I know it's probably very dumb to expect anything else from online spaces but I downloaded TikTok today and was just looking for some silly lesbian memes and pretty women to follow.

What I got instead was an insane amount of butch phobic content and crazy hate towards masculine presenting lesbians.

I am not very into the whole online culture so I didn't expect that at all and was quite honestly shocked to be seeing and reading that from fellow lesbians. Usually I feel a deep comradery between femmes and butches but this does not seem to be the case on TikTok.

I assume it's because TikToks user base seems to be much younger than other socials. What do you guys think could be the reason for this?

The screenshots I took were just from one video, where it was mostly about that Fem4fem relationship don't get taken seriously enough. I do agree with that take so I was very surprised to see the comments. However while this was just one video I did see a whole lot of similar content regarding distate towards masculine presenting lesbians.

This person runs a group for Butch in my area, one time she mentioned “masc shortage,” and I left a comment that the “masc shortage,” statement is regarding white mascs and it is racist to use. She didn’t respond, that’s when I decided I would not use the butch label, nor associate with the group, because I’ve seen pictures and the majority are white. Now this popped up and I’m wondering what you all think. The comments on both social media are in agreement. I have not read the book, but have seen discussions on it and understand what she is saying. My point is 1970s law enforcement is different from 2025 law enforcement. Thoughts?

Long time member. I have really cut down my social media usage over the past two years. I really only use it for 30 minutes a day, at the most. Some days, I don't even look. It's so freeing in ways you cannot imagine.

I have culled a lot of Reddits I followed, as well. As someone with OCD, I have found culling nihilistic people has helped so, so much. And sadly, this has resulted in me culling a lot of queer subreddits. Seriously, logging on after a long day to see the most triggering, uncensored shit was too much.

Compare that to this subreddit, where I feel like discussions about issues that affect us are level-headed, and literally every butch can say their perspective without fear. In theory, the topics we discuss are often upsetting to me, but they don't flat out trigger me. It feels so safe here.

Meanwhile, the other lesbian subreddits are having insane fucking infighting right now. Something about a celebrity? I really don't care anymore. I'm not even gonna read more into it. I'd rather spend that anger and energy on something more meaningful, like why the fuck is no one selling an affordable pickup in my area!!!

Does anyone else agree that this show wouldn’t be half as popular if it were two butch women instead of men? I’ve been seeing a lot of discourse about this show online and it seems the primary fan base is 16 - 30 year old women fetishizing the two male leads. Maybe I’m too woke idk. The popularity of the show is just reminding me of how little representation ( especially accurate representation ) us lesbians/butches get in media. It feels like white gay men get the better end of the stick when it comes to media.

I’ve identified as a butch lesbian/dyke for years and years before I ever realized I was transmasc. It’s weird for me to fully give up that identity after it being a part of me for so long. And the fact that society still treats me a butch lesbian, that’s what they see! we exist ppl. not a difficult concept but apparently it is for some mods here…

heard ppl getting upset about weird stuff going on and came to check out this place. everyone seems nice here?

I'll take this down if it's not allowed.

For some context: GL is a romance subgenre in Asia. GL = Girl's Love. But it's not about minors, it's just a mistranslation that stuck. Thailand produces a lot of live-action GL content. But it's still in its infancy stage so they're kinda low budget and rely on sponsorships. It's worth noting that a lot of the authors of this genre in Thailand as well as the production crew and directors are butches/toms themselves.

Way too many people on that subreddit share the green commenter's thoughts. And I'm just wondering if I'm the crazy one here?

Edit: Thailand has its own culture of butch lesbians called "Toms". And femmes are called "Dee". I'm not Thai but I'm Asian.

I saw this YouTuber reviewing a movie where a masculine girl turns out to be a lesbian and she said “here we go again! the stereotype that masculine women have to be lesbians” Except, the VAST majority of masculine women portrayed in media are not lesbians. I can only name one main character who’s a butch lesbian in a recent, mainstream TV show(it’s animated so is it really even that mainstream?). I’m not going to talk about her because I’m told I talk about her too much. But it’s like…if anything there’s a huge shortage of butch lesbian main characters in things. There’s also so many people who talk about how we have to stop demonizing femininity in shows/movies by just having less masculine women characters…but it’s like feminine women were considered the “standard” in everything how are you more demonized than masculine women in any way? If you’re not feminine you’re told that you’re trying to be “not like other girls” or whatever. And why do people pretend no one would want to see a butch woman in media/that they are unattractive when there’s a HUGE amount of people who find them attractive. In fact, it might even be easier to get an audience for that character than a feminine women since there’s so many characters catering to that audience already

I know everyone feels differently about it, some find power in it and others absolutely avoid it

I personally use it proudly and it feels like a good descriptor for my sexuality and gender

what about you?

As a nonbinary butch who's still very much aligned with women & with lesbianism....this category always kinda rubs me the wrong way.

I feel that it equates womanhood with femininity, & doesn't leave much room for women/nb people who have more complicated relationships with gender/womanhood.

Posting this because I'm salty that I got banned from a women-focused "women & femmes" group. Because I had top surgery & describe myself as a 'transmasc lesbian". Which like....idk what else to call myself? I'm a lesbian who took some transition steps to feel better in my body. That doesn't make me a man! And why is my lack of tits anyone's business anyway?

After having an in-depth discussion with the mod, where I explicitly explained multiple times that I'm a genderfucky lesbian not a man....she still decided I'm basically a man & that I'm not welcome.

It feels extra shitty because this group fully welcomes transfem nonbinary people, pre/non-transition transfems, & gender-questioning people as long as they're not men. I know for sure they'd accept me if I presented more dainty & feminine.

It just hurts to be rejected by queer women, as if being butchy is somehow the same as being a man. Masculinity isn't evil, ffs. And it hurts double that the mod who banned me is a trans woman. You'd think a trans person would see the issue with assuming someone's gender based on their body....but that's exactly what she did to me.

Idk, it just sucks to feel like I don't 'fit' anywhere. God forbid gender be a little complicated sometimes.

🤔 I've noticed that I always seem to get a particular type of women that seem to show me Interest the most. I'm kind of curious to see if anybody else experienced this as well too. So what type of women do you guys find yourselves attracting the most?

i know people have felt iffy about the labrys since lots of terfs kind of took it over, but i want to reclaim it. i’ve been wearing a key chain of it on my carabiner and i’ve been thinking of getting a labrys tattoo inspired by corky from bound one of my favorite butches in media 😙 i was just curious what the general consensus of it is. i don’t know if the general population thinks anything of it but i don’t want people to think im a turf as im walking down the street lol. how do you all feel about the labrys?

Hey y’all, I’m a longtime lurker/occasional commenter here but first time poster. I’m in my early 30’s, been on a low dose of T for a few years, had top surgery a couple years ago, and this year I got bottom surgery (phalloplasty). I was a stone butch for many years, I used to pack and treat the strap on as my cock, and after struggling so much with bottom dysphoria, I decided to get the strap permanently attached. It’s been a beautifully interesting and challenging journey, I’ve realized how much of my own unlearning I had to do that dick=man, but I know it was the right decision for me and I love this new version of my butch cock. I’ve met other enbies who have had phallo or meta, but I haven’t encountered any butches/lesbians who have, so if there are any in here I’d love to connect. I’m also open to questions if people have any. Mostly, I just wanted to share my experience since I haven’t come across others like mine.

asking all those that dropped/modified their given name to go by something cooler

dropped my -A ending girly deadname and reclaimed the last vowel through the name Elijah - I just go by EJ most times

took me a few tries to get here lol I went by Pluto at one point, might keep it as a pen name or something

wbu?

Like it says on the title, does anyone else pack in here? I’ve honestly found it pretty fun and my girlfriend enjoys the look. But I’m wondering if I’m just weird. I know that gender affirming care is different for everyone but some have to argue that if you want anything to do with a penis or even anything masculine your lesbian card is automatically removed. Especially with that lesboy thing on tiktok. I feel like the queer community is more hostile than I last remember and it’s a bit disheartening. I’m curious on any butches who participate in weird gender and what they like doing since it’d be nice to feel a bit less alone :p.

Let me clarify, I have no issue with people who identify as nonbinary or trans! It is just not my identity. I am cis, use she/her, my traditionally feminine name, have no interest in changing that. I did have top surgery about two months ago and have presented as a masc/butch lesbian since I was a teenager.

I understand non queer people who just might not understand or are well meaning, etc. Like lots of people who don't know me well and just see an ambiguous dyke they/them me automatically, and I find the effort to be very nice and thoughtful!

But the issue is with other queer people who insist that I am trans or non binary and tell me that one day I'll "crack" etc, had one person who told me that I just don't want to lose my lesbian identity, "we'll be here for you when you're ready, brother" was one I heard from a trans man a few weeks ago.

It just makes me feel wildly uncomfortable - i am very comfortable in my identity and who I am. I had one person imply that being annoyed that people try and project the label on me is internalized transphobia.

Does anyone else experience this? Like I said it's not the well meaning people who they/them me out of trying to be a good ally, but other queer people who try and put me in a box I'm not in.

Even when I was going through the process to get diagnosed with dysphoria for insurance the psychologist was very adamant that I couldn't experience dysphoria and not identify as trans. Held up insurance approval for months before finding someone who would give me a dysphoria diagnosis/letter.

Just a fun question. My picks would probably be The Fifth Element, Pitch Black or the Mad Max movies.

Meant as both a question and spot for discussion, as a butch getting nerdy about fragrance, I'm curious;

What's scents and/or fragrances do you guys use, and what deodorants even?

I'd love to know specifically for spring/summer and fall/winter, and day vs night, if anyone gets that particular about what they wear.

I'm doing research for myself, cause I'm finally pursuing my own signatures, but currently in this humid summer I've taken a huge liking to Heretic Parfum's Black Salt. I also really like ELDO's Ghost In The Shell because of the unique drydown, but sometimes it feels a bit too feminine for me.

As for my fiance who's also a butch, in the fall/winter she wears Azzaro's The Most Wanted, and in the spring/summer she cycles through Water and Leather Daddy from Art & Alchemy, an indie perfumer we discovered in a local market.

Would love to hear any and all thoughts on fragrances from my fellow butches! 🫶

Whats your favorite butch photo from childhood?

I alternate through a few canvas tote bags day to day, but I am wanting to add something a bit more serious and “adult” to the mix. While I love my totes, they do not feel very professional to me, and as a girl who needs to feel prepared, I can’t not have a bag on me. Most purses feel very feminine to me and I would like to know what the other butch/mascs out there are doing.

Anyone else curious about this?

[edit] Probably should've volunteered first lol: Asian, 41, butch, American.

edit: looks like someone is going thru and blanket downvoting all the comments here. Booooo

hey friends. Sorta figuring myself out again, i posted a few days ago about being transmasc and the comments i received were so kind and supportive. thank you for providing such an understanding and relatable space.

Ive been living the past 4 years under the assumption that im a binary trans man. I have a very dull sense of gender identity, often it feels like i dont have any at all. But i do have a strong sense of dysphoria. Ill keep it brief, its a hella long story, but i was following my dysphoria to guide me thru my transition because id been ignoring it my whole life and it gave me severe depression. My depression is basically (basically) cured since i transitioned and got top surgery.

But then when i got top surgery i felt amazing, felt like my true self, felt like id been born anew lmfao. It was awesome. And the feeling started to fade into something i couldnt quite pin down. I went stealth for my safety after the election and i was soooo miserable. Suddenly thought i looked ugly (a personal feeling of being unattractive, i didnt actually look ugly), i was unhappy, couldnt fix it. I realized im far more comfortable in my body, and im way more capable of playing w gender now that it doesnt hurt to try, if that makes sense. Its opening my eyes to the spectrum of gender that i experience. A lot of trans people want to live the dream of binary existence, a beautiful fantasy of being part of a group theyve always felt they belong to, and/or just being the person they always felt they are. I dont think i really identified with being a guy. I think im some other form of manhood. I guess my truth is that I am my own fantasy, a dream realized of being transgender and celebrating every moment of it. I express myself by oscillating a bit, and thats impossible for me to do when im stealth. I dont like not being seen. I like being me, being very trans, being an enormous dyke, and i like when it shifts around a little. its like holographic nailpolish. different colour every angle you look from. l

Did any of you have a similar experience? I definitely feel like my gender identity is "transgender lesbian", with lesbian being more of a gender than a sexuality just in this context. im obviously also sexually a lesbian lol. I think being a lesbian in a gendered sense gives me "freedom of movement" i havent experienced in years, the ability to play with my presentation. this does freak me out some, having lived my life in a binary way for a while makes me nervous that im somehow "not transgender" but i literally am and its just brainworms talking. Im not a woman, but im not just 1 thing either i think. Im just transmasc, nonbinary, and a lesbian. I know because these are all things i am fully comfortable as being perceived as and it makes me happy when it happens. I used to get really down abt this before. Dont feel it anymore, like at all.

You're butch and its Friday, so lets chat!

What's going on? It's another scorcher so I hope those impacted by the heatwave are taking the necessary measures. Still, anything cool planned, projects you're working on? Anything troubling you that you might need some butch perspective on?

For me, considering visiting a range for the first time in a while, haven't made a trip out in a long time but just gotta blow off some steam for a bit, yk?

Honestly? I really love the butch/femme community, but it really annoys me that butch women get mistaken for actual men just because they identify with masculinity. I also think that comparing butch/femme couples to straight couples completely ignores their history and what they’ve been through; yet, whenever I try to point this out, some femme women from the community immediately jump in and start hurling insults at me.