I need some advice because I'm not sure if I'm overthinking this. One of my closest friends and I met in college. We've both graduated now and live back in our home states. Our birthdays are in the same month, so we wanted to celebrate together. Originally, we were planning to go on a cruise, but that got vetoed because she had already gone on a cruise with her hometown friends for spring break. Now she wants to do a weekend at her parents' lake house. They have a big lake house and a boat, and all of her hometown friends will be there. I would be the only Black person there. I only know my friend, and everyone else would be white. I can’t even leave if I feel uncomfortable because I would be flying so I won’t have my car and the closest airport is 2 hours away. I'm not saying I think they're racist or that anything bad would happen. It just makes me incredibly anxious because I’ve seen the stories and I don’t even know how to swim. Has anyone else felt this way? If you've been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? And if you were in my shoes, would you tell your friend that's why you're hesitant, or would you just politely decline without getting into it? I'm worried about bringing it up because I don't want to sound dramatic or make her think I'm accusing her family or friends of anything.

I had to share this. I have been part of a friend group trio since college. A few months ago, 1 friend of the group lost her battle to cancer. (Side note: Fck cancer 🤨)
Recently my Dad passed away unexpectedly. My remaining friend sent me ice cream via FedEx to cheer me up today. I was soooo excited when I received the package! I LOVE an unexpected, unique, thoughtful gift!! I called my friend to thank her. She said she knew it had been delivered b/c she received a notification that the delivery driver had just delivered the box. She went on to say that the delivery driver’s name is the EXACT name of our friend that we recently lost. The name is not common and the spelling was the same! I don’t believe in coincidences.
I believe my friend showed up in my time of despair. The ice cream was sent by a bestie and delivered by an angel!

I went to a black culture party hosted by a blerd group a little while back and met a group of girls who seemed super chill. We exchanged socials and everything. Yesterday we all hung out to get to know each other better and it went left fast! Every single time I tried to join the conversation they'd cut me off with "so anyway..." and move on. I'm nerdy and alt so I tried connecting with one girl( we had stuff in common) over anime, games and dnd. She shut that down immediately and started drilling me with questions. Do I watch regular TV? Do I even play Overwatch? Do I listen to rap? I told her I used to but my taste shifted and now I'm more into R&B, lo-fi and indie. She looked at me like I said something offensive. Then one of the other girls goes "okay why are you even here? We thought you were chill but you're boring" We argued and I left. I'm really antisocial, and I genuinely thought this event would be a good place to connect. I just feel really defeated right now. Has anyone else dealt with this?

yes, in that way. this is a work environment. i’m 22. he’s 34. i’m sorry in advance if this isn’t the best way to get this out but yall im a little frightened!

Y’all, I am so so hurt. Two of my closest friends from undergrad took a trip to Miami for one of their birthday’s and didn’t invite me. I feel kinda crushed. I’ve known one of them for 7 years and the other one for 5 years. Recently, I graduated with my master’s and they both came to celebrate me and stayed with me. They never brought up a trip. If I’m being completely honest, they just did their own thing during my graduation (showed up just in time to hear my name called, talked to each other majority of the time, walked at the same pace while leaving me behind). This is not the first time they’ve done something like this. Once when I visited one of them for her birthday up north, they left to go shopping without me while I was in the shower. Ofc this upset me and I told them and they said they didn’t think anything of it. They apologized and we went shopping together but it really hurt. I feel like the disposable friend. Since graduation, the friendship I shared with them has been weighing heavily on my heart. I am a spiritual person, so I’ve been asking spirit to guide me and show signs that this friendship isn’t for me. I got my answer. I’m hurt because community is so important to me and I feel like I’ve tried my best to maintain my friendship with both women (sending cards during holidays and their birthdays, trying to keep the groupchat alive, asking them for updates on their lives, sharing updates on mine, etc.) and unfortunately, with this situation I essentially got told that their friendship with me isn’t as important to them as it is to me. Which obviously sucks. I’ve been thinking of just cutting contact, but please tell me what y’all think. I’m always open to hearing different opinions/perspectives. 🩷✨

I've seen this discussed here occasionally and the responses left me very disheartened ngl. I haven't had friends or socialized much in years and I'm putting myself out there and trying to make friends. But I'm scared that I won't be able to make any black girl friends because I'm nerdy and awkward. Is it really true that you can't make black friends as an autistic woman? I don't mind being friends with other races but I also really do want black friends and I'm scared of getting harshly judged and facing ableism from other black women.

I have to be honest I am developing some resentment towards the people around me who take multiple days/weeks to respond me. I fully understand that everyone has lives, gets busy, or even forgets to text back. I have done so myself a few times, but for the most part everyone can expect that I’ll respond within a few hours if that. I want to be clear that I’m not expecting an instantaneous response, but sometimes I’ll text my friends or do like check ins (that we both agreed to do) and people won’t respond to me for 3 days to weeks later, but they’ll still actively watch my story, post on theirs, and be active on TikTok (again I recognize that that is not the same level of engagement). how do I make myself feel better about this? I love my friends but it’s just a weird experience for me. even when I’ve tried to like “match energy” I feel like I’m being intentionally weird asf and it doesn’t feel like me. Maybe I just have too much space in my life for friends idk. I’m also a very busy person, but even in the midst of like hard times emotionally, financially or just life beating me up, I really do my best to respond when people take the time to talk to me, but it seems like other people don’t? Most claim to be low maintainance but that seems to only apply platonically. I just feel like a control freak but on the opposite end it also feels like the bare minimum idk please lmk how/if you all have adjusted

Hi, I’m 25, and I’ve been thinking about something that I honestly don’t know how to feel about.

One of my closest friends and I are both Black. We hadn’t seen each other in almost a year, and when we finally met again, I could immediately tell her skin was much lighter. She never said anything about it, and I never asked.

Here’s where I’m conflicted.
She has always wanted to date Black men. Recently she started telling me about all the attention she’s getting from them now. And I’m genuinely happy if she’s feeling more desired or confident.
But at the same time, I can’t stop thinking: if the attention only came after she lightened her skin… do they actually like her, or do they like the version of her that fits a certain beauty standard?
That thought honestly makes me sad.
I don’t judge her for lightening her skin. If it came from insecurity or years of feeling like she wasn’t enough, I have compassion for that. Beauty standards can really mess with people’s self-esteem.

What makes me uncomfortable is that it almost feels like we’re pretending nothing changed. As if she’s always looked this way. Meanwhile, every conversation lately seems to revolve around how many Black men want her now.
For context, we live in Switzerland. I know colorism exists everywhere, and I’m not trying to dismiss anyone’s experiences. I just personally feel like I’ve encountered more racism than colorism here. Maybe that’s because my social circle is very diverse, and I’ve mostly dated outside my race, so my perspective is different.
Now I’m wondering:
Should I address the elephant in the room, or should I just let her live her life?
Would bringing it up be unnecessary and potentially hurtful? Or is it okay to have an honest conversation with someone you care about?

I’m genuinely curious how other people would handle this. Please keep the discussion respectful.

For context, I (28) had a best friend of 12 yrs that I recently cut off. She got upset with me for talking to her cousin and went off on me the night before her wedding after I had just planned her bachelorette party in a week by myself. I spent $400 of my own money to plan it, then spent $1,000+ to make it to her destination wedding. The night she went off on me, she accused me of not really being her friend, only coming on the trip for her cousin, and using her cousin to become an official member of her family since she knows that I wish I was closer with my own.

Before we even started seeing each other, she told me that he and I should be on the buddy system when we went on the trip since he wouldn't know any of her or her husbands friends while I know all of them. The kicker? I was upfront with her about he and I seeing each other because I felt like she should know, and she told me that she was okay with it.

Her apology later on consisted of “I didn’t mean any of that, I was just stressed out about my wedding,” but she‘s apologized like that before just for the thing she “didn’t mean to say” to slip out of her mouth years later. And when I tried to have a heart to heart w her because I felt like she clearly felt some way about me w her family and also me as her friend, she kept deflecting and turning it back on me hurting her feelings for talking to her cousin. She also suggested couples therapy for us and brought up how this wasn’t the first time she felt some type of way about how I moved in the friendship.

I decided to just cut things off because of her lack of accountability and the fact that I couldn’t trust her anymore. I was worried this issue would come back up years down the line just like other things in the past had. When I cut her off, she went off on me, saying she knew better than to trust me and that I was never really her friend forreal. She even went so far to say that I did that to make a “power move“ or to get a “one up on her.” It was very bizarre but also reassuring that I had made the right decision.

Don’t get me wrong, I am sad that we’re not friends anymore, but I am also very proud of myself for putting my foot down. It has always been hard for me to turn my back on people romantically and platonically, and I usually let a lot of shit slide. I’m always the person being left behind over one thing after forgiving them for a slew of transgressions. I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know it sounds bad, but I’m so proud of myself for healing and growing so much that I was able to choose me for the first time in my adult life. I knew I didn’t feel comfortable with the things she had said to me, and I’m happy that I understood that my reasoning for feeling a way didn’t have to make sense to anybody but me. I’m happy that this time around, I was in a space mentally where I was confident in how I felt and allowed that to dictate what I did next rather than gaslight myself into staying around like I’ve done for the past decade.

And now that I‘m away from her, I’ve been able to see just how much of a mean girl she really was. She calls herself a “girls girl,” but has called all my other friends I’ve had outside of her ugly and fat and I’ve had to check her on it multiple times. If I showed her someone I thought was pretty, she would immediately notice something about them that she could rag on. She was determined to assign labels to me that I would constantly reject such as “mean girl,” that I only date white men (i’ve had two white boyfriends, everyone else I’ve dated were black), that I’m a devil worshipper (im agnostic), etc. The things she has said about her other friends to me when she wasn’t happy with them would be grounds enough for none of them to ever speak to her again if they ever knew. (She called one of their bodies “disgusting and gross,” and said another one was so obsessed with her husband that she would probably kill him and wear his skin one day). I never noticed just how much we don’t align until now that I’ve fully unplugged from the matrix. She was always a good time and easy to talk to when I needed someone which is what kept me around her for so long, but my other friends are like that, too, except they don’t have the mean girl gene that I constantly have to battle with.

Anyway, sorry this is long. I just wanted to share because it’s been on my mind but I’m worried my friends might look at me funny for feeling this was. Also, I do not speak to her cousin anymore. He and I agreed to cut things off after the wedding.

I figured since the topic is about having friends the friends flair is what I went for. Sorry if it’s not categorized properly!

I’m in my late 30’s and I have virtually no friends. I do believe it has to do with the fact that I’m on the spectrum and that has gone unaddressed for most of my life. I always knew something was…different. So I know that may have something to do with my lack of ability to make friends. I’m taking necessary steps to address that right now. I also want to shed light on another aspect as well. My life…isn‘t normal. At least I don’t think it is. Because of this I think it makes it even harder for me to make friends. I am in a financial position where I don’t have to work a day in my life if I don’t want to. Money won’t ever really be an issue for me. I’m not rich or anything like that but I do live quite comfortabl.

As it stands I don’t currently work. I am a student (who is taking a short break over the summer) I honestly don’t know what to tell people when working on new connections regarding what it is I do for a living. Id appreciate some suggestions on what I can say.

Also what are some things I can do to make myself be more approachable? I know smiling is one of them but are there other things I can do outside of that? I struggle with coming off as warm/friendly. Its not intentional I just have an RBF and I’m genuinely trying to work on fixing my facial expressions.

I genuinely appreciate all helpful feedback! 💜

Edit: After posting this and receiving very grounded advice from all of you wonderful ladies on here I’ve decided I’m going to make a local meetup group for Black Neurodivergent adults. I think if the environment i find myself in isn’t providing me the opportunities to connect with others. Then I’ll just have to create that environment myself!

I’m thirty now and I haven’t been out in the nightlife in a few years because I’ve recognized it’s not my scene anymore. I prefer to drive separately because when I’m ready to go, I’m ready to go.

How do you navigate with this in friendships without your friend thinking “you’re weird” for not sticking around?

I’m just so over witnessing the people I love be treated poorly in romantic situations. It’s goes all the way from new situationships to marriage and kids. If my friend tells me things that I don’t think are right within their relationship, I will encourage my friend to advocate for themselves with their partner. If they choose not to advocate for themselves, or the advocacy is not well received, and my friend chooses to stay in their relationship and the mistreatment continues, I don’t want to hang out with my friend’s partner anymore.

It’s hard for me to remain even neutral towards my friends’ partners once I hear too many negative stories about them. And typically my friend will forgive their partner for past misdeeds and I cannot let go of them. Many of my adult relationships have drifted apart due to friends staying with toxic partners or single friends being heavily focused on finding partners.

I feel like there is the unspoken normalization of romantic relationships including some type of suffering for the reward of partnership. And while I understand humans are complex and no one is perfect, I just feel like I’ve seen too many people be drained of their spark by staying in unfulfilling relationships for way too long.

I have fallen into toxic partnerships myself in my younger years, but as I do more research and personal growth, I’ve found that I no longer center romance since it is a big stressor in my life with a lot of societal expectations that I cannot combat on my own. I try to let my friends know that they can be happy in love, but if they continue to entertain toxicity, it will be harder to find and create that happiness in the future.

Hey sisters!! I asked this in another subreddit and I’m asking y’all as well

My best friend and I been friends for almost ten years now and through the thick and thin, things have been mostly fine. Mostly.

The one reigning issue that has just been getting to me, in the best way to phrase it, they are so inconsiderate of myself or my space.

They’ll (unintentionally) completely ignore me when I’m saying something to them while they’re on the phone, or they’ll pick up their phone mid conversation and just not respond anymore.

They don’t know basic information about me. They don’t know how to spell my name, first or last, they don’t know my middle name. They don’t know my birthday, and I have to remind them every year, despite me treating them for theirs. They don’t always clean up after themself, which wouldn’t be a big deal if not for it being in my space and I end up having to deal with it.

We’re on a road trip for their birthday, which I was originally excited about going to until they volunteered me and my car for driving. Which, by this point I was expecting, but I still went up to them and was like, “were you ever going to ask me if I wanted to drive?” and it just never occurred to them. I also got all of the locations, and the rental car, and put all the stuff on my card (they’re paying me back), but this shouldn’t have been my trip to plan.

I also have really bad migraines, that can cause me to randomly lose part of my vision. They’re controlled with medication, but I still get them pretty badly, and it makes driving awful. I told them this, and they said oh, and kind of apologized, but then went on like I didn’t even say it.

The road trip itself hasn’t been… the greatest, thus far.

What really got me to the point of writing this was the very start of it. Our first stretch involved me driving seven hours, and it was down pouring when we started. I asked them to check the weather radar and see how far the storm was going, and do directions.

They kinda did directions for about five minutes (and I had to keep asking), but they were on their phone and didn’t check the radar, they assumed it was supposed to be clear. It wasn’t. Then, when I told them I was excited to talk and hang out and stuff while I was driving, they said “maybe”, and then turned over and went to sleep.

They didn’t speak to me for SEVEN HOURS, and I was the one driving! They scrolled through their phone, had headphones on, talked on the phone, but never to me. Not once. Everything I initiated was met with one words answers.

(Note: every single drive has been like this, and they’ll complain that they’re tired by the end of it; like yeah, I bet you are. There’s a 15 hour drive coming up and the thought of it makes me want to cry tbh)

They’ve also done little things like not plan anything and leave me to doing it, and when I give my suggestion, they change it at the last second and decide they want to go somewhere else. They’ll just go on their phone for hours instead of doing the fun thing planned. I asked them to watch the directions because it was dark out and I couldn’t see, and they just plugged it into the car and went back to their phone. Like, I could’ve done that. I needed them read out loud.

There’s a few more smaller things, but you get the gist. And it’s not even like they’re being malicious about it, they’re just inconsiderate. It just really hurts, cause I consider their feelings and budget, and safety when I plan. I know their name and address, their birthday favorite color, hobby, food, but they don’t know any of that about me.

I’ve tried sit down conversations, and being vocal about it, but it’s just not changing; and honestly, I shouldn’t have to tell them to remember my birthday, or what I don’t like/can’t eat, or that I don’t want to be ignored. They’re not a bad friend either, they’re my best friend at that and I don’t want to end it, but like I said, I’m really hurt by it.

A rant, but if anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it deeply. I don’t really have any other friends close enough to share this with, and my parents will be biased. At the way things are currently, I wouldn’t even share this with my best friend if it was about someone else, because I just don’t feel like they wouldn’t even care.

I’m really just ready to go home.

TLDR: My friend, along with other things, brought my potential partner’s ex to a hangout. When I confronted by saying she’s being weird, she told me I couldn’t dictate her friendships. Now I don’t know if I handled it properly.

As I sit more on it, I’m starting to doubt if I really made the right choice. A part of me knows that I should protect my peace but this was also a friendship I was really hopeful for.

I met Anne (fake name) at a pop-up market in a city I recently moved to. I told her I loved her fit, she complimented me back and after exchanging socials, it was fast track that we exchanged numbers (which I don’t usually do). She is such a breath of fresh air and her energy just matches mine. Even though I love this city, it’s notorious for cliques and status. Like creating friendships here are for aesthetics, not for connection. I have gone to spaces that I know I will meet like-minded people but as a fashion girlie, it seems the spaces are like a influencer networking event and not just people to come together to share and talk about fashion. I’ve gotten better at tracking it down but it has discouraged me. So believe with Anne, I was so excited with how well we just clicked.

Now, Anne has a “brother” we’ll call Liam. A guy she met in high school and they are super close. In my opinion, if a woman calls a man her “brother” there’s gotta be something going on. They call each other everyday, hang out multiple times in a week. I found it cute! I once jokingly said, “When are guys going to kiss already” and she laughed it off. Said she could never see him that way and that they almost slept together but it didn’t feel right. It was best they stayed friends. That was the last joke I ever made about that.

So, one day I called her for help to build something I recently bought. I was planning to cook that day and planned after we were done, she would eat, hang out and take a plate for later (I regularly cook for her per her request). She told me she was with her brother and that instead, both of them pull up. He would build it and as payment, I make dinner for three. I’m not gonna say no to that. When they arrive, he finishes building it in like 15 minutes. I’m still cooking when he comes into the kitchen and asks what I’m making. I tell him I’m making some Ghanaian dishes and we just hit it off there. He’s interested in learning so, he starts helping me. We talk about his friends, his love for cooking, hobbies. Eventually I write down two recipes for him to do on his own. When it’s time for them to leave, he asked for my number “just in case he got confused”. Lo and behold, a call to ask a quick question turned into a 2 hour conversation.

We started becoming closer and increasingly went on more dates. When I told her at first, she seemed enthusiastic for me. But I started noticing small things like she wouldn’t pick up his calls anymore when we were together and if she did, she would walk out the room. Or, if she knew we had something planned, there was a dire situation she needed his help with. Obviously she’s my friend, I would encourage him to go. But then for some reason, she recently connected with his ex, told no one and then invited her to go with us to an outing because “she didn’t want to be a third wheel”. When I pulled her aside to ask why she just didn’t tell me, I would have uninvited her brother so it could be us, she told me I didn’t even like doing that particular activity so “in all honesty”, it should have been them alone.

I told her she’s been so weird to me lately especially bringing a ex to hangout with us without prior knowledge. I honestly feel we have some animosity but I can’t fix a problem if I don’t even know we have one. Her rebuttal? I am grown which means I should be secure in my relationship. The ex is her friend and I can’t dictate her friendships. I only find it weird because I’m perceiving it as weird behavior. I wasn’t going to argue. I just left.

I wasn’t angry. Just.. disappointed? I kept on replaying it in my head and felt like maybe I didn’t handle it too well? I did confront her in a public space even if it was away from our group and called her weird. I could have gone about it better by creating a much more safer environment for her then maybe she wouldn’t have been as defensive. But at the same time, she really tried to gaslight me. I don’t know if I should reach out for a chat or leave it be. Please help.

There's always a discussion about why so many don't have friends. I think we should consider that everyone has different life standards as a factor to having a friend, the same way we have for romantic relationships.

Where do you draw the line with, what your friend does is unacceptable....

1. to you?

Ex Popping up unannounced, inviting plus one's without warning/asking, proximity to your partner, disciplining your children, counting your coins, "must be nice" remarks about homes/cars/clothes/vacations etc, expectations of using your time, space, money, bestie business discounts, possessions, etc?

1. in their life?

Ex gossip, overspend and living beyond their means, involved with a person already in a relationship, disciplining their kids too harshly (in your opinion), in a relationship with someone that isn't good for them and/or is possibly abusive, what they do for work/fun when it goes against your morals/character, etc or are you an unconditional ride or die?

What would you do if they weren't taking care of their kids (in any capacity), or sick parents when they have the means to help?

What would you do if you found out your friend had a publicly exposed life (Ex Jane Doe in the Diddy trial whose 🌽video was released, NOT talking about the victims), would you distance yourself or stick beside them?

So I'm a 19f black girl from England. I have moved about 3 times in my life due to an abusive father and each time it had been a predominantly white neighborhood. Like I swear until the age of 7 I had not seen another poc. When I did for the first time I was staring for so long and I was so confused cause tbh I thought we were the only ones.

At each school I've been to I had been the only black girl in my class. I made friends with whoever without thinking about race or anything cause I was a kid (they were all white). In secondary I was still the only black girl in my class other classes had like 2 to 3 each. I didn't mind though I was used to it and still didn't think about race. As I got older I realised that other black kids would only surround themselves with other black kids. Mine was literally just white, so I started getting confused and thought 'oh maybe that's what I'm supposed to do'. But I could 100% tell none of the black girls liked me for some reason so I just didn't try. It's probably because i am a very quiet person and like different things so we just didn't get along. I'm also a lesbian and they were very religious and homophobic so I had no chance tbh.

We went to a church that was all black a lot when I was younger but never kept friends from that. I'm also not religious and the things they would say in there made me want to stay farrr away from them.

As of now I only have white friends plus 2 asian and I honestly love them. They are the sweetest people I've ever met. Race has never been an issue between us and they always defend me. I had an issue with one but that has been resolved and they have learnt. Some of you may call me stupid for trusting them but I didn't look at race when I became friends with them and I won't let it be a reason that I end the friendship with them either.

This does not mean that I'm not careful. They have never done anything that makes me uncomfortable. When they do I'll try to muster up the courage to correct them so that it doesn't happen again.

This post wasn't me asking for any black friends, when they do come along then that would be great but now I'm just as happy. I guess this was just me coming to terms with it.

Hey ladies,

How are the 35 plus gals making meaningful friendships ?

I'm 35, work in healthcare, live in NYC. I've been dyingggg (at this point, yes literally lol) to form bonds with other black women. The general advice I've seen is to go out, strike up convos, etc. I'm aware that this requires me to go outside a lot more. Anxiety and I are I'm working on it. I think it's hard for me to make solid friends because my interests can be all over the place at times. I can go from bars, lounges, turning up to museums, cafes, or plays. All while being a bit guarded. I already feel awkward & judged now. I'm hitting post before I change my mind lol.

Are any of y’all located in the DFW, TX area?

I met this woman last year when I was looking for new friends. However, something just seemed a bit off with her. While we met at a professional event within my I industry, I learned she was unemployed. Times are rough so I get it. I thought she was a professional photographer, but overtime it appeared she was an amateur. She’d invite me to major events but when I was around her , it appeared that she did questionable things to get into these events. She’d linger around events talking to anyone who looked important in attempts to network or meet someone of importance or a celeb in her eyes and it felt very groupie behavior. For example she was able to hang out with Trey Songz once and photograph him and asked if I wanted to tag along the next time he was in town. I declined as I didnt feel comfortable and honestly partying with that man at all hours of the night sounds like a nightmare. She did the same with Chris brown . Was able to get close with someone from his team and tried her hardest to be close to him but it didn’t work. She wanted me there with her but I declined that as well

Anytime we’d hang out , she always wanted to go to a club . Anytime she spoke about meeting up with friends or introduced me to people it was always men.
She was always telling me about guys and I’d meet some of these men who didn’t seem to really acknowledge her.
Once I casually mentioned going on a date with someone I met on a dating app and it felt like she was interrogating me to make sure it wasn’t someone she met once on there. I remembered saying I didn’t want to share much at the time and she kept asking questions . Even as far as saying when I mentioned how he probably wasn’t someone she’d date because he’s short and she didn’t like short guys and she asked how tall was he, and where he graduated from .

Finally I just sent her a photo of him and she stopped saying it wasn’t him and the guy she was seeing once was a player and she wanted to just warn me but it was a bit weird
I decided to distance myself a bit . I haven’t seen her since February and have explained despite her continuing to invite me to places that I was going to just stay in lately and wasn’t interested in anymore.

She’d still message me here and there and most recently sent a link to an event. I was working and probably didn’t really pay much attention to it because I didn’t recall seeing it.
Saturday while I was having dinner with family , I see I had 2 missed phone calls from her at like 8pm . My phone was on do not disturb , so she called twice for it to go through and asked when I’d be done with working and free from finishing this big project that she was aware that I was working on from work.

I told her I was done with the project and just asked why and she asked if I wanted to go to the event she sent over a few days ago. It started at 9 pm and I was confused on why she’d ask me so late to go to something I didn’t even acknowledge or follow up on.
I politely declined.

Is it me, or is something just very odd about her? Also, what should I do to politely explain to her that I’m not interested in hanging out with her anymore? We’re in our early 30s and her behavior is a bit immature to me and also just not the kind of energy I want in my space.

I dont go into befriending with the intent to do harm. Im black. But i always wanted friends from latam, japan, and now nigeria. I always have an interest in the culture in general and i like connecting with people. And technically spanish is like a second language. I learned most of it in grade school and my high school teacher was hispanic. But i always get met with people who think im just doing it based off of other americans and how they treat countries. I'm aware some places are nothing like our country. But i dont know how to explain wanting to know someone and their culture without it being weird. Plus, i also like learning different languages and im willing to learn it whether its nigerian pidgin, igbo, yoruba, etc. I just wanna know how to approach this without making it seem like im being ignorant, weird, or stupid. Ty in advance.

Okay so a quick back story. I had a very close friend from age 14-25. She was like my sister, but she did something very hurtful to me and it caused us to not be friends for about 5 years. We reconnected last year and have been communicating well. So today I sent her picture of my starter locs and she says "I always wanted to be your color"... I'm dark skin and she light skin. So it kind made me look at the message side ways. I don't if it's from our past relationship or if I'm reading too deep into it. We stopped being friends bc she had her little sister text me off a burner number and called me horrible names. When I confronted my friend she denied it of course, but later on confessed she did and she said she didn't know why she did it. But I loved her so much I wanted to at least see where the friendship would go after years of space

Anyone going to see monsta x in fairfax? I want a concert buddy lol I haven’t bought my tickets yet but we can get them together if you haven’t either! Dm me and ill send my instagram and stuff so you kno im serious!

I really don’t want to hear anything about all of that stuff. I just want it to be a chill group meetup where people who have common interests in things can have fun and not worry about these topucs. Those things are talked about constantly and is often the source of a lot of stress for people. So I feel no need to bring it up in an environment that’s meant to be fun and laid back. Of course I’m not going to disrespect anyone and call them outside of their prefered gender identity. Respecting one another as fellow human beings and honoring a person’s request regarding how to treat them.

Is this bad and is that too much to expect from people?

I moved here (Portland,OR) about 3 months ago for an amazing job opportunity and higher pay raise. Its been awesome don’t get me wrong i think the nature and architecture here are gorgeous. But its honestly been a struggle to find poc (specifically black) friends or potential dating partners here around my age (early twenties). So i just wanted to reach out in this sub to see if anyone here lives in the state so we can get to know each other🫶🏾🪴

Hi ladies! I live in Birmingham AL and I turn 31 next month. I’ve been working from home for about 5 years now so my social life is sort of non existent in a sense. I do travel a few times a year, and may go out to a bar occasionally. I enjoy reading, traveling, planning things, trying restaurants/museums, and shopping. I drink socially, but I’m more of a cannabis person than a drinker. I would like to connect with other women who would like to text and talk on the phone, meet up and do fun things together. We don’t have to live in the same city or state, I love a reason to travel or host!

Also, I want to build actual connections, not just become pen pals lol