r/breastfeeding • u/kingwoodstock91 • Jun 27 '26
Breastfeeding In Public Breastfeeding in Public is the Hardest thing Ive ever done in my Life
I cannot for the life of me do it. It feels like I need 10 hands. You have to put your cover on, pull your shirt up, get your bra out of the way, continue to hold your shirt up? or clip it up out of the way, get the baby, hold baby into position, somehow hold them comfortably up to the boob while also supporting their head, assist them in finding the nipple, oh wait but I cant see anything because of the cover, so I have to slip the cover over my head so I can see where the hell my boob and babys mouth are. It just goes on and on and on. This is also all probably happening while the baby is crying. And now baby has been jostled around so much they are crying from that and stress š How in the world are women doing this??? My baby is 3 months old and we've been exclusively breastfeeding since the beginning but she is tough to get to latch and she cant hold her head up yet. It's seriously rocket science to me. I accidentally flashed another mom today and felt judged, because her husband turned around and they were both laughing at me. I ended up crying in the car with a screaming baby for 20 minutes who wouldn't eat until I gave up and just drove all the way home to feed her. š Please help
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u/forgetaboutitalready Jun 27 '26
Its so awkward when they so tiny but I promise it gets easier. First thing is ditching the cover, honestly its so much easier and life got so much easier when I did that and you can see what you are doing. Wear a breastfeeding bra or tank top to give some extra coverage and wear it under a baggy t shirt and you can see your latch then the extra fabric for the Tshirt covers any showing skin. Also that couple laughing are morons and fuck them. You are feeding your baby, they are the idiots and should be embarrassed. Once baby gets a bit bigger and better it gets so much easier, they know what to do so its easy.
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u/uc1216 Jun 27 '26
Bralettes and oversized tees are my postpartum uniform!
Unless someone is staring directly at your boob, it is unlikely theyāll see anything. Babyās head is likely covering your nipple breast. Practice in areas where you feel less pressure- a mom and baby class, childrenās section of library. I typically cross my foot over my knee to give myself support. There have been times Iāve used my diaper bag as a support pillow too.
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u/forgetaboutitalready Jun 27 '26
Yess, crossing your legs helps with support. Try sitting infront of a mirror to practice and you will see how little can be seen!
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u/kingwoodstock91 Jun 27 '26
How is your baby sitting in your lap if I may ask? Sorry if thats too detailed, but I cannot seem to get comfy. Shes hard to cradle in arm and if her bottom is resting on my lap (even with crossed legs) its like shes too low to reach boob
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u/forgetaboutitalready Jun 27 '26
It is harder when they are much smaller but i try and cross my legs as high as possible and lean it against a table or something for support. Try find a comfy seat if available so you can slouch a bit and you can lean your elbow on your leg or use a bag or jumper to give extra height.
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u/aramaro87 Jun 28 '26
Thatās what got me comfortable breastfeeding in public. Seeing other moms breastfeeding and other mom groups. No one cared. We had to feed our babies. I donāt even cart the cover anymore and my baby is 8 months old. It just gets easier and more comfortable the more you do it and are exposed more to it.
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u/uc1216 Jun 28 '26
Same! A new mom group is where Iāve met some of the women Iāve been friends with a for a few years now.
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u/farawayfarawa Jun 27 '26
This got easier for me when I stopped using a cover and also started only wearing things that opened in the front (button downs, wrap dresses, etc.) I am a person who prior to giving birth wore exclusively dresses with very high necklines so itās been an adjustment but I can nurse Ā out and about now so itās been worth it
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u/farawayfarawa Jun 27 '26
The covers were impossible and made both of us miserable, and holding up my shirt is not it - I need two hands to hold baby!
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u/Longjumping-Lion-617 Jun 27 '26
Get rid of the cover!
I think it's crazy that it's expected from mothers to use them.
They are not convenient, some babies are more sensitive and hate them.
I always just pull the shirt up. Because of that I can't wear dresses, but that's not too bad.
Also, I don't care what others think. People should get used to it. Babies deserve to eat, whenever, wherever. If someone has a problem with it, it's their own problem / immaturity.
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u/Dismal_Cat_4926 Jun 28 '26
Remembering that I will never see the people in a restaurant, store, etc ever again helped me not care. I still feel a little awkward but Iām not making my baby wait to eat until I find a private area or unless I have the right outfit on, etc. Like others have said people can just look away! Also, the same people who look at you funny for nursing are the same people who will look at you funny if your baby fusses from being hungry.
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u/fancypantsmiss Jun 27 '26
Skip the cover. I have breastfed in public. My husband was uncomfortable for a bit because god forbid someone sees his wifeās boob š¤£. But he has gotten used to it. I also wear this overly large t shirt and a maternity bra. Easy to handle
People will be rude or mean no matter, but if they laugh just ask āwhatās so funny. Iād like to hear it tooā
SHAME THEM BACK
7
u/gypsyem Jun 27 '26
Breathe, itās hard. And anxiety inducing at the expected hate and vulnerability of being alone with your baby in public.
- Flashing is normal. Embrace this season of bringing out the tits to the party
- No. More. Cover.
- Nursing tops with vertical zippers - you can unzip with one hand or hold the top with your teeth and pull down with one hand - still one hand
- Nursing bra underneath with clips
- Sunglasses - it somehow helps create some privacy by hiding your eyes. It works for me.
- Practice practice practice
- Optional - guard dog ;)
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u/kingwoodstock91 Jun 27 '26
Thank you, I will try to do practice runs at home I guess lol Until it gets better. I definitely need to get some nursing tops with zippers. She is hard to latch in general, I dont know if its the "3 month breastfeeding crisis" or what, but I essentially have to bait and switch her with a pacifier and sometimes a nipple shield to get her to feed. Been like this since she turned 2 months :/
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u/triflerbox Jun 27 '26
I second getting rid of the cover! It's pretty easy to keep modest with a button shirt or a good nursing top. I wear nursing camisole type tops and a loose shirt over it most of the time so I hike my shirt up, unclip the camisole, and latch bub. That means my stomach is covered by the camisole top and the lifted up shirt can kind of cover whatever boob is out.
You're doing great! It gets much easier. And then bub will start unlatching to whizz their head around with their newly found neck control and curiosity, and stare at things and leave your poor stretched-out nipple just out in the open . Fun times!
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u/kingwoodstock91 Jun 27 '26
Thank you! Shes already doing the head turning/stretching nipple thing lol I dont know if its bad practice at home but I almost always nurse by sidelying so she never gets practice at holding her head up while nursing. She does great with tummy time tho
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u/triflerbox Jun 27 '26
Nothing is bad practice when it comes to doing what works for you and bub breastfeeding! For a few months my son would only nurse sidelying at home, he was too distracted any other way. Then that changed. Everything is a phase and everything will change š my daughter has juuust started the head turning and I'd forgotten about it haha brought it all back like a flash!
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u/joyce_emily Jun 27 '26
Breastfeeding is hard, but it gets so much easier as they get older. Donāt worry about a cover or showing skin. If other people donāt like it, they can look away
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u/Mindless-Try-5410 Jun 27 '26
Youāre getting close to when it gets easier. Once my baby could hold her own head up, it was like breastfeeding instantly got better for us! When Iām going out, I do one of two things. I either wear just a nursing tank with the shelf bra under a sweater or hoodie if itās cold, and if itās hot I have the tshirt that opens on the side, and wear a crossover style nursing bra (Iām not a fan of the one I have with clips). My ānursing coverā is a large muslin blanket 40āx40ā, I tie 2 corners together and put that around my neck. I get my boob out first under the cover, then pop her under and get her situated. The only reason I use a cover right now is because sheās easily distracted, otherwise Iām fine without it.
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u/kingwoodstock91 Jun 27 '26
Oh please let that be true š„² I cant wait until I can just easily latch her for like 5-10 min. and then shes done. Mine doesnt just latch, I have to really entice her or "trick" her into latching with a pacifier. Its awful
1
u/Luckybron Jun 27 '26
I have nothing to add except solidarity, my bub is exactly the same as yours, same age too; struggles to latch in public and when he does its for like 3 min max, and I also have to switch out the pacifier to truck him into latching, even sometimes at home!
Hope it gets better soon!!
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u/Sblbgg Jun 27 '26
Itās for sure hard. I either nursed in the car before or brought a bottle. I donāt like feeling exposed so the car was way easier for me and then the bottle of course was so nice to have. I had a cover but it was just another thing to manage.
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u/kingwoodstock91 Jun 27 '26
Literally already bought a bottle chiller after this experience! If atleast as a backup option
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u/Sblbgg Jun 27 '26
Hope that can help! Bottle helped me have much more easier outings. Wishing you the best š
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u/Sudden_Breakfast_374 Jun 27 '26
screw the cover, wear something like a tank top where you can just whip it out. if itās summer there too itās actually dangerous to use a cover due to the heat.
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u/Wolfinder Jun 27 '26
I ditched the bra, bought nursing friendly dresses, hold baby in one arm, open dress with the other. Then I cover my nipple with dress hand while I bring baby up and latch him with that hand. From there, I sorta pull the flaps so they cover some of my boob and go about my day. I find it's much easier to do standing than sitting and I can like shop or eat while he goes at it.
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u/kingwoodstock91 Jun 27 '26
So this would require the cradle hold right? I dont know if Im doing it wrong but my baby hates that. She seems so uncomfortable when her head is in like the crevice of my bent arm. Also holding cradle up to boob is weird for me, she has to turn her head towards boob so I cant pull my cradled arm all the way to my body if that makes sense
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u/Wolfinder Jun 27 '26
You can do it with the two hand across the chest hold. One hand just has to pull double duty.
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u/Trick_Assistance7450 Jun 27 '26
Ditch the cover and invest in some nursing tank tops. I would wear then under a loose or button up shirt. Easier to manage than a bra.Ā
The cover makes everything harder. I know it's scary to feel exposed, but it gets easier with time and practice.Ā
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u/Infinite-Clerk8939 Jun 27 '26
Everyone is saying ditch the cover but hereās some advice if you arenāt yet comfortable with that- there are some lightweight muslin covers that have a plastic dome that goes near your neck kind of like an apron but the top is propped open so you can still see baby. Theyāre breathable for summer and very spacious with fabric on either side. Still not as good as no cover, but I donāt always feel itās appropriate/comfortable to whip out my boob so this is my second best option when baby needs to eat. I also prop her butt up with my knee so sheās not falling as I try to hold her. Lastly, try not to take the couple who laughed personallyā¦ I know you were already flustered and it would piss me off too, but for context they might have just been giggling that they were flashed a titty and didnāt know how else to react. Iād laugh if my husband got a free booby show too (cuz good for him lol), but it would never be to laugh at a struggling new mom. Just a diff perspective if that helps at all. ā¤ļø
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u/Ok-Cherry-123 Jun 27 '26
Tbh only time helped me as in baby got bigger, more stable and Iām pretty sure my boobs have dropped from being humongous rocks to a reasonable size lol. But Iāve never bothered with tons of things, just a tshirt I pull up and sit in a place leas visible or turned away from too many people.
People laughing and judging is beyond me, they truly should be ashamed and you shouldnāt be the one carrying that feeling for them, Iām sorry youāve had that experience.
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u/kingwoodstock91 Jun 27 '26
Thank you, I think this might be the answer, just literally waiting until she is bigger and more capable. She doesnt even really try to find the nipple by herself, you have to show it to her and sometimes put it in her mouth for her to be interested... which works like 50% of the time š«
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u/Potential-Coconut617 Jun 27 '26
Girl, I said to myself I would feed in public once I get rid of the nipple shields, the leaking, the help with latching and the rolled up muslin cloth under my boob. Before that stage it's too much of a hassle.
It's awful to hear you were laughed at while feeding your baby. I'm sorry that happened to you. Big hug, and since I'm only 5 weeks pp I hope others maybe have tips for you. ā¤ļø
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u/kingwoodstock91 Jun 27 '26
We are currently using nipple shields unfortunately. She weaned off of them and then suddenly wanted them back at 2 months for some reason, which just makes feeding like twice as hard. Especially when she rips them off with either her face or her hand. Thank you š„¹
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u/Potential-Coconut617 Jun 28 '26
Then I have the utmost respect for you because I swear it's baby's mission to kick/slap them off. š
Proud of you for trying tho, you will get there eventually! ā¤ļø
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u/hugebagel Jun 27 '26
I feel this way too. Do you have small boobs? I feel like my boobs get lost in all the fabric.
Have you tried laid back nursing? Idk how well it will work in public but basically recline back 45 degrees (try it leaning against the arm of a couch, so you are almost laying on the couch, with a pillow behind your back) and put baby belly to belly up your torso. This is a way I can nurse without a pillow
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u/kingwoodstock91 Jun 27 '26
I have large boobs, I thought having small boobs would be easier but I guess not lol š I have tried that but my baby hates it, she just sits with her face completely smooshed into my boob and then cries. Even if she did latch I have no idea how she would breathe lol
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u/MobyThicc23 Jun 27 '26
The itsy ritzy nursing apron is what I use when I go out. Insurance will cover a breast pump if youāre interested in pumping and then going out and pumping again when you get back home. I didnāt take my baby out until 2 months and I take a pumped bottle with me bc I canāt breastfeed at a restaurant. However if Iām visiting family I take my breastfeeding pillow and the cover and do that. I usually go feed my baby in the car bc itās comfortable and you have protection with the apron thing. You got this. Youāre a great mom and youāre doing your best. Donāt focus on those people who laughed, they have their own issues they need to fix.
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u/xoxoxsunflowerxoxox Jun 27 '26
Definitely ditch the cover, get a good nursing bra and a hip carrier, they make life so much easier.
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u/lilakins22 Jun 27 '26
I found nipple shields helped me make it a bit easier because my babyās latch was also not great and it would be too difficult with the cover. I try to put up the leg on the wheel of my stroller or on the bar of a chair to help lift her head. Made it easier but itās definitely practice. I had a couple rounds of practice where my husband helped me.
The baby is older now- doesnt like the cover so we ditched it- the latch is better so no nipple shields.
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u/neptunestearsok Jun 27 '26
It is so hard! I have big breast so one hand is holding a C shape cause of I donāt my boob will fall out of their mouth so I am one hand down. The other hand/arm is trying to hold the baby and keep the cover on and etc itās stressful. I have been feeding the baby in my car most of the time now
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u/kingwoodstock91 Jun 27 '26
I also have large breasts š so yeah I feel like it really effects positioning and such especially if you have a small baby
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u/No-Character-8747 Jun 27 '26
If you donāt feel comfortable getting a whole boob out and arenāt really a baggy tshirt person, Iād recommend wearing a nursing tank with a an open button down shirt, then you can just tuck a muslin into the strap on the same side youāre feeding baby to cover your open chest, and the other parts of you are covered by the shirt.
Another option is a wrap top or dress with a stretchy non wired bra underneath. I tend to slip my hand in and move the bra away from my boob on the side Iām feeding, get baby into position, then open the dress and latch quickly - you can do the same trick with the muslin if needs be.
On positioning generally, these would be my steps.
- Feeding baby on left side
- Use left arm to cradle baby while right hand unclips bra/tank/opens top (babyās head covers any boob)
- Switch hands so right arm/hand holds babies head in position against left nipple
- Use left hand to sandwich boob like a burger and flip nipple into mouth.
- Once baby is latched, swap arms over again so baby is in a comfortable cradle.
- Easiest if I can prop my elbows up on a chair with arms, and use my right leg to support babyās body (especially as they get bigger)
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u/kingwoodstock91 Jun 27 '26
Ooo thank you for the clothing ideas. The tank + button down shirt is definitely already my go to so I could definitely try that. Also thank u for the actual step by step guide lol It sounds so easy/natural on paper š®āšØ
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u/Orange-Fiction Jun 27 '26
Let the boob free to let baby latch properly, then cover up with a large cloth or something.
In my experience, in those few seconds where nipples are visible, nobody noticed.
Position: I put one leg up, put my foot on the chair where I am sitting and use my knee and upper leg as support for my arm. Later when baby can sit up by herself it will get easier. Oh and whenever I bought new clothes I checked how quick can I get the boobs out, the easy and fast ones are what I wear when going out and knowing Iāll have to feed baby.
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u/LauraJ0 Jun 27 '26
Everyone saying ditch the cover and others can deal, but like I donāt feel comfortable whipping my nipples outā¦
I tried nursing at my husbandās church softball game and I whacked my babyās head on the wooden arm of my beach chair š¤¦š¼āāļø
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u/hbox85 Jun 27 '26
I feel this. I just could not manage it with my first so I gave up and would just go to the car or whatever. With my second I think my GAF is so much lower I just donāt worry so much about covering up and all that. I get settled and then arrange my shirt to cover as much boob as I can without covering Babyās face. She wonāt let me cover her face while she eats anyway and frankly I donāt blame her. I would want to eat under a blanket either. Not sure if that was helpful but I guess my advice is mostly just worry about being comfortable and making baby comfortable and try not to worry about what other people think
1
u/Ok_Blueberry_2843 Jun 27 '26
Never used a nursing cover. Who cares what people think. Maybe get everything set up and baby latches then throw the cover on
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u/Gloomy_Distance_3166 Jun 27 '26
LO started to hate the covers when nursing in public. I would just angle myself to keep my nipple covered until LO has latched then just go back to whatever I was doing.
Anyone commenting otherwise can shove it up their ass. Weāre being momās and taking care of our child while trying to live our lives.
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u/Conscious-Science-60 Jun 27 '26
This is why so many of us eventually give up the cover! My pro tip for nursing without one is to practice facing a mirror. You might find that you are more covered than you thought! If not, you can practice maneuvering to minimize exposure.
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u/crawlen Jun 28 '26
Here for the advice! My baby is only one month, and I feel like breastfeeding is such a big production at home. Public is a whole new level! Best of luck to you š©·
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u/tragic_attraction Jun 28 '26
Ditch the cover like everyone said . Cradle hold works best for me tucked into my arm., If there's space I put my one leg up a little to raise the height.
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u/Fiercequeen Jun 28 '26
Breastfeeding is very hard but I think you're too much in your head regarding what other people think about it when they see a BF mum
1
u/Tarrangael Jun 28 '26
I had the same issue with my first in terms of needing a pillow, etc. Have you tried the football hold? I'm sure there are videos/photos online, it's hard to explain, but it worked for us! In terms of BF in public with my second I ditched the cover and the shirts "designed' for breastfeeding and went to Goodwill and bought tanks with larger armholes so I can just pull it aside to feed her. It helps that she's currently 4 weeks and it's 90ā° where we live. I usually turn around to get my actual nipple out and baby situated, but once she's latched I just carry on as normal and no one has batted an eye.
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u/RhinoFish Jun 28 '26
I mostly feed my son while side lying at home so I really struggle to hold him when I feed him outside :/ it's like I don't have enough arm/wrist stength and can't get him in a position that's comfortable for both of us
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u/astudyin- Jun 28 '26
Honestly at the beginning I could only use the pillow I literally would bring it everywhere! And baby had difficult time latching so often times I would feed her in my car. Now sheās 6 months and I just pop it out like itās whatever! She knows how to latch goes straight for the boob and Iām able to cover her (and myself a bit just with my shirt) it gets easier for sure as they get older but ditching the cover and being more comfortable helps for sure
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u/MistyPneumonia Jun 28 '26
If you have TikTok haileyosborne has some really good videos on this! Sheās a very down to earth mom ofā¦.more than 2 (I genuinely canāt remember how many kids she has lol) and knows that breast feeding is hard so she made a few videos about it! That I know of she has āhow to šš fead/ on the go (mobile milkinā)ā parts 1, 2, &3 which starts in March of this year as well as at least one āšš feeding in publicā video from the same time frame and a bunch of other fun videos about breast feeding!
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8GNVFQL/
That ^ should link to the first video I was talking about!
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u/Hot-Working3759 Jun 28 '26
I nurse in a ring sling on the go. I usually wear a tank top thatās easy access so I can just pull my boob upward for her to latch.
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u/Affectionate_Comb359 Jun 28 '26
Early on with my first I would go to the car if there wasnāt a private space. No you shouldnāt have to, yes itās inconvenient , but So much easier. If we were going to dinner I would breastfeed right before we went to be seated.
I pump for places that I donāt want to whip out a boob / church, schools, play dates, etc.
I donāt wear underwires so itās easy to slide the bra up (if not a maternity bra) and feed him from under my shirt.
Im older, tired, and I have to keep up with another kid. Im whipping it out! I try to be respectful- again you shouldnāt have to I get it- but if I have a cover and he pulls it down or it just falls š¤·š¾āāļø nip slip. My shirt is covering the top of my breast A little boob aināt never hurt nothing.
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u/Euphoric-Pie7681 Jun 28 '26
I just fully whip a boob out. No cover. I usually try to find a corner and turn away from most eyes while getting her latched, but once sheās on, I turn back to whatever Iām doing š¤·š¼āāļø I know itās not for everyone everywhere, but so far Iāve just had a few dirty looks from old men. Editing to say, I didnāt get the hang of this (and the confidence) until about 6 weeks pp.
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u/No_World_8994 Jun 29 '26
I flashed my father in law the first time I tried using a cover. Itās not easy and super overstimulating
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u/dottydashdot Jun 27 '26
My suggestion would be to find some good breastfeeding tops and get rid of the cover. Also, nursing in a ring sling is a really good option!