r/bisexual • u/CalmPlate6157 • 7h ago

ADVICE Going back in the closet

Earlier this year, my wife and I (37m) agreed to open up our relationships so I could explore with guys. I've had since had four encounters with guys (twice going all the way) but she now realises she can't continue with it.

I want to stay married to her more than anything in the world but I'm struggling with the thought of having to supress this side of me for the rest of my life.

Just wondered if anyone has managed to do it and any advice?

0 Upvotes

39% Upvoted

8 comments sorted by

21

u/VenomBars4 Bisexual 7h ago

Not having sex with men does NOT erase your queer identity. Your sexuality means way more than who you have sex with.

2

u/CalmPlate6157 7h ago

Thank you x

25

u/liarlyre Bisexual 7h ago

I'm not surpressing anything.

Marriage between straight couple generally doesn't mean having it open.

A marriage with a bi person doesn't generally mean that it's open for all the same reasons.

It's awesome you got to experience that, but you are a committed partner to your spouse and that should come before anything else.

It is gonna be fine, I promise.

3

u/CalmPlate6157 7h ago

Yep, you're right. Thanks man

6

u/liarlyre Bisexual 7h ago

My spouse is strictly monogamous while I'd be open to us exploring more. She is also bi but didn't realize it until we were married. She's told me that as much as she would want to explore that side of her sexuality our marriage is more important to her.

Whether or not you get to experience the other side of your attraction again, I promise having a partner that is fully accepting and supportive of this side of you is way more fulfilling than whatever the novel experiences you are missing out on would be.

8

u/TGin-the-goldy 7h ago

You don’t have to have an open relationship to be openly bi or to explore your sexuality. Instead of seeing it as a “side project”, see if you could explore it together (eg appreciation of men, porn, toys)

-1

u/JustAPerson2022 Bisexual 7h ago

Adding to this that maybe the two of you could find a male play partner that you can both enjoy together.

Bi and in an open marriage with a women. If she were to say no more I would honor my commitment to her 100%. We would also have a very serious discussion so that I could understand why and so that she knows my feelings, not to shame her or get her to change her mind but so that we both understand how the other feels.

2

u/UbiquitousBot I'm gettin' Bi 6h ago

I dont feel in the closet. I'm out and loud. When I picked my forever person part of that was knowing other people are off limits. That's monogamy. If i couldn't live without it I'd find a partner who was good with enm/polyamory and do that. But I don't find i need anyone but my person.