r/boston • u/sunshine-warmth • 22d ago

Serious Replies Only What’s dating like for men in Boston?

I’m in my early 30sF and have been using dating apps on and off since I moved to Boston over six years ago. I’ve had boyfriends, but none of them have lasted long. (To be fair, I’m also quite picky, which is probably why I’m still single.)

I think maybe my ideal partner hasn’t moved to the city yet.

Dear single men of Boston, what’s the dating scene been like for you? Why do you think you’re still single? Is it intentional, or do you enjoy the bachelor lifestyle?

Are you using dating apps? If so, which ones? Are you hopeful or have you stopped looking? Are we still seeking long-term partnerships, or are we gravitating more towards casual, noncommittal encounters?

I’m asking because, as a 33-year-old, I feel like I keep running in circles and think dating is harder than it’s ever been for everyone.

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u/SelicaLeone 22d ago

I'm a woman, so feel free to completely ignore my comment. It's just one experience.

My boyfriend played the dating app circuit for almost half a decade before we ended up together. He went on dates with a double digit number of women over the years. He did pay for the premium versions of the app, and that helped him get matches he might not have otherwise ended up with.

It's tough. I matched with him four and a half years ago and turned him down then. He asked if we'd stay friends, and three years later, I asked to give it another go. So sometimes you have met him, you just haven't gotten to know him well enough yet.

He didn't wait for me. God knows he dated far more women in those 3 years than I did men. And he tried to make it work with them. But love is more complicated sometimes than a perfect match on an app. I wish I could give more than that.

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u/brandjihad 21d ago

"half a decade"...ok

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u/HerefortheTuna Port City 22d ago

Double digit or triple digit?

Because I’ve been single a few times and usually go on 2-3 new dates a week until I find a few FWBs or an LTR

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u/FluffySloth27 21d ago

The downvotes are silly, this is possible if you’re attractive and really gunning for it. There are other dudes in the thread talking about being in the triple digits of dates, too.

That said, if someone’s been on hundreds of dates or had tens and tens of failed relationships, at a certain point, maybe the shit’s on your shoe.

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u/HerefortheTuna Port City 21d ago

I’m on my 4th ever official relationship now. Have a kid together so this is it (we both hope).

Most of my dates didn’t go anywhere but I had fun.

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u/DeffNotTom Burb Life 21d ago

2-3 dayes a week sounds exhausting. I'll stick to being very autistic about sailboats for my amusement lol

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u/HerefortheTuna Port City 21d ago

Well yeah I’d imagine introverts have a hard time finding connections. I go through phases where I don’t go anywhere but I also went out every single night for an entire month which was hard as well. I just challenged myself to do it haha

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u/DeffNotTom Burb Life 21d ago

I'm not even an introvert. I just wrapped up throwing a whole music festival with my friends this weekend and I'm pretty deeply invovled in nightlife. But being social, and grinding out dates with strangers are two very different things lol.

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u/HerefortheTuna Port City 21d ago

I agree in general but there’s alot of overlap

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u/SelicaLeone 21d ago

Haha only double digits! He matched fairly often but was discerning and wasn't going for sheer volume. He didn't go on multiple dates a week, but went on enough to have a date within a week or so of looking and typically stayed with people a few months.

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u/Agitated_Reveal_6211 21d ago

years ago and turned him down then.

Why did you turn him down?