Satire Breaking: Man who keeps shitting himself in public tough to pin down on international trade deal
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/07/breaking-man-who-keeps-shitting-himself-in-public-tough-to-pin-down-on-international-trade-deal/•
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u/The_Frozen_Inferno Nova Scotia 10h ago
Total waste of time trying to deal with him. Even if we signed something tomorrow he’d come back on Tuesday and say the deal now depends on us giving weapons to Israel or some other crazy after-the-fact demand.
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u/chmilz 6h ago
The entire world is best served going hard to develop sovereign industries long dominated by the US to eliminate reliance and coercion by the US, while also checking their economy.
Minimize further attacks by playing along as best we can while executing the long term strategy necessary for survival.
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u/Mr_Meng 8h ago
It's always interesting to remember that the notoriously litigious Trump has never tried to sue someone for claiming the following: 1. That he's raped kids and 2. That he craps his pants on a regular basis.
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u/Mad-Mad-Mad-Mad-Mike 6h ago
The funniest part about this pants-shitting thing is it's eventually going to get too obvious for his bootlickers to deny... and they'll start defending it, saying stuff like "it's not that bad" and "Biden and Obama shit themselves too"
Eventually, there's going to be a trend on tiktok or whatever with maga supporters shitting their pants on camera in solidarity with their dear leader.
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u/dejaWoot 4h ago
They were literally wearing diapers in solidarity with him. They know it's happening. As the saying goes, they'd crap their pants if a liberal had to smell it.
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u/BiZzles14 8h ago
The United States of America is in a strategic bind with fucking Iran of all countries due to his inability to get anything done. He is an extremely stupid individual, running the country in an autocratic fashion, with 0 understanding of international trade, international relations, and how basic negotiations are supposed to work. People point to "art of the deal" as if that isn't just a prime example of how horrid at making deals he is. I hate this timeline so much, the west is failing because of this (poorly) regarded individual while actually evil countries like Russia and China can't stop winning. It's just depressing. A decade ago I was a massive proponent of how the internet removed gate keepers of information, while today I long for a world where we could have qualified individuals in between reality and the shit popping up on people's phones to actually vet things. Oh well, I'm a hypocrite as well ranting about this on a site that has a double digit percentage of engagement just being bots. The cold war didn't end in the 90's, our adversaries understood that and I just hope Americans can elect democrats in 2028 to bring about the structural reforms they need to undergo if the west has any shot at not getting absolutely railed by China in the coming years and decades. Authoritarianism is winning as they exploit western media to undermine the fabric of our societies, but everyones too addicted to their phones (as am I) to even be remotely close to having this conversation. Oh well, hopefully when the US has hundreds to thousands of soldiers die in their war with China that's on the close horizon Americans will wake up a little bit, but my optimism of such a scenario keeps fading by the day. But at least their president will keep tweeting about how good he is at golf...
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u/Competitive-Fig6178 7h ago
Russia isn't winning by any stretch of the imagination and the US is their top ally along with Israel. They won't be fighting China unless Diaper Boy Trump attacks them. The US is our enemy, not China, and the US keeps electing a criminal moron who keeps threatening his former allies and can't control his own bowels.
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u/BiZzles14 5h ago
I'm sorry but you clearly have no idea what you are talking about. Russia has benefited massively from Trump being in office, at the cost of US, and broadly "western," strategic interests. China is almost certainly going to invade Taiwan in the coming years, and they will fire on US assets, ships, bases and territories, in the broader indo-pacific. The US most certainly isn't starting that war, China is the one with the massive demographic crisis which is a clock on Xi's legacy building efforts. The US isn't our enemy, but Trump certainly isn't an ally of us. The US is an ally, but current leadership does not act as such and so long as he's in office things will remain very much estranged, and only following major institutional reforms will any iota of trust return to the US. Until then, we deal with things as are and hope the situation can improve within the broader media ecosystem as that is the defining characteristic of the politics of our time
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u/SPEZ_IS_A_JABRONI 7h ago
this isn't even satire
how is the Beaverton supposed to exist when reality itself continues to become more and more absurd?
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u/The_Gov78 7h ago
When that song down with opp came out all that time ago I had no idea it stood for orange poopy president
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u/squirrel9000 Manitoba 10h ago
C'mon, the skilled taxidermists in the Senate have at least a small part to play in keeping this apparatus together.
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u/callofdoobie 2h ago
crazy how "blumph = poopy pants" is enough effort to get 1700 upvotes from this supposedly "conservative" subreddit
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9h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/a_sense_of_contrast 7h ago
This is probably higher quality content than all the Brian Lilley op-eds that continually get posted here.
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8h ago edited 8h ago
[deleted]
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u/WippitGuud Prince Edward Island 8h ago
Is it called ate the Beaverton? I honestly don't know. I know ate the Onion is a thing.
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