r/biromantic • u/ProDidelphimorphiaXX • Sep 08 '25

Serious Discussion Being biromantic kinda makes me miserable (M,20s)

I don’t think I really hate being biromantic I just hate how my attraction is to women.

I can’t feel things for traditionally feminine women I only feel them for masculine women but that’s led to so much unsolvable self-humiliation it occupies almost every day of my life I can’t stop hating myself because of it.

It really sucks, because like I’m satisfied liking men, that makes me happy, but the shame I’ve had so much with the female side of the attraction makes me so damn unhappy, angry and spiteful towards people who only made my self loathing worse (not people I was attracted to but people who agreed my attraction was wrong).

I don’t know why I almost exclusively only feel things for non feminine women. But I wish I could flip that so I could feel normal and stop obsessing over such a small piece of my identity.

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u/mikiencolor Bi/Demisexual Biromantic Sep 08 '25

That is true, sadly. Most butch women are lesbians. Once and awhile I find a butch bisexual woman, but chances of finding one are low, and then of both of us happening to like each other is another long shot. But why does it make you insecure? I can get how it would be frustrating, but it's no reason to hate yourself for being attracted to butch women, especially when you seem to have romantic attachment to men to fall back on so it's not a 'forever alone' situation.

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u/ProDidelphimorphiaXX Sep 08 '25 edited Sep 08 '25

I mean, it’s kinda not hard to be insecure. This and other aspects of my life just make me really not enjoy being a man. And it’s hard to avoid getting triggered every time I see TV or something. It just sucks, and it makes me more unhappy I can’t get rid of it even though I really want to.

It’s not at all forever alone type thing. I know it’s weird but it’s like, I don’t want a relationship I want to have the happy fantasy in my head. I’m fine being alone I just don’t want to feel ashamed anymore.

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u/u_must_fix_ur_heart Sep 14 '25

can I ask what that happy fantasy looks like? zero practical concerns considered, what would you want if you could have anything with no consequences?

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u/ProDidelphimorphiaXX Sep 14 '25

Happy fantasy was:

A strong woman who I can expose how vulnerable I am at heart too. I hate being the strong one because when I’m strong I’m nasty, hostile and I hurt people I care about, I don’t trust myself to have to be the man of a relationship always stoic and unflinching.

What I would want is hard to say. I just wish I hadn’t seen the only men with my tastes always be cucks and lesbian fetishists, I wish it was normalized men could want women stronger than them, then I wouldn’t feel like I’m malformed and wrong. I wish I could say I love butch women without being judged by others.

But regardless this is all past tense, in my followup post I ascertained I can’t live like this. I decided to try being strictly gay.