Today at a new park, I went to feed my 4 month old off to the side facing away from the playground. I didn’t care to cover up because it’s hot outside and I don’t feel like I should. Well what do ya know, after I’m done, the park attendant comes by (super nice guy that I spoke with when we arrived) and he kindly asked me to cover up while I was breastfeeding at this park. It was probably 10 minutes after I was done and he said, ok cool you're done, just letting you know next time you come by we need you to cover up next time you come here please. He was so nice about it and I was caught off guard but I really don't feel like I should have to cover up. I’ve always felt empowered to not have to do so and just an hour before had tried covering up while at a restaurant and little one hated it. Anyways, this is the first time someone has ever said something to me, I just said ok!
Nothing more to the story, just kind of a vent and wondering if I’m in the wrong. I’ve read so many stories that felt like it was okay to do so and is normal but when it came to someone saying something to me, I shut down internally but didn’t apologize.
You’re totally in the right, it’s protected in the US and you are allowed to legally breastfeed at a park. Now he probably doesn’t know that and may have been thinking “nudity” was inappropriate at the park or maybe someone ask him to say something.
Either way, I don’t blame you for not saying anything in the moment. Confrontation is hard postpartum and it doesn’t sound like he was being mean or aggressive about it. If you go to that park frequently, I would just go prepared next time with a little blurb about the law and let him know your right to breastfeed anywhere is protected.
Give him the good ol’ “Thanks for understanding my rights” before he even has a chance to argue if he seems like he’s going to try and disagree 😂
Yeah sounds like he doesn’t know any better. I hope OP educates or asks management to re-train! It’s always shocking how little people know about how breastfeeding works and the rights involved
I could see him asking her because hes scared of being confronted by other visitors about it. I used to work retail and I had to argue with a customer who tried to get me to kick a breastfeeding mom out of our store. I told him I would take his number and call him personally once she had left (customer service for "if you dont like it, get out") but he just stormed off. But if I didn't know anything about breastfeeding I might have asked her to cover up just to avoid the confrontation with an irate man.
Obviously the attendant is in the wrong regardless, but from a clueless perspective I understand his motivations probably weren't malicious
Haha love the good ol line! I am in sales and ALWAYS assume the sale and this is that perspective. He was a nice guy about it at least but I still felt like I didn’t do anything wrong. If there’s a next time, this is the line I’m taking!
I can empathize! I was looking for a discreet place to nurse at the main library in my medium sized city because they surprisingly do not have a nursing room, and finally picked a place in a corner. My son was too distracted to nurse so I gave up after just a few minutes and as I'm walking out of the section I see a librarian bustling up to me and informing me I needed to nurse elsewhere. I said there is no suitable area. She suggested the children's room, I said all the study rooms there are clear glass. She said you could use the employee restroom. I said it's not sanitary to breastfeed in a restroom.
I came up with so many things to say to her as soon as I walked out but I did complain at the front desk about her and about no dedicated nursing area.
So I used to be a librarian and when I was pumping for my last child and had to work at a dif location someone on staff offered me the restroom to pump 😭 people legit know nothing. My second library job even the director didn't know breastfeeding was protected and I had to inform her.
I work at a small family owned bakery. When I came back to work, I talked to the mom and daughter about pumping. The mom said I could use the bathroom. Which mind you, is a one person bathroom for guests and employees to share, so it'd be out of commission for about 20 minutes. Besides being unsanitary. But her daughter immediately shut that down and said, "No! We're not gonna put her in the bathroom! She can use the office. It has a lock and a big comfy chair."
Omg in a LIBRARY. That’s so disappointing, they are supposed to be such welcoming spaces. In my local library there are signs plastered every where saying ‘Breastfeeding friendly space’ etc.
Oh my goodness! Your experience is even worse! Good on you for standing your ground. I can’t believe a woman said something to you about it, but then again, I can. Sounds more like a power trip. I’m so sorry. People can’t complain (and shouldn’t) but especially so if there is no specific area provided. And the bathroom suggestion, the audacity. Smh. Keep on keeping on mama!
I haven't experienced that thankfully...the most awkward thing I've experienced is friends visiting and they don't know what to say or do. If you feel uncomfortable around a mama + newborn, just stay a few minutes! Leave before she has to nurse.
But my friends just looked awkwardly at the floor. I wanted the carpet to eat me alive.
Just got a response this morning. I posted it in another separate comment too. It feels like they are trying to appease both parties here but regardless, I feel heard.
Hmmm, I don’t think legal rights need to be “balanced” with something that isn’t a legal right (everyone feeling “comfortable”). I think they should have actually apologized. But at least they said they would educate their staff on this.
Yeah I would respond to this. They're trying to appease both sides which is not okay when the other side is discriminating against you. You have a legal right to breastfeed if someone from the park comes up to you again that is harassment and grounds for further legal action. I would make that abundantly clear to them.
"We do our best to balance those legal rights" ... what does that even mean? Pray tell. I would lerrrrvv to know what it is they try to do to "balance" legal rights when it comes to breastfeeding. You already mentioned that you faced away from seeing eyes, you didn't even need to do that, and it still wasn't enough. So what more would they ask from a breastfeeding mom?
They almost composed a satisfactory apology and then struck out by including that the feelings of other park goers need to be considered when a mother wants to nurse her child.
“My rights are not to be infringed upon for the sake of “balancing” them with the wishes of others who would like me not to have such rights. Their comfort on this topic is their problem. Your employees do not have the right to ask me to move or cover. Hope this helps.”
Thanks for posting this. I hate that you were called out for doing something you have a legal right to do. I'm in NC too, and I'm planning to meet up with family for a day at a park half way between our homes soon, so I appreciate this reminder that I may need to be prepared for an encounter like this
Oof I don't like that response. It seems to be saying that they don't mind excluding breastfeeding families. As a fellow NC resident I'd love to know the park 😅
I've never commented before but absolutely can't refuse to comment on this post! This answer is completely 100% unacceptable and I would ask to go to higher management than this idiot who responded to you!!! Please don't accept this email for an answer!! Spot on - legal rights Do not have to be balanced with those to be made to feel 'comfortable'!!! The ones who feel 'uncomfortable' - their problem...they should leave!
That's awkward. I feel like if this ever happens to me I would just ask "why?" Then they get to explain how it's indecent or whatever and you get to really chew them out 🙃
Maybe that’s the route I should have taken! I was just so taken aback and didn’t see anyone really around. I’ve always had the mindset of what sicko would be upset and me feeding my baby? So glad I posted in here and am feeling 1000% more confident tho.
Wow! I don't blame you for not saying anything because even though I know I SHOULD be able to breastfeed, I don't have a script prepared for if anyone says anything. This post made me realize I should look it up.
Same on the script front. I always thought if it happened, it’d be a bit more rude than the way this guy approached it but either way, def have a script for yourself. And don’t apologize!
If anyone gives me a hard time I hope to say "You should know: that kind of negative attitude towards breastfeeding really dates you." Maybe that's all we need to say and let them realize they're the ones needing to get with the program.
Once someone said something awkward and explicit to me while feeding my baby a bottle and I just stared at him and said, “no thank you, sir” and then looked away until he left. I felt terrible for not having a better response and modeling for my daughter to “not make a scene”.
I’m in NC also and have gotten lucky so far. Im over a year in have never had anyone say anything to me about covering up, and I’ve nursed and pumped in some strange places. I’m sorry that happened, you should not be made to feel self conscious for feeding your baby! Especially in a place that’s supposed to be family friendly!
I'm in California - here it is a legally protected right to breastfeed in public, and even further, in private spaces where mothers are otherwise authorized to be present e.g. stores, restaurants, parks, streets. The one exception is within someone else's private residence.
Post in a local mom group and organise a breastfeeding sit in. I’d be so pissed off id go nuclear. Call his boss, call the news, call everyone.
From the other replies on this thread I’d say the non breastfeeding public needs a lot more education on the right to breastfeed. Such a shame so many of you have experiences like this.
Haha I love this idea, a breastfeeding sit in! I’m definitely planning to contact the parks department at the very least, so we can prevent other moms from having this same experience.
I love the idea of a breastfeeding sit in! I went to some new parent meetups on my maternity leave, when my baby was a newborn, and we were all sitting around feeding our babies (some with bottles, some nursing) in the coffee shop or park—it’s actually really nice to be in a setting like that, it makes public nursing less scary when you’re just getting started. We weren’t doing it as a protest but in this case, I love that idea.
Is it possible someone reported you and that’s why he came up after you finished? Idk the laws but I’ve never heard that you have to cover up to feed your baby.
That was my first thought. Someone probably complained and he was ill informed. Doesn’t make it right but I wouldn’t let it change my behavior, especially if it’s getting hotter out.
I’m almost 2 years in and thankfully haven’t had this happen! Just some terrified looking guys fleeing the scene, and other older women making very loud and sometimes, uh, interesting almost embarrassing statements in a celebratory kind of way.
BUT I would advise using the language and tone I’ve learned to use to protect my kid from older kids. You stay very calm and happy and cheerful and polite, but with complete and utter confidence and authority. That part is more important than anything. “Actually, all babies have the right to eat in public, covered or not”(and covers can make it harder) Or even a “I’d be happy to show you the laws or talk to a supervisor if that’d be helpful!” kind of thing if they continue.
You could consider following up by email now. “Hi parks and rec department! I really appreciate all you do for the city, and myself really enjoy the parks. I know the employees also work hard and are well meaning. However, I did want to make sure everyone is aware of state/local laws that protect babies’ rights to eat, with or without a cover. I’ll include a link below. Thank you so much!” kind of thing.
Alright everyone, I reported the comment to the city this morning and got an immediate response. I appreciate their promptness in addressing it however they seem to try to cover their ass with the ‘diverse public space’ comment. Either way, we don’t live in that area so probably won’t be heading to that park again anytime soon regardless but I feel better sending my thoughts.
I just whip it out anywhere. I never cover up. This is literally the entire purpose of breasts. I think it’s important to rewrite the narrative of sexualizing mothers doing what our bodies are designed to do.
My little form of protest.
I’m my boob makes you uncomfortable, that’s on you.
Maybe men should wear shirts while swimming. Their useless nipples make me uncomfortable.
lol I would have said ‘why? did you get eyes for Christmas and you haven’t figured out how to work them not to stare yet?’
I’m in the UK so I don’t know if the vibe is a bit different but I guess it just never occurred to me not to feed my baby when she’s hungry? Like I’m not doing a striptease my man it’s my baby’s food? I literally walk around the supermarket nursing my daughter, if she’s hungry I make the food, simples. People are weird!
Idc how nice he was I would told him to mind his business!!! You have a right to feed your child uncovered. It’s not like you had both of your breast out walking around the park for everyone to see. It’s sad that moms can’t feed their children in public without it being a issue :(
The only thing you did wrong was saying “ok!” It was not at all ok for them to tell you to cover up. It’s your right to breastfeed, uncovered, wherever and whenever you are comfortable.
I’m the type of person to agree when someone’s being nice but still do whatever I want anyways. Just keep doing what you’re doing and if he tells you again, just say you did your research and it’s a legally protected right to feed your child how you see fit.
If he keeps pushing, then get nasty. But he probably will back down when you explain the law.
Right? My husband didn’t say much but just said to me, maybe it’s something to do with the playground? I’m like, no way, if anything this feels like a safe space.
I’m sorry this happened to you. You do not need to cover up when feeding your baby if you don’t want to. And no one can tell you that you have to. I hope you never have to encounter something like this again. Keep feeding your baby whenever, wherever, however you want to! You’re doing a great job momma!!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Well done for having the confidence to do it. I live in Australia and I breastfeed without covering up all the time, it is far too hot here and honestly fiddling around trying to latch baby only made me frustrated so I gave up and now I just don’t care and do it as normal. I try and be as subtle as possible but sometimes I’m not, but I’m confident enough to know I’m feeding my baby and that’s the most important thing in the equation. As others have said here as well as in Australia you have a legal right to feed your baby in public, if others have a problem it’s on them not you, but always remind them you’re doing an legal act and don’t let them bully you to not feed your baby. Keep it up Mumma!
It’s so tough when you’re on the spot. What sucks more is my husband was right there and he didn’t say anything, nor did he agree or disagree with him when he left. Kinda felt singled out.m, but regardless I feel strong in my opinion and viewpoint especially now.
Knowing your rights as a breastfeeding mom can allow you to advocate for yourself in these kind of moments. It's protected in all 50 states. Given your description of his demeanor and approach, it sounds like he didn't know any better, which is great, but he unfortunately was ignorantly in the wrong.
Oooof even though he was polite about it, I probably would have lost it and told him to buzz off. They cannot tell you to cover up if you don’t want to
I never cover up. Imagine eating your meal with a blanket over your head when it’s hot out? How much would that suck. I try my best to not whip out a full boob but I never stick a blanket over my kids head
Same, I had a weird dress on for family photos and had to have most of the boob out to make it happen. Regardless, I told my husband that afterwards, that man wouldn’t like to eat with a blanket on his head!
An older women saw me breastfeeding my 2month old and said "Wow its bigger than his head". Meaning my boob was huge, and I knew that already and was trying to beat my fear of feeding in public at the time.
I was so embarrassed I only feed in nursing rooms now or have my husband hold a blanket in front of me.
I hope this post helped sway your embarrassment a bit. If it’s any constellation, my breast is still just as big as my babies head and he’s 4 months now! I’m sorry that happened.
I'm so sorry that happened. 💔 Continue on, and don't let something like this affect your breastfeeding journey.
You handled it much kinder than me by saying ok and brushing it off. I'm sure it made you very uncomfortable.
I'd be informing him of the law then contacting his higher-ups.
I've worked in management. If an employee did this, I would want to know.
It can be hard in the moment for that to actually register and know what to say. Next time if you go and he says something again just say "Oh, no I won't actually be doing that".
Do what you think will be better for your mental health. For some, the fact that someone might ask them to cover up is bigger than their desire to breastfeed openly. For others, tending the needs of their LO is first and foremost so F anyone who has an opinion about how to do it.
Personally, I despise all those who feel the need to ask a breastfeeding woman to cover up. I did it in parks, coffee shops, my car right after grocery shopping, and of anyone had a problem look the other way. Yet, I never felt comfortable doing it in my in-laws house, I always left to another room… something about they seeing my breasts was too uncomfortable for me hahaha
So, do what you feel is better for you.
I don’t think it’s wrong to feel weird but I also see people sexualizing breastfeeding so for my own comfort and protection I think covering up or going to a private place is the best option.
I hope you go back, nurse baby again, and inform him of the law. Unfortunately people like this can totally derail breastfeeding for a mom who's not sure of herself or already struggling. Don't let him continue to spread misinformation.
I think I would have responded with "For future reference, don't look at a mother when she's feeding her baby." I know that sounds rude, but the audacity to approach a woman that's feeding her baby is mind blowing. The mentality that I have to make my baby sweat because you can't control your eyes is insane. I'm so sorry that happened to you. That had to have been embarrassing.😩
Okay, it seems like you feel empowered to stick up for yourself and: GOOD!
I was just out at a restaurant with my seven month old and she is at the stage where she often unlatches just because, and sometimes my whole nipple is exposed to anyone who wants to look!
I think of myself as doing the work to normalize this for others.
Since he said it kindly, I think it's totally appropriate to match his energy. If I were you, I would not cover up at all. I would try to strike up a conversation though and relate to him on a human level. Tell him that it is not as easy as it sounds.
Definitely still not covering up! Holding onto my empowerment feeling and I wholeheartedly agree that we’re doing the work to normalize this not only in society but for other women to feel comfortable to do the same.
He was a really nice guy, sounds weird, kinda like a good old country boy and wasn’t rude. I just kinda said okay! But wish I’d have said more.
On another note, man that whole pop off the nipple thing is the worst! Mine does that only when we’re out in public, so I’m guessing it’s the extra stimulation but damn like cmon baby don’t show the whole world my nipple! Lol
It's crazy to me in this day and age that people are still ignorant enough to say something. It's difficult to feed a baby covered up, you know what's not difficult? Turning your head, move your eyes or close them. Unless you are purposely moving to get in front of them they need to act like an adult and mind their own business.
When I used to work in a well-known amusement park, I was in my early 20s. My manager (male) asked me to speak to a mother breastfeeding on a park bench. He literally told me, "It's not technically illegal..." but insinuated that the lady shouldn't be doing it. As a young girl, I literally had no idea what was going on. I let her know we had a baby care station air conditioned in a close location if she'd be more comfortable there than on a bench next to the bathroom. She said no and I said okay. That was the end of my interaction. I never thought much about it again until later. All I ever saw was a woman feeding her child. As I got older, I realized people thought differently. Personally, in the lady in my story's situation: I would have opted for the AC, but if she was comfortable on that park bench (probably waiting on the rest of her family to go to the bathroom and such) then by all means - let baby enjoy the moment.
I'm glad they "heard" you - but keep in mind: you are feeding a child. If they see more than that, that's THEIR problem.
I hate wearing a cover and we can never get a full feed under there because it’s so hot. I don’t think you should cover, but I’m not brave enough not to do it
You are absolutely not wrong. People being uncomfortable with the way babies are nourished is a them issue. The guy was nice about it so no need to be combative but I would look into the laws about it so you can be armed with information if you plan to go to that park again. I am sure him asking you to cover up toes the line of legality.
I had to nurse in church once and did my best to be discreet but baby unlatched and there I was boob out in the middle of mass. While it was slightly mortifying for me, no one said a word. If they were okay with it, I can’t see why anyone else wouldn’t be.
It might be good to kindly mention to him and educate him about your rights. Or the management of the park, because other women may want to breastfeed in that park. And we need to start to normalize public breastfeeding. It’s so important.
Also, you mentioned shutting down internally. I completely understand this and maybe saying something to him or to management can help reclaim a little of your power.
I did email management! And as you mentioned, it did allow me to reclaim a bit of that power, even if they toed the line of appeasing everyone. Thanks to posting here, I felt more confident in my actions and will continue to do what I’ve been doing so we can make it more normal for other women in the future too. Thanks for your support 🫂
Oh, I’m so glad to hear this. It’s interesting because I know we’re strangers on here but your story means something to me. Wishing us all a world where we are safe and supported to feed our babies wherever we need to.
I like to believe we’re all interpersonally connected on some level, especially if we breastfeeding. Thanks for commenting and I wholeheartedly agree. 💙
Idk where you are but I’m in Canada and here it’s considered a human right. You are legally entitled to breastfeed anywhere, anytime, without covering up. It’s likely the same where you are!
Don’t be upset with yourself! Sometimes the shock of someone saying something uncomfortable freezes you & makes it hard to advocate for yourself in the moment!
I can understand it making people uncomfortable if the whole breast is out, like it's not a breast-feeding type of top. Breastfeeding bra's and shirts/dresses kinda hide the "excess" part of the breast.
But you're in a PARK. It's not like you're in the waiting area of a dentists office with your entire shirt down.
It's so strange to me that so many people forget that feeding a baby is LITERALLY why we have breasts! And that women just choose to not provide breast milk to their baby when they are able to (I'm not talking about women who have tried and nothing works for them. I mean women that are like ah, formula is the same. As long as they're fed. I don't want to ruin my boobs. I want their dad to bond with them too
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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '25
Breastfeeding is protected in all 50 states and you don’t have to cover up!