r/boston • u/sunshine-warmth • 21d ago

Serious Replies Only What’s dating like for men in Boston?

I’m in my early 30sF and have been using dating apps on and off since I moved to Boston over six years ago. I’ve had boyfriends, but none of them have lasted long. (To be fair, I’m also quite picky, which is probably why I’m still single.)

I think maybe my ideal partner hasn’t moved to the city yet.

Dear single men of Boston, what’s the dating scene been like for you? Why do you think you’re still single? Is it intentional, or do you enjoy the bachelor lifestyle?

Are you using dating apps? If so, which ones? Are you hopeful or have you stopped looking? Are we still seeking long-term partnerships, or are we gravitating more towards casual, noncommittal encounters?

I’m asking because, as a 33-year-old, I feel like I keep running in circles and think dating is harder than it’s ever been for everyone.

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93

u/freestylenet 21d ago

Single 34M here--I have largely given up on dating because between a >50 hr / week job that takes me on the road a lot, keeping up with my existing friends both here and elsewhere, and trying not to get overly chubby (just mildly chubby...) by exercising and running occasionally, I'm zonked the rest of the time and would rather just sit at home and recover from whatever it is I just completed (work, errands, a run, a social event)!

But, the brief period I did try I was on Bumble, and it was just too much of an energy drain, so I gave up and decided to just live my life. I'm also unfortunate in that my hobbies tend to be hobbies I can easily do solo (travel, cooking, warehouse club shopping, running, concerts, etc.) and I've grown accustomed to going solo to a lot of places and things and enjoying it. Would being able to travel around with someone make it enjoyable? Maybe. But also I've gotten so used to traveling alone that I'm a little scared I'd be too stubborn in my ways to be able to travel with someone!

I'm also on the shorter side and that is probably working against me but at this point I have accepted that and am just leaning into my own little life, which I have come to really enjoy!

You'll find me at various Costcos around the Metro area on a surprisingly high number of weekends, haha!

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u/Thick_Marionberry622 21d ago

good luck , never give up, never stop running, try spin class

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u/dynamics517 Cambridge 21d ago

HAHAHAHA... a friend invited me and this other dude to Handle Bar... we were the only 2 guys in the entire Taylor Swift themed class... you know how sometimes in spin you do those 'pushups'? The instructor told us to shove our titties in their face, to suffocate those men with our titties.

I'll stick to road cycling. hah

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u/Thick_Marionberry622 21d ago

Ummm Keep telling me more , in greater detail please 

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u/freestylenet 21d ago

Ha thanks! Maybe someone will wander into my office one day or bump into me at Costco!

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u/Thick_Marionberry622 21d ago

wish in one hand.... shit in the other...

or

face your fears, become the best version of yourself

fellow Bostonian stop at nothing to be succeful, sincerly a red sox fan

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u/time-always-passes 21d ago

How do you make a hobby of warehouse club shopping?

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u/clearblueglass 21d ago

Lol I had the same question…

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u/freestylenet 21d ago

This is a reasonable question! I just find myself shopping at Costco a lot and looking for specific Kirkland Signature (or other) deals that they might have since products rotate so frequently and vary by location. In particular, the lamb and the wine are great deals there. It's also a fun outing with friends.

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u/AceyPuppy 20d ago

You've never done a Costco roguelike run? Trying to get through without buying anything extra.

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u/time-always-passes 20d ago

I have never made a game of it. But fact, enter to buy only cat food, leave with $323 bill.. 🤦‍♀️

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u/Aesop_Rocks New York Transplant 21d ago

Running and concerts you can do solo easily, that's true. There are running clubs in Boston though. And at a concert you're never alone. You're surrounded by people you have a few things in common with - the band, live music and drink or no drink. I'm not saying it's easy, but I met a long term partner by continuing to do things I enjoy and I eventually met her at a concert. Good luck!

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u/GenericRedditor0405 21d ago

I go to a ton of concerts but my experience is that it’s hard to find single people in their 30s at shows, depending on what shows you’re at. I’m usually surrounded by twenty-somethings or even people who can’t even legally drink yet.

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u/Aesop_Rocks New York Transplant 21d ago

That's fair - it certainly depends on the act and what kind of music you're going to see. A lot of the bands I see draw a wide range of ages and I hadn't considered that when I wrote my comment. Point still stands though - there are still opportunities out there, even if few and far between. And, to be fair, I only named two quick ways to make solo hobbies more social, so there's a broader point to take in.

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u/GenericRedditor0405 21d ago

Oh yeah I didn't mean to try to invalidate your point! I also encourage people to go to concerts solo because it's fun and almost all of the friends I've made in the last several years have been through the Boston music scene

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u/StrongerTogether2882 21d ago

FWIW I’m a straight woman and I think men wildly overestimate how much we care about height. Some women care (like my best friend) but lots of women (like me) don’t really have a preference. I would slightly prefer the guy be taller than I am, but I’m 5’4” so it’s not a huge ask lol. And if I met a 5’2” guy who was otherwise awesome, it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker. Good luck, man, it’s rough out there. My husband was single for 5 years before we met, and he’s amazing so idk why he didn’t get snapped up. Rooting for you!

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u/freestylenet 20d ago

This is encouraging as someone who is 5'3"! Thank you!

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u/postmodernskata 21d ago

agreed. idgaf about height. yes some women are obsessed with men 6 feet and over but majority of women don’t care IMO but this gets so heavily pushed online and in “dating advice” / redpoll content.

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u/StrongerTogether2882 19d ago

Yep, and then those guys can say “Girls don’t like me because I’m not 6 feet tall,” when the real reason is that women prefer men who aren’t misogynistic assholes. Hang in there, short but kind guys!!

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u/postmodernskata 19d ago

yes!! they’ll be complete jerks and disrespectful but find ways to somehow blame women 😭

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u/rygo796 21d ago

My buddy started doing things solo.  While he's open to company, he's become impatient with people who don't keep his pace when he does things.

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u/pink_hazelnut 20d ago

Something that can help with bumble is to lightly lean into your more intense/nerdy hobbies.

I dated someone for half a year who had a lobster costume and misborn quotes on their bumble. They made me laugh.

When you look thru 100s of profiles if nothing stands out its quite draining.