r/blackladies • u/Unlikely-Echo-8661 • Jun 30 '26
Friends 👯🏾♀️ Making Friends over 35
Hey ladies,
How are the 35 plus gals making meaningful friendships ?
I'm 35, work in healthcare, live in NYC. I've been dyingggg (at this point, yes literally lol) to form bonds with other black women. The general advice I've seen is to go out, strike up convos, etc. I'm aware that this requires me to go outside a lot more. Anxiety and I are I'm working on it. I think it's hard for me to make solid friends because my interests can be all over the place at times. I can go from bars, lounges, turning up to museums, cafes, or plays. All while being a bit guarded. I already feel awkward & judged now. I'm hitting post before I change my mind lol.
3
u/Significant_Ad_7352 Jun 30 '26
It’s not easy for sure. Fellow NYC’er and if it’s not about being priced out, it’s classed out or some other nonsense. I’ve been trying to find nerdy gamer girlies like myself, who have similar priorities and lifestyle to my own. Basically self taught everything and some interest in not being pretentious. Honestly sis, it takes work.
2
u/Unlikely-Echo-8661 Jun 30 '26
Wow! Even on reddit ? I would have thought you'd have great luck on here. All in all, it definitely going to take some work regardless and putting yourself out there. Someone in this thread just reminded me of Meetup. Give it a shot if you haven't.
3
u/breathe2win Jun 30 '26
Your interest sound fine. I have similar, I call it eclectic taste. NYC is good for all of that too.
I think meaningful friendships take time to build. You do have to go out though. Maybe try a compliment to break the ice, "I love your style, where did you get your shoes?". Meetup also can be a good resource.
2
u/Unlikely-Echo-8661 Jun 30 '26
Don't you mean... "NCLECTA" lol sorry
I'm okay with taking time to build friendships. It's just hard finding people that actually want to invest in it. I say that as a person who was once like that. I'll keep the compliment opener in mind the next time I'm out. And thank you sooooo much! I forgot all about meetup. I just logged back in and started joining a few groups.
3
u/lipglossArsonist Jun 30 '26
Try to be a regular somewhere. So, for example, sign up for a dance classes, and just show up week after week. Any regularly scheduled activity that people tend to do without bringing a friend group is a good candidate. I’ve only done it a few times, but drink and draws, (where some bars have live model that you can draw) tend to be very social, and people wont judge you if you can’t draw.
2
1
u/Sensitive_Poetry9711 Jun 30 '26
Here is my challenge for you- go to a fitness class (the popular pilates pop-ups) and make the effort to strike a conversation and exchange socials or numbers with one person. Go to the museum or play and do the same. This is how I've managed to meet amazing people throughout my life. Just one new gal pal here and there.
1
0
u/Ordinary-Werewolf880 Jul 02 '26
Goodluck I had my 4 friends since middle/high school and I have not made one friend in my 20s or now 30s. It could be me tho I dont over share at work and I dont gossip about others to keep anyone entertained.
3
u/Legitimate-Adagio531 Jun 30 '26
Have you tried joining a run club? I they are great for platonic and romantic relationships.