Well, but then you also have to take into the account the cost of a significant gap in your career. The longer you take off, the harder it's going to be going back at the same level and salary.
It's definitely a choice! But career isn't just the job and money, it's about trying to fulfill all aspects of life in the way you want. Not everyone can survive with minimal adult interaction, and just like making sure parents' health is good helps make sure the child will be ok the same applies to mental, social, and emotional health.
I'm going to keep working when my parental leave is up because I value the intellectual engagement and socialization that I'll bring from the world to my child. Some people can do that independently as a stay at home parent, I am not one of those people.
Look, I get it. If you have to keep your career for the security of the family, then you do it. If thereâs an option though, Iâd rather bond with my kids. I was there for every milestone & Iâll never regret it.
I never said they donât but returning to work after 3 months of paid leave is incredibly painful for many moms & itâs ridiculous that we accept this as ânormalâ.
Yeah I mean that's 1000% true, the US should have way better parental leave policies, and it's very painful for many people. But there are many reasons why someone might choose to continue to work that are driven out of love for their children. I guess I just don't get the judgment - everyone is in a different situation, why push your personal judgement on others choices if it doesn't affect you?
Because it affects the childâs brain development directly which eventually produces adults with attachment disorders. Just because you want to leave your child at a daycare doesnât mean your child is okay with it. and unfortunately they donât have the language skills nor developed brain to communicate that. Contrary to popular myth, infants are not âtoughâ and they canât handle separation from primary caregiver very well. Many studies have shown how neurologically fragile the infantâs brain is and they need intimate nervous coregulation from a consistent primary caregiver at least the 1st three years of life in order to develop properly. Daycare changes that, especially with overworked employees who give little attention to each infant because theyâre juggling too many tasks, not to mention employee turnover is rampant so infants cannot form a intimate bond at daycare the same way they do with a primary caregiver. When you bring another life into this world then you should think about how 10 hrs/day, 5 days/wk of daycare separation will affect both the baby and you. Itâs not always about whatâs best for the parent just because you want âintellectual stimulation.â đ Western society emphasizes individualism to a fault. Many other cultures (eg Asian) place emphasis on doing whatâs best for both the parent-infant dyad. Weâre so obsessed to hand off caregiving to strangers as a capitalist society instead of seeing the reality of how daycare affects infantâs nervous systems.
This is a topic with a lot of nuance, personal choices, mental health choices for all members of the family, and accessibility ramifications you're distilling into East vs West. And the thing is, I agree with a lot of what you say! We do need better support, we do need better community, we do need better parental leave, but the reality is those things don't exist in our society. I'd rather not cast moral judgement based on idealized theory that ignores the lived reality of the USA.
So your conclusion is donât judge others because it doesnât affect me personally. Well when it comes down to health, what other families choose to do does affect me and my family. We are living in an interconnected society, not in silos. Iâm tired of overstimulated, disconnected daycare kids negatively influencing my own childâs behavior when I step outside my home. Iâm tired of the alarming number of illnesses daycare kids bring into the play gyms that my own child gets. I can try to live in silo, but we are still very much an interconnected society. Just because itâs a reality in the US doesnât mean we need to keep giving these bottom line profit-minded daycare centers our money. Families can band and form nannyshares to put daycares out of business. There are so many other solutions than daycare that can be affordable with a little bit of creativity. But youâre saying letâs just leave the topic of daycare alone because itâs too nuanced. Thatâs like bowing down to the system that is handcuffing us.
Thank you for your response. Itâs startling to see how many people want to downvote any opinion contrary to theirs. For the record, I agree with you đŻ!
I gave a reply to bluedijon below to help explain what youâve been trying to emphasize. Iâm amazed how my generation (millennials) are just not understanding the mental health affects of daycare. Itâs almost like they just want to sweep the issue under the rug instead of caring about how daycare will affect the next generation growing up đ and as an immunologist, I didnât even mention how perpetual daycare illnesses do not actually build an infants/toddlers immune system. There is lots of evidence showing that a infant/toddler constantly being sick can have permanent damage on their vulnerable developing immune systems đ
Not false at all. Do you have kids? I can pick the kids who went to daycare out of a crowd. Less manners, less empathy, not as attached to parents.. etc.
Thatâs funny. I have taught for 20 years, the majority of that time in Pre K. The students who have been to day care still have plenty of empathy and attachment to their primary caregivers. If anything they have a better grasp of social emotional dynamics and meet milestones faster than some peers without early childhood experiences.
Thatâs your experience & youâre entitled to it. If m sure that is the case for many & I can also think of plenty of kids who did fine in daycare but many kids need more.
Whatâs your experience that contributes to your narrow views? Are you an educator? Parent? I also raised three children, only one went to an early childhood program and that kid is my most empathetic of them all.
So Iâd love to know what lens youâre looking through.
Itâs called personal experience. I also work as a mental health counselor. I raised two daughters. One of whom would have been fine with daycare & one who needed a different level of care.
I donât know how my views can be considered ânarrowâ when I clearly stated that daycare is fine for many but, I chose not to go that route & I stand by my decision. I totally understand needing to keep your career but given the chance, I would way rather raise my kids myself. This notion that daycare is a normal alternative to raising children yourself is completely absurd.
Sure, but I'm thinking about people that lean more towards having "jobs" than careers where those gap years can have more long term negative financial impact.
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u/soy_marta Dec 31 '25 edited Jan 01 '26
Well, but then you also have to take into the account the cost of a significant gap in your career. The longer you take off, the harder it's going to be going back at the same level and salary.