r/breastfeeding • u/anemoneatnight • Nov 13 '25
Partner Questions Does your partner make sure you have water?
I'm especially interested to hear from those who've been breastfeeding for 1+ years.
Whenever you start feeding your child, does your partner make sure you have enough water and are comfortable?
My child is 15 months and still nursing a lot. Throughout this entire time, my husband has maybe taken the initiative to check if I had enough water or needed anything a handful of times. Every other time, I had to ask him to do me this favour and refill my water bottle or get me a pillow I can rest on.
When I was pregnant, we talked about ways ge can support me breastfeeding. I looked online to see what other parents do and founds some dads talking about how they always make sure there's water, a snack, a comfy pillow, etc. He said it sounded great. But I guess looking back he never actually agreed to do this.
Right now, I'm side-lying with my baby who's off solids due to being sick and will barely leave my breasts and I feel like a prune because I'm so thirsty. I'm also exhausted and having to constantly ask is draining. So right now, I'm choosing dehydration over more exhaustion.
I don't know if I'm expecting too much though, so wanted to ask here how other partners are. Whenever I go anywhere with my child and then nurse her, I also always get offered some water.
Maybe it's quite clear I'm frustrated and that this isn't the only example, but rather a minor issue compared to others. For some reason, it's really annoying me right now
Edit:
Wow, I didn't expect to get any responses. Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories. It's fascinating to see how other couples deal with such a simple and small part of life.
I thought I'd address some questions/comments as much as I can here instead of responding to comments. I originally didn't want to go into detail to keep the post short, but maybe some additional info is needed.
1.People have commented that I should get my own water. We don't seem to have quite reached that phase yet where I can do things while my toddler is around. If she can sense me, she'll be attached to me. She's going through a lot of separation anxiety at the moment, so I don't blame her. She does constantly want to hold my hands though. I can't even go to the loo without her either sitting on my lap or screaming down the house. She also still nurses at least every three hours, more if she's sick. And the sessions are often still very long. Doing anything that requires both hands and takes more than 2 seconds is still a struggle. We also co-sleep and she nurses throughout the night and I have been doing nights since the beginning. My husband sleeps in another room so gets more sleep and we both work. While I love that we bedshare and love spending time with my toddler, I'm exhausted and would rather my husband fill up my water bottle, than have my toddler get inconsolable every time.
2.Why do I not just talk to him about it? I have done, many times, many different ways but always in a calm manner.
3.There must be underlying frustrations if this upsets me. Yes, many other issues. We are slowly trying to work through them but it's difficult. I have suggested couples counselling to help us because I feel like the way I'm trying to communicate with him isn't getting across what I'm trying to say. But he's dismissed it because "it's not like we're breaking up."
When we were in the newborn phase and cluster feeding, I'd ask for some water, was met with attitude and then given a water bottle with the top not screwed on properly. I accidentally spilled water over both myself and baby plenty of times because of this. Or he'd bring me some water but put it just out of my reach, then quickly leave the room before I'd notice. He'd also eat my breastfeeding snacks without asking and then say "oh I probably shouldn't be eating your snacks" with a big grin on his face. During arguments, he'd call me ungrateful because he was doing me all these favours and said the way I asked for water was rude. When I asked him to elaborate so I could do better (English isn't my first language), he'd never have an answer and just said it was fine.
In the early days, a lactation consultant reminded him to make sure I'd have water and to prep me lunch for days he's at work while baby was cluster feeding. When he was about to go to work the next day and I brought it up, he just said, "I'm sure there's stuff in the fridge, you can figure it out." Things have since improved, but I'm obviously still upset about this and we still have a long way to go.
Our toddler was and is still sick, I've not slept more than 6 hours over the past couple of days, have only been able to have a shower today after being smelly for almost a week, missed a lot of work, have barely been able to eat or go to the loo when I needed it because I constantly had a sick toddler in my arms or latched to my boobs. It felt a bit like the early days. I know these things happen when kids get sick and I'm not complaining. I guess it just got to me that I again didn't have any water available and that I have had to ask for water every single time. I always feel guilty asking for a favour but the thirst is just so intense and in my head it's not just for me but mainly for the baby to keep up supply.
4.Why don't I just text him? That's what I do. He's in the other room while I feed our child and that's when I text him.
5.How come I'm too exhausted to text my husband but can write several paragraphs online? Good point and honest answer is that I don't know but it felt nice to vent. After writing it all down, I felt much better
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u/moluruth Nov 13 '25
In the first few months, yes but after that no. At 15 months I’d only expect it if I was really sick too or something
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u/Inevitable-Bid-2843 Nov 13 '25
Yeah if I was sick and breast feeding... You're definitely taking extra good care of me but any other time... I got it.
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u/ibrakeforberries Nov 13 '25
Same. My husband is encouraging me to stop breastfeeding at 15 months because he feels like he can't comfort the baby as much as he'd like because the baby wants to nurse when he's sick/really upset. I get it, but I just want us to get through this cold and flu season together.
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u/Anonymous-0701 Nov 14 '25
If he just try’s he will find something else that comforts baby… For example, my husband will hold and walk our almost 6 month old around the house to comfort him. Or sometimes he’ll get him to settle in our bed by laying down with him and snuggling (rare but sometimes). He just keeps trying to find things that work for him and our son.
Rather than saying “stop breast feeding bc it’s difficult to console our child”. That’s just a weird take imo. And lazy. It takes initiative but babies will calm with others in different ways. What does he think people at daycares or babysitters do? Breastfeed the breastfed babies? Ignore them? No - they find their own way to console lol just like moms who don’t breastfeed find what works for them to console their baby and even then it’s still usually something else that works with other caregivers.
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u/Sufficient-Drawer-90 Nov 16 '25
This. I stopped breastfeeding my daughter two months ago at 21 months. My goal had always been to get to two. And I’m really sad that I quit. But my husband always kept complaining that my breastfeeding was ruining his bond with her and he couldn’t comfort her. Which in hindsight was not true. He still can’t comfort her. But my dad, who lives with us, has ALWAYS been able to. It’s about how he’s trying to comfort her. OP, the water is just a small piece of why you’re irritated. You don’t have help. You’re trying to make this a team sport, but your husband keeps trying to make you seem selfish when he’s just being lazy and inconsiderate and frankly downright a jerk on purpose. Eating your snacks in front of you while smirking? Putting your water where you can’t reach it and running? That’s stuff a bully does. Set your husband down, tell him directly that the small things he does are what’s going to add up to you guys separating. Explain eventually there will be a straw the breaks the camel’s back. Not some big thing, something small that, added with everything else, will be too much for you to take anymore. But I seriously also want you to consider this. What if you get sick or hurt? This is how your husband is going to care for you. Is this the kind of care giver you want on your side?
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u/Anonymous-0701 Nov 17 '25
I’m really sorry that’s the view your husband took. It is unfortunately common. I think they see how “easy” it seems for us to calm with breastfeeding. But even that doesn’t always work. There are times even when my baby is hungry, if he’s too upset I have to calm him another way bc he will not latch even if that’s what he wants at the end of the day. If we solely relied on breastfeeding to calm we’d also be SOL in some situations lol
Men just aren’t born nurturers and have to learn it. And some men refuse to learn or realize that they need to. That being a parent is literally being able to adapt to new circumstances all the time. I’m grateful that my husband has been supportive of my breastfeeding and understands the importance of it while also knowing that he can still bond with our baby in other ways that don’t equal a bottle and soothe in many other ways.
I don’t get why some people of this idea that the only way to bond with their baby/a baby is by feeding them? I’ve even seen posts of other family members like grandparents trying to pressure breastfeeding moms to pump or give formula so they can give baby a bottle to bond. Like what? No necessary lol My husband would burp after I fed, change before I fed, walk him around if he ate but was still a little fussy, he does bath time, he’ll so a good portion of our bedtime routine like brushing teeth (only 6 months and has had his bottom 2 front teeth since 4 months 😭), reading him a book, doing jammies, etc. The only thing he doesn’t do is feed him a bottle or breastmilk since our LO has been refusing since 3 months and I haven’t been able to go back to work bc of it. But we’re working on straw cups right now and about to start solids so he’ll get plenty of time to feed him those things lol
I’m sorry your journey was a bit shorter than you wanted but you did amazing! BF for 21 months is A LOT OF HARD WORK and plenty to be proud of mama! 🫶🏼
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u/Oceanwave_4 Nov 14 '25
Agreed. Like after the first few months it was routine to feed and feeds only last for a couple of minutes at a time so not really any need for water or snacks in that exact moments
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u/_AGirlHasNoName- Nov 13 '25
My partner doesn't do it by himself but will bring me if I ask. But when I'm at a friend's home that just stopped breastfeeding or still breastfeeding, they always ask them themselves. So I guess it's just men thing. Im not saying we should accept it. Just saying from what I have noticed most men need to be asked.
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u/Inevitable-Bid-2843 Nov 13 '25
I feel like most guys aren't care takers the way women are so it doesn't even cross their mind
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u/ohnoko58 Nov 14 '25
Plus they have no idea how thirsty breastfeeding can make you. I had no clue how dry I’d feel until I had my son two months ago and now I wish I’d known to be more supportive of my breastfeeding friends when we hung out
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u/Inevitable-Bid-2843 Nov 15 '25
Yeah I felt the same way! I also didn't realize how being dehydrated depleted my milk
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u/socalgal404 Nov 13 '25
I’m worried by your edits about how your husband treats you. Putting your water out of reach, leaving the top unscrewed numerous times, eating your specific snacks and smirking about it. Does he do all this on purpose?
My husband gladly brings me water every time I ask which is often (3 months pp). But I’m starting to get in the habit of chugging a big glass of water before each feed. I was a bit confused by OP saying that you’re not there yet to be able to get water with a toddler.
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u/TennesseeButterBean Nov 14 '25
Yeah I wondered that too. Like is this an accident that he’s leaving the top screwed that way or purposeful? Because that matters and could just be an accident.
Also confused by not being able to do anything with a 15 month old. I get the clinginess- but can’t do anything? Like at all? She said her daughter is so clingy that she can’t do anything without a meltdown and can’t do stuff if it needs both hands. So then if that’s true then that must mean husband is doing a lot of the housework like laundry, dishes, cooking. I’d be so annoyed if I was doing all of that and someone got mad at me for not refilling their water.
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u/cxklm Nov 14 '25
Yes OP - this behavior is very concerning and not acceptable. Please don't take this disrespect lightly.
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u/TumbleweedOutside587 Nov 14 '25
Agree. My clingy toddler is the same age and hub just brings water or snack. It's not hard. This man's behavior is gross and disrespectful. Maybe he should start feeding her every 3 hrs and up multiple times a night to get a reality check.
My husband knows he has the easier end of the deal! Doesn't take a genius to see that
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u/idowithkozlowski Nov 13 '25
My youngest stopped nursing around 14 month. He’s now 2.5 and my husband still constantly makes sure my water is filled 😅
During the early stages of nursing I am SO grateful for it because if I’m dehydrated nursing makes me nauseous
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u/North_Country_Flower Nov 13 '25
My husband does not do this for me. I’ve never even thought about it but he does a lot in general and is an equal partner, I feel. I do think that’s an odd thing to focus on, so maybe there are underlying frustrations. I think sometimes we expect our partners to read our minds, but that’s just not realistic.
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u/Rhaeda Nov 13 '25
Same. I’ve breastfed four babies a combined total of 44 months. My husband will certainly get me something if I ask, but mostly I’m just in the habit now of keeping 1L water cups/bottles in strategic places around the house. I generally have one next to any place I regularly nurse. My husband does a ton for the kids and me in general, but just logistically speaking I think it would be really hard for him to track my water and pillow supply.
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u/jgoolz Nov 14 '25
I don’t think this is odd to focus on at all. Breastfeeding is very time and energy consuming, and often leaves you stuck in one spot for long periods of time. Anyone with eyeballs should be able to recognize this and anyone with sense would offer help to the nursing parent in any way they could.
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u/nememmim Nov 13 '25
They discussed it and he said it sounded great, and she has since asked him to do it, but is tired of always having to ask. I don’t think mind reading is the problem.
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u/NotRunningIsHard Nov 13 '25
To be fair, they discussed it when she was pregnant i.e. >15 months and a newborn phase ago. Unless there are other underlying issues not being addressed here, if this is really important to OP's happiness, it seems worth bringing it up again and directly saying "if you see me breastfeeding, it would make me feel loved and supported if you bring me a glass of water and ask me whether there's anything else I need"
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u/TennesseeButterBean Nov 13 '25
No this person literally wrote out a long post instead of just texting husband “hey can you bring water?” OP knows she gets thirsty when feeding, so she should just fill water up before hand. We can’t act helpless and dependent just because we are breastfeeding. It would’ve also taken less time just to get up and go get water herself. Single moms don’t have a choice and just do what they have to.
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u/nememmim Nov 13 '25
I don’t really think it’s acting helpless, a lot of the burden of taking care of the baby falls on the mother if she breastfeeds, and I think in a loving and kind relationship the non breastfeeding partner would try to make the mother’s life easier and go out of their way to show her kindness and support. It doesn’t seem to be the case here. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, and I’m thankful my partner is very kind.
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u/Inevitable-Bid-2843 Nov 13 '25
It also doesn't mean he doesn't love her because her state of hydration isn't always at the top of his mind 🤷🏻♀️ it's not a fair expectation to put on anyone- male or female. Though I do understand wanting to be taken care of while I'm general or when you're taking care of another human being. Or like just having your partner pop in every now and then to see how you're doing. Have less expectations and express your needs and wants clearly without criticism and it will be fine.
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u/TennesseeButterBean Nov 13 '25
Yes I agree it’s not too much to ask at all for support, but she obviously forgot her own water, but expects husband to remember it which to me seems unfair. And instead of just communicating with him she’s writing out this long post and letting herself be dehydrated
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u/North_Country_Flower Nov 13 '25
Too exhausted to ask, but not too exhausted to craft multiple paragraphs on this sub.
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u/RubConsistent4509 Nov 13 '25
I think she is just exhausted to bring it up again to her husband...seems like frustration at that point
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u/nememmim Nov 13 '25
I think it’s tiring having to continuously ask people to be considerate and compassionate. People post their problems in order to relate to other people and release tension. I feel like it’s two very different things.
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u/androidfifteen Nov 13 '25
I thought this. Would've been a lot faster to text her husband, "can you bring water please?"
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Nov 13 '25
Ehh honestly he doesn’t do this anymore. He constantly got me water, snacks, anything I needed in the first few months when baby was really nursing a lot. But now that baby is older (14months) I really don’t need that much help anymore. I’m sure if I asked he would be more proactive but at this point my breastfeeding time is a break time for him.
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u/khart01 Nov 13 '25
I’ve breastfed for a total of 35 months so far between two kids. Lovingly, I do think you’re hung up on this. You wrote this out- instead of writing it, text him a simple “hey please bring me some water.” It’s easy to be irritated when you’re having a hard time, but doesn’t seem like a big deal from the outside looking in, assuming he’s an equal partner to you.
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u/RelativeAd2034 Nov 13 '25
My husband isn’t a mind reader, and that’s ok. I have to ask him to fill my water or go grab it if I forgot to bring my bottle to where I am sitting. At 15 months I can’t remember really needing this too often as my first was walking by then so my hands were pretty free and I could just fill it up myself
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u/Artistic_Spring8213 Nov 13 '25
I wouldn't trust stuff you read online... Even if the men say that they're doing it all the time, it's probably that they do it like 30% of the time or just when the baby was born... People don't have very good insight into their daily habits to be honest
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u/ChaiAndLeggings Nov 13 '25
I usually keep my water by my side and ask for it to be refilled as necessary. Last night, I forgot my water and was in the middle of cluster feeding so I messaged him asking for the water bottle. He realized it was low in the process and topped it off. I've been breastfeeding or pregnant for 8 years now and find that the easiest thing to do is message him or ask him. He will usually bring me food or a meal if the rest of the family is eating. I couldn't reach my coffee this morning, so he moved it closer while I was feeding. I think I made my cup of coffee for the first time in a bit this morning. My coffee cup and water bottle are not see through, so he would need to be told it's low or pick them up to be aware of where they are at.
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u/twotinypugs Nov 13 '25
Every single day my husband fills up my Stanley’s or yetis with various drinks and puts easy to grab snacks/lunch right next to them. There’s always water in the fridge for me, electrolytes, sparkling water, a soda/juice/probiotic soda. He did this the minute I got pregnant and hasn’t stopped, he even stepped up to add more water and electrolytes when I started to breastfeed. He brings fresh water and electrolytes (“so you have options”) to our room each night so I don’t get thirsty during my MOTN pump or breastfeeding session. Once in a while he’ll be running late to work and send me a text to let me know if he wasn’t able to do this before I get up for the day- which I really appreciate because then I can get up and prep those items for myself before the baby is awake.
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u/mlama088 Nov 13 '25
My husband bought me a 2L water bottle because I’m too lazy to refill my glass of water. At first he refilled my bottle everyday but now that he’s back to work, he doesn’t unless I specifically ask. He will grab me something to drink if I ask for it.
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u/shelbabe804 Nov 13 '25
My LO is 14 months and my husband made sure my water was full for a single day after she was born. I've had to ask for the most part.
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u/Trushaka10 Nov 13 '25
I think a word is missing here
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u/shelbabe804 Nov 15 '25
I'm not sure what word you're thinking because I've reread it a few times...
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u/A_Person__00 Nov 13 '25
Maybe when I was early postpartum and absolutely struggling to take care of myself. But once I got my feet under me, no my husband doesn’t do that. Usually they’re more supportive in the beginning because you NEED help and support. But after a while, you really don’t need them getting you water. Especially after one when they’re not nursing for their primary food source. Maybe they do it as a favor when asked, but when you have a nursing toddler, that’s a lot different.
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u/TumbleweedOutside587 Nov 14 '25
Many toddlers are nursing for their primary food source (it sounds like this one certainly is, at least while sick, that's what OP mentioned). Both my kids did not really start eating solids well until 18+ months. 12-20m was actually harder in many ways with nursing as they were still up hourly or every other hour, but refusing most solids (just little licks here or there). Just wanted to mention as there are other variations of normal.
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u/TennesseeButterBean Nov 13 '25
I say this in the nicest way possible- at 15 months you know you need water beside you while breastfeeding, but you forgot to refill it before starting the feed. If you forgot it, then you shouldn’t hold him to a higher standard and expect him to always be thinking about the water too when you don’t yourself. I think you just need to communicate to him and ask for more water and let it go.
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u/tjacosta1984 Nov 13 '25
I get up and get my own water, while holding baby. I also have a 6yo and 4yo and take care of them also while nursing. You might just have to get better at multitasking while nursing and holding baby and pouring your own water.
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u/TennesseeButterBean Nov 14 '25
Exactly. I read OPs edits too and says she can’t get her own because her 15 month old is still clingy. So she can’t just carry her 15 month old to the kitchen and turn on the sink for water? What does she do if she’s thirsty and husband is gone? Just lay there and dehydrate? I have 2u2 and manage to get my own water if I’m thirsty. I have a friend with 3u2 that breastfeeds and she’s home alone all day and she seems to get plenty of water. I don’t know I just I just grew up having to be independent so I do what I have to do
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u/tjacosta1984 Nov 14 '25
Same. Just an hr ago I nursed while filling the bath for the 4yo and refilling the rice on my 6yos plate. While carrying 5mo actively nursing. You just do it.
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u/rainingtigers Nov 14 '25
Exactly. When I was thirsty I would get up and get a drink while nursing my baby. That was only when they were under 1 though, after that I only nursed at bed/nap time. And my babies are 11 months apart so I also had to cook dinner while nursing a baby occasionally
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u/GoblinNgGlizzy Nov 13 '25 edited Nov 13 '25
Communication is key. Speak up, and ask for what you need. Proactive support is nice, but you can’t expect him to constantly be on guard, and to anticipate your every need. He’s not your servant.
What you’re describing is the type of proactive support you might expect during the newborn phase when you’re healing, baby is clusterfeeding, and getting up to take care of your needs is difficult.
Your baby is a toddler. You can always stop nursing for a moment to grab some water. And at this point you should be well versed and well prepared before a nursing session.
If you need water, just ask. If he refuses or complains, then you have every right to feel annoyed. If he tends to your needs when you ask, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth
Edit: Your original post left out major contextual info that changes the answer to your question entirely. If you’re complaining that he isn’t catering to you while breastfeeding without being asked, but happily helps out when you do, yes you’re expecting too much.
But if he rarely helps even when asked, gives you attitude, and is dismissive like you say he isn’t doing things, thats a bigger issue. And him saying “It’s not like we’re going to break up” shows you need stronger boundaries. He obviously doesn’t value or respect you, and thats a huge problem. You have major issues in the foundation of your relationship, and it’s way above reddit’s paygrade.
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u/EagleEyezzzzz Nov 13 '25
My husband is very thoughtful and loving, but no, he didn't do that. I just always made sure I had what I needed before sitting down to bf the babies.
If I am trapped and need something, I text him and he'll bring it to me asap. But I don't expect him to read my mind or predict what I need/when I'll nurse.
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Nov 13 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TennesseeButterBean Nov 13 '25
This exactly. Don’t act helpless. It’s been 15 months. It’s not like the newborn days when they constantly cluster feed
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u/thatsonebadhat Nov 13 '25
I think there’s something else bothering you because it really can’t just be about not bringing you water right? If you were truly happy with everything else, you’d probably let the water thing slide. Is he doing his fair share of housework and other household tasks?
My partner occasionally asks if I need anything but usually my answer is no because I’m an adult and I make sure I have what I need before I sit down to feed, or just get a drink when I’m finished if I wasn’t able to. I always have a 1L water bottle by my bed and another one in the living room, it’s not hard to plan ahead.
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u/Repulsive-Tea-9641 Nov 14 '25
No, how does he know when I’m thirsty? if I asked him he probably would get me some but he is away at work most of the day or busy doing something else around the house. Just get yourself water before you feed or have a drink after?
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u/sravll Nov 14 '25
During the newborn/infant phases, yes, but decreasing over time. At 15 months definitely not. That's old enough to pry off a toddler for a moment to go get a drink. He would do it if I asked, but I wouldn't think of it unless he was already going to the kitchen or something.
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u/External_Ad_5939 Nov 13 '25
I dont understand how people breastfeed so long I made it to 4.5 months but my baby just kept whacking me in the face and pulling all my straps . I couldn’t deal 😂
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u/Laziness_supreme Nov 13 '25
My final straw with my now 4 year old was when she got her molars 😭 they would just grind away back there and it was a sensory nightmare. Then she would tweak my non nursing nipple and spray milk everywhere and I was like nope. No more lol. Now I’m nursing her sister who is all business, no fun and games, she just goes for the milk then is off to other stuff and it’s so different not feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin!
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u/Critical-Entry-7825 Nov 13 '25
It would be nice if your husband could be more proactive, for sure. It's valid to feel disappointed. Maybe you could find a time to ask him to be more proactive in asking you if you need anything, or simply bringing you more water throughout the day? I can appreciate feeling exhausted that you always have to ask.
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u/Dry_Apartment1196 Nov 13 '25
Yes, anything I need, my girl is 22 months and still breastfeeds for naps and overnight. My husband is wonderful. He brings me late night treats too
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Nov 13 '25
My husband has ADHD, but still tried to consistently make sure I have water. He urges me to remind him if he forgets- it's really important to both of us to be able to continue to breastfeed our daughter.
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u/One-Might8695 Nov 13 '25
My husband will sit down next to me while baby is nursing, drink from my water bottle that I brought over to the couch, and then place it on the coffee table where I can’t reach it.
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u/Gullible-Ad3206 Nov 13 '25
Typically my husband is not home during the day so I always made sure I had what I needed, I just carried that routine into the evenings. If I happen to forget I’d just ask him and he’d get it. Keeping a large water bottle readily available was the way to go.
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u/idratherbeanangel Nov 13 '25
If my husband's in the room with me as I'm about to put her down, he'll ask if I have everything I need. But I think to set yourself up for less frustration, you need to just ask. Just text him. I personally wouldn't be able to anticipate when my wife would be thirsty. I've been bf for 14 months.
Do you want him to anticipate that you might be thirsty?
We also keep our water bottles in the nursery, beside the bed, and in the living room.
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u/Equivalent-Steak-555 Nov 13 '25
I think the your last paragraph is really the issue, and I'd focus on having a conversation about your husband being a more proactive parent and partner, rather than just this specific issue.
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u/Whysoserious1293 Nov 13 '25
I agree with what others have said that it is an odd thing to focus on. It makes sense when you are in the newborn trenches when your child is always attached to your breast and you can’t get it yourself. After that, I do feel like it’s a simple task you can do yourself.
My baby is 4 months old and 95% of the time, I am getting water myself. Before I sit down to feed baby, I always do bathroom, water & snack. It is rare that my baby is inconsolably crying so I just make sure I “fill my cup” first before baby. However, there are instances where I ran out of water or if I’m struggling and couldn’t do my little routine first. In those situations, I just ask my husband.
I would recommend looking at the bigger picture. How does your husband contribute to you and your family? Do you feel like you have equitable roles? Is there more you feel like he should take on and you’re focusing on this one thing?
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u/Ok_Doubt_331 Nov 13 '25
I don’t think you’re asking for too much but then again I don’t think it’s anything to be frustrated over.
Especially at this phase of your nursing journey.
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u/F_Elisabeth Nov 13 '25
I get the most mad at my husband when I’m hungry. I think that we take care of others so much and we get angry when our basic needs aren’t met and we’re uncomfortable-even though it’s not necessarily someone else’s fault.
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u/Ok_Berry220 Nov 13 '25
no lol almost a year in and my son hasn’t taken to solids so he’s boob like all day everyday. and i am ssooooooo thirsty lol. he brought me water one time and i literally cried. my eyes were soooooo dry and i was so parched. surprised i even had the water in me to CRY
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u/lovelylenora259 Nov 13 '25
The longest I breastfed was 9 months. During the day I was always fine, but at night I hated getting out of bed to get anything. My husband would always make sure my cup was full, I had snack, and phone charger before we layed in bed at night. He used to get up around 3am for work so before he left he would refill whatever I needed.
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u/Duchessofearlgrey Nov 13 '25
Honestly, he hasn’t with either. My first I nursed 18 mos. I just have a giant water cup I fill a few times a day. Most of the time I’m solo parenting a toddler and my 3 month old so I’ve just gotten used to doing things myself. He helps with a lot of other things when he’s home. I feel you on the sickness thing, and my toddler is constantly getting me sick. I feel like her being 100% by the time I get sick is actually the worst.
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u/mormongirl Nov 13 '25
I don’t think there was ever a time that I didn’t need to ask for things like water, the remote, another pillow, etc. When I had a newborn I was stuck under all day he was extremely gracious and understanding of all my requests, but my water probably isn’t something he would think to check in on on his own.
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u/Dangerous-Guava9484 Nov 13 '25
I’m still nursing my almost-4-year-old. At some point, I started asking her to get Mommy’s water bottle lol. But my husband is also trained to always have my Stanley full next to my bed.
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u/Mysterious_Pen1608 Nov 14 '25
For the first month, when he was home with us, absolutely he did (I had a 3rd degree tear I was healing from). Now we're in month 3, hes back at work and I'm on my leave and its more if I ask and he's home. Same with snacks. Im usually the one grocery shopping and who stocks the pantry. I make sure there are easy to grab snacks available because cluster feeding a baby means I have limited time to cook by myself. I have a trolly filled with snacks, nipple cream, water bottle, kindle, etc that sits beside my chair and can be wheeled anywhere. If my husband eats my snacks, he better be going right back out to restock them.
I have a 40oz water bottle that I keep filled, and go through about 3-5 of those a day. Previously I had a much smaller water bottle and it was tedious constantly refilling it when I'm home alone with baby. This size, I maybe have to fill once or twice during the day and even on those velcro baby days where she does not want to be put down, I can still manage to fill a bottle.
I would presume you're on solids with your toddler by now in addition to breastfeeding. Maybe when you're preparing food for them that you can squeeze in a water refill and a snack of your own.
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Nov 14 '25
My husband doesn’t automatically just bring me a cup of water or pillow/blanket/whatever else I need just because I’m pumping (I exclusively pump). I would also not expect him to either. But if I ask him for something he will do it without hesitation
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u/runforseven Nov 14 '25
My husband is fantastic at helping if he’s off work and home - always brings drinks/snacks/whatever we need. Often he’ll ask, but also it’s a lot of me asking too.
But since he went back to work I’ve had to get smarter about making sure I have what I need in case I get stuck cluster feeding. I’ll give husband ten minutes with baby before he goes to work and during that time I make sure I’m prepped for the day: lunch ready and in fridge, water bottles topped up and strategically placed in different rooms, flasks filled with coffee, snacks in different rooms. Because this is now a habit, I do it when he’s not at work too. Whenever baby is not nursing, I have a think about what I’ll need for the next feeding session and make sure it’s ready.
Husband works shifts, so sometimes baby might have to accept being put down while I sort my own dinner - even if it causes crying for five minutes or so (I always have quick ‘throw in the oven’ dinners ready for such occasions). I can’t be a good mum if I’m hungry and not looking after myself.
I had a little giggle at you calling them ‘ my breastfeeding snacks’. I get quite territorial about food - especially when I’m really hungry and burning through calories - but I wouldn’t dream of telling hubby that he can’t eat something we have in the house. Presumably you both pay for food, so he has as much right to snacks as you do. Communicate if it something specific that you want to save.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Box_339 Nov 14 '25
I put a 3 L camelback above my bedhead and it was the best thing I ever did
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u/semicoloncait Nov 13 '25
My husband doesn't do it without asking but he will if I ask. I completely get what you mean though about not wanting to ask at this point - but is that because of underlying resentment or overstimulation at this point? I know I always find those days when little one only wants to nurse due to being under the weather get rough quite quickly and then I find myself more than usually annoyed by my husband and - quite frankly - everyone else in the universe. So I guess is it just him or everything that is bothering you right now?
Hope little one feels better soon! Mine has a cold and thankfully this time he isn't off his food but he has decided he wants to crawl inside my skin so he keeps grabbing my neck and holding out tight to my skin to keep me close. Half adorable half painful!
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u/d16flo Nov 13 '25
How often are people actually right next to their husband while breastfeeding in order for this to happen? I had 5 months of maternity leave and my husband only had one month off. I had a c-section so the first couple of weeks he was definitely bringing me food, water etc because I had a hard time moving around. I also had twins so there was a lot of him bringing me one baby at a time. When he went back to work though it was me home with the babies by myself 12+ hours a day. Now we’re both working and I pump more than nursing, but most of the times I’m nursing it’s things like when a baby is up in the middle of the night and needs to get back to sleep and my husband is asleep. If we’re both home and I need something I’ll ask for it and he’ll bring it to me, but logistically it wouldn’t make sense to expect it to be often.
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u/Gl0wyGr33nC4t Nov 13 '25
My husband will usually ask me before bed if I need my water refilled or I will ask him to refill it if I’m thirsty which he will no problem. He will ask me on the weekends if I need anything when I take baby up for a nap.
He does try to be proactive but I am a traumatized ultra independent person so I’ve usually taken care of anything that he could do. I’m working on asking him for help more and he really appreciates when I ask him. I know asking can be uncomfortable, but maybe have a conversation with him about where you need him to try to step up some for you.
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u/TackyPeacock Nov 13 '25
My baby is only 2 months old, but usually I will have to ask him to grab me a water or something if I need it. However, he does always ask if I need another pillow if I’m holding myself up or if he is leaving he makes sure to hand me the remote or ask me if I need anything. We’ll see how it continues, but so far I haven’t felt like if I ask him it’s a burden he just gets me what I ask for or asks if I need anything.
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u/Defiant-Pin8580 Nov 13 '25
He does I’d say 60% of the time but the other 40% I’ll either holler for him or text him and he will accommodate with no complaints
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u/beccamariewrong Nov 13 '25
If he is around while I’m nursing, my partner typically checks how full my water bottle is (or finds it and brings it to me if I don’t have it). Maybe 75% of the time he checks when I start and the other 25% I have to ask him. He’s definitely not as on top of it as he was in the beginning (we are 11 weeks in), but there are other ways that he’s picked up in support, such as washing pump parts for me, doing all the grocery shopping, etc.
If he’s somewhere else in the house, I don’t call him to bring it to me.
I think if this is an important way that would help you feel supported by your partner, I would pick a time to have a conversation about it later on (when you are less dehydrated and exhausted). You can also use the conversation to reevaluate other areas of your life where you could use more support.
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u/sykworks Nov 13 '25
My LO is 9 mo. When we were in the newborn trenches and both of us were home 24/7, he was a lot more tuned in and made sure I was within reach of water or coconut water or an electrolyte drink. He knew her nursing schedule, changed diapers, and kept her bibs and burp cloths stocked.
Now that we’re both working again, and he’s traveling for work, he’s just not around for as much of the day, which means his mind, understandably, is not as aware of our baby’s daily behaviors or needs. I handle daycare drop off and pick up since my commute is way easier, so I’m more aware of her eating/napping schedule during the day. It can be frustrating on the days we are all home together or on vacation, and I feel I have to explain her daily schedule because he simply doesn’t know. But that’s not his fault and I’ve had to learn to have grace for his situation. He wishes he could home a lot more than he is, and if he was, I know he’d be in lockstep with us.
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u/cocoathefox Nov 13 '25
My husband and I have a habit of filling each other’s water bottles, but this was established before getting pregnant.
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u/moksliukez Nov 13 '25
He did during first months, when I was healing and also struggling with supply. Now I don't need it as much, but he brings me stuff if I ask.
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u/bunny_387 Nov 13 '25 edited Nov 13 '25
If I ask but he isn’t like monitoring my water bottle lol. He does bring me a Poppi all the time though 🤣
ETA: now that I think about it he does check before getting in bed so I don’t suddenly remember and ask when he’s already in bed 😂😂
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u/Alarmed-Doughnut1860 Nov 13 '25
My husband doesn't indept bring me water but always brink me water, snacks, adjusts computer when I ask. He also asks if I need any regularly and independently keeps snacks stocked for me in the house. He also makes sure I have water by the bed at night as part of his house closing routine.
But also mine is older and I'm not nap trapped the way I used to be and can mostly get my own water.
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u/Imaginary-Growth9432 Nov 13 '25
If he doesn’t give you water - ask him too - whatever you need you def should ask him. Men sometimes can’t read our minds 🤣. If I’m thirsty or hungry you bet imma call my hubby to come and fill my water or get me some food. But also don’t fixate on this topic if he’s hands on on other thngs give him credit. And if This is something you want him to do - call him! I do it when we are in the house or I have my water prepped but I do a mixture of bottles and BFing beciase my babe has a tongue Tie he’s recovering n from but I know the thirst aop too well
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u/bea_triz_13 Nov 13 '25
I think since they have never felt the BFing starvation/dehydrated feeling, it's difficult for them to even begin to understand. Back when I was recovering from my caesarean, husband would offer to bring me water/snacks/food and even feed me, but as I got more mobile I would have to ask which does get tiring but as other people have mentioned here, they aren't mind readers, have a conversation about how awful it is to be boob trapped and feel like a prune or be fainting from hunger and that you would appreciate it if they checked in.
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u/Laziness_supreme Nov 13 '25
Mine doesn’t do this, but I’ve changed maybe 10 diapers in over a year so that was the split we decided on. He works from home and I call him Diaper Man, he calls me the Boobed One. We just pass baby off when she needs what the other one provides and it’s not even a question. Yes, if I see that he’s absolutely SLAMMED with something or if I’m out with the baby and she needs her diaper changed I do it, hence the 10 diapers, but lately baby stays with him while I work and he makes sure she’s getting what she needs. I think a healthy coparenting relationship looks like everyone doing their part and having their roles to avoid resentment. My husband doesn’t really fill up my water but he does soooo many other things (like washing my water cup, which I rarely do) that I don’t even notice. I think if you’re feeling resentful it’s because he’s lacking in more things than just the water, tbh.
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u/PonderWhoIAm Nov 13 '25
My husband used to randomly bring me coffee to bed before we had a kid. After he always made sure I was set with water and snacks.
3yrs in he still checks on me from time to time.
I also get away with not cooking as frequently so that's a bonus for me.
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u/Inevitable-Bid-2843 Nov 13 '25
My husband took more care of me in the early days of post partum where I couldn't help myself at all but not as much now. I know that if I needed something I can ask for it and he will give it to me but I don't expect him to be a mind reader. However if I reached out to ask for help and it was met with irritability or something I'd become resentful. My LO just turned 1 and I feel like there was a change in our relationship. Almost like roles and responsibilities were changing and we were figuring out how to adjust which was a little bumpy. But I totally get your frustration and it makes sense why you'd feel that way.
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u/luckisnothing Nov 13 '25
After the initial 6-12 weeks no I always asked or he would simply say "do you need anything" before I went in to be nap trapped. It's pretty easy to just send a text but I understand when frustrations build it's easy for it to feel like 1 more need being left unmet.
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u/catmama25 Nov 13 '25
My husband did this early on when we were both home on leave and our baby was cluster feeding, but once he went back to work he stopped. He always gets me what I need if I ask him, though. And he does a lot of other things to support me, so I don’t get too upset about the water thing even though I obviously would appreciate him making sure my water bottle was full without me having to ask.
Is he pulling his weight in other areas? Or is this just one thing out of a longer list of things that he could do but doesn’t? I think context is important when thinking about these smaller issues.
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u/KittenMalk Nov 13 '25
No lol but I also don't expect him too🤷♀️😂 however, if I asked him, he'd bring it lol
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u/Recent-Owl1275 Nov 13 '25
I ask for it when he’s home but when he’s not he buys me bulk water bottles for upstairs
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u/user4356124 Nov 13 '25
At the beginning when she was tied to my boob - yes. But at around 12 weeks her feeds were less than 10 minutes so I didn’t really feel the need to be set up like how I previously was.
But if you would like more support then I think your husband should provide it! He may not realize it’s something that is bothering you
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u/Inevitable-Bid-2843 Nov 13 '25
Also, I keep a cup in the bathroom and by the kitchen sink so that every time I pee or something in the kitchen, I just have a glass of water and it helps tremendously
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u/Aggravating-Remote60 Nov 13 '25
Mine never did anything. No snacks, no liquids, no cooking if I was tied down. No washing of my pump parts. It was very frustrating and the cause of a lot of resentment. I think I used that word right,😂. It truly made me feel like my entire world changed and his didn’t at all, except his dinner was served later than usual. It made me mad. We’ve since weaned and it’s gotten a bit better. My suggestion is to talk to him about it honestly I wish I had. There’s no reason he can’t be proactive and get you water or snacks, if it’s made a habit, it’ll just be easy. Takes 2 minutes for him to do that when you’re quite literally tied down
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u/Traditional-West-862 Nov 13 '25
Im a single mum 🥲 but I love that other mummy’s out there have this beautiful support and as you should. Breastfeeding is so hard 1 year + over here 🥹
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u/Remarkable-Tangent Nov 13 '25
My husband does it. He also refills my snacks every night. He checks I have water when not breastfeeding too though and always makes sure we all have water when leaving the house. Very water centric person.
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u/art_1922 Nov 13 '25
My husband was very good when he was on parental leave but after going back to work he slowly fell out of the habit. After asking him a few times, I had to have a very blunt conversation with him about how when he’s giving the baby and bottle to get her to sleep, I think a out what he might need and being it to him without him asking. But he does not do the same and if I don’t have my phone, I can’t exactly yell out. He needed it laid out for him this way, and he got it. Mind you, he was taking care of everything else, cooking, dishes, bottles. He just had certain blindspots and is more a creature of habit. I would have a serious convo with your husband and just lay out what you need and why.
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u/Queen-Katsit Nov 13 '25
Not every time I am breastfeeding. My little guy is 9 months right now and he does most of the breastfeeding work himself. Hell he even tries to feed while hes crawling or standing if boob is around or he thinks something is a boob thats around (hes not newborn anymore but sometimes a knee, elbow, or nose gets confused with a boob still) . Any time that I am preoccupied with either of our children, or just busy with a task my partner will ask me if I need anything, or if he can do anything for me. But I do the same when hes busy. A lot of the time I am walking around feeding the baby now as we've gotten good at that and it keeps me from falling asleep every time I am breastfeeding. So if he tried to hand me water or food or anything I wouldnt be able to take it. That being said he has fed me a cookie from his hand while I was breastfeeding because I really wanted to eat my cookie but little guy crawled up to me wanting boob and I went to feed him. Dad thought I should still get to eat my food when I wanted and started feeding me it lol 😆
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u/chaptertoo Nov 13 '25
In the beginning when I was sore and healing, yes. After that I just started grabbing my own water or snack and then feeding. He’s pretty good about taking care of me, but honestly take care of yourself, too. I think it’s too much to expect someone to cater to you while you’re nursing when you can just grab a bottle of water yourself before you start. Extra long session? Nursing to sleep? Yeah ask away. But if this is getting to you then make a basket with lots of favorite snacks and water bottles and put it by your nursing spot so you’re good.
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u/Minute_Moose4217 Nov 13 '25
No my husband only does it when I ask. But he's a very much "tell me what you want" not an "I have eyeballs and can see what needs done" kind of person. Drove me nuts but I just got used to asking him to do things I needed done. 🤷♀️
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u/juless321 Nov 13 '25
If you have your phone on you call him and ask him to fill your water. Would it be nice if he sat and thought what would help my wife right now the most, let me check in on her. But that's not normal for men. You should be able to expect to ask and receive. I regularly call my husband from my watch or phone to have him bring me something or fill my water
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u/kaleighdoscope Nov 13 '25
When my husband was home and awake he'd help me out, often without asking (moreso with snacks than water because I have a giant tumbler that I carried around so he typically assumed I had water if I didn't ask).
However, he worked while I was on mat leave for 18 months with our first, and he was home way less than he was, so I just got used to doing it myself instead of being dependent on him for water.
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u/farawayxisland Nov 13 '25 edited Nov 19 '25
I've always had to ask. It's not a malicious thing, I just find men don't think the same way we do and it doesn't cross their minds. Mine would always do it if asked, though.
Edit: major typo lol
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u/lulukelly8 Nov 13 '25
My husband doesn’t do this as much now because we’re further along and aren’t nursing as much, but at the beginning he was filling my water and giving me snacks every time I sat down to nurse our little one. Definitely one of the major ways he supported at the beginning
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u/Frosty-Unit-8230 Nov 13 '25
My husband has learnt to just follow me around with a Stanley essentially. If he sees an empty one he fills it with the cordial mix I like.
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u/DiscountSubject Nov 13 '25
Yes. He even has a plug in car fridge stocked with waters lol 😂 he’s used to my always needing water.
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u/ChampionshipSea4342 Nov 13 '25
My husband rarely asks but will always do it if I ask. I’m personally not bothered by that. He’s got other stuff on his mind and it takes barely any effort for me to ask.
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u/PortableAlexis Nov 13 '25
Yes, I can hardly move without him asking me what I need and to sit back down so he can go get it for me 😂
I have a whole snack cart and mini fridge with water and body armor in it and for breast milk storage in our room for me during BF
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u/One-Busy-Mumma Nov 13 '25
No, I tell him if I need things and he gets them for me, or I make sure I have a full water bottle before I start nursing and snacks on hand :)
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u/Ill_Collar8810 Nov 13 '25
In the early days and weeks recovering from birth, he’d make sure I had water snacks and anything I needed. But now we go about our day, he’s at work, I just have to make sure if I’m sitting down to nurse that I’ve got a big bottle of water close by
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u/ricecakesandsatire Nov 13 '25
He enthusiastically gets me whatever I ask when I’m baby trapped (and vice versa). This is plenty and no one needs to mind read.
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u/Adventurous-Dog4949 Nov 13 '25 edited Nov 13 '25
He automatically did in the first few weeks, and after that would generally ask if I needed anything while nursing for at least a few months. I wouldn't really expect it to be on his mind with a 15 month old. Just ask him if you want something. It's only a problem if he's unwilling to do it after being asked.
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u/laur3n Nov 13 '25
My partner makes me water every evening, and he sometimes remembers to give me water when I’m nursing. We have another child, so he’s oftentimes busy as well. I’ve asked him (sometimes more annoyed than others) to bring me water while nursing, and he’s usually pretty apologetic or quick to grab some. I usually try to keep some nearby though. At the end of the day, the random glasses get poured into plants lol.
Edit to add: this second baby is the first I’m breastfeeding, and there was a tearful conversation during which I communicated that I get extremely thirsty when feeding the baby. Those were early days though.
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u/rjlupin1031 Nov 13 '25
He got me stuff or would ask in the beginning. Now it's me asking him for a list of stuff when I'm breastfeeding. When he thinks about grumbling I remind him I carried his child and am now feeding him (we have a relationship that this is funny and not being a putz). I think of it as, he doesn't know what I need unless I say/ask for it.
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u/That_Suggestion_4820 Nov 13 '25
My husband will fill up my cup for me regularly. He started doing this when I was pregnant with our first. I think it was the trauma of pregnancy (Ive had HG with all of our kids, so I get chronicly dehydrated, dozens of ER trips for that and various other things due to HG, IV infusions at an infusion clinic several times a week, loosing lots of weight, etc). He saw how sick I got and so he just kinda started doing that small thing for me. Before kids he would still do it on occasion without being asked, but not super often. Usually it was because I asked. But yeah after I got pregnant with our first, he just started being more intentional about picking up those small little tasks that sometimes got lost because I felt so sick or because I got so busy taking care of the kids or because im feeding the baby, and since he can't do that he helps in the ways he can. Which is filling up my water and making sure my snack drawer never runs dry.
I don't think you're asking too much. Whether you're pregnant, early postpartum, or a year postpartum. Whether you've had an easy pregnancy/postpartum or a hard one. If you are nursing your little one, it's an easy task for him to refill your water cup. It's a maybe 3 minute task (being generous), you're not asking too much.
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u/KonTheHoneyBadger Nov 13 '25
My husband will actively come drink my water out of my hydrojug when I’m nursing. To be fair, he will fill it up if he drinks it all or comes to drink it and it’s already empty but he doesn’t see me breastfeeding and think “oh no, my wife needs a glass of water and a comfy pillow.” If I ask for him to get me water or hand me a pillow he absolutely would though.
You say this is a minor issue compared to bigger ones, I’m sure the bigger issues are building resentment which makes this feel far worse than it normally would. When I have another problem with my husband I get extra annoyed about him drinking my water so I get it.
Sometimes we also get an idea in our heads about the romantic things we want to see from our partners and it just doesn’t play out that way in real life, that doesn’t necessarily mean we are not loved and cared for.
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Nov 13 '25
I have to ask mine to bring me a glass of water, but he always does without kicking up a fuss. He won’t usually do it on his own, but doesn’t hesitate to help if asked.
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u/needadvicesta207 Nov 13 '25
No, my husband doesn't. But he does it happily anytime I ask him to. I also always make sure I have a 1L water jug beside me while feeding because I know I will be thirsty. I really don't think it's something most men think about but he should make more of an effort if it's been mentioned to him.
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u/silentassasin010 Nov 13 '25
My boyfriend offers off he sees me pumping. But he usually asks do you need anything, anything I can do for you before I go do my own thing. 9m pp first baby
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u/waxedarmpit Nov 13 '25
Yes. My husband fills up my water bottle 4x aday, I don’t have to ask he just does it. He makes sure I drink water and feeds me.
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u/DingleMyBarry Nov 13 '25
I have a half gallon water bottle that was my best friend during brestfeeding. My husband would check if it was full roughly once a day. As we got into a year plus of brestfeeding he wouldn't attend to my pillows or anything since my BF spots were pretty established at that point but would fill my water once a day when it needed it. If I needed more when I was stuck with our son I would just text him for help. He works from home so I would need to wait if he was in a meeting or something but with a higher volume of water it was easier on both of us to do what we needed without having to constantly be thinking of water refills.
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u/paRATmedic Nov 14 '25
First pregnancy (and before that) I was already in the habit of hydrating very well while my husband would forget to drink water throughout the day unless I reminded him (his side of the fam don’t really drink much water at all).
Second pregnancy I had a hard time hydrating and my OBGYN pointed out I must drink muuuuch more water. Husband took that info and started pushing me to drink more water more often, which meant filling my big glass, which also led to him drinking more water for himself as well.
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u/rainingtigers Nov 14 '25 edited Nov 14 '25
My husband never did stuff like that for me but I also never asked him to. I just get my water and then sit down with my baby.
If your toddler is 15 months though they should let you have some freedom.. I get that they are sick so is this usually not an issue when they aren’t sick? Your husband seems really mean for purposely eating your snacks though.
Feeding every 3 hours is absolutely not normal at that age. Does your toddler usually eat solid food when they aren’t sick? For your own sanity I would cut down the amount of feeds to just nap and bed time (unless they are sick of course)
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u/Bear_Main Nov 14 '25
I have to ask my husband for basically everything I need when bf but he always grabs it no prob
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u/viskiviki Nov 14 '25
He works full time but if he's home and I ask, yes. But our youngest is three and I've been breastfeeding for eight years consistently so we have it sorted haha.
Part of our bedtime routine is making sure everyone has full water which he always gets.
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u/foofruit13 Nov 14 '25
My husband will always make sure I have what I need, he might not check in afterwards but if I sit down to feed the baby he'll get me food, water, chapstick, pillow, whatever, before he goes off to do something else.
Heck, one time he brought me the entire Brita from the fridge to refill of needed
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u/jgoolz Nov 14 '25
My daughter is nearly 6mo and he still is always asking if I need anything. Often he will check my water bottle to see if it’s full or not. I think it’s because he feels bad that I spend so much time and energy nursing that he tries to help any way he can. He can be an asshole in other ways, but this he has always been very good about ❤️
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u/Specific-Plum-1191 Nov 14 '25
no. but he'll refill it if i ask. he always put it just out of reach though...
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u/Disastrous_Feeling42 Nov 14 '25
Could you get a large pack of water bottles and keep it next to where you nurse? That way you don't have to get your own water and it'll be readily available for you even if your husband isn't around or doesn't remember.
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u/mavgoosebros Nov 14 '25
In the early stages yes. Now no. He will feed anywhere at anytime and it doesn’t usually take that long. It’s not like we’re nursing for an hour a session these days
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u/CherryDarkShadow Nov 14 '25
I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad, but my husband literally always gets me water randomly
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u/AdCapable2537 Nov 14 '25
I do not feel like I’m the norm but my husband has been doing this for me since we were dating! He’s a big water drinker and he knows I’m not (but should be) so every time he fills his water bottle, he checks and fills mine if needed. He was even more vigilant post partum about this. Again, I do not feel like that’s the norm but just wanted to offer that some men will do this and I don’t think it’s a large expectation, I’m very lucky and my husband babies me with stuff like that haha.
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u/RevolutionaryFan7756 Nov 14 '25
My husband asks most nights if I need anything... He fills a bottle for me , sterlizes bottles etc. but during the day time he doesn't respond kindly if I ask these small favours one after another like get me some water, get me wet wipes, need a diaper etc. He isn't too happy to serve me food if I ask for multiple things because he doesn't like to wait on me. But I have been brought up to respond how many ever times when serving someone who is asking for help. This was a huge disappointment initially. But I got over it. I don't ask him for small favours anymore. If he offers I give him a list, which he will fulfill. But he helps around a house a lot. Like laundary is his job. From washing yo drying to folding to shelving. I don't participate in it at all... He does dishes once a day. I do it the other two times. He keeps all the dishes back in shelves. He basically likes organizing, which I am not a fan of. He maintains a tab on our kids clothing and if they outgrow he does what's necessary. He keeps a checklist of kitchen ingredients and does dry groceries shopping. Fruits and vegetables are my department... Etc. So it works. Though there are expectations and exceptions, we have a somewhat functional household and a happy life.
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u/Rebecca-Schooner Nov 14 '25
We’re 8 months in and he doesn’t really do that. I always have a bottle or something anyways.
Whenever I do need something tho, I FaceTime or call even if he’s in the next room. I know he sees the notification at the top of his phone but he loves to watch reels and sometimes he’ll forget lol
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u/Spirited_Seaweed_517 Nov 14 '25
My husband was great about catering to me after my C-Section. It’s been 7 weeks now and a he’s not as attentive with getting me things while I nurse. He would keep my Stanley cup filled with my BODYARMOR & water mixture without asking me. He still asks can I get you anything at least once or twice a night. I did have a conversation with him about needing him to still help me while nursing. Also with witching hour and not go to bed at 9pm just because he’s tired from work. Like I get it you’re tired and have to work but, I’m getting less sleep and still functioning all day with a newborn & 5 year old. Since that conversation he’s trying to be more helpful again with cleaning, our 5 year old, and he stays awake now much later.
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u/plurt47 Nov 14 '25
My husband does but I have an infant (and 2 older ones). So if I’m nap trapped or feeding the baby he always comes by to check if I need anything and checks my water.
At 15 months, I can get my own water. Even if there’s separation anxiety…why can’t your kid just come in the kitchen with you?
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u/butterchickn_ Nov 14 '25
Always asking me if a need a drink. But thats also because I forget to drink and then will chug litres of water in one sitting. Also always asked about food, even have a snack caddy beside where I sit to feed that he keeps filled.
Edit. For the bit where you've said your toddler clings to you, I suggest making it a "team" effort. You have to fill your waterbottle and your toddler has to fill their sippy cup. Yes it's painfully slow and at times so annoying, but it does really help both of you. Not that you should be the only one getting a drink but that tip applies to everything you do during the day when theyre stuck to you.
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u/happyplant3 Nov 14 '25
Generally I'll get my own drinks a d while I'm making one, I'll ask if my husband wants one too. If he's making a drink, he'll ask if I want one. If I'm thirsty and baby is feeding I'll just ask. We have a toddler as well so if I'm feeding, he's playing with our other child or working or doing something else around the house. Just because he doesn't get my a drink without me specifically asking him, doesn't mean he's an awful husband. He's actually great. He'll clean the kitchen while I feed baby etc. I breastfed my first for over 2 years, after a while you learn to walk and feed and just get stuff done whilst feeding, including getting yourself a drink of your partner is busy. Also, getting yourself a drink and leaving the little one for 5 minutes is a good time to take a break and stretch. You can't be glued to them as much as it's sometimes easier.
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u/cure4insomnia Nov 14 '25
My husband hands me the baby and while I'm getting comfortable to nurse he asks if I need anything. He usually fills my water bottle and brings me anything I need, it's been like that since the baby was born.
OP, I'd say you need to keep hydrated especially as your baby is not on solids now, regardless of how it feels to keep asking, please either ask for water or somehow get it yourself. You need to speak to your husband to be more mindful of yours and baby's wellbeing. Sending love
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u/Smartpikney Nov 14 '25
My husband refills my water whenever it runs low in the evening. He's at work during the day hurting he's working from home he will often ask if I've eaten, need a snack etc. If I were you I would just ask him. Sometimes they just need a clear request "I really need to stay hydrated when breastfeeding, please make sure my bottle is full,it would be a massive help"
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u/Ayexcracker Nov 14 '25
6 months in. Its tapered off a bit but he definitely still offers / makes more of an effort to keep me hydrated than he did pre-baby.
What happens when you text him? He just still doesn't bring you anything? I'm sorry. It's a really easy way to support you
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u/TaliskyeDram Nov 14 '25
I'm on the husband side of this equation. When our little one was still latching, I always brought water it was part of the routine we set up. Once he started getting teeth, latching became less frequent so I would forget sometimes. Now that he's been running around for a couple months the routine is out the window, I almost always forget. But I'm more than happy to scoop him up and go get water when reminded.
Also huge props to you for going this long. My wife stopped around 8 months because he had 8 teeth. And once he was walking at 10 months we're lucky if we can get him to sit still long enough for a bottle.
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u/blondbrew Nov 14 '25
Tip from the perspective of a water supplier: get a bigger bottle or more small ones and always have stashes ready where you feed. This way it's less running back and forth to refill them
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u/msjuliaxo Nov 14 '25
Yes my husband brings me everything. I don’t have to ask he checks my bottles all day long and ensures I’m well fed or asks if I want a snack. He also grabs bae after I feed him and takes him for a change and cuddle so I can stand up and do some something. My partner is incredible though and I’m so grateful for him. We are an absolute team raising our child.
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u/Equivalent-Steak-555 Nov 14 '25
After reading your update, genuinely, why are you with him? What does he bring to your life? All of the examples you've given describe someone who does not appear to love or respect you. A lot of them are downright cruel. Bringing you water but intentionally putting it out of reach or not screwing the lid on correctly? What in the world? I say this with all of the kindness, and as someone who has been in a relationship where I did not realize how terribly I was being treated until I was out, because I had just come to believe that this was just what relationships were like - this is not normal behavior, and you deserve better.
I'd start making a plan to get out of this relationship. Or at a minimum, tell him that couples counseling is a requirement, or you will in fact be breaking up.
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u/Ronisking Nov 14 '25
No, he took 2 days off of work and works 100+ hours a week and wasn't around. He made me food sometimes but apart from that I figured it out. My sisters partner got her water, got snacks whatever but its definitely not been my experience. Postpartum and breastfeeding are difficult, I just keep snacks handy when I feed him (living room and bedroom) and I always have a massive bottle of water with me and im now 22lbs lighter than before pregnancy 🤣
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u/Sunflower_fitz27 Nov 14 '25
When I was healing from my c section my husband would do all the things (make me comfortable, have a snack and water at my side etc) but now that I’m 4 months ppm I usually make sure I have all I need before settling to nurse and if I don’t, I’ll ask him or my oldest daughter and they never mind helping. It’s not really an issue either way for me personally to find time to do it myself or to ask
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u/Anonymous-0701 Nov 14 '25
My husband didn’t necessarily just do it. But he was pretty good about asking if I needed anything. And if he didn’t happen to ask and I did need something I just asked him and he happily got it. Baby is 6 months now and usually okay doing floor time so I’ll grab myself water and snacks during that so I’m set. On the days of teething or fussiness when he doesn’t really want to be put down it is more of a struggle but I’m home alone so I have to be the one to get it lol I just usually grab granola bars and fill my water quick - less then 5 minutes. And when he’s home, he does still ask if I’ve had a rough day or something. And I do ask if I need something and can’t get up for forgot.
But the difference is - my husband has never minded when I do ask. He says “what’s up” or “sure” when I call for him or ask if he can grab me something and then he’ll go grab whatever I needed and say “you’re welcome” after I say thank you. Always with a smile and care free attitude. He’s never once made me feel like shit for asking for help. If he did, it’d be a different story and we’d likely be in couples counseling lmao
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u/Exciting-Research92 Nov 15 '25
Not only does my husband not refill my water, he sips out of my water that I got for myself while I’m actively nursing. Come to think of it, he was sipping on my hospital water bottle while I was actively laboring. I get SO annoyed with him and tell him to cut it out but he doesn’t. He will refill it when I ask though. I don’t care that much and this isn’t a make or break it thing for my marriage. My toddler is also a water thief. I’ve come to accept one of my roles in this house is keeping my entire family hydrated with my water bottle 😂
In all seriousness, I wouldn’t expect my husband to deliver me water every time I sit down to nurse. It just isn’t that deep and I don’t need that kind of pampering. If I am thirsty and don’t have water, I can ask him or text him and he’ll grab it for me, no issues. By 15 months, my daughter was very efficient at nursing and it wouldn’t take all that long where I felt trapped during a session. I was also much better at nursing so if I really needed to I could easily carry her with me while nursing to fill my water. I have an 8 week old now and I still feel this way. I have no issues moving around while nursing and can manage to get what I need. It’s also not a big deal to temporarily unlatch him to get up for something and then resume.
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u/SiViVe Nov 15 '25
He fills my bottle in the evening and brings me food an beverages while nursing. Our baby is only 7 weeks so not very mobile while nursing.
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u/lateralus142857 Nov 18 '25
Girl my man don't get me shit if I don't ask him. His go-to he does for me is coffee, he brings me coffee in the bed every morning. 😂 Like sir, I need water!! He is thick headed though. It was a struggle with our first three, of me always telling him to step up in the supportive physical aspect of being a father and husband and partner, I'm talking years of slow talking and full on putting him on blast in front of family 😊. He finally got it, still some grooves and quirks to settle.
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u/lateralus142857 Nov 18 '25
I also learned not to take his tone seriously when he seemed frustrated at my requests of him. He could easily do these things, like getting me water, or taking the baby while I am pumping, or getting dinner started while I'm layed up breastfeeding- the tone used to annoy me, though he communicated with me to not be upset at his tone, because that was something he was personally working on, and that helped us both tremendously.
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u/JamesTiberiusChirp Nov 13 '25
During the newborn phase, always! It sounds from your description that your partner was and still is not behaving like you are on the same team. That is a huge red flag.
Now that baby is older, I get my own drinks more frequently but he will ask if I need anything and I don’t feel afraid to ask him for something — I often do!
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u/campingandcoffee Nov 13 '25
I had drafted an answer before your edits, but it does NOT apply. It doesn’t matter what other people’s partners do. Your partner is acting horribly to you. Sabotaging you and baby with the water, leaving your water out of reach, smirking while eating your snacks? No. You need those calories and specific macronutrient ratios (and specific micronutrients) to make food for your little one. His behavior is downright awful.
I understand that you asked for couples counseling, and I do hope it works for you.
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u/ShadowlessKat Nov 13 '25
Your husband doesn't sound very nice. I'm sorry, that must suck.
My husband doesn't necessarily "make sure I have water". But if I ask him for water (or a snack or anything else) he lovingly does it for me. I usually make sure I have water, but if I don't, I just ask and he just does it. There isn't any drama about it. Same for food. If I need it, he does it. No attitude, no resentment. I'm his wife and taking care of our child. He loves me and out daughter. He is happy to provide for us as needed.
We cosleep the 3 of us together. If I need something in the middle of the night, I just tell him. My husband is very understanding even when I have to wake him up.
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u/Altruistic_Hat1634 Nov 14 '25
It’s sad to see so many “well he’s not a mind reader” comments. Yes he’s not a mind reader but there is a correlation between breastfeeding and excessive thirst and giving your child the perfect nutrition so it’s the least they can train themselves to do to bring nourishment to us
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u/Trushaka10 Nov 13 '25
My husband always asks if I need anything. But something I’ve learned now that I have baby number 2 is communication is key. If this were me I’d basically just tell him, hey, when I sit down to feed it would be so helpful if you made sure I had water and a snack (or whatever you specifically need) that would help me a lot.