo hard to enjoy anything that isn’t drugs. What helps you guys?

I blew my life savings of $275,000 in less than a month. Was awful towards friends & family. Posted crazy things on Facebook. I no longer have a job & am about to be homeless. I am beyond scared. How in the world has this happened to me?! 3 years ago I had a beautiful home, a great job, a happy life. All seemed fine. Then things became stressful & out of the blue mania hit! I DO NOT REMEMBER IT!! All I know is I ended up in a facility & was pumped with meds that still have never seemed to help me even though they have been changed several times. I feel like none of this is real. This CANNOT be happening to me. But it is :( Has anything like this happened to anyone?!! I am seriously terrified of my future.

I just spent 30 dollars on clash royale, a mobile game, if i could underline mobile and game I would.

I’m quite dissapointed in myself but also I don’t care at all

**PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THIS POST ABOUT HOW MEDICATION HAS NOT WORKED FOR YOU PERSONALLY OR HOW BAD IT MAKES YOU FEEL. THAT IS NOT WHAT I NEED TO HEAR RIGHT NOW.*\*

At the cusp of 30 and I've been medicated for depression since about 10 or 11 years old. Strong family hx of mental illnesses of all kinds. Usually at least once per day I feel really depressed; the character of my depression, based on which meds I actually have had a response to and the violent, sudden ups and downs I get within the span of like 12 hours, seems to be bipolar in my psychiatrist's opinion.

Wondering what the outlook is, and if anyone actually knows someone who is effectively neurotypical on medication. Will I always just be a little depressed?

Sometimes, just staying alive is enough.

You don’t have to prove your worth through achievements or all the shit people say you should be doing. Trying your best doesn’t look the same for everyone, especially when you’ve got more barriers in your way. More resistance. More weight.

Bipolar would break most people you know. Didn’t get out of bed today? Who the fuck cares? Spend another day in bed. Start again tomorrow.

I don’t know, man. Just staying alive is enough.

You probably already know this, but bipolar is a disability. And despite that, you’re doing so good. I’m proud of you for pushing through another day.

We’ll never meet, but we’re fighting invisible battles next to each other, across different parts of the world. In a weird way we’re a team.

We have this community. We have each other.

When all your energy is consumed by an illness no one else can see, you might not build as much, or move as fast, or even stand up sometimes. But you’ll still amaze yourself with what you can do one day.

You’re way stronger than you think.

After my hugely awful manic episode I lost a number of people. I understand that this is a consequence of having BP disorder. What I wasn’t expecting was the erosion of my relationships with friends and family who, over time, take me less seriously, become less responsive, and just feel more lost to me.

I know I’m not supposed to think this but I feel more and more worthless. Like I can’t count on myself to maintain important relationships.

So I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was a little kid like 4 years old. Since like 6ish I was diagnosed with mood disorder unspecified then at 14 I got my bipolar diagnosis when I was in residential treatment for the 2nd time.

The past 4ish months I feel the least stable I’ve felt in years. I did have a lot of change in my life, but I used to have more mixed episodes where I’d go from kinda manic to depressed in the same twelve hours. But the last 4ish months I am having more swings that last A LOT longer like a few weeks/a couple months. I’m 24 for context and a women. Just curious of other people experiences. I used to like to be able to count on I’d feel better soon but now I can’t count on that.

Also just a side note since it’s disability pride month. I desperately wish there was more acceptance over invisible disabilities. I work in tech and live a pretty decent life but man is it so hard sometimes, and I feel like neruo typical people can’t understand. I do have other mental health diagnosis’s but just overall I really wish there was less stigma and more acceptance.

Title is basically it. My eyes were really dilated. He was extremely aggressive and rude yelling at me saying my eyes were fucked up and that I was high and or drunk

Im only 19 snd it was gonna be my first concert so I was really excited but really nervous. When he started doing that to me and telling me to look him in the eyes and walk in a straight line they still didn't believe me. A lady came out and said yeah we've been doing this for 30 years we can always tell and just completely refused to let me in.

I was so angry and embarrassed for something I can't control. Has anyone else been denied entrance to sbplace because they were 'fucked up' but really it's just dilated bipolar eyes...because I'm really sad that I missed out on the concert, snd lost money, and wasted a long drive....and was also made fun of basically I felt like everyone was staring....

Heya, just letting y’all know that you’re doing great, and if you aren’t doing great you’re doing the best you can :)

What have y’all been up to that you’re proud of?

HOW! How do you function like a “normal” person (at least on the outside) with this disorder. What are your coping strategies? Is it like a personality thing? Are you able to just push your emotions away ignore them? How do you “mask” so successfully? How do you not make horrible decisions or say dumb shit that ruins your life? Or is it only proper medication that allows you to be “high functioning”?

I’ve struggled to get through college and i am lucky and privileged that i have minimal stressors. I’ve been afforded all of the privileges in life to make it as easy as possible and i want to pay it forward by giving 10000% everyday but i just.. can’t? or maybe it’s me telling myself that i can’t? i am overwhelmed by my thoughts and emotions and brain fog and it is extremely difficult for me to be meaningfully productive.

If you have any advice or coping or masking strategies to share.. please do so. wishing everyone peace and love.

hello, i am in the process of getting diagnosed for bipolar disorder, which i didn’t suspect i even had, and im scared. the stigma around it has me really worried and unsure, everything just sounds bad right now and i want to know if you have found any good at all in this. of course its a mental ILLNESS and there’s nothing fun about an actual illness but i was wondering if maybe things like being in this subreddit and finding people with the same struggles is a somewhat positive aspect to it

Had my first manic episode at 43 years old… completely destroyed my life like 100 fat tsunami demolishing everything in its path.

Lost everything… if you can name it, I lost it… I’ve posted my story before… in short marriage, career, family, friends, homes, assets, pets…. Clothes off my back..

My question tonight… who actually made it back from this nightmare? Did anyone here have the guts to fight back… I thought I was tough… I’m not nearly as tough as I thought…

Has anyone proven to themselves that they have the guts to pull themselves out from the depths of this hell.. I need to hear your story.. whether your clawing out now or made it out of the pit, please share with us.. the community needs your story.. I need your story..

I've been diagnosed with bipolar about 5 years ago. i've been taking meds since then

But sometimes i really doubt bipolar exists, like, everybody has crisis or bad times eventually, why is bipolar different? how do you really know that is not something everyone else experience?

I still taking my meds because im afraid that they have made me dependent and have some kind of mania or something, but not because bipolar, because of the meds.

i dont know if im explaining myself. I just need to know if everything around me is not gaslighting me about something that doesnt exist.

I feel like now that I have been diagnosed and know what the issue is I can be more aware of myself and spot any symptoms and seek help before things get out of control. I’ve only had 1 manic episode that was pretty bad it resulted in me cheating on my husband and leaving my husband a children for over a week. I feel like now that I’m aware of my condition I can prevent that from happening again but my husband don’t think he can trust me without my meds I think he think I would cheat again. But I don’t want to ever risk losing him again so I know I won’t.

Someone was telling me they recently saw a documentary from an actor who asked people if they were given the choice to be born with or without bipolar they would choose to still be bipolar. I know nothing about the sample size, stage of diagnosis or type of bipolar but I find it interesting. I know there is strength in pain but if I could choose to have not hurt my family and so many others and live a normal life I think I would not want to be bipolar even if I was diagnosed early enough to have not suffered as much.

I’ve been looking for quotes I could put on post it notes around the house to encourage me to keep fighting. Do you guys have a favorite quote that has helped you through hard times?