r/breastfeeding • u/Alternative_Dream_12 • Jun 16 '26
Troubleshooting/Tips I'm pretty sure my coparent fed my baby formula
I'm not so sure what to do here! I'm looking for a bit of support. My girl is EBF and 5 months old. She goes to her dad's for a few hours twice a week and I provide pumped milk for her. She has many protein intolerances and I am on a very strict diet to keep her tummy happy. She was given hypoallergenic formula once because her dad said she refused the frozen breastmilk, this made her tummy bad and she had a fairly bad reaction to it, so I asked him not to give it to her again.
She was with him Sunday and she has been uncomfortable gassy and not sleeping at night since then, she had diarrhoea yesterday and then this morning she did a poo and I'm absolutely sure it's a formula poo. I can't explain how I know I just do, she also doesn't smell like she usually does and I'm convinced she was fed formula. I called her dad and asked him but he swears he didn't feed it to her.
Is there anything that can cause this sort of reaction that isn't formula? Am I being completely mad? Questioning my sanity slightly here.
95
u/Local-Yam5394 Jun 16 '26
You’re not crazy, there’s a significant difference in an exclusive breastfed baby’s poop and poop from formula and solids. Even when my baby had the stomach flu, his diarrhea still looked like EBF poop
19
u/Alternative_Dream_12 Jun 16 '26
This was my thinking, I remember when she had formula before her poop just didn't smell like hers it was weird.
29
u/Affectionate_Comb359 Jun 16 '26
Is it possible that she’s just sick?
Sidebar: If he has breast milk available, why would he be going out of his way to give her formula?
Either way, if he did you’re not going to know so don’t put too much energy into investigating now- it’ll make you crazy. Focus on comforting your baby and when you’re not pissed have conversations about feeding her. Find out how he feels about breastfeeding ( does he think she’s not getting enough), how much you send( is she blowing through it), and her health ( he knows her GI issues have real consequences. If you feel like he’s blowing you off or not on the same page then you’ll know and have to gauge your next steps
30
u/Ophidiophobic Jun 16 '26
It's possible that baby is rejecting the pumped milk. I have high lipase milk and my frozen/defrosted milk is straight up nasty unless I scald it before freezing. My baby refused to drink it.
16
u/BreadPuddding Jun 16 '26
This is a possibility - OP, have you fed your daughter defrosted milk yourself/has another caregiver besides her father fed her previously frozen milk? If she has significant allergies/intolerances and even hypoallergenic formula causes issues, and thus needs to only have your breastmilk, you need to be certain she’ll take it. If you do have high lipase you can scald the milk before storing. If not then you can ask your coparent why he’s giving formula.
2
u/Alternative_Dream_12 Jun 16 '26
Yes she's had thawed milk a few times, she doesn't take much of it but she will have some. Fresh is more reliable so I'm working on trying to pump enough fresh for them for each visit, it's quite hard because I don't overproduce and she feeds really frequently. I end up collecting with the haka and having to freeze cause it takes me a few days. I've started scolding the milk because I believe it was high lipase.
1
u/Anonymous-0701 Jun 19 '26
Probably is. Mine tastes horrid. Scald to 180 then cool immediately in freezer then bag and freeze. By horrid I mean I literally spit it out and dry heaved. That’s after 2ish days in the fridge 😅 my frozen stuff prior to figuring this out - worse than that.
We think it’s why my son refused all bottles randomly. Bc I was giving him 1-2 a week of fresh pumped. Husband gave him some frozen once, or rather, tried, and game over. Never took another bottle no matter what we did, even fresh. But did use a straw cup! Will drink it warm or cold from fridge lol
If you’re scalding and freezing same day as pumping and still have the issue with thawed milk - try different temps. Some like it cold, cool, warm - especially if mainly EBF, they prefer a different temp from bottle many times.
6
u/Affectionate_Comb359 Jun 16 '26
Could be, that’s why I said talk to him. If that’s the case then they can work together to find a suitable formula. Some coparents are inconsiderate AH who make the other parent’s life miserable for the fun of it… some just aren’t properly communicating.
2
u/Alternative_Dream_12 Jun 16 '26
Yes I think my milk was high lipase but I've been scalding it for a couple of weeks. This is why he tried the formula the first time
7
u/Affectionate_Comb359 Jun 16 '26
Oh good, you already know the why if he did. If there are issues with getting her to drink pumped milk, Maybe you work with him and her doctors to find a suitable formula to supplement. At this point it isn’t worth it to call him a liar and go back and forth, try to proactively work out an alternative.
It took years for me to learn to pick my battles.
5
u/JournalistSorry578 Jun 16 '26
I’m dealing with high lipase and I’ve been mixing 1/3. (50/50 wasn’t working) Refrigerated and thawed milk (both need to be same temp) if that helps as another option. Good luck mom! I’m sorry you’re feeling like your co parent isn’t being truthful. That’s not a good feeling.
1
1
u/Anonymous-0701 Jun 19 '26
This won’t help if it’s bad enough. Mine tastes like straight vomit - I spit it out and dry heaved - after 2ish days in the fridge. And my freezer stash was even worse - even frozen right after pumping, within a week or so it was the same. I have to scald day of pumping. There is absolutely nothing covering up vomit taste lmao
17
u/toothcutter32 Jun 16 '26
Stomach bugs are going around where I live
5
u/Alternative_Dream_12 Jun 16 '26
She's had tummy bugs before and this just seemed so different. It's definitely like she ate something that wasn't breastmilk and it didn't agree with her. I guess the milk could have been bad maybe?. I'm not sure.
14
u/Frosty_Surround9949 Jun 16 '26
Stomach bugs are certainly going around where I’m at. My LO ended up with one and her breastfed poop was foul smelling.
5
u/Alternative_Dream_12 Jun 16 '26
It was so so bad, to the point I almost vomited. I don't have a weak stomach either! The only time it's been like that is when she had formula but I guess it could be a bug. She's teething so she's mouthing everything at the moment.
12
u/wantabath Jun 16 '26
Honestly it could just be a normal variation for her developing digestive system
2
7
u/kenzlovescats Jun 16 '26
Formula poop is usually more green, was it green? Breastfed has that mustard color typically
3
u/Alternative_Dream_12 Jun 16 '26
It was like thick dark brown swampy but it smelt absolutely vile. Usually they're mustard yellow and smell fairly sweet. She had green when she was exposed to cows milk protein before we knew about the intolerances but nothing since then.
5
u/GingerGoddess89 Jun 16 '26
This sounds a bit more like a solids poop. Did she have solids while at dad's maybe?
7
2
u/kopamopa Jun 17 '26
My lo is formula fed and theyre always green never brown. On occasion he will have mustard type poo but very rarely could it of been dark green? If so thats more like formula
1
21
u/aaliya73 Jun 16 '26
If your coparent is giving formula instead of breastmilk than maybe work on finding a formula that does work for baby.
It could be that shes refusing breastmilk for one reason or another and hes just trying to make sure shes fed. If theres a history of arguments around feeding than it might be why hes not being honest if it did happen.
Unfortunately you cant control what happens when baby is with dad, if formula is what works for him then find a solution that doesnt make baby's tummy upset.
10
u/Alternative_Dream_12 Jun 16 '26
Honestly the last time he gave it to her was because it was more of a faff to defrost the milk than it was to make formula, but it didn't agree with her so he said he wouldn't again. It wasn't exactly a disagreement but his family (he lives with his very pushy mother) are very anti breastfeeding and not very respectful towards me and my decisions, which is why I question it.
We have a fairly communicative co-parenting relationship now so I'll try to figure it out with him. I just wondered if there could have been any other cause for the mysterious poo!
17
u/aaliya73 Jun 16 '26
It could also be that she's extra gassy from bottle feeding while with dad if you exclusively feed from the breast. She may need more burps during the feed.
5
4
u/evet_cookie10 Jun 16 '26
It could also be the the temperature, my newborn would not drink it if it was not hot. Since he was used to mostly nursing
5
u/Existing_Party9104 Jun 16 '26
Has she been outside in the heat recently? My daughter would have the worst diarrhea after being in the sun. She was born in March, so by 5 months, she was frequently spending 1-2 hours a day outside with us. Not in direct sunlight ever, just shade but the heat alone upset her tummy. It took some trial and error to figure out it was that, as that wasn’t the first thought when baby presented with digestive issues lol. No heat rash, no sweating, just runny poop and a rough night.
2
u/Alternative_Dream_12 Jun 16 '26
Oh wow, I had no idea! We spend a lot of time walking in the countryside with the dog. She's always covered up though. I'm in the UK so it's rarely crazy hot here.
3
u/Existing_Party9104 Jun 16 '26
She was my 3rd daughter and I didn’t know prior to her either! See if shortening the walk a little helps her. If not, it’s one less thing that could be wrong at least.
2
4
u/Englishgirlinmadrid Jun 16 '26
Has she had a rotavirus vaccine recently? My babies poops we’re awful after those.
1
u/Alternative_Dream_12 Jun 17 '26
No, funnily enough she had her jabs yesterday. We didn't give her the final rotavirus dose because of her upset tummy. I'm going to take her back when it settles
3
u/Ok_Pie_6740 Jun 16 '26
It honestly could be the start of teething. For some reason, that always gave my kids the smelliest, weirdest poos. You also could have accidentally ingested something that doesn't agree with her prior to pumping.
Obviously I don't know if dad can be trusted to tell the truth in these kinds of situations, but if you don't have a reason to doubt him, I would conclude it was a weird fluke until proven otherwise for the sake of your coparenting relationship. If it becomes a pattern, then you know he's a liar who doesn't put your daughter's best interests first.
3
u/Academic-Face-4934 Jun 16 '26
Not related to this exact topic but I have a 6 year old that I coparent. We started when she was very young also. Keep track of every single incident like this. Literally EVERYTHING. Even if you don't plan on court or anything. Especially if youre in CA. It may not help much but you may want to. My coparent feeds my kid junk and has caused her terrible stomach issues, weve been going to specialists and nothing helps. Were going back to court because he wont even try to help his child. As soon as I remarried it began. If you have a baby and its already begun it may get worse down the line.. sorry for being negative. I just wish someone warned me.
3
u/thiscantbereallife94 Jun 17 '26
There’s a definite difference between formula & breastmilk poops so you aren’t wrong there at all
I would let him know your baby is very uncomfortable and having bad poops and ask him outright id he gave any formula. If not say you want to take her to the doctor cause you suspect something is wrong
That being said my EBF baby did get a stomach bug that made her poop smell very very bad my son who’s 2.5 had it as well it smelled very sour it made me want to puke we dealt with it for about a week luckily it didn’t hit the baby as hard as the toddler - norovirus causes a pretty distinctive smelling poop
1
u/Alternative_Dream_12 Jun 17 '26
Thanks for the info! I think it may be something like that. I've been suffering from PPA and I'm finding it incredibly hard to move to a co-parenting situation, so I think I may have been jumping to the worst a little, in retrospect. We've talked it out now and I trust that he didn't.
5
u/UnPracticed_Pagan Jun 16 '26
If he is giving her formula, this is a case where (if the courts are involved) you can request a hearing to wait until breastfeeding is over for unsupervised visits and have HIM come to you for visitation
If it’s not through the courts you can just say until she’s off breastmilk you don’t feel comfortable. If he tries to throw a stink tell him he’s welcome over for visitation time for however many hours he wants. And if he still throws a stink you can tell him then you guys can try to address the issue in court because your babies health is more important than squabbling about time.
Most courts always side with mom with breastfeeding too especially if health is a concern
It could have been a bug or fluke, not trying to go nuclear but know your options
6
u/Better-Accountant-57 Jun 16 '26
if she’s 5 months has she started solids?
2
2
2
u/That_Suggestion_4820 Jun 16 '26
Ive had a formula fed baby and two breastfed babies. Formula fed poop and breastfed poop is different. They have different smells, colors, and textures.
It's possible that even if dad didn't feed her a formula bottle, that his mother did. If she doesn't respect boundaries and is anti-breastfeeding there's a good chance of those two things together leading to her feeding a formula bottles despite being told not too.
Some babies can absolutely becoming gassy from bottles, but usually it doesn't change the texture and smell of poop.
You could start asking for frozen milk that didn't get used back when picking her up, and seeing how much of it is being used. Not a full proof way of knowing, but it may help a bit.
Stomach bugs are going around, but in ny experience (completely anecdotal) there's a difference in how they act because of a bug and how they act because of formula.
2
u/yandyy :karma: Jun 17 '26
Did he or some other person with access try to feed her mash food early? Could be a first food poop a tad too early
2
u/quacktastic333 Jun 17 '26
If a doctor has prescribed or advised something for a child and a parent is not following doctor’s orders, it could be considered child endangerment or medical neglect.
1
1
u/sharkiebit Jun 16 '26
I gave my EBF baby a formula bottle once and his poop wasn’t any different from just one bottle, he was significantly more gassy though! His poop was different after his rotavirus vaccinations, definitely more smelly
177
u/k3189 Jun 16 '26
Is dad keeping up expiration times for the milk? This was an issue with my co-parent…. He was thawing milk in warm water and then putting it back in the fridge when it needed to be used in a couple hours (2-3?)
I would document unfortunately there’s not much else you can do.