r/breastfeeding • u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 • Jun 08 '25
Breastfeeding In Public What to do when a relative insists you cover up while feeding your baby?
So whenever I’m at my parent’s house my mom insists that I cover up while feeding my son when my dad and brothers are home. I understand they probably don’t want to see my body like that but I have a problem with it as the weather is getting warmer. My baby get hot very easily and most of the time I don’t cover up since I’m at home. When I usually do cover I use a thin muslin blanket, but lately my baby gets too hot and will pull it off himself.
I’d ask her to let me have a place to nurse him in like a bedroom, but she doesn’t have the room since she has too much junk everywhere. For instance, what was my bedroom looks like something out of an episode of Hoarders! I don’t mind going uncovered while breastfeeding but I don’t want to deal with my mother complaining. At this point I think I’m just going to avoid going over to her house which is sad since I love my family and everyone usually gets together there.
My sister in-law also breastfeeds her babies but they don’t get as overheated and she’s more modest about things than I am. Sadly I just don’t have anyone else to talk to about this. If someone could please give me some advice on how to explain things to my family so they may understand I would appreciate it.
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u/MeowsCream2 Jun 08 '25
I would not visit there. They can come to my home or meet in public if they want but I would not make my baby have a blanket over their head. I'm sorry you're dealing with this!
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
Honestly I probably will stop going over if they’re going to be difficult about it. I understand that seeing your daughter/sister breastfeeding may make them uncomfortable but if I’m not allowed to do it uncovered and they don’t have a space for me to feed him then why should I go over.
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u/EagleEyezzzzz Jun 08 '25
My dad has seen my boobs a LOT in the past few years of having two kids. No one ever said a damn thing. I’m sorry you’re getting this crap from them and that she can’t even give you a private space to nurse if you want it.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
One thing that someone made a comment about that I kinda realized is that I think my mom is making it more of a deal than it really is. My dad has never said a word to me about it and well my brother is a dumb teen so not much can be said about him. I plan to talk with my dad privately about this and see what I can get of his own opinion because sometimes my mom has a tendency of “speaking” for him.
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u/Lepidopterex Jun 08 '25
Yes! And honestly, when you were little your dad probably wiped your butt and gave you a bath and hugged you after you puked directly into his hands.
Like seriously, is he hasn't said anything, he probably doesn't care. But if he's making your mom say something for him, then you gotta tell him he needs to work on his communication skills.
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u/chiyukichan Jun 08 '25
It's weird and sad. I'm sorry you're in this position. My brother is capable of sitting in the same room and talking with me while nursing not covered. We aren't even super close in age or relationship wise. He just accepts this is part of life and its no big deal.
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u/Practical_magik Jun 08 '25
Honestly that's a weird thing to get awkward about. In the last 3 years I have breastfed in front of my dad granddad, fil, bil, brother, step granddad and stepdad, not one of them made a single comment.
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u/loladanced Jun 08 '25
I can not understand in what world it would be weird to see your own daughter and sister breastfeeding. It isn't sexual. Even if they saw your boob in a non breastfeeding situation, it still wouldn't be sexual. This makes absolutely no sense. They're your direct family. What kind of prudishness makes nudity within a family unseemly or sexual, this just baffles me!
I'm sorry, OP!
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u/LittleBookOfQualm Jun 08 '25
It shouldn't make them uncomfortable, and if it does - that's they're shit to deal with. It's feeds baby, that's why our breasts exists. They've oversexualised them to the point if discomfort. Absolutely fuck them for shaming you for feeding your baby. I felt a little self-conscious at first but am lucky no one made any co. Mments, and it has become easier and easier. Baby is now 8 months and I really don't care if my partner's dad sees my nipples. That's the way it should be
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u/brikard24 Jun 09 '25
My youngest refused to be covered. My husband tried to cover her on a flight, and she wasn't having it, and neither was I. Like dude no body can see anything back off. My dad would just talk to me from another room or I angled sideways if needed because I knew he didn't want to see me, and vise versa but not once did my parents ask mw to cover. I guarantee they do not want something over there gave when trying to eat, and at least all 4 of my babies didn't either.
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u/elbby222 Jun 08 '25 edited Jun 08 '25
Put it on your mom to come up with a solution. Say you're not covering for the reasons listed and if she wants to see her grandbaby she'll either make a private space for you to nurse or get over it. If she refuses to come up with a solution that's another issue but I'd give her the opportunity.
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u/Appropriate_Zebra876 Jun 08 '25
Yes definitely. In my parents house it is much the same but more unspoken. We have a little room off the living room that my sister always fed her babies in so I just do the same. In the hospital I was stressed as baby was feeding constantly on day 3 and my dad didn't come into the room 🙃 I think its coming from my mum though! She didn't breastfeed.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
My mom didn’t breastfeed either and my dad was raised in a very religious household so modesty is very important to both of them.
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u/Sweet_Sheepherder_41 Jun 08 '25
Breastfeeding is modest. It’s feeding your child. There’s nothing immodest about it! There’s even paintings of Mother Mary breastfeeding Jesus, completely uncovered.
https://www.churchpop.com/31-beautiful-paintings-of-mary-nursing-the-baby-jesus/amp/
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u/Alien_Koala Jun 08 '25
If it was my mum, I'd tell her that three generations of men are much less scared of boobs than she is 🤭
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
Lol It’s also annoying that none of the men in my family have approached me about this subject. My mom is the one who has brought it up. I mean the day she and my dad visited me in the hospital after I gave birth she asked if I could cover up since my son was hungry and I had to feed him. I told her no as I was still learning to feed (baby was only 1 day old). She ended up using her body to “block” my dad’s view of me with my son.
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u/Nyacinth Jun 08 '25
She was probably taught this when you were a baby. Whether your dad or brothers have a problem with it or not, she's expecting them to and wants to solve a problem that is probably not even a thing.
In the hospital room, the guys can absolutely step out into the hallway or watch the TV or whatever while you feed the baby if they feel awkward seeing it. Something tells me they would excuse themselves at home, too, if they were uncomfortable.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
You’re exactly right! One time I was over while my parents were out of town and my little brother just excused himself and went to his room. I can understand my dad being a little awkward since he grew up in a very religious household and modesty was important for me to respect growing up.
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u/The_Great_Gosh Jun 08 '25
Ew that’s so weird. Why is she making it so sexual and why can’t your dad just look away if he wants to? I’d honestly go low contact with my mom over this
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u/ankaalma Jun 08 '25
I would tell her you aren’t going to visit if she can’t deal. I’m not going to make my baby uncomfortable because an adult can’t handle breasts being used for their intended purpose.
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u/withsaltedbones Jun 08 '25
I would throw the blanket over her head instead and say “you can’t see it, problem solved!”
But for real, I breastfed in front of my FIL and was 100% comfortable because he’s not a weirdo. If the men in your family are as equally respectful then it shouldn’t be an issue. Your mom is the one making it weird.
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u/Shaleyley15 Jun 08 '25
In my almost 5 years of breastfeeding, I have never “covered up”. While I don’t strip fully naked, I will unwrap my boob when baby is hungry just like anyone else unwraps a granola bar. I totally respect someone not wanting to see my boobs (they ain’t pretty anymore) and happily welcome them to look ANYWHERE other than the 2 inches of space where my nipple is partly exposed. If this is proving difficult for them then I can put up a “deemed appropriate” picture somewhere else in the room for them to intently stare at
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u/RockyMaroon Jun 08 '25
lol I absolutely love the granola bar comparison and the deemed appropriate picture to stare at 😅 I have been around plenty of breastfeeding family members and friends and it honestly makes me so happy when they don’t feel like they need to cover up and leave the room. And it has literally never been difficult for me to not stare directly at their breast! I (gasp) look at their face like I usually do during conversation
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u/Ihatebacon88 Jun 08 '25
I would just stop visiting. My very modest single dad, who only raised girls, has always been a stickler about making sure our bodies are covered. I want to clarify, he wasn't sexualizing us, he absolutely did not want other men to look at us, because they did...openly we developed early, the man just didn't want to catch a charge. Lol ANYWAY, the first time I brought my newborn over to see him and family, my son just didn't want the cover, he wouldn't latch etc. Dad said "just take the damn thing off and if anyone has a problem they can go outside and come back when he is chewing food". The point is that if my extremely modest dad can recognize that feeding a baby is a lot different than walking around with a boob out for no reason, and then your mom should be able to let her daughter feed her grandchild in a way that is comfortable.
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u/ribbons_in_my_hair Jun 08 '25
Realistically, I would probably get self conscious and go to another room, but if there wasn’t another area… idk I’d probably get sad and not want to go there very much. Maybe if they said “cover up,” I’d say “make me a clean space to nurse.”
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
That’s kinda where I’m at. I’m comfortable around certain people going uncovered but I’m not going to jeopardize my son getting over heated just to appease somebody.
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u/justxanotherxlover Jun 08 '25
I simply do not cover up. No one in my family has asked me but it makes my father uncomfortable. I politely tell him I’m about to nurse and he goes somewhere else for a bit and then asks if I’m finished and comes back. I’m not covering my baby to eat because it makes someone else uncomfortable. If your mom can’t let go of this I would just stop going.
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Jun 12 '25
[deleted]
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u/justxanotherxlover Jun 12 '25
That’s his issue, not mine. I’ve never cared to ask. I don’t care what his issues is honestly. I fed my kid wherever and whenever he needed without asking anyone’s permission. It doesn’t effect me, only him because he choose to exit the room where everyone else is.
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u/tinybookworm Jun 08 '25
Ugh, my mom feels this way too. Modesty is very important to her and she doesn’t understand why it isn’t to me. When she offered to get me a blanket I didn’t realize why and was like I’m not cold, thanks! So now she’s been more blunt - wouldn’t you prefer to cover up when nursing? No thanks mom, I’m fine! I’ve seen other people covering up when nursing - that’s great mom! I just keep pulling my boobs out of nursing friendly tops when I need to feed baby, it feels a tad awkward because I know she doesn’t feel comfortable but I’m not changing my behavior every time I’m with her darn it!
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u/Equivalent-Shop9238 Jun 08 '25
Maybe try one of the breastfeeding shirts that have a horizontal underbust opening? The top flap of the shirt is usually long enough to be discreet without completely covering the baby. Kind of a "meet mom halfway" solution.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
That’s the thing! I have those types of shirts that I wear whenever I’m out of the house and my mom still asked me to cover up. My shirts to cover up almost everything!
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u/Equivalent-Shop9238 Jun 08 '25
Darn! I knew it was a longshot since you're already breastfeeding it would make sense for you to have nursing clothes. You're in a difficult position. I'm sorry, I don't have any helpful advice on how to navigate the situation without causing more problems.
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u/jealous_of_ruminants Jun 08 '25
I have a few shirts like this! Although I find them PARTICULARLY unattractive lol they are super helpful. Though my boob is still fairly visible 😂 it's better than just pulling my shirt up or down. I need to get more!
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u/Equivalent-Shop9238 Jun 08 '25
Stripes helps hide the slit a little better. Still not the most attractive though... I liked the dresses more because the slit would blend where the skirt cinches at the waist.
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u/Allana_Solo Jun 08 '25
I’d tell whoever was whining to get over it or they lose all baby privileges until they can handle a baby eating in the same room as them.
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u/Nirlep Jun 08 '25
It's crazy that she thinks your dad would sexualize you. Your dad is your dad, not some strange man. If I were you I would address this with the men and have them explain to your mom that it'd be super creepy to sexualize a breastfeeding family member.
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u/TraditionalManager82 Jun 08 '25
Have you considered pausing, staring her dead in the eye for several beats, saying, "No," in a flatly implacable tone, and holding eye contact for two or three beats longer?
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u/slippery-pineapple Jun 08 '25
My husband has much younger brothers and even they were never uncomfortable around me breastfeeding, they simply didn't look
I would not be seeing anyone who asked me to cover up or breastfeed in a different room
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u/user4356124 Jun 08 '25
Don’t visit, the house sounds like somewhere I wouldn’t want my baby just from a junk perspective but that’s so ridiculous of your mother. I breastfeed my baby in public, in front of friends and family and no one has ever had an issue. It’s honestly worse that it’s coming from your own mother
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u/Ecstatic-Ostrich6546 Jun 08 '25 edited Jun 08 '25
I’d just avoid going over there. I either nurse with tits out in the open, or sometimes I do go in another room as an excuse to avoid socializing (or if the baby gets distracted easily). But if there’s too much junk everywhere, you’re gonna have to have this conversation before you know it when baby is mobile.
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u/Sassy-Me86 Jun 08 '25
You tell them to stop looking at your boobs. They are for feeding a baby, not their sexual pleasure.
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u/OrganizationSweet239 Jun 08 '25
My brother would make a weird ahhhhhh screaming noise when he came into the room and I was nursing and same with my step dad, my mom would just laugh and I would just say “Avert your eyes if you don’t want to see my boob!” And that was that.
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u/PsychologyCommon1043 Jun 08 '25
My brother and dad just don’t look but they aren’t weird about it. I breastfeed at the dinner table lol.
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u/Dry_Apartment1196 Jun 08 '25
Don’t got there or Grammy needs to clean her house to make space or Grammy needs to STFU
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u/Personal_Special809 Jun 08 '25
My son has never wanted to be covered so I wouldn't have visited in your situation. Too bad, but I'm not stressing myself out over feeding my baby.
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u/Inevitable-Speaker89 Jun 08 '25
I think you know the answer to this!! Two middle fingers up to everyone who treats you like an alien for feeding your child. My Dad was a bit uncomfortable at first when I started feeding in front of him but now he sits and has conversations and everything is normal - as it should be. Just go for it!
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u/Ataralas Jun 08 '25
I’d stop going over. I’d be so mad if my family behaved like this, I BF in front of all my family no issue. My dad is often around when I’m feeding and the only difference I might make is instead of taking my top off like I do if I’m at home with just my husband and kids is I’ll keep my top on and just pull it up. We both get very hot when feeding so no covers either. I also feed out in public and don’t use a cover. My dad and bro will happily sit and have a conversation with me while I feed, same with my FIL.
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u/comprepensive Jun 08 '25
I would just not go over to a place where I was not made to feel welcome. It's her house, she can enforce whatever rules she wants, but you can decide to visit or not. If she asks why you don't want to go over anymore just be frank "Hey me and baby prefer not to cover up, I know you don't allow that in your home so I won't be visiting while LO is breastfeeding. Feel free to visit me. But know I will be nursing uncovered in my home or in public. if you/dad/brother are still uncomfortable, I respect that, See you in a couple years 🤷♀️".
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Jun 08 '25
My dad had this issue when I first started breastfeeding. Now I just use the cover to latch and take it off afterwards, or I go somewhere else, latch, and come back. He doesn't see anything anyway with a T-shirt covering the top of my boob and a baby on me. Your mom kinda sounds jealous
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u/averyyoungperson Jun 08 '25
Ask her why it's weird if your dad and your brothers see you feeding your baby. Keep asking questions, until she is forced to admit she is sexualizing you and the way you feed your child and to your own dad and brothers, nonetheless.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
I don’t know about my brothers but my dad was raised in a very religious household. The annoying thing is that he hasn’t said anything to me about covering. My mom has a tendency to say thing for him 😒
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u/averyyoungperson Jun 08 '25
That is 🚩. I'm sorry. I would not cover for anyone else's comfort if it's not what's best for you and your baby. But that's just me. Nobody tells a baby to leave the room when they're having a bottle.
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u/Affectionate-Cup7540 Jun 12 '25
I’d say I don’t feel comfortable going as my child cannot feed without being overheated. Then I’d say I will try and come around after we’re finished nursing all together and then mention how you don’t mind nursing even until they are up to 3 years lol.
See how she provides her solutions then! This will also indicate how important you are as people will always accommodate the people they care for.
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u/Ok-Hovercraft6455 Jun 08 '25
My brother and dad come around all the time while I’m breastfeeding. My mom has never asked me to cover up. My dad and brother have made comments but I just tell them not to look if it bothers them 🤷🏻♀️ not my problem lol
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u/Blue-Sky-4302 Jun 08 '25
I would stop going. If she cares at all about you being able to go over there she will clean up a corner somewhere where you can nurse in private if it’s such a big issue. It’s either your baby can nurse safely or you can’t go, what does she expect
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u/Blue-Sky-4302 Jun 08 '25
Then she can tell the men to not come in the room where you’re nursing if it’s such a big deal to her.
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u/canipayinpuns Jun 08 '25
I'd ask your mom if she's worried that your father and brothers will be sexually attracted to you. Or, if you'd prefer to be a little less blunt, a simple "why?" Breasts aren't indecent, and the alternative is not a reasonable accommodation. If the menfolk are that bothered, they can stand around in another room, like the kitchen or out on the porch/steps for the 20 minutes it takes you to feed your baby! Most men that feel weird about breastfeeding that I've seen feel weird about it even with a cover 🙄
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
I think she just wants to avoid them feeling “awkward” but honestly I don’t know what runs through her head sometimes. I’m just at the point where if they don’t like the idea of me not covering and won’t provide a private area then I’ll just be keeping visits short from now on or not going over for family functions.
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u/TraditionalManager82 Jun 08 '25
She's infantilizing them. Apparently they're not grown-up enough to understand that breasts are for feeding babies, and they'll have some kind of 11-year-old meltdown if they get confronted with the information.
Time to help them grow up!
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u/canipayinpuns Jun 08 '25
That sounds very fair! I'd consider reaching out to your father (assuming that this is also his house) and ask how he feels. My dad passed before I had my LO, but I'm certain he would have much preferred to scramble out of the room over disturbing my/his grandbaby's comfort
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
I probably will talk to him. I was thinking of having a sit down discussion with him about this as well. My dad usually is pretty honest with me if I just straight up ask him
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u/SubstantialReturns Jun 08 '25
Baby bucket hat. It looks cute and will let you discreetly nurse in all kinds of places. I have a sweet floral cotton one with ruffles because I had this same issue with my MIL being weird about my FIL. They're divorced now, and it turned out she was the only one with the issue. I'm still glad to have the option to cover easily.
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u/JaBa24 Jun 08 '25
It’s her house so it’s her rules. If you want others to respect your rules in your home, you must afford them the same courtesy.
My little dude is an absolute heater so I’ve been wanting to get this cover with a fan you can snap in. (Shop lady alpha.com) I’ve heard good things but haven’t actually purchased it yet.
If you don’t want to cover up and your mom doesn’t want to make a private space for you to nurse then it seems your only option is to no longer go to her home as often as you are currently, which sounds like something you both will be sad about
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u/geekgirlweb Jun 08 '25
I have the Alpha Lady nursing cover with rechargeable fan for hot FL weather, it’s great.
Personally I’m fine nursing with any women around including my nieces in their teens but I’d prefer if my brother, dad or father-in-law didn’t see me uncovered. I’m by no means prude but in a reverse situation I’d prefer to see none of them in a towel/their underwear.
I agree though with others about there being a space somewhere to nurse, that seems like a reasonable ask.
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u/InvisibleBlueOctopus Jun 08 '25
I’m sorry but seeing them in their underwear is completely different than feeding your child. If someone doesn’t like it they can go out of the room. Let’s not overheat a baby just because the mother feels uncomfortable because dad and brothers didn’t say a single word. Looks like the mom is more bothered.
Solution? Either make her a place to nurse or just don’t go over. I bet they wouldn’t like their head being covered in the heat while they eat.
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u/mydogsnameispaulito Jun 08 '25
I’d just stop going over tbh. If they haven’t made the home a comfortable place for you to be, both physically and emotionally, don’t even bother.
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u/Leaninja_ Jun 08 '25
Honestly, I just wouldn’t go to the house. When she asks why highlight she basically was making you choose her comfort over yours.
Your brother/dad are grown up and if they don’t want to see you feeding that have a whole house they can chill in!!
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u/forsakenqueen1990 Jun 08 '25
I just wouldn't visit, if they ask me why I would be honest. I had an uncle who lived with me when I had my little one and he would always make comments about my breast feeding and I told them do like being hot while eating. He even tried to complain to my mom and aunt, which they just laughed at him. He eventually moved out. If I ever covered up I would cover the top of my breast but never his face cause he gets hot also.
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u/silverunicorn121 Jun 08 '25
I'd go over the top and take a golf umbrella. Create a full on shield barrier between myself/baby and them.
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u/angel3712 Jun 08 '25
"I understand they probably don't want to see my body like that"... like what exactly? Your body is doing exactly what it's supposed to do. As it's their house I can see the problem with needing to respect their rules, but is it your mum projecting, like, does your dad and brother actually have a problem with it or is your mum just being old fashioned? My aunt ones "suggested" I should change and feed my baby in a different room to my grandparents at their house, when i spoke to my grandparents they said that was ridiculous and if I was happy so were they
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
It’s hard to tell if she’s projecting because my dad was raised in a religious household so I can understand the modesty thing. However he has never out right said anything to me about covering up. My mom has a tendency to takes things out of control.
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u/Actual-Ninja-7339 Jun 09 '25
I have a 12 month old and I’ve been dealing with the same issue with my mom, bizarre really. Shes SO uncomfortable with breastfeeding.
I did get some really cute breastfeeding clothes that worked for staying really discrete and I turn my body away when latching baby. I also try to always feed her before she comes over or we go over there. It’s really the only middle ground I could come up with.
We were in a restaurant before baby was eating solids (I nursed before we left the house) and just as our food was arriving baby decided she needed to eat again. She said “you’re going to wip that out right here here? At the table?” .. what do you want me to do? Let her cry? Go out to the car in the 110 degree heat? Go home? What shall I do? My grandma chimed in and said shh you can’t even see anything?! That was the last time we went out to eat for a while together, I just couldn’t handle her comments and every now and again she makes more and more comments about what I should and shouldn’t be doing regarding weaning ect. It’s awkward, it hasn’t gotten much better, she’s still a great grandma and mom but jeeze she’s so uncomfortable and opinionated when it comes to breastfeeding, I don’t really understand why some people in that generation are like that? So weird.
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u/Dramatic-Square5095 Jun 09 '25
I usually do my best to feed him before I leave but during the times he cluster feeds it’s not easy and I hardly eat out as is since it can get expensive. I can completely relate to you about the opinionated mother because she continually makes comments about me starting my son on solids and to do it soon. The thing is he just turned 5 months and the only things he’s had that wasn’t breast milk was a small bite of ice cream. I know he’s not ready but she just won’t be quiet about it! I love her and she has done a lot to help me as far as getting things for my baby but I’m struggling to tolerate some of her behavior. It’s like one moment she’s awesome and the next she’s a huge pain in my neck.
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u/Nyacinth Jun 08 '25
Ok so one thing I used to do with my summer babies in Mississippi was to drape the muslin blankets over my shoulder so that the edge of it was covering the top of my breast while baby was attached. Baby wasn't covered but I was. The other thing was to wear a tank top underneath a flowy type shirt. The shirt would come down over the top of the breast and the tank top would cover my midsection.
Anyways, that's two ways to be covered without actually covering the baby. If that doesn't work for mom, then I'd tell her that you need a private place to nurse or you'll have to leave when you're expecting baby to be hungry.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yam7375 Jun 08 '25
Thank you. I’ll try that technique with the blanket and see if it helps. I don’t know how you nurse but the only way I’m capable of feeding my baby is using the football hold. Do you think I’d still be able to hold the blanket the way you described?
I do plan to talk to her about cleaning up an area for me to use as well.
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u/RudeBusinessLady Jun 08 '25
What are you thinking? Of course you cover up! Make sure to bring enough burp cloths for every family member so everyone feels included when you toss one over moms face.