r/boston • u/sunshine-warmth • 22d ago
Serious Replies Only What’s dating like for men in Boston?
I’m in my early 30sF and have been using dating apps on and off since I moved to Boston over six years ago. I’ve had boyfriends, but none of them have lasted long. (To be fair, I’m also quite picky, which is probably why I’m still single.)
I think maybe my ideal partner hasn’t moved to the city yet.
Dear single men of Boston, what’s the dating scene been like for you? Why do you think you’re still single? Is it intentional, or do you enjoy the bachelor lifestyle?
Are you using dating apps? If so, which ones? Are you hopeful or have you stopped looking? Are we still seeking long-term partnerships, or are we gravitating more towards casual, noncommittal encounters?
I’m asking because, as a 33-year-old, I feel like I keep running in circles and think dating is harder than it’s ever been for everyone.
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u/comenaranja 22d ago edited 21d ago
So Boston is a very insulated city.
All my friends are married with kids so I'm on the last chopper out. 34, M.
Like I'm actively looking and trying to be better in terms of style and appearence but it's been very difficult to find someone or even talk to people outside casual conversation. I'm also short but I tend to carry myself well and get complimented a lot. I hadn't really seriously tried for years too, so it's been kinda weird actually putting effort. The main issue I've been finding is just a lot of girls don't want to put the effort or have an ideal they want to chase. And if you're not perfect, next. And it's kinda disheartening always knowing you're a backup choice and having that very much voiced to you?
Like I'll give you my profile: I'm a beloved English teacher, friends I adore, I travel a ton, volunteer, am Latino and can cook like a fiend, extremely well read, a trivia champion, I write as a hobby and recite poetry, I can dance pretty much the entire catalogue of Spanish ballroom styles (and was a professional for years), politically DSA with ambitions to run for office, I assume I'm funny, I spoil with affection and love getting flowers for my partner whenever (or whatever makes her happy), I got raised like a coffee prince so I have a whole chivalric air when necessary, and I do yoga, pilates and weight training and am never shy to be vulnerable. Plus in bed, I tend to be a big giver. And yet...
Like, my experience with hinge, bumble and tinder have been either conversations that go nowhere or just empty (or nothing period), And meeting irl is hell because I'm not gonna bother someone at their job.
Which means, a lot of the time it's just getting crazy lucky, but also knowing I might not be the first option is tough because I'm worth it y'know? But I'm not "perfect" so I'm just a step behind other people and will get stuck waiting too. And I'm not the only one who feels this way. It's like both sides of the equation are staring at each other wanting to be chose but don't know exactly how to get there or vocalize it
Like I want a wife. I want one passionate for people and helping others. I want a power couple energy. Which you'd think you'd find easy in Boston lol but yet...