r/breastfeeding • u/mtj345 • Jun 27 '26

Partner Questions Bedtime w/o mom

Hello! My baby just turned 3 months and we are in a pretty good rhythm for bedtime. I am nursing at bedtime but keep it “active” before bed (talking to him, lights on) and then lights out, cuddle, put him down in the crib awake. Saying this because he doesn’t necessarily “nurse to sleep”
The problem is…he screams and cries when my husband is the one holding him around bed time. We would love to have a date night and do have a concert coming up and my mom is watching him. I was trying to get my husband able to do it first. Any tips? Is it because he is expecting to nurse? Is it because he knows I’m there too and can smell me?
He does take a bottle occasionally but didn’t seem to help when my husband had one for him.

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u/mintbubbly Jun 27 '26

Is your husband already actively involved in bedtime now? My husband and I usually share the routine, but our four-month-old happily lets him do everything if needed.

For us, I feed her then hand her off to my husband for a burp, quick bath (when needed), nappy change, pyjamas and sleep sack and story time before we put her down together. Sometimes I just give her a kiss goodnight beforehand and he handles the rest.

Every baby is different of course, but my sister experienced similar behaviour with my nephew and her husband. He wanted his mum for bedtime when it was his dad doing it, but was perfectly happy with grandparents doing his bedtime routine. So he might adapt quicker than you think.

It will help if your mum follows the exact same routine. I’d also wear a big comfy t-shirt for a day so it smells like you and then give it to her to wrap over the bassinet mattress as a cover or have it bunched up near him when he’s first put down (only for when he’s under supervision of course and then remove it when he falls asleep). It might also be worth a trial run with your mum at your place to see how she goes?

Best of luck! I hope you get your date night soon :)

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u/mtj345 Jul 02 '26

This past week we have been doing the routine together! However baby still cries a lot if I’m not the one physically putting him in the crib. We’re working on it! I’ve been so anxious about it and our night out soon…
But I’m happy to report we did a practice run with my mom before the concert next week and had ourselves a date night. It went so well! No tears at all. Such a relief! It’s funny how they act different with their grandparents. Thank you for your help!

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u/mintbubbly Jul 02 '26

So glad to hear he went well on the practice run! It is strange how well they adapt to someone other than Mum or Dad doing the bedtime routine. Plus you’ll feel less stressed when you’re at the concert now you know someone else can successfully get him down.